A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.” I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People don’t make […]
Today I welcome Barbara Joye as a guest blogger. She’s stopping by on her virtual book tour for the title she co-authored, The Light Won: A Tutorial in Co-Creation.
by Barbara Joye
I have often asked myself why life seems to be so difficult, so hard. In communicating with the Angelic Realm during the co-creation of the book The Light Won, I believe the Angels provided an answer that makes sense to me and to those I have shared it with thus far. The answer is that we are living life in ‘Duality’ rather than in ‘Relationship’. In fact we even live our relationships in a duality format.
Duality has been the manner in which we have lived for generations – perhaps since the beginning of time. As such, we are all well steeped in the ‘Game of Duality’ and know how to play it well. Duality says that this is right and this is wrong and gives us all the roadmap for living. Or does it?
Duality is, in fact, not an essence that our deeper persona relates to well. In the space our spirit lives, duality is an energetic drain as nothing else can be. And, if it is in the space our spirits live, perhaps it is for the human body and the human experience as well.
Perhaps it is well worth our time and effort to rethink our connection with The Game of Duality – and consider a shift to The Dance of Relationship. In the book The Light Won, comparisons between Duality and Relationship are provided in an insightful and powerful manner.
“What Duality defines as comparative, Relationship defines as connected.”
“What Duality labels as opposite, Relations characterize as balanced.”
“What Duality classifies as ‘out of sync’, Relationship expresses as expended.”
As I spent time with these concepts and began to consider how my life might change if I were to relinquish the Game of Duality in favor of the Dance of Relationship, I began to understand why this was not such a simple process – not the ‘no brainer’ one might think it would be.
For starters, who would define what is good and what is bad; what is right and what is wrong; what is appropriate and what is inappropriate? I have a hard enough time now staying in step with the culture and am known as a bit of a maverick…what would my life look like if I really took it upon myself to determine rights and wrongs; goods and bads; and, perhaps most challenging of all, appropriates and in appropriates? How out of step or out of control might my life become?
With these thoughts in mind, I awaited the next meeting with the Angelic Realm to ask a few more questions about this ‘Dance of Relationship’. I decided that a bit more insight was important to my being willing to step out on what felt like a limb and become an individual who lives life in relationship. The morning arrived for our next discussion and I opened with the questions I had pondered. The discussion what brisk and energizing and provided me with a whole new perspective of a life in relationship.
To begin with, living in relationship is about living in an understanding of your position on a topic or idea; the resulting possibilities the position you hold supports you in creating; the possibilities create perspectives and opinions; and the perspectives and opinions create the preference which determines how we relate to a specific topic or idea or action or outcome.
Position, possibilities, perspective and preference…these are the elements of relationship.
When we live in relationship, we are able to see our own positions and resulting preferences and we are able, when we have developed our relationship talents further, to see another individual’s positions and preferences, thus the ‘Dance of Relationship. For with an ability to perceive the position and preferences of another individual, we have a greater chance of meeting somewhere in the middle…on the dance floor.
And please note, living in relationship does not mean we should or would relinquish our preferences. It simply means we would understand where our preferences were formulated (that would be our positions with their resulting possibilities and perspectives) and from that vantage point determine just how clearly we are perceiving and whether or not we are willing to make any change, no matter how slight.
This ability to shift – even a miniscule amount – is one of the hallmarks of relationship.
* Relationship provides a way to navigate the differences of opinions that duality does not;
* Relationship exposes our thinking and those of the other individual or group so we may all see each other’s perspective; and
* The dance of relationship provides the music for relating and for finding the center of the issue or difference.
So, if relationship is so powerful and effective, why are we not all actively engaged in and living the possibilities inherent in the Dance of Relationship? First and foremost, because we so steeped in the Game of Duality, the Dance of Relationship has gone unnoticed until now.
Secondly, when we engage in the Dance of Relationship, we have to become responsible for our decisions as we are each determining our action based upon our own position, possibilities, perspectives, and preferences. The one perceived benefit of the Game of Duality is that life is ‘black and white’ and we do not really have to make very many decisions on our own. The societal customs and norms are well established. And whether they are positive or not, they at least exist.
And finally, the Dance of Relationship takes time and effort. With our busy lives, we decide that it is simply too much work. Or is it?
I would ask each individual to consider what their life might look like if lived in the relationship format. How might you life be more dynamic? What might the benefit be to move into a knowing of your position and preferences on just a few topics in your life? Who might benefit if you were to interface in the relationships in your life from a relationship perspective? What do you put at risk by simply considering the possibilities – and what makes sense, engage in and what does not make sense, leave until later.
The Dance of Relationship awaits each of us with its promise of more music and rhythm to life…what do we have to
Check out Barbara Joye’s book, The Light Won: A Tutorial in Co-Creation.