Actor Jeremy Renner is opening up about the 2023 snowmobile accident that nearly took his life. Renner’s memoir, My Next Breath, recalls the harrowing incident, which left the Avengers star with 38 broken bones. The incident occurred on New Year’s Day on Renner’s Reno, NV property after Renner rushed to save his nephew from being pinned by the 14,300-pound snowmobile. Renner was trapped for 45 minutes waiting for first responders to arrive. It was during that time that Renner believes he died. “After about 30 minutes on the ice, breathing manually for so long, an effort akin to doing 10 or 20 push-ups per minute for half an hour … that’s when I died,” wrote Renner. “I could see my lifetime. I could see everything all at once. In death, there was no time, no time at all, yet it was also all time and forever.”

According to Renner, his nephew and neighbor saw his skin go blue-green and his heart rate dropped to a dangerously low level of 18. “In my agony, I still maintain a kind of blind hope,” Renner wrote. “Despite what had just happened, and with each breath in thrall to the fear that this is where the story ends, I still find in myself a level of what I can only describe as optimism. Though my body is completely smashed, my eye hanging out, every breath an agonizing push-up from the depths of drowning, still my mind manages to delve into a kind of instinctual problem-solving.”

Renner was in critical condition after his rescue and spent two weeks in the hospital. By January 4, however, Renner wrote that he was already planning his escape. Described as “Escape from Alcatraz, but if you can’t swim” by Renner, he recalled a feeble attempt to escape his hospital room with the help of his nephew. “Alex and I got out of the room at least. But it had taken a full 10 minutes of shuffling at a snail’s pace, trailing machines and wires behind me on shattered legs, mind you, and filled with pain meds — by which point news was spreading that Mr. Banana Legs was on the move.”

Despite the trauma of the incident, Renner is moving on with his life. He has since appeared in the show Mayor of Kingstown. He recently turned down reprising his role as Hawkeye in the upcoming season 2 on Disney +, stating he was offered half his salary from Season 1. “They asked me to do season two, and they offered me half the money. I’m like, wow, it’s going to take me twice the amount of work for half the amount of money – eight months of my time, essentially, and you do it for half the amount? I’m like, ‘I’m sorry, why? Did you think I’m only half the Jeremy because I got ran over?’ Is that why want to pay me half of what I made on the first season?” he said on a podcast. He has also since been on the Snowcat that nearly killed him. He told People that the writing process has been healing. “I’m not haunted by the incident — not too often anyway — by the images, the sounds,” he added. “But I am reminded of my new reality, and it’s wonderfully positive. I didn’t die.”