Love is the magic elixir.

In fact, love is so intoxicating it can temporarily make us lose our perspective. 

Yet, there is one thing we should never, ever lose sight of.

alone-backlit-concept-744667

We deserve to not just be loved. 

We deserve to be loved well. 

The question begs, what does it take to ensure we are loved in the manner every single human being deserves?

Of course, there are many derivatives of healthy love such as respect and good communication among other things. But the fundamental core of ensuring you are fully loved is attracting yourself to a confident love. All things flow from here. A confident love will typically include the necessary offshoots such as respect and good communication to enable a great partnership where both parties thrive not survive.

The problem is we allow love to blind us.

We assume because someone loves us they will treat us well.

It’s quite the contrary.

We need to love ourselves enough to ensure we are loved well.

This means we need to attract ourselves to a confident love and hence, a confident significant other.

What is tricky is identifying confidence in another person. We often confuse extroversion, leadership, and other qualities as indicators an individual has a healthy self-esteem. However, just because a person can demand a presence and appear confident does not necessarily mean they are.

Elevated or graduated confidence evolves from a level of egoless maturity.

A person who has fully grown up and let go of their own ego has…

The ability to communicate well and with respect.

Is not threatened by another individual being different than they are. 

Has zero need to be controlling. 

Is mature enough to not be a difficult personality.

And has the ability to see others for who they truly are rather than a projection of their own judgments.

The key is to begin to see the ‘clues of confidence’ in others.

An ability to show respect and communicate well. A maturity that involves self-restraint and no need to be difficult or childish. No need to control others. The ability to see the ones they love for exactly who they are rather than a projection of themselves. No need to habitually judge others.

Of course, everyone is human. 

Even the most confident people will have moments which lack respect and good communication or make judgments or behave badly. It’s unrealistic to pursue perfection. Nor does it exist. What is important is identifying if this is the exception, not the rule. Does this person repeatedly demonstrate this behavior?

And often people who fall into this category are egoless and mature enough to recognize some of their own indiscretions.

Because they are operating from an elevated level of awareness.

It’s the gift which accompanies shedding your ego and maturing.

So gravitate towards someone who doesn’t just say they love you but who makes you FEEL loved.

 

3 Things Confident Love Will Never Ask of You

 

To Become Someone You Are Not

A confident love will allow you to be exactly who you are and celebrate you for it.

It will not require you to change your fundamental core.

It will acknowledge you and your God-given gifts.

It will not control you and keep you from things you love.

It will not require you to live solely around another person’s agenda and demands.

 

To Forget Yourself

A confident love will never force you to live in someone else’s world to the point of your own abandon.

It will not require perpetual and endless self-sacrifice.

It will remind you to be good to yourself and take joy in the qualities that make you-you. 

It will not ask you to abandon family and friendships which are precious to you.

It will not ask you to continually shed parts of who you are to live up to another’s expectation.

 

To Feel Bad About Yourself

A confident love will not make you feel bad about who you are.

It will not involve continual criticism.

It will recognize you have weaknesses but the majority concentration will be on your strengths.

It will not make you feel judged.

It will not involve one person who needs to make another person feel bad in order to make themselves feel good.

 

A Confident love will allow two people to thrive rather than survive.

It will promote a healthy environment for two people to come together but never lose their distinct individuality and God-given purpose.

It will create a home where normal negotiations are made like teamwork. The distribution of housework, parenting, family priorities, etc. These are the areas where relationships demand some give and take and changing of habits, etc.

But changing who you fundamentally are does not derive from a confident love.

Some will challenge this. They will say difficult people need to change. Controlling people need to change. My Significant Other needs to be managed because they are childlike. While this may be true. It is up to those individuals to be the change in their lives. It is not up to anyone else to rescue or fix them.

In fact, you learn the hard way that while rescuing another you can drown yourself.

Hence, just as you deserve a confident love so does the person you choose to love.

 

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Orme National Columnist

(Photo Courtesy of Pexels)

Instagram @colleenorme

Twitter @colleenorme
E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com

More from Beliefnet and our partners
previous posts

As parents, we spend a fair amount of time agonizing over our mistakes. Certainly, we would have done many things differently. If only we hadn’t been grown children ourselves when we made our relationship choices and eventually married. Most of us had no idea our marriages would end. If we had, we wouldn’t have walked […]

Growing up Catholic it was definitely implied we shouldn’t necessarily pray for small things. Prayers were to be siphoned out intentionally for major requests. A sick parent, financial hardship, or other types of significant anguish. Especially the suffering of others. This was the mindset I grew up with. There were rules when it came to […]

I’m contributing pieces on Family Today and Medium. Follow me below. #WomanResurrected On Medium @ColleenOrme Follow me on Instagram @colleenorme  Facebook @Colleen Orme National Columnist #WomanResurrected E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com

I recently read a social media post where various members of the divorce industry offered their thoughts. The topic? Essentially, the need for a better more collaborative divorce system. Of course, in a perfect world, we would love to see mature, accountable, respectful adults painlessly divide their union. It’s not that simple. The problems with […]