Beliefnet
How Great Thou Part

It’s difficult to understand divorce unless you experience it.

In fact, that’s true with most aspects of life.

The deepest empathy is derived from a true understanding of walking in another’s shoes. 

Take grief for example.

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When we are young it’s difficult to grasp unless it touches our lives.

We don’t necessarily attend a funeral, take the time to send a card or simply sit with a friend. As time goes on and we sustain the loss of parents and other loved ones we begin to understand the true impact of showing up at someone’s front door, sending food, a card or making a phone call. We now comprehend the first three months do not dissolve the pain and the journey will get far worse before it gets better.

Divorce is an extremely misunderstood adventure.

It too will get far worse before it gets better.

And it will mimic many aspects of grief.

It is a profound loss and a feeling of being disconnected accompanies it.

Because of this, it’s important to understand what those experiencing it crave most. 

3 Things People Crave Most While Divorcing:

Understanding

This may be an emotional death but it is a death. 

It is a severe life change.

The loss of someone who once made everything in the world make sense. And it can lead to an exponential loss. The friendships which were more couple than individual, the family members who are now oddly strangers, the community which doesn’t understand and often fears divorce, the home which built your family and more.

Children suffer and are often forced into roles where they now worry about their parents instead of the reciprocal. Some may act even act out in their pain. Because this is a massive loss in their world too.

Divorcing individuals just want to be understood. They need the world and those around them to realize they are treading emotional waters and doing the very best they can.

This means the necessity of a ‘no judgment’ zone.

It’s a huge life event and those who go through it crave understanding.

 

Comfort

This is a long journey filled with many emotional bumps and bruises.

And yes, some divorces last far too long.

The system is broken and should not allow for emotional and financial abuse throughout the divorce process but unfortunately, it does and can’t shut down a partner who behaves badly. Therefore, some may have a harder time resolving this relationship and need comfort and support even longer than most.

People who are going through a divorce can use a phone call, a cup of tea, a glass of wine, an unexpected meal, a faucet fixed, or literally anything associated with comfort. A new pair of pajamas, a comforting blanket, a manicure, or a card.

These are typically people who are experiencing financial overload and more parental responsibility.

Some people chose to divorce and others do not. Regardless, it is a temporary hardship meant to restore long-term happiness. And it can take a village at different moments. Or the village showing up with a crowd and dinner to infuse a home with joy again.

What do we know about moments of kindness and comfort? They are actually moments of love and this is a person who has lost love.

It’s a huge life event and those who go through it crave comfort. 

Inspiration

People who are muddling through the mud and the muck of divorce desperately need hope.

The assurance the world will be a tear-free zone again.

It is easier for some to let go of love and tougher for others.

It is initially an unimaginable thought to imagine the dissolution of a relationship and the rearranging of a once whole family. It’s excruciating the heart can be suffocating.

But little by little the sun peeks through and dries the tears and joy wipes them away permanently.

Additionally, there can be fears of starting over, being alone, gaining financial independence, keeping children whole and more.

This is why any glimmer of inspiration is essential. A text message with a positive quote or Bible passage, a calendar of quotes, a wooden sign with just the right inscription, an occasional card sent routinely, tea bags with messages or any other small little ‘the people who love you are rooting for you’ message.

It’s a huge life event and those who go through it crave inspiration.

These 3 things encapsulate the broader emotional needs of anyone divorcing.

Whether quiet or loud, bold or reserved, a talker or a listener, these needs are universal.

Because divorce requires the strength of grief and the resilience to do it without leaning on a partner for comfort.

 

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Orme National Columnist

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E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com

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