As I got out of the shower this morning I had the pleasure of taking a glance at myself in the mirror. Nothing wakes you up in the morning like a hot cup of coffee and seeing yourself nude in the mirror.

The good news is it’s the only time in your life you will look at a naked body and never be tempted with lust. It was as I was looking at myself that the reality hit me at just how imperfect my form actually was.

The first thing I realized I was missing was a tattoo. I have no tattoos and am in dire need of a few. I think it is pretty obvious why God made our skin blank; it was so we could draw on it. I cool cross would do as it would act as a witness to those who have never had the sacrifice of Jesus explained to them on a forearm.

I am also missing some barbed wire around my bicep (to indicate my power) a dragon or bird (to indicate my desire for freedom or my lack of wings I’m not sure at this point) and somebody’s name I admire. (Preferably someone I will still care about ten years from now).

Another glaring flaw in my countenance are my earlobes. What you might ask? They are still solid. Nothing can be more backwards then having earlobes that are sealed from the factory when it would be much more trendy and attractive to drill a hole in them and lodge a metal loop in the cavity that allows anyone that may be blowing in your ear to play a tune as well.

Of course while I’m at it I should run a metal spike through my lips, nose, eyebrow and tongue. MAN how could the Creator have been so clumsy in neglecting as much metal as possible to be displayed on your face? Even more how did we get along this many years without realizing how unattractive we were to look like ourselves without mechanical modification?

I‘ve noticed some fraternities have ended a great gathering by permanently branding themselves with their insignia! Wow, branding, it’s about time we quit letting cattle have all the fun! But a cursory glance at our carcass leaves room for all sorts of new beauty concepts the Creator had I mind all along.

(Since I’m on a roll now with my sarcastic, “Let’s all butcher our bodies for fitting in a trend mode” Why stop while I’m in high gear?:)

Forget shaving your head, how about an old fashioned scalping? Yeah just remove all the skin around your cranium and walk proudly amongst you backward, scalp attached folk, and proudly display your shiny new skull raw for all to marvel at!

Also have you noticed we have too many fingers? If you’re like me you only use 2 to type with. Why not remove a few for a fascinating and attractive paw that is permanently giving thumbs up to everyone you meet. What an uplifting opportunity to bring joy to the lives of strangers?

Heck you wouldn’t even have to waste the digits; you could swap them in periodically for an attractive new accessory for your earlobes!

I know, this is sounding a little sick and twisted, which is my POINT by the way.
That’s right folks, I’ll admit I am just old fashioned enough to find this body modification trend, hmmm, how should I word this without offending someone?…Uhhh… STUPID!!!!

I guess my point is simply this, what happened to humanity that ever caused it to create the notion that just the way you are wasn’t enough?

God created a body that modifies itself with our hair getting longer or cut shorter depending on our mood. Sideburns for men and underarm hair for women (based on which side of the Atlantic you live on) gives us constant opportunities for change that aren’t permanent.

Ever increasing age causes everything on our bodies to take different and unique shapes over time.

Culture has said hide from this truth that we are getting older when it should have said “wear it as a badge of honor”. I think a good motto should be, “Never do anything to your body that can only be restored with surgery!” Ever look at old pictures of yourself? Does anyone EVER say “MAN I miss that haircut”!

Used to be decisions we made when young only came back to haunt us in photos. Not anymore, with tattoos and piercing, 20 years from now there are going to be a whole lotta people permanently stuck with a bad haircut!