God's Comic

My favorite jeans have holes in them. Of course everyone’s favorite jeans do. They are the most comfortable and the most stylish. Top name brand jeans actually make the holes for you. They scrape them in various places to create the illusion of natural wear and random ripping. What is most interesting to me is the fact that when I was a kid I used to rip my jeans through actual wear and tear. I used to always get holes in the knees from playing the ways boys do. My mom would eventually throw these away because they were “ruined” not realizing that my destruction would actually make them more valuable in the future. I love the fact that regular males who worked hard or played hard created this worn look naturally and an iconic fashion trend was the result. The torn jean though seems to be the only natural occurring phenomenon that has stood the test of time and have made it wonderfully convenient for the straight man in America. Here is an innovative work we created. Gay men and a handful of women create most fashion design these days yet I don’t believe without straight men this jean look would ever have been birthed. See ordinarily, before they were “in”, a gay guy would never had been caught dead in ripped jeans because growing up they actually cared about their appearance. I wish there were more options for trendy wear based on what would be convenient and natural for the straight man. For example wrinkles have never caught on but if there is one look we need it’s the wrinkled shirt since every single man has a bunch of wrinkled shirts and we really would rather not iron them. If wrinkles became the new norm we men would be in hog heaven, not to mention it would make less work for wives of slovenly men since they wouldn’t have to iron them either. Mustard stains or spaghetti sauce on a white shirt would be a great trend since it has been proven scientifically that it is virtually impossible to eat red sauce or mustard while wearing a white shirt and not get some stain on it as white has a magnetic attraction to these colors and always get spilled on even if wearing a napkin tucked under the collar. It’s one of the laws of nature so why not cash in on it as a new “look”? Plus anything else you spill on yourself would be a bonus and show off your uniqueness. Lastly I think it would be prudent to create the culture where nothing ever went out of style. Something new and innovative would always be welcome but as long as you still have old stuff in your closet, it should be fair game to wear. This “inclusiveness” should bode well for progressives but more importantly allow us guys to never again have to hear the statement only ever uttered by a wife to her husband and never the other way around, namely ”You’re not wearing THAT are you?” The answer should forever more possibly be “ Yep, I’m going with the grass stained tee, the shorts I change the oil in and the duct taped tennis shoes. What are you wearing?”

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