grieving at Christmas|dealing with depression | Terezia Farkas | Beliefnet

Death doesn’t wait for anyone. It doesn’t care if there’s a holiday coming up, or a birthday. Grief doesn’t have boundaries, and it certainly doesn’t stop for a holiday. So, grieving at Christmas is okay.

Grieving at Christmas is okay.

Grief needs to be let out. It needs to vent. Anger, guilt, confusion, and love all need to find their voices. Holding back grief will damage a person’s emotional and mental states.

At Christmas, there’s a tremendous push to make people feel happy, or to believe that the Christmas season is the happiest time of the year. All the hype and expectation can put a lot of pressure on someone who’s grieving. Friends invite you over for drinks or a party, and you’re supposed to have fun, be sociable, and smile lots. But your heart is broken, and the only thing you really want to do is cry and be alone.

The yearly death anniversary around, or at Christmas, puts a huge burden on a person. There’s an expectation of what Christmas should be like, and how you should feel. But joy and happiness aren’t your reality at that time of year. Memories of a loved one fill your thoughts, and your heart aches to speak to, or hold the person, one more time.

Let people know you’re grieving or that Christmas is not a happy time for you.

Let others know Christmas time is a bad emotional time for you. Let them know you are grieving. Let people know your emotional triggers. Give them boundaries about what they can and can’t say. Tell people its okay to talk to you about the deceased, that it’s okay to say the person’s name. You will cry, but you won’t melt.

Honour your loved one.

It doesn’t matter how many Christmases go by after someone dies. You can be twenty years down the line from when a person died, and still cry over it like it happened yesterday.

Time doesn’t heal all wounds. It might cover the pain with compassion and love. But the wound is really about that space in your life that no longer holds that person you loved. That space can’t, and won’t, be filled by anyone else. Sure, you might find love again but that love won’t be the same as the one that’s gone.

So, it’s okay to mourn the lost love. It’s okay to remember the good things and bad things of the deceased person. Don’t try to make the person better than he/she was. Remember what the person did wrong, or from the poor choices made, and learn from it. It’s a gift that warns you of things not to do, and see the consequences of actions so you can avoid doing the same thing.

 

Find me on twitter @tereziafarkas

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