“To be rejected by someone doesn’t mean you should also reject yourself or that you should think of yourself as a lesser person. It doesn’t mean that nobody will ever love you anymore. Remember that only ONE person has rejected you at the moment, and it only hurt so much because to you, that person’s opinion symbolized the opinion of the whole world, of God.”
― Jocelyn Soriano, Mend My Broken Heart

Question submitted via Formspring.me/bdavewalters:

“Dear Dave,
I have just found your videos and what you say resonates. My mind understands but my heart struggles to get to that feeling place of love. How do I break the chain that has love and pain attached, preventing me from peace and joy?”

Thank you for the kind words! Like always, first let’s break this down into pieces:
“My mind understands, but my heart struggles to get to that feeling place of love” you’re feeling some separation between what you ‘know’ and what you feel.  “How do I break the chain that has pain and love attached, preventing me from peace and joy?” All of this totals up to only one thing: A bad break up.

We have talked before about how to let go of someone and move on. For now, the first thing to remember, is just like the quote says only one person has rejected you, not the whole world.  And it’s easy to believe that one person’s opinion means more than the rest of the world combined, but I’ll tell you a secret: They only have what power over you that you give them.   Because in the end, they said and did what they said and did, and they did and didn’t do, what they did and didn’t do.  You can’t control that, but you can control the meanings you attach to it.  And you don’t *have* to let this person control your happiness any longer.  Don’t give away your power…they don’t deserve it.

Look back over your past relationships: Is this the first time you’ve had someone treat you this way? Or the fifth…or the twenty-fifth? If you find that you’ve manifested multiple relationships like this, then ask yourself what is it in *you* that is making you believe that you don’t deserve true and open love and affection?  I’ll give you a hint, though: Find out who and what you need to forgive  and you can break the cycle for good.

Think back over your past relationships and look for patterns, both for the type of person you’ve been involved with, and how you’ve behaved in the relationships.  Once you can see where you have gone off-track, you can make different choices in the future; once you can see it, you can control it.

Now, on the off chance that you’re not coming off a bad breakup, and you are asking the question more generally, everything still begins with forgiveness; forgiving the people who hurt you, and forgiving yourself, too.  You have to believe you deserve to be happy; to feel peaceful, loved and appreciated for who and what you are before anyone else will.  Remember, how much you love yourself sets the limit for how much you can love anyone else, and how much you will let them love you.

As long as you love yourself first, forgive everyone for what’s happened up until now, AND don’t punish the next person for the last person’s mistakes, everything will fall into place.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

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B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

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