Beliefnet
The Queen of My Self

Here is some wisdom about learning to love your Self that was written by a junior at Mills College. Bless her heart for trying to learn at such a tender age what many women are still struggling with in their mature years.

By Tymeesa Rutledge

This post will discuss the importance of having the relationship with oneself. A self-love journey is about loving myself for all of the insecurities and flaws I have.

I never thought about my negative voice being my “inner mean girl.” But, that’s definitely what she is. A total mean girl! She constantly tells me I won’t finish my homework on time, that I’ll never have a “good boyfriend” or be a “good friend” because I didn’t deserve any of it.

While all of us has an inner mean girl, the manifestation is a little different for everyone. Sometimes there are “inner mean sisters” thriving inside you — six of them in total. Maybe you have the mean girl that tells you “You got an ‘A-’ when you should have gotten an ‘A.’” Christine likes to call her the “achievement junkie” because nothing she ever achieves is good enough.

Or, maybe she or her sister’s the “comparison queen.” You know, that mean girl that tells you “You’ve been on television when you were 21. Big deal! Oprah has been on television since she was only 20.”

Whatever your inner mean girl says to you, her words come from a place of past hurt. Maybe, like me, you’ve been disappointed in past relationships with ex-partners. Maybe you’re still carrying baggage that needs to be dropped off at your local UPS storage that you can come and visit whenever you like versus being the hoarding “bag lady.”

If you have any of these mean girls or their sisters Judy Jealousy, Heather the Hater, etc., you can join me in the Self-Love Cleanse.

The Self-Love Cleanse is a 40-day journey in which you commit yourself to loving YOU.

When my inner mean girl says “Tymeesa, you’ll never do that” or “you’re not organized enough,” I tell her that I love her and ask myself “What am I afraid of?” The Self-Love Cleanse is a personalized journey. You can choose and make up whatever works for you.

Like I mentioned earlier, I’ve been disappointed many times in my life by family, friends, boyfriends — you name it! But, my inner mean girl doesn’t want me to get hurt again. As a defense mechanism, she says mean things out of fear or insecurity. I understand where she is coming from. So instead of hating her, I will love her.

The self-love cleanse can be done for yourself as well. It’s a daily battle. It’s moment by moment. Situation by situation, girl.

Self-Love Cleanse: 10 Things to Do for the Next 40 Days

  1. Write 108 things that you like about yourself.
  1. Start your morning with gratitude. Look out the window and admire nature.
  1. Talk to her (the inner self) in the morning. Tell her that you love her. Then, take that inner pause. For the last week, I’ve been saying “I love you Tymeesa” three times every morning.
  1. When people compliment you, accept the compliment and build a conversation around it. Really receive it! You’re not a bad person acknowledging that you’re cool.
  1. Appreciate all of the things you have –- whether it’s your friendships, food, water, shelter, etc.
  1. Drink a cup of tea to relax your soul in the morning. Tea really relaxes me so I start my day in a good state.
  1. I write a morning prayer in my journal and thank God for what he’s done for me. If you pray or meditate, take the word “more” out of it. For example: Instead of asking “God, let me be more loving,” ask God to continue to allow you “to be loving.” You are accepting yourself as you are right now.
  1. During the day — lunch, mid-day or afternoon — celebrate 3-5 things that you’ve done so far. You will be surprised at how much you accomplish.
  1. Be present. I have a problem with this one because I’m always thinking in the past or future. But, I have to appreciate the moment. Why? If your mindset is in the past, you’ll be overcome with regret and if you’re thinking too much about the future, anxiety will consume you.
  1. Because those are not positive feelings, you should let them go!

Good luck.

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

Some might argue that we don’t have any choice in this upside down dangerous world and that we can’t affect what will happen. But even if we can’t immediately alter the course of human events on the world stage, we can certainly create change in our own lives and in all of the lives that we touch. And our thoughts are the seeds of that change.

Dr. Christiane Northrup writes, “Use your thoughts wisely. Understand their power. Thoughts have a tendency to become their physical equivalent. This is one of the fundamental laws of the universe. Another one is the law of attraction, which states that ‘like attracts like.’ Because it is consciousness that creates reality, the kind of consciousness you hold — your vibration — actually creates the kind of life you’re living.”

So our first order of business must be to stay positive. To entertain only positive possibilities. To imagine only affirmative alternatives. To surround ourselves with wholly uplifting, life-affirming people and influences. To align ourselves solely with the greater good so that our actions will be born of only the finest of our best intentions.

We need to share that positivity with everyone who we meet, actually engage on a human level with those who we encounter as we make it through our day. Not just our families, friends and colleagues — those of presumed like-minds — but also the shoe repair guy, the waitress at the coffee shop, the post office clerk, the bag girl at the super market.

Because there really is still a chance for peace and positive change — and that chance will definitely increase if we each do our piece. It is ultimately up to us, each one of us, all of us, individually and together, to create the kind of world in which we want to live — to be the change we seek — starting right here, right now. Within the context of our immediate lives, within the concentric circles of our ordinary interactions.

I once gave a presentation in Washington, D.C. about creating peace in our world and in our lives. During the question and answer period, a woman commented that she wished that she could quit her job and just devote herself to working for peace. “What do you do?” I asked her. “I’m a therapist,” she replied. Surely she has many opportunities every day to create peace and foster transformation in her professional capacity.

A good example of a Peace Queen is Dianne, one of the wonderful women who regularly attends my ritual circles. She not only prays for the homeless men and women who live on her block, but she calls them each by name. I am so impressed and inspired by her personal outreach to the “untouchables” that most other people would prefer not to notice, let alone engage with. Everybody is, after all, somebody.

If we ignore, exploit or patronize those people whose lives intersect with ours, how can we expect international relations to be more civilized? We need to walk our talk wherever we go, whatever we do, remembering always, that by doing so we do make a difference. Let us each be a sun, sending our caring energy out into the world, shedding light wherever we go. You never know whom you might touch with the radiance of your warmth.

A new, spiritually based social activism is beginning to assert itself. It stems not from hating what is wrong and trying to fight it, but from loving what could be and making the commitment to bring it forth.
– Marianne Williamson

***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thqueenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

I CHOOSE TO LIVE EACH MOMENT WITH APPRECIATION AND
COMPLETE ACCEPTANCE OF MY OWN DIVINITY AND BEAUTY.

I CHOOSE TO APPRECIATE AND ACCEPT THE BEAUTY IN ALL
BEINGS AND THE PERFECT DIVINITY IN EACH MOMENT.

I OPEN MY HEART TO THE POSSIBILITY OF LOVE AND BENEFIT
FROM EVERY BEING AND EACH MOMENT.

I PURGE MYSELF OF ALL DOUBT, NEGATIVITY, JUDGMENTAL
TENDENCIES, GUILT, PANIC, AND FEARFUL THINKING.

I ALWAYS SEEK THAT WHICH I NEED TO GROW, TO BUD, TO
BLOOM, TO BLOSSOM, TO FRUIT, TO BEAR SEED.

I DARE TO DRAW INTO MYSELF THE POSITIVE MANIFESTATION OF
EACH TRIAL AND DIFFICULTY; THE RIGHTNESS OF EVERY LESSON.

I BREATHE DEEPLY AND SAVOR THE LOVE AND BENEFIT THAT
SURROUNDS AND EMBRACES MY LIFE AS I LIVE IT EACH MOMENT.

I FORGIVE MYSELF WITH EACH BREATH I TAKE AND RENEW MY TRANCEFORMATIVE INTENTIONS WITH EVERY BEAT OF MY HEART.

I GLORY IN THE GOODNESS AND RIGHTNESS OF ALL THAT I
ENCOUNTER AND ALL THAT I AM.

I AM A DIVINE AND BEAUTIFUL BEING.

©DONNA HENES

 

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

By Shiloh Sophia

Your muse is your medicine woman.
She holds tools for healing
in her magic basket.
She sings her prayers.
Medicine Woman knows stars and sums.
She listens between worlds.
Medicine woman cannot be domesticated, 
at all, ever.

Even when we don’t recognize her,
she is always here.
She has blue butterflies and red roses in her hair and golden boots with wings.

She serves revolution for breakfast.
She pays for everything with cash.
She paints glitter on her toe nails. 
Fire Engine Red.
Just don’t think you have her figured out.
She will always surprise you
She shows up in a crimson dress
sewn with white dogwood bodice 
and bayleaf hem.
She is the sound of bells,
She may let her armpit hair grow.
She is the place within us that wants it all. And wants to give it all up.
She swims naked in the ocean.
She rides motorcycles up the coast.
She paints, writes, dances, dreams
and has multiple income streams.
She is medicine woman.
She heals that which is unexpressed in us.
She asks the question – Who are you not being?
Her life is her own. She is on her own.
And she likes it that way.
She is the keeper of the red key
and the spinner of the red thread
and the weaver of the red tent.
She is your story-keeper and your
dream-maker upper.
And don’t be surprised if she asks you to
miracle tea and you find yourself
drunk with aliveness
and honeycomb cake.
The conversation she has with you?
How to author your future.

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.