The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

What Does Being a Queen Mean to You?

posted by Donna Henes

Some time ago, I asked the Queens on my Facebook page what being a Queen meant to them. 

Q. What does being a Queen mean to you?

A. As a little girl I wondered what it would be like to be a Queen, after reading The Queen of My Self I have a much deeper and broader understanding of just how good it is to be the Queen. Being a Queen is knowing yourself and loving yourself, so that you can move through your life with confidence and a sense of purpose. Not by any means a perfect state, it requires a willingness to learn, a willingness to dialog and more important to listen, to change when needs be. To value others and their ideas, but to know which ones are true for herself. To carry with you, in your heart, what time has shown and taught you. To love and live tolerance. And to understand that timeworn is not careworn. Being loyal and true to yourself, loving yourself is the root of selflessness, not selfishness.
- Lois, PA

A. Being a Queen is having enough life experience to truly know what I want, coupled with the motivation and ability to make it happen. Valuing myself enough to allow myself to expend time and resources on my own development. Realizing that doing these things will provide a role model for my 17-yr-old daughter as she enters adulthood.
- Cyndi, TX

A. A Queen is one who has the ability to show no mercy but decides on mercy and giving of blessings even though I have the ability to curse and hold back on those blessings. A queen must not look at things from only one point of view. She must be able to make judgment calls without malice. She must not think she is the most important. As a queen I realize that those who look up to me are far more important than they think they are.
- Karen, IN

A. A Queen rules her court with love, never fear.
- Anne Marie, NM

A. A Queen believes in what she is doing without any doubt or fear.
- Sanaz, Malaysia

A. I will be 47 this year. I have considered myself a Queen for many years. Queens know themselves completely, even the bad stuff. Queens are fully confident in their powers, boundaries, intuition, strengths, talents and feelings. However, I am also a mother to my six-year old daughter so I feel very much like a mother. So, I consider myself a Queen Mother, actually. I once read about a Polynesian culture whose ruler was a Queen Mother Who Sits on Her Golden Throne. That’s me! Yeah!
- Sheryll, CA

A. I just celebrated my 69th birthday on December 4th, so I guess I am a Queen!!! If being a Queen is part of your state-of-mind, then, Queen Donna, I too, am definitely a Queen, and I hope to remain one for many years.
- Debbie, OH

A. I thought about The Queen of My Self when during a yoga class we did the Queen pose. How appropriate that there is a Queen pose!
- Susan, CA

A. You were right when you wrote in The Queen of My Self, “there are no 10 easy steps to sovereignty.” Becoming the Queen of my own life has been the hardest thing I have ever done, and also the most rewarding. It seemed natural to love and honor my husband. It was easy to love and nurture my children. But it has been a struggle to come to love, honor and nurture myself. I am still working on it, and every day I feel more like a Queen.
- Queen Isabella, VA

A. I am a Queen. I now wear my crown. My thorns turn to jewels.
Thank you! I think I’ve been mostly missing the sovereignty aspect… getting it now though.
- Lisa, NY

 What does being a Queen mean to you?

***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

Decide to Take Charge

posted by Donna Henes

You take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame.
- Erica Jong

 

The story of our lives is ours to create. We can design our own roles and ideals, compose the scripts, and author the sagas of our own futures and that of the environment around us. While we cannot necessarily control the circumstances and influences that present themselves to us in the course of living, we can choose how we will respond to them when they do arise. Our power of choice is our sole control in the world.

With each new paragraph, each turn of the page, each new dawn, each new season, each moment in time, each blink of the eye, each beat of the heart, we are gifted with another opportunity to exercise our right to choose.

Coffee or tea? Lemon or milk? Right or left? Stairs or elevator? Vacuum? Vote? Cheat? Trust? Care? Dare? Change?

What paths we take, what decisions we make influence how the story will proceed and who we will be from this day forth. As George Eliot reminds us, “The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice.”

The difficult times that we encounter in our lives might tempt us to dull our senses and opt out of any upsetting experiences, choosing not to let things “get to us.” We often try to ignore the hard parts — pain, fear, guilt, grief, confusion, anger, and disappointment — dilute their impact, drown them out in an endless list of pleasurable addictions: soporifics, anesthetics, mood enhancers, caffeine, food, hormones. We can even turn ourselves off altogether.

We don’t have to engage in the emotional upheaval. Nobody is making us. We could choose to drink cabernet and watch Public Television, play cards, play bingo, play it safe, every night for the rest of our lives if we wanted to. It is an option.

It is ultimately up to us whether we succumb to the unexamined life or try to figure out what the hell is going on inside us and around us, and engage in it, alter, change and grow with it, so that we might fulfill our greatest destiny and dreams.


You need only to claim the events of your life to make yourself yours. When you truly possess all you have been and done, which may take some time, you are fierce with reality.
- Florida Scott-Maxwell

***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

Listen to Your Self

posted by Donna Henes

Today, we see many women in public life, ranging the gamut from Hillary Clinton to Sharon Osborne, who have stepped out of the shadows of their husbands and families to pursue their own ambitions for themselves. Millions of ordinary women face the same challenge in our daily lives, as well.

After a couple of decades on the job, many of us feel that we have explored one option or direction as far as we can and now we want to do something else. Or, we have wanted to do that certain something else all along, but never had the chance, the opportunity, the backing and/or the nerve to pursue it.

Now we recognize that to stay with what we have always done simply by default would be stultifying and self-limiting. And money isn’t necessarily the object this time around, either. Now it is more a matter of what is personally satisfying and fulfilling than what is smart, stable or safe.

Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.
- Oprah Winfrey

When I was in my early fifties, I made the decision after years of procrastinating to begin publishing a quarterly journal about living in sync with the cycles

After a quarter of a century of studying, teaching, writing and celebrating, it was the next logical intellectual step in my exploration of the cycles of the cosmos and their physical, emotional, and social significance. This new publication would deal with how to live consciously with the changes of the seasons — including the seasons of our own lives.

Good idea or not, however, my well-meaning friends pointed out that I had no resources or backer to support this ambitious project. But I was beyond reason. My biological clock was ticking, though I wasn’t thinking of babies. Mortality was on my mind. Mine. If I didn’t do this now, when would I?

Needless to say, I didn’t listen to the criticism, constructive though it might have been, and went right on ahead with my plan anyway. And, yes, they were right. But though I incurred a very large debt as a result, I have no regrets. Publishing that journal was a most rewarding endeavor, a four-times-a-year-discipline that challenged me to stay in tune with, and respond to, the times, even as they change. This effort kept me alert and in the moment — a worthy lesson at any price.

I kept Always in Season: Living in Sync with the Cycles alive for eight years. Thirty-two issues. And I am still paying the bank interest for lending me the capital. But I am grateful for having taken the chance. It yielded me critical acclaim and loyal subscribers in thirty-one states and eight countries who were not simply readers but more like an extended community of like-minded souls, a network of spiritual support, an international circle of care and concern. Surely this is what truly matters.

***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

 

Wise Words for Our Self

posted by Donna Henes

Several of my recent posts have been about the Self, including “What Exactly is the Self?” in which I wrote, “The Self is the sum of all of our parts, and holistically, it is greater than the sum of all of our parts. The fluid Self transcends time and space, expanding and shape-shifting, changing and adapting to accommodate the possibility of all possibility.” Our Self is “the artful patchwork of our own lives designed from the wild and wonderful patterns of our own personality and experiences, and crafted from our individual inner authority.”

Here are some words of Self-wisdom by some very wise women:

“We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be.
- Jane Austen

“Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgement. And you can see forever.”
- Nancy Kerrigan

 “It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.”
- Sally Field

“Falling, falling, falling, falling down. Look yourself in the eye before you drown.”
- Emily Saliers, Indigo Girls

“Our goal while on this earth is to transcend our illusions and discover the innate power of our spirit.”
- Caroline Myss

“The authentic self is the soul made visible.”
- Sarah Ban Breathnach

 “In our natural state, we are glorious beings. In the world of illusion, we are lost and imprisoned, slaves to our appetites and our will to false power.”
- Marianne Williamson

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.”
- Virginia Woolf

“Every problem can be solved with the proper application of the means at hand. Maybe not easily, happily, cheaply or painlessly – but it can be done if you have the will;
you already have the means – yourself!”

- Joanne Siewert

“As you begin to understand the immense power and love you hold inside, you will find an unending surge of joy, light and love that will nourish and support you all the days of your life.”
- Susan Jeffers

“It is easier to live through someone else than to become complete yourself.”
- Betty Friedan

“I didn’t leave Sonny for another man. I left for another woman. Me.”
- Cher

“The bright shining
only reflects back to myself,
my own light blinding me.
I can’t see the world and they can’t see me.”
- Anna Chrisrest

“Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”

- Judy Garland

“Since you are like no other being ever created since the beginning of time,
you are incomparable.”

- Brenda Uleland

“At some point in my life, I swallowed a Sun.
And now it dawns and sets in my belly.”

- Erika Harris,

“My heart filled with love, flowing over with joy,
my own little drum that I like to march by!” 

- Gunda Fijnje-Nolan

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart.
I am. I am. I am.”

- Sylvia Plath

What us your experience of your Self? How would you describe it?
***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

Previous Posts

What Does Being a Queen Mean to You?
Some time ago, I asked the Queens on my Facebook page what being a Queen meant to them.  Q. What does being a Queen mean to you? A. As a little girl I wondered what it would be like to be a Queen, after reading The Queen of My Self I have a much deeper and broader understanding of just how g

posted 6:00:04am Apr. 23, 2014 | read full post »

Decide to Take Charge
You take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame. - Erica Jong   The story of our lives is ours to create. We can design our own roles and ideals, compose the scripts, and author the sagas of our own futures and that of the environment around us. Wh

posted 6:00:28am Apr. 21, 2014 | read full post »

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Today, we see many women in public life, ranging the gamut from Hillary Clinton to Sharon Osborne, who have stepped out of the shadows of their husbands and families to pursue their own ambitions for themselves. Millions of ordinary women face the same challenge in our daily lives, as well. After

posted 6:00:40am Apr. 18, 2014 | read full post »

Wise Words for Our Self
Several of my recent posts have been about the Self, including “What Exactly is the Self?” in which I wrote, “The Self is the sum of all of our parts, and holistically, it is greater than the sum of all of our parts. The fluid Self transcends time and space, expanding and shape-shifting, chang

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