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The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

A Matter of Choice

posted by Donna Henes

 

by Joan Chittister

Most of us know when we’re at a crossroad in life, when old answers have gone dry, when our souls have gone dry here, when nothing but another choice is possible. Then come the struggle and the dickering, the pain and the fear over which of the many directions we could take, over which we ought to take.

Indeed, the big decisions in life are hardly ever clear—except for one. And that one is piercingly clear: life is a series of dilemmas, of options, of conundrums, of possibilities taken and not taken. Negotiating these moments well is the essence of the life well lived.

As a result, we know now that this search for the whole self is no longer resolved through an educational process alone or even the choice of a good career. This search for the whole self is a process of making spiritual choices between the good and the better, the holy and the mundane, the essence of life and the cosmetic. We have built change into our futures, our educational options, our lives. We have come to understand that no life is set in stone anymore. On the contrary, life is a slow-won evolution of the self that taps every level of our lives and touches all its great questions.

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Choice is the holy-making stuff of life. There is no such thing as the inconsequential. Everything we do affects something and someone. Choice, therefore, is a spiritual skill of great import.

 

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

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Peace in Hot Times

posted by Donna Henes

For those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, summer is sizzling at its most intense in August. This period is referred to as The Dog Days of Summer. Though named after the Dog Star, Sirius, this is the weather when, according to Noel Coward, only “mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun.”

This summer has been especially bad, with extreme heat waves sweeping though much of North America. The temperature here in New York City has been in the 90s for weeks . And the humidity made it feel ten degrees warmer. We are on track for 2015 to be the hottest year yet.

Most of the West and parts of the South have been subject to massive wild fires. Our tempers are on burn mode and even the most innocuous disturbance is enough to send us over the emotional edge. In fact, all disagreements are reaching a boiling point, as is evidenced by the ever-increasing and escalating geo-religious-political-economic conflicts around the globe.

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The entire planet is heating up right now. Global warming is playing havoc with weather patterns, which in turn affect all plant and animal life. The debate about the greenhouse effect, fossil fuel, renewable energy and gas prices is also revved up to high.

Time out!

Cool down!

It is so damn easy to feel depressed, frustrated, disillusioned and pissed right now. These are terrible times of artificial division, manipulated resentment and palpable fear. The real dynamic being played out right now is not about warring religious, economic or nationalistic factions. Not even about war.

The struggle is actually between those who believe that the world is defined in terms of opposition — war or peace, right or wrong, rich or poor, with us or against us — and those who are able to see things in a more holistic, congruent manner.

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In these deciding times, it is imperative for those of us who see the big picture to decide, to commit, to make a concerted effort to reach out in ever-expanding circles of affinity and embrace. Now is the time to turn our attention to positive solutions and focus our thoughts and actions toward creating healthy, functioning networks in recognition and in honor of our mutual state of being and our common fate.

Because there really is still a chance for peace — and that chance will definitely increase if we each do our piece. It is ultimately up to us, each one of us, all of us, individually and together, to create the kind of world in which we want to live — starting right here, right now. With each step that we take, we must walk our talk, speak our truth and put our money where our mouth is.

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Yours for inner peace and peace on the planet,
xxQMD

 

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

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Attractive or Sexy?

posted by Donna Henes

By Doris Jeanette

A clear distinction between being attractive and sexy became clear to me while going over the final version of a book I am working on, “Safe and Sane: Heart-felt Answers for the Pain You Feel.” It is a group of questions and answers from a holistic psychology column I wrote a few years ago for an International newsletter.

The question I was answering was from a young Indian woman who was extremely distressed because she was not attractive and could never have a loving relationship. My answer was reassuring, “You do not have to be in the top fifty percent of beauty to have a healthy, loving relationship.”

As I was reviewing my answer, I remembered a current client who is overweight and men are always wanting to jump her bones. Men flock to her like honey wherever she goes. In contrast, my client’s best friend, with the attractiveness made famous by the media, sits perched on the bar stool next to my client, lonely. The beautiful woman with a great figure has trouble getting a date.

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My client asks, “How come they hit on me and leave Fran alone?” “Energy,” was my reply, and energy it is.  My client is caring and warm and people feel it. She is sexy and approachable. Her best friend is attractive and cold, and people feel it. The attractive woman is intimidating and scary.

What about you? Are you attractive or sexy? No matter what your age, you need to be comfortable being sexy. If you want to be healthy, you need your sexual energy flowing and free. Your sexual energy needs to move through your body and into your joints. Sexy energy keeps your bones fluid and flowing and makes your cells happy.

The Kama Sutra, an ancient Indian Hindu text, basically offers the same relationship advice. The text teaches that your age and beauty do not have anything to do with how good you can be at making love. Instead, it says, “Get the proper education.”

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Making love requires energy. Love is the energy you must generate in order to be a good lover. Love comes from your heart and must be allowed to flow throughout your whole body. It is your energy that attracts healthy, loving relationships, not your physical beauty.

Notice if your energy attracts or repeals. What are you doing to push health away? Become more like honey so you get the love energy you need to achieve holistic health.

 

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

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6 Things French Women Can Teach Us About Aging Gracefully

posted by Donna Henes

By Shelley Emling

Before moving to the New York City area, I lived in London for seven years. During that period, I traveled more than two dozen times to France, a place where five- or six-week vacations are the norm and many people retire comfortably at 60 or younger. I made many wonderful French friends and was more than a little awed at the way they aged so gracefully.

Are they perfect? Of course not. But certainly I admired how so many of them stayed trim while enjoying coq au vin, baguettes, andouillettes, eclairs and fondue while Americans struggled with their weight while gorging on diet soda and Lean Cuisines. I also admired the way they purchased clothes selectively, carried themselves confidently and devoured life every chance they got.

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After speaking with a few of these friends, I’ve come up with a list of six things the French can teach us about aging well. Do you agree? Let us know in comments. And if there are things the Americans can teach THEM about aging, we’d like to hear about that as well.

1) That women of all ages can be the sensual love interests — and not just the matronly grandmothers — in popular movies.
Just consider Catherine Deneuve, 69, or Isabelle Huppert, 60, or Juliette Binoche, 49. These and other older French actresses such as Nathalie Baye, 65, and Sandrine Bonnaire,46, continue to nab meaty roles. In an American movie industry dominated more by the teeny-bopper set, it’s hard to even name an older sex symbol other than, perhaps, Rachel Welch who’s still, at 72, pretty darn sexy.

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2) That less is best when it comes to makeup — but that doesn’t mean you should skimp on skincare.
Studies show that French women spend more of skin care products than their neighbors in Italy, Spain, Germany or the UK. Overall, nearly two-thirds of French women — or 62 percent — use anti-wrinkle products. It’s a different story when it comes to wearing makeup. Wearing too much, according to French women, makes you look old.

3) That sex should continue to be important.
Studies show that 90 % of French women over the age of 50 remain sexually active compared with only 60 percent of American women. But research points to a great interest in sex among those over 50 — so why not keep it going?

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4) That having just a handful of clothing items that fit perfectly is a lot better than having a whole closet full of items that aren’t all that great.
American women have a habit of splurging for unnecessary items whereas French women make a habit of purchasing maybe 10 indispensable clothing items each year. French designer Anne Fountaine, known for her white shirts, once told Forbes magazine that “besides a beautiful blouse, every woman should have a great pair of jeans, black pants, a perfect skirt, a perfect little black dress and a jacket for each season.”

5) That walking is the best exercise.
French women often look askance at American women who talk about going to the gym. Instead of furiously working out in zumba classes, French women tend to incorporate walking into their daily routines. They take the long way home when walking the dog; they climb stairs instead of taking the elevator. They also reject the notion “no pain, no gain,” choosing instead a more sustained — albeit more moderate — exercise plan.

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6) That what you eat — and how much you eat — are of vital importance.
If you’ve ever dined out with French friends, you’ll notice that they eat smaller portions of more dishes — instead of larger portions of fewer dishes. They eat more vegetables, drink more water and think more about the good things they want to eat rather than fret all the time about the bad stuff. When it comes to drinking, they tend to avoid hard liquor, opting for a glass or two of wine with their meal.

 

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

Previous Posts

A Matter of Choice
  by Joan Chittister Most of us know when we’re at a crossroad in life, when old answers have gone dry, when our souls have gone dry here, when nothing but another choice is possible. Then come the struggle and the dickering, the ...

posted 6:00:36am Aug. 26, 2015 | read full post »

Peace in Hot Times
For those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, summer is sizzling at its most intense in August. This period is referred to as The Dog Days of Summer. Though named after the Dog Star, Sirius, this is the weather when, according to Noel Coward, only ...

posted 6:00:32am Aug. 24, 2015 | read full post »

Attractive or Sexy?
By Doris Jeanette A clear distinction between being attractive and sexy became clear to me while going over the final version of a book I am working on, "Safe and Sane: Heart-felt Answers for the Pain You Feel." It is a group of questions and ...

posted 6:00:38am Aug. 21, 2015 | read full post »

6 Things French Women Can Teach Us About Aging Gracefully
By Shelley Emling Before moving to the New York City area, I lived in London for seven years. During that period, I traveled more than two dozen times to France, a place where five- or six-week vacations are the norm and many people retire ...

posted 6:00:18am Aug. 19, 2015 | read full post »

Payback Time
Lately I’ve seen several outrageous television commercials that blithely extol the benefits of throwaway dust rags and floor mops and disposable baby bibs, of all things. Apparently the landfills are not yet filled to over-flowing capacity ...

posted 6:00:26am Aug. 17, 2015 | read full post »

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