The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

Peaches and Cream – Part 1

posted by Donna Henes

It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first.

This piece was sent in by a reader of The Queen’s Chronicles. http://www.thequeenofmyself.com/chronicles.shtml

By Jade Beaty, CO

There’s a ceremony in Tantra that involves naming your genitalia. Some western traditions of sacred sexuality contain information about reconnecting to your genital sense of Self. I was intrigued with all this when I first began my studies of various traditions of sacred sex. There are so many layers of shame and confusion that prevent us from having a relationship with our precious most private parts, and I thought the naming ceremony was a brilliant way to reconnect…a baptism, of sorts. My lover of that time was such a lucky man, as I was trying out the things I was learning with him. The summer of 2000 was one of the best in my memory. We were playfully, innocently loving each other and enjoying the lightness of our loveship – no expectations, no plans, no demands – that was our motto.

One brilliant, crisp July morning we headed for a stream in South Boulder that we’d visited earlier in the year, when there was still ice along the edges. We’d spotted a boulder in the middle that looked smooth and even, the perfect place for a picnic. Removing our shoes, we waded into the icy cold water, carrying our essentials. We had the makings of mimosas – champagne and orange juice, a comfy blanket and some pillows, some fruit, a little primo chocolate, and a copy of “Jitterbug Perfume,” by Tom Robbins.

The rock was the perfect spot for some kissing, some reading and some culinary indulgence. We’d picked up some of the biggest, most luscious looking peaches I’d ever seen at the farmer’s market on our way out. We dropped them into the stream for chilling as we read a bit and enjoyed the sun and the sounds of the rushing water. After a while, we pulled the peaches up beside us.   I suggested we both take a bite out of one at the same time, as we gazed into each other’s eyes.

We’d been talking about the naming of my yoni for a while. Nothing we’d come up with so far had seemed just right. As our eyes met with that peach between our lips, taking an intoxicating, juicy bite, we both said, through the mouthfuls, juice dribbling off our chins, “Her name is Peaches!” Gasping, gulping, giggling, I rolled off the rock and into the icy cold stream and we baptized her right there. And Peaches is her name.

Friday: Peaches and Cream – Part 2

 

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

Beauty Redefined – Part 2

posted by Donna Henes

It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first. 

By Karinna Kittles

Still strongly in denial that the outer imagery I was participating in and witnessing was effecting me negatively, I simultaneously began to feel little desire to continue modeling or acting and overnight I became ill. My illness took me on a two-year journey that forced me to stop working, be in bed and look at myself. I began to move my attention from my outer reality to my inward reality, taking small steps to face my anger, self-hatred and unworthiness.

It was the most challenging time of my life and yet one of the most rewarding. At the time, I didn’t know why I was ill with many ambiguous symptoms and exhaustion, but as I look back it is clear that I was given the opportunity to strip away my false sense of external value and power. To take off my makeup, let my hair remember it’s natural color, reevaluate my sexuality- real from illusion, and look (what I perceived as ugly) and love myself.

As I came out of those two years, I was different. I knew more of myself, I was present, and appreciated more my heart, spirit and ability to show compassion and appreciation for others. But that did not exclude me from still vacillating, primarily unconsciously, of whether my outer self and outer reality was more valuable than my inner. Daily, I get closer to what is true, self love and inner wellness, beauty and peace and appreciation for the unique whole beauty of others.

Redefining Beauty is a personal journey. It requires asking oneself certain questions, such as What is beauty to me? What do I truly find beautiful in myself and in others? This can take time because we have become so accustomed to thinking that our cultural messages and definitions of beauty are our own.

Inner Beauty begins with health, both physical and emotional. There are many ways to increase ones physical health, through balanced eating, exercise, healthy habits and meditation. Emotional health can also be strengthened through acknowledging emotions, talking about them honestly with a friend, partner or therapist, and emotional transformation methods such as journaling and meditation.

With physical vitality and emotinal harmony, you will see the difference in your whole life. You will feel great, look your best and have better interaction in the outer world. This is the journey of Inner Beauty and I look forwad to hearing your stories and comment about your own inner journey.

 

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

Beauty Redefined – Part 1

posted by Donna Henes

It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first. By Karinna Kittles www.SacredLove.com What is your current definition of beauty. Is it 5’9, blonde hair, blue eyes, skinny and full breasts, or the male version 6 foot tall, broad shoulders, a perfect smile, perfect teeth, and a super athletic body. If there is a yes or a maybe in your mind, where do you find yourself in those definitions? How do you measure up? At the high there is about 2% of the population that meet all the above criteria and blessings to them. These physical types and other similar ones are valued more in our society than almost any other. so where does that leave the rest of us. If you find that you are always comparing yourself to these kinds of images and feeling yourself less than perfect, you are not alone. More and more women are feeling the effects of fear-based advertising. This is advertising and TV that perpetuates the age myth, the size myth, and the beauty myth. Companies that use these tactics, feed low self esteem and teach unreachable idealism, creating a society which is unsatisfied with itself and one obsessed with outer perfection. Do you find you minimize valuable parts of yourself such as health, emotions, talents and abilities for the importance of the outer physique? You can discover your answer, by how much time you spend on each of these areas during the course of your day. If you are shocked by your findings, you are awakening, I believe we have been conditioned to equate the media and beauty industries approved images with health, talent, financial freedom, love and sex. The core elements that most all of us aspire to. Placing primary importance on our outer appearance is valuing the effect over the cause, in other words appreciating the wrapping paper more than the gift. Exterior emphasis denies the whole, the truth, the soul and our uniqueness, creating feelings of fear, anger, jealousy, self hatred, judgments of inferiority and superiority, worthiness and worthlessness, depression, eating disorders, competition, entrapment, and quiet desperation. Although I had been on a spiritual quest most of my life, it wasn’t until about 5 years ago that my spirit made a dramatic choice and my ego made a semiconscious choice to begin valuing my authentic self more fully. Until then, as an adult, I had depended on my outer appearance for my livelihood, lovability and value. Still strongly in denial that the outer imagery I was participating in and witnessing was effecting me negatively, I simultaneously began to feel little desire to continue modeling or acting and overnight I became ill. My illness took me on a two-year journey that forced me to stop working, be in bed and look at myself. I began to move my attention from my outer reality to my inward reality, taking small steps to face my anger, self-hatred and unworthiness. Monday: Beauty Redefined – Part 2 * *** Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™ The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

Loving Our Bodies

posted by Donna Henes

It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first.

Lately, like many of you, I have been waging an assault on clutter. I have been digging into the recesses of my closets, drawers and shelves and tossing, recycling and reclaiming my possessions. During this frenzy I came upon some old photograph albums and took a break to sit down with them.

I sorted through pictures that I had not seen in decades and to my shock and delight, I discovered that I was quite a good looking young woman.

Who knew? Not me. I was never happy about my appearance. Never satisfied with my face and body. Would that I had that strong, supple, sexy body now.

What a waste!

This is nothing new, of course. In my experience most women don’t see and appreciate their own beauty. There is always something to complain about. To fret over. To work on.

The Dove® Soap Company has a wonderful program called Dove® Movement for Self-Esteem. Their slogan is, “Imagine a world where beauty is a source of confidence, not anxiety.”

They recently funded a study called “The Real Truth About Beauty: Revisited.” The research found that:

Only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful (up from 2% in 2004).

Only 11% of girls globally are comfortable using the word beautiful to describe themselves

72% of girls feel tremendous pressure to be beautiful.

70% of  girls believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in some way, including their looks, performance in school and relationships with friends and family members.

57% of all girls have a mother who criticizes her own looks

67% of girls ages 13 – 17 turn to their mother as a resource when feeling badly about themselves compared to 91% of girls ages 8 – 12

80% of women agree that every woman has something about her that is beautiful but do not see their own beauty.

More than half (54%) of women globally agree that when it comes to how they look, they are their own worst beauty critic.

How sad is that? And how stupid given the overwhelming number of beautiful women and girls on every corner in every country.

I serendipitously found the following quote in the fabulous book, Pigs in Heaven by Barbara Kingsolver:

“When I was in my thirties, I had these little square hips left over from being pregnant and I just hated it. I kept thinking, ‘All those years before, I had a perfect glamour-girl body, and I didn’t spend one minute appreciating it, because I thought my nose had a bump in it.’ And now that I’m old, my shoulder hurts and I don’t sleep good and my knuckles swell up, and I think, ‘All those years in my thirties and forties I had a body where everything worked perfect. And I didn’t spend one minute appreciating it because I thought I had square hips.’”

So, sister Queens, let’s start making lists of what we love about ourselves, our appearance, our personality, our presence. Let’s make really long lists.

What do you love about you?

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

Previous Posts

Peaches and Cream – Part 1
It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first. This piece was sent in by a reader of The Queen’s Chronicles. http://www.thequeenofmyse

posted 6:00:42am Aug. 27, 2014 | read full post »

Beauty Redefined - Part 2
It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first.  By Karinna Kittles Still strongly in denial that the outer imagery I was participati

posted 6:00:08am Aug. 25, 2014 | read full post »

Beauty Redefined – Part 1
It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first. By Karinna Kittles www.SacredLove.com What is your current definition of beauty. Is it 5'9,

posted 6:00:00am Aug. 22, 2014 | read full post »

Loving Our Bodies
It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first. Lately, like many of you, I have been waging an assault on clutter. I have been digging i

posted 6:00:59am Aug. 20, 2014 | read full post »

Cougar Queen – Part 2
It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first. I came across this article in the Palm Springs Desert Sun: Desert Cougar Crowned Queen

posted 6:00:36am Aug. 18, 2014 | read full post »


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