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The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

I think I Am Having a Midlife Crisis

posted by Donna Henes

I found this article on women24, but unfortunately cannot find an attribution for the writer. It is wise advice that proves you are never to young to become The Queen of Your Self:

I’m turning 35 on Saturday and I’d be lying if I said I’m not having a little wobbly about it.

Even though I am happy and healthy and reasonably hopeful about life in general and my own life in particular, every now and then panic squeezes me in its merciless, clutching grip.

Time is moving too fast. The years are going by too quickly. Will there be enough time to do everything I want to do before it’s too late? Why did I waste so much of the precious stuff? And oh, how I long for the arrogance of youth that makes us all think, somehow, that we’re going to be the exception; that we’ll be immortal.

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These are the thoughts that haunt me in the early hours of the morning.

Then my kitten starts nibbling on my eyelashes, and I have to get up and wash my hair and suddenly the days seem endless and the vastness of life stretched before me infinite.

But really, it isn’t.

And in the blink of an eye another ten years will have passed and I will look back at photos of myself now and think “you were so young then, if only you understood it and used it.”

So, I will. My present to myself, at this juncture of my life, will be to try and live the rest of my life with more mindfulness, more wonder, more honesty, and more joy.

Please forgive me if this list is too corny or too cheesy for you. But I’m clearly in the midst of a mid-life crisis here, so bear with me.

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  • Do your work with passion. If you immerse yourself in something, it becomes engrossing and enjoyable. If you can’t find the will to get excited about your work, maybe it’s time to look for another job.
  • Spend time with your friends. And not only with the yay-sayers and the new ones that make you feel shiny. These are called fans, not friends. Hang out with the people who ground you, who know you, and who love you unconditionally.
  • Enjoy the comforts of life. Something as basic as a walk to the shop or your daily shower can be soothing, energizing, relaxing or whatever you need it to be if done with care and mindfulness.
  • Feed yourself properly. Food is not the enemy. Try and turn at least one meal a day into a sensual experience. It’s more than just fuel. Cook something from first principles. Set a table. Light a candle.
  • Don’t be scared to voice your feelings. Allowing your vulnerability to show is true strength. And it’s the only real way to build meaningful relationships. Tell people what you want; you’d be surprised how often they give it to you.
  • Enjoy and take care of your body. Sure, your boobs might not be what they were when you were 17, and your knee might hurt after climbing too many stairs, but unless you make the necessary changes, things will only get worse. Quit smoking. Start exercising. Be thankful for your health now, and invest in it for your old age.
  • Identify your priorities. What do you want from this life? What would you regret not doing? Why aren’t you doing it? What’s holding you back? What are you so afraid of?

It sounds so simple, so obvious. But how many of us are actually living our lives with the passion, care and enjoyment it deserves? I know I can do much better.

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

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My Turning 60 Spring Cleaning

posted by Donna Henes

By Susan Snapp

I decided to clean up my home. I hadn’t been able to do “heavy” cleaning since March 2007 because of injuries so you can imagine how dirty it is/was.

I started it all by deciding to install an in-wall medicine cabinet in my bathroom. I already had one, which I was going to use in my house (that I don’t have the money to finish building) and thought I might as well enjoy it now. I picked up my reciprocating saw and set to cut a hole in the wall over the sink. It’s still not finished, mainly because I don’t quite know what I’m doing. The “knowledge” is in my head but there seem to be interruptions between brain and hand. It’s in, but the wall on the left side of it is kind of….. well, not perfect, ya’ know? I’m still working on the doors to it. In amongst my dusty stained glass supplies, I found a piece of glass that looks FABULOUS in the one smaller door, so that was good. I have to sand them so they won’t hit each other when they close.

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Repainting the walls with the same color paint surprised me as the original paint had become so dingy and faded that the new paint almost looked like the wrong color!! It also surprised me that it made the rest of the house look dingy and faded as well as dusty and dirty. That medicine cabinet project started the ongoing “refreshment” of my home – end to end.

I’m the type of person who can’t just stay on one task until it’s done. I just can’t do it. I get frustrated and so move on to something else that can be done. My bathroom, my bedroom, the living room and the “other” bathroom are in the midst of being cleaned, repainted and generally fixed up. I now have a purple bedroom! It looks great! (When I Am Old I Shall Sleep In A Purple Bedroom!) I always have been a the-walls-have-to-be-off-white type of woman; anything goes with it except white-white. Now, however, after having seen the inside of a new younger friend’s house with the beautiful colors on the walls of her home, I thought I’d defy that “law” and paint colors on my walls. My living room is now a dusty rose color, with “Natural Linen” on the ceiling. Well, part of the ceiling anyway. That still needs to be finished.

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I’m also purging my belongings; a good 30% of my clothing has gone into the Salvation Army box. It feels good to “unload” stuff. I picked up each individual article and made one of three decisions; 1) I wear it and like it so will keep it; 2) I don’t wear it, but it’s in good shape and I like it so will give it to a person I know; 3) I never wear it, it’s not that good, so into the SA box. Don’t get me wrong here; my closet is still packed with stuff.

On Monday, my sister, my brother-in-law and my daughter, Ashley, are coming out to help me move some of the furniture, etc., out to the building that was going to be my house. AKA the garage. The buffet of the dining room set which was my grandmother’s, the table of that same set, the table of “my” dining room set which had been waiting to be placed in the dining room of the house, two brass single bed frames, several book shelves, a bedroom dresser and boxes and boxes and boxes of stuff; camping gear, fishing gear, two extra sets of dishes, my stained glass supplies and instruments, tents and gazebos, candle making supplies.

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The beginning of what I see as a general purging of belongings, spiritual aspects, bodily aspects and maybe emotional ones, too, that just no longer serve me.

Come to think of it, some of them never did.

 

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

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Saving Mother Earth

posted by Donna Henes

by Mary Saracino

A single day in April isn’t enough
to honor our Mother, save the planet
that is her body, restore her ocean womb,
revitalize the atrophied arms and legs
of her continents, remove the smog
from her pristine lungs, replenish all that’s
depleted by the lust for profit
over prosperity. Human hearts so greedy
for commerce they call deforestation progress,
think cloning is a medical advancement,
see artificial life as the wave of the future,
as if civilization can only advance
by killing or dismemberment,
by acquisition or annihilation.
How to survive a world of paper or plastic,
hybrid or gas-guzzler,
genetically altered seeds,
cloned cows, chemical poisons in the water,
run-off from the mouths of politicians
who think global warming is good for business.
What’s to be gained when
globalization soils our souls,
breeds a false sense of interconnection,
feigns compassion predicated on
corporate exploitation, skimming money
off the backs of underpaid workers,
trafficking in human life, in weapons
of destruction, raping the land of its bounty,
the rivers of their life-sustaining powers,
denying whole nations their dignity and worth.
That’s no way to treat our Mother,
no way to save our planet,
no way to mend our broken spirits,
no way to change the world.

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Mary Saracino
www.marysaracino.com

 
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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

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Gardening

posted by Donna Henes

Being an urban being, I have never had a garden where I grew food. My terrace is devoted exclusively to flowers, food for the soul, for sure, but with the exception of the day lilies they are not edible.

My container garden gives me immense pleasure. I love digging in the dirt with my bare hands. No gloves or trowels for this Queen, thank you very much. I cherish the feel of the earth on my skin and don’t mind getting it under my nails. That is why the Goddess invented scrub brushes and soap, after all. I even make my own rich fertile soil by composting dead leaves and food scraps in a garbage pail.

I can spend hours on end dead heading my plants and picking off the dry leaves one by one. I tend my garden with love and care and it cultivates me in return. My plants are my dear friends, my children, really. They have been with me, loyally flourishing and flowering for decades. All of my geraniums, for instance, are from cuttings from one small plant that I had on my windowsill in my Greenwich Village apartment in 1969!

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My ceremonial space, Mama Donna’s Tea Garden & Healing Haven is an indoor garden paradise decorated with vintage yard furniture and filled with plants. Some of these I have had for 30 years or more. Some I have inherited from family and friends who have passed on. I am so glad to be the caretaker of these living memorials. Their spirit is alive in the plants that they loved and nurtured. And everyone who enters this sacred space feels the green healing energy.

Once upon a time I grew weed(s) for imbibing from the seeds in my stash. This crop, too, was food for my soul. But that was then and this is now. And now I am drawn to plant and raise some foodstuff. My options are limited by space constraints, but the time feels right to start with some herbs and maybe some berries or baby lettuces. Or maybe it is too late for this season. I don’t know. I will have to do some research. What I do know is that I want to taste what I grow.

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The first gatherings of the garden in May of salads, radishes and herbs made me feel like a mother about her baby — how could anything so beautiful be mine. And this emotion of wonder filled me for each vegetable as it was gathered every year. There is nothing that is comparable to it, as satisfactory or as thrilling, as gathering the vegetables one has grown.

-Alice B. Toklas

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

Previous Posts

I think I Am Having a Midlife Crisis
I found this article on women24, but unfortunately cannot find an attribution for the writer. It is wise advice that proves you are never to young to become The Queen of Your Self: I’m turning 35 on Saturday and I’d be lying if I said ...

posted 6:00:35am Apr. 27, 2015 | read full post »

My Turning 60 Spring Cleaning
By Susan Snapp I decided to clean up my home. I hadn't been able to do "heavy" cleaning since March 2007 because of injuries so you can imagine how dirty it is/was. I started it all by deciding to install an in-wall medicine cabinet in my ...

posted 6:00:59am Apr. 24, 2015 | read full post »

Saving Mother Earth
by Mary Saracino A single day in April isn’t enough to honor our Mother, save the planet that is her body, restore her ocean womb, revitalize the atrophied arms and legs of her continents, remove the smog from her pristine lungs, ...

posted 6:00:44am Apr. 22, 2015 | read full post »

Gardening
Being an urban being, I have never had a garden where I grew food. My terrace is devoted exclusively to flowers, food for the soul, for sure, but with the exception of the day lilies they are not edible. My container garden gives me immense ...

posted 6:00:12am Apr. 20, 2015 | read full post »

Cleanliness
In winter, we spend inordinate amounts of time inside, dwelling, stewing, stagnating in enforced inactivity. When our hibernating energy finally re-awakens in the spring, it is with a pronounced case of morning breath. After the dust, the must, ...

posted 6:00:19am Apr. 17, 2015 | read full post »

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