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The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

More is More Day!!

posted by Donna Henes

by Judith Hill

This is our More is More Day!! Sigh deeply! Feel that? Yummmmmmm!
We get to Be in 100% JOY!  Remember how great this is?

What Have You ALWAYS wanted to DO?
Climb Machu Picchu? Write the Great Pan-American Novel??
Learn to play the alto sax? Take up Watercolors? Make a fish pond?
Sail, skateboard, crochet? Sing lead in a Garage Band?
Dance for hours & go for breakfast as the sun comes up? Like we usta?!
Forgive Everyone you need to? Write a poem thanking Seeds!
Do absolutely nothing and feel fine? Go to India and serve in an Ashram?
Play! Paint! Sing Loud! Sign up! Yahooo! Good on Ya!
Dye your hair purple and paint your doorways blue?? Write everyone one you Love & say so!
Get a facial, a pedicure, and massage? At the same time!!! Go on a wild date!  With the Beloved! With Yourself!
Be instantly on a fabulous adventure! An exotic vacation! Dress up & Stay Home!
Why not?  It’s our day! It’s our life!
Stay Home!! Travel!! Spend the day in bed! Or a mountain trail!
Take a train somewhere you have never been!!! Yippppppee!
Wear something gorgeous! Velvet! Silk! Topless!
Do what you wish! Sleep! Lollygag! Loaf! Lounge!
Feed Birds! Swim! Tango & tangle! Day dream!
Find yummy hot water & loll joyously about for hours!
Read all day, eating dark chocolate bonbons & moan, O just quietly, in pleasure!
Walk into deep woods! Sing loud! Dance for the nuthatches!
See 3 movies & eat buttered popcorn! Procrastinate!

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Give just-baked cookies away one by one! Take a walk & smile at Everyone!
Be Happy for no Reason! For Every Reason!
Make Prayers for Peace & and cuddle up close! Go to Work & Be at Play!
Go where you’ve always wanted! Seychelles? Bequa? Your back porch? My kitchen?
Linger over warm churros and chocolate calientito at the San Augustin Café, dunk and dream…
If your morning is booked, have a Moonbath & pizza: with fresh basil and extra cheese!
Aren’t the Cubs, aren’t the Yankees….playing somewhere we could go?
Visit the Monets? A playground with swings? A Kirtan?
A picnic in the Bosque at dawn, kergillion cranes wheeling overhead?  Snowgeese & Sandhill Cranes!
By the Presa full from recent rains, Egrets & Cormorants in circling flight above?
Fajitas and Limonada after? Lobster roll with extra wasabi,
carnitas with pico de gallo,  guayabas and pineapple on a balcony overlooking your life,
in gratitude for every blessed second?
A chance to say I love you one more time?  And have it said back?
Say it again and again! Aren’t our hearts so full! Whew!
A luxurious nap with a thick blankie, Assam tea with cream? More Kisses?
Hot bath, scented rose geranium, reading Neruda? Aloud! Coltrane and Tinarwien, Billie H and Bob D?
Snow in the high country, waves rolling in on Cabo,
silver bracelets, satiny avocados, camerones y mango liquados?
You Are Invited! You are My Guest! Come to my Party! Start Now!
Come as You Are! How else could you be?

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Don’t worry if you are Late – Come as you were!
If you are Early – Come as you will be!
It’s all in my heart for us! See you here! Or there! Now!
Invite your friends! Always room for More Partiers!
And know I Love you Best!

Let’s stay thrillingly, heartbeating wildly, in love & that…that!  Will make Our Dreams Come True!
& Know I love you today & today & today & today….. xxxxxxxxJudyth

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

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How to Become a Devotee

posted by Donna Henes

by Terry Wolverton

Submit your eyes to the unfolding
textures of pre-dawn light.
Utter the riotous syllables of leaves.
Relinquish regret; scatter ashes to wind.
Run in green spaces; fall in green grass.
Rise up. Run farther.
Enter a continuum of sheer belief.
Do no stray from this spot.
Narrow the aperture through which fear
can enter.
Deepen the hunger for late afternoon rain.
Eavesdrop on the stories stones tell.
Raze the edifice of exceptionalism.

Sanctify each epiphany your fingertips graze.
Embolden the weather of amber and indigo.
Prepare to remain grateful when complaint
is the collective mantra.
Author the face that appears
in the midnight mirror.
Receive the stranger who arrives for tea.
Attune yourself to the message of
lightning strikes.
Tithe a percentage of your dreams to the
sleepless who burn on fevered sheets.
Expose your optimism.
Name your demons; claim these bastard
children and croon them to sleep
with songs of a shimmering world.
Escape the cocoon of your excuses.
Salve the bruises of the disillusioned.
Seed the trembling earth with your
pearled eyeteeth.

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* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

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To My Daughter, I Will Beg

posted by Donna Henes

by N’tima Preusser
Military wife and new mother

 

One hundred and seven pounds.

I worked hard for that weight. I was light. I was frail. I counted my corn kernels. My skin was colorless, punctuated with clogged pores, and my eyes were yellowing, my external organs corroding as if to prove that my insides were struggling.

But you could see my collar bones, and that is what mattered.

I had finally crossed the threshold into the “underweight” category, according to the BMI calculator that haunted me. I was greedy for less (and less, and less). I celebrated my weakness. I translated it into strength. I bled insecurity. The word “ugly” had a debilitating kind of dominance over me. If you told me I was “fat,” I would have come apart.

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Because that is what mattered.

I was emotionally, mentally… cellularly starving. It took me years to learn what I know now, but it was not until her that I really got it.

Seven pounds and twelve ounces of redemption. A tiny girl full of a giant dose of clarity. It took my body swelling with child. My bones bearing the weight of another human being. The expanding, the shrinking, the scarring, the tearing — all of it — to accept my body in its glory.

My body, that I hated so deeply before, built my daughter’s body.

That is nothing short of a miracle, to me.

From the moment we met, the responsibility to teach her how to love herself has sat squarely, tirelessly, on my shoulders.

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I still am uncertain of what I will do to be sure of that. By the time I was 7 years old, I was already coveting Catherine Zeta Jones’ face on a magazine cover. I do not know how that happens. I do not know how as women we go from babies blowing kisses to ourselves in the mirror, to young girls pinching our bellies, or dodging our reflections in the mirror altogether. There were just so many little things in my life that added up. Little things that went unnoticed until I found myself kneeling in the bathroom, washing out the sound of me making myself sick with the bath water running.

I do not know how to protect my daughter from the sexualization of women that is this world.

I don’t.

But to my daughter, I will beg, “fall in love with yourself first” — this matters. And I do not mean a tolerant, conditional, praise-yourself-when-you-look-good kind of love. I mean deeply-rooted, white hot, irrevocable, laugh-at-yourself love.

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On the day my daughter looks up at me, with her innocence still intact, and asks if she is pretty, I will want to shake her by the shoulders and scream “YES.” In that pivotal moment, I will not put emphasis on how beautiful I think the combination of her father and me illustrated on her face is.

No.

Instead, I will tell her that her heart has a strength that has allowed it to start beating again after stopping. I will not put emphasis on the nearly-perfect curls in her hair or the blue that swims in her eyes.

No.

She will know, instead, that she has bones and muscles that carry her from place to place without growing weary. That she can see, and hear, and taste the flavor of this life wholly thanks to the body that she lives in. I will emphasize the knowledge, the truth and the creativity that she stores inside of her head. I will tell her that she has 10 fingers that have memorized sign language and a mouth that speaks words so that she can communicate all that she is feeling. I will tell her that she has a body that is capable, a body that is powerful. A body that gives her life every single day and heals when it is sick. A body that gives and gives and demands nothing but love in return.

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When my daughter is 12, stricken by her first gust of insecurity and dissecting her appearance, I hope she does not see the gap between her thighs that is or isn’t there. I hope she does not measure the symmetry in her face or the depth of her pores. I hope instead, that she will see looking back at her the shell of the spirit that is within her. I hope that she knows that the number on the scale is only the numerical relationship between her body and gravity.

That number doesn’t really matter.

I will make sure that she knows as a woman, as a person, that her body belongs to her. It does not, and will never, belong to me, or to her father, or to any other person. She will know that there is no requirement to be soft around the edges because she is made up of an XX chromosome. She will know that she does not have to be delicate or lovely if she does not want to be. I want her to know she does not have to water herself down to spare the intimidating of others. I hope she is unapologetic with her confidence. I hope she is a force to be reckoned with.

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A hurricane.

I want her to know that loving your body means tending to it with care. It means listening to your body, moving your body, feeding your body the things that it instinctively craves. I do not care if that means juicing organic kale or treating yourself to ice cream, as long as it is done in love.

I want her to know that when she offers this kind of love, her body will embrace her right back. This is so important. This matters.

Early in life, I pray she has a solid understanding of what it took me so long to grasp: You do not have to be beautiful.

She must know that beauty, from an aesthetic place — even intelligence, talent or humor — are all irrelevant to her, and anyone else’s, self-worth. All of these things are gravely overshadowed by the truth that she is a human being. She must know as a human being that her voice is never Too Loud, and that the space she occupies is never Too Much.

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Lastly, I hope this self-love that courses through her will be so abundant, it will overflow into the lives of the people she meets in her lifetime.

By example, I will teach her that ultimately, loving yourself is the beginning of all victories. And that is what matters.

Originally seen on Coffee + Crumbs.

 

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

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Successful Aging: Rituals to Increase Energy

posted by Donna Henes

By Helen Dennis, LA Daily News

At some point, most of us acknowledge that we can’t do quite as much as we did years ago — and usually not in the same amount of time. If we overdo it, we often pay a huge fatigue price.

Let’s focus on an energy audit from an October 2007 Harvard Business Review article by Tony Schwartz and Catherine McCarthy, “Manage Your Energy, Not Your Time.” (Most of the information in this column is based on that article.)

Schwartz and McCarthy directed their article to organizations that want to increase their capacity to get things done. Although the article is directed to employers, many of the points are relevant to individuals — in or out of organizations exhausted at any life stage.

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Here are selected statements from the authors’ “energy audit” to determine if one is headed for an energy crisis.

  • I don’t regularly get at least seven to eight hours of sleep and often wake up feeling tired.I don’t work out enough (cardiovascular three times a week; strength training at least once a week).
  • I have too little time for the activities that I most deeply enjoy.
  • I don’t stop frequently enough to express my appreciation or to savor my accomplishments and blessings.
  • I have difficulty focusing on one thing at a time and am easily distracted during the day, especially by email.
  • I don’t take enough time for reflection, strategizing and creative thinking.
  • I don’t spend enough time (at work) doing what I do best and most enjoy.
  • There are significant gaps between what I say is most important to me in my life and how I actually allocate my time and energy.

There is no magic number of check marks that suggest a crisis. However, agreements to these statements are reminders to be vigilant on how you spend time.

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Four sources of personal energy are identified by the authors, and each is accompanied by rituals to fuel and sustain these sources.

The body is a source of physical energy. We know that lack of nutrition, exercise and sleep diminishes physical energy and the ability to manage emotions and focus attention.

Rituals: Improve sleep by going to bed earlier and reduce alcohol consumption. Reduce stress with cardiovascular and strength training. Be aware of signs of low energy such as feeling restless, yawning, being hungry and having difficulty concentrating.

Emotions affect the quality of our energy. We cannot physiologically sustain intense emotions for long periods of time without periods of recovery. And with age, recovery typically takes a little longer. If we ignore the need for downtime, we may become cranky, impatient, anxious and feel insecure. Such emotions can be exhausting.

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Rituals: Diffuse negative emotions with deep-breathing exercises. Positive emotions can be enhanced by expressing appreciation to others. And if we have an intensely difficult situation, consider, “How will I think about this in six months and what can I learn from it?”

The mind and what we do with it affects the focus of our energy. For example, multitasking has been considered a value in the workplace. In reality, it undermines productivity. As much as 25 percent of time is wasted in switching from one task to another.

Rituals: When tasks require high performance, stay away from emails and the telephone. And every night, identify the most important challenge for the next day. Make that a priority the next morning at home or the office, studio, laboratory or volunteer setting.

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Having a purpose and feeling that life has meaning fuels the human spirit. When daily activities are consistent with our values, we derive a sense of meaning. As a result, we typically have “more positive energy, focus better and demonstrate greater perseverance.”

Rituals: Allocate time and energy to what is most important to you. Try this on a daily basis, even if you only allocate a short amount of time. Live according to your values. If doing for others is part of your values, make this a priority. Finally, recall when you have felt absorbed, effective and inspired. Now deconstruct that experience to understand what has energized you. Was it your creativity? Using one of your skills? Being in charge? Whatever the answer, do more of that type of activity.

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* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

Previous Posts

More is More Day!!
by Judith Hill This is our More is More Day!! Sigh deeply! Feel that? Yummmmmmm! We get to Be in 100% JOY!  Remember how great this is? What Have You ALWAYS wanted to DO? Climb Machu Picchu? Write the Great Pan-American Novel?? Learn ...

posted 6:00:19am Aug. 05, 2015 | read full post »

How to Become a Devotee
by Terry Wolverton Submit your eyes to the unfolding textures of pre-dawn light. Utter the riotous syllables of leaves. Relinquish regret; scatter ashes to wind. Run in green spaces; fall in green grass. Rise up. Run farther. Enter a ...

posted 6:00:20am Aug. 03, 2015 | read full post »

To My Daughter, I Will Beg
by N'tima Preusser Military wife and new mother   One hundred and seven pounds. I worked hard for that weight. I was light. I was frail. I counted my corn kernels. My skin was colorless, punctuated with clogged pores, and my eyes ...

posted 6:00:50am Jul. 31, 2015 | read full post »

Successful Aging: Rituals to Increase Energy
By Helen Dennis, LA Daily News At some point, most of us acknowledge that we can’t do quite as much as we did years ago — and usually not in the same amount of time. If we overdo it, we often pay a huge fatigue price. Let’s focus on ...

posted 6:00:11am Jul. 29, 2015 | read full post »

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