The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

How to Avoid a Midlife Crisis – Part 1

posted by Donna Henes

A five step plan to live a life with no regrets
By Lucy Thackray for Daily Mail Australia

Midlife thriver, Jane Mathews, author of ‘Midlife Manifesto – a tool-kit to plan the rest of your life’ offers some practical steps to help navigate and transform the turbulent, exciting years that are a person’s midlife into a midlife opportunity.

She also gives tips to ensure that a person can live without regrets and appreciate themselves. 

‘In my forties I bought a fridge magnet that said ‘Destined to be a woman with no regrets’. I looked at it. It looked back at me, and we both had an uneasy feeling that were I to continue on my current trajectory, I would have regrets. On the surface, things were fine – nice husband, 2.4 children (with Rory, the farting Airedale Terrier making up the .4), living in Sydney’s answer to Wisteria Lane. But my instincts told me that all was not right. Like so many mid-life women, I looked in the mirror and thought, ‘Is this it?’

“Now my marriage is over, my parents are dead and the house sold. But it’s not all bad news!’ writes Jane Matthews. Mid-life can creep up on you or it can hit you in the face. I found myself letting the seatbelt out on the plane a bit longer each time (there must have been a very small child in that seat before me…), seeing a multi-chinned Shar Pei photograph of myself… and then there’s the hair thing. Hairs growing where they have never ventured before. I am the Bearded Lady! Not that it matters any more, as I seemed to have donned Harry Potter’s Invisibility Cloak…

Plus the big things – tectonic plates of relationships shifting (triggering an unanticipated divorce), menopause, the death of my parents, getting back into the workforce at 49 and spiraling blood pressure. Plus teaching a child to drive! I tried to find a book to help, but they were all from an American perspective. No good to me. So I wrote it myself, and ‘Midlife Manifesto’ was born.

Mid-life offers a wonderful chance to decide what you want to do with the rest of your life. After decades of looking after other people, finally we get to put the oxygen mask on first. And how sweet that is. Ban ‘middle age’ and ‘midlife crisis’ from your vocabulary and think ‘mid-life opportunity’. You write your own story and you hold the pen. ‘Ban ‘middle age’ and ‘midlife crisis’ from your vocabulary and think ‘mid-life opportunity’

A 5 point mid-life action plan

  1. Work out exactly where you want your life to lead

What is your vision? Don’t be a piece of flotsam, drifting aimlessly along, saying ‘I don’t know where the time goes’. Decide what you

really want to do with your life, who you want to be, how you want to live, and consciously work towards it. There are lots of different ways to help you identify your vision: Imagine your perfect day or produce a kick ass vision board. Or write your own eulogy, or your future life in six words, or just jot down a good old bucket list. It will be very clear where your heart is telling you to go. You should be smiling with anticipation.

  1. Write your own Midlife Manifesto – your life plan

Writing my own Midlife Manifesto has had a profound impact on my life.

I feel more in control, and happy that I’m pointing my life in a particular direction. Now it’s your turn. It is amazing how many lists women write – shopping lists,’to do’ lists and Christmas present lists, but so few of us actually put time aside to write a Life Plan. To begin with, think of the areas that are most important to you. Now consider each aspect really carefully. Get inspired. Research. Read. Google yourself senseless.

Write down what you want to achieve in area of your life, and how you intend to get there. The three cornerstones to every woman’s Midlife Manifesto should be your body, relationships and finances:

  1. My body – finally growing to love it

For the first half of our lives (which are largely lived on ‘automatic’) most of us took our health for granted. Now it’s time to switch to manual and be proactive about our health. Instead of disliking and finding fault with my body, I try to think of it (her!) as a wise and supportive friend.

If you look after your body, she will look after you in years to come, and really, you know your body well enough to know what it will respond to best. Predictably, but sensibly, it boils down to exercise and food. I like what Dr Phil says about exercise: ‘You don’t have to want to do it, you just have to do it’. Put it in your diary and getting up earlier! As for food, the guidelines are clear and I’m not going to patronize you by repeating them. It’s about choices. You send your body a message whether you care for it or not.

To be continued Wednesday 12/24 – How to Avoid a Midlife Crisis – Part 2

 

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

Celtic Twilight

posted by Donna Henes

This comes from a sister Queen, Jo Coffey. It is in response to an article that I wrote for this column.

It was really a lift to read your piece about the Dark Time. I have been feeling out of sorts, but it helps just to realize that other people are in the same situation, and that there are ways to work with this time.

I’m passing on these thoughts from the Irish sense of the year as a way of perhaps participating in your work at a distance.

The New Year begins at Samhain (around November 1) with death. Death is probably the most powerful portal to the Otherworld, not just for the one who dies, but for those who have some connection with the dying one.

Samhain is the death of the year, so this is the time of year that the veil between the two worlds is at its thinnest. That’s where our Halloween festivities come from, of course. Death is also a time of dissolution, a time of breaking of form, in that sense, a time of destruction.

The very next significant moment in the year is the Winter Solstice, when the elements that have been liberated by death are brought back into the cycle of life through the marriage – the cosmic sexual union – of light and darkness. The 5,000-year old temple at Newgrange celebrates just this marriage, when the light from the sun enters the womb of the earth at sunrise, the junction point of night and day.

Around the solstice and just after, the period we are now in, all things – the creatures of the earth and even the sun – are quietly and mostly out of sight growing, gathering energy and strength, getting ready to be born.

Light and dark, day and night, are the two primary energies as the Irish

understand space/time. Male and female present themselves in the first instance in these forms. I found an interesting confirmation of this recently in a piece entitled “The Golden Age” that Yeats published in his Celtic Twilight:

“A while ago I was in the train, and getting near Sligo. The last time I had been there something was troubling me, and I longed for a message from those beings or bodiless moods, or whatever they be, who inhabit the world of spirits. The message came, for one night I saw with blinding distinctiveness a black animal, half weasel, half dog, moving along the top of a stone wall, and presently the black animal vanished, and from the other side came a white weasel-like dog, his pink flesh shining through his white hair and all in a blaze of light; and I remembered the peasant belief about two fairy dogs who go about representing day and night, good and evil.”

Yeats makes the patriarchal identification of dark with evil. It’s so important to work to correct that, just as you are doing.

– Jo Coffey, CA /Ireland

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

This Night We Light

posted by Donna Henes

by Judyth Hill

the first of 8:
A Miracle…Let there…beeeeeeeeeee……Love!
And there is!

Fire is our human gift:
the Holy makes Light, and a World …and our job:
Making Love shine back!

First candle says, We Love.
Second, side by side: Be Loved
3 says, Always room for more!
4 says, Set the table, open the door,
And 5: This is how to be alive! 

6 candles we burn,
And learn to press on.
A Miracle has this at core:
The choice to Believe,
Though the heart be sore.

From darkness we see the truth of 7:
Remember Rest is always blessed.

8 flames…..but was there only
Oil for one? This story says, Light
what you can, the Holy
will do the rest. 

Each night stood another -
Did we not see that One
we set, eager to get done?
This one says,
Stand in the center of the Fires and Serve. 

Should you swerve in fear,
Find your nerve, your luminous Verve,
And Shine right there! 

The Miraculous happens each time,
We know that eight is maybe
Nine –and when we serve…
We are Divine! 

First night we light
Not one but 2,
The Miracle says,
I  Stand with You……

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

AAADD: Know The Symptoms

posted by Donna Henes

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. or
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

Thank goodness there’s a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better even though I have it!

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. 

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mailbox earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,
Put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
And notice that the can is full. 

So, I decide to put the bills back
On the table and take out the garbage first. 

But then I think,
Since I’m going to be near the mailbox
When I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first. 

I take my check book off the table,
And see that there is only one check left. 

My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
So I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I’d been drinking

I’m going to look for my checks,
But first I need to push the Pepsi aside
So that I don’t accidentally knock it over. 

The Pepsi is getting warm,
And I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. 

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
A vase of flowers on the counter
Catches my eye — they need water. 

I put the Pepsi on the counter and
Discover my reading glasses that
I’ve been searching for all morning. 

I decide I better put them back on my desk,
But first I’m going to water the flowers. 

I set the glasses back down on the counter,
Fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I’ll be looking for the remote,
But I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table,
So I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
But first I’ll water the flowers. 

I pour some water in the flowers,
But quite a bit of it spills on the floor. 

So, I set the remote back on the table,
Get some towels and wipe up the spill. 

Then, I head down the hall trying to
Remember what I was planning to do. 

At the end of the day:
The car isn’t washed
The bills aren’t paid
There is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter
The flowers don’t have enough water,
There is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can’t find the remote,
I can’t find my glasses,
And I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day,
And I’m really tired. 

I realize this is a serious problem,
And I’ll try to get some help for it,
But first I’ll check my e-mail… 

Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
Because I don’t remember who the hell I’ve sent it to.  

- Sent in by the Queens in the New Bern, NC Queen Group

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com. 

Previous Posts

How to Avoid a Midlife Crisis - Part 1
A five step plan to live a life with no regrets By Lucy Thackray for Daily Mail Australia Midlife thriver, Jane Mathews, author of 'Midlife Manifesto – a tool-kit to plan the rest of your life' offers some practical steps to help navigate and transform the turbulent, exciting years that are a

posted 6:00:37am Dec. 22, 2014 | read full post »

Celtic Twilight
This comes from a sister Queen, Jo Coffey. It is in response to an article that I wrote for this column. It was really a lift to read your piece about the Dark Time. I have been feeling out of sorts, but it helps just to realize that other people are in the same situation, and that there are ways

posted 6:00:03am Dec. 19, 2014 | read full post »

This Night We Light
by Judyth Hill the first of 8: A Miracle…Let there…beeeeeeeeeee……Love! And there is! Fire is our human gift: the Holy makes Light, and a World ...and our job: Making Love shine back! First candle says, We Love. Second, side by side: Be Loved 3 says, Always room for more! 4 says

posted 6:00:16am Dec. 17, 2014 | read full post »

AAADD: Know The Symptoms
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. or Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Somehow I feel better even though I have it! This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over

posted 6:00:23am Dec. 15, 2014 | read full post »

Queens Everywhere
The Queen Not only in England— Let us have queens everywhere!  Queen of Africa Queen of Afghanistan Queen of America Queen of Arabia Queen of the Argentine Queen of China Queen of Columbia Queen of Egypt Queen of Germany Queen of Guatemala Queen of Iraq Queen of Israel Queen of

posted 6:00:21am Dec. 12, 2014 | read full post »


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