Advertisement

The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

America’s First Mommies

posted by Donna Henes

Whenever I held my newborn baby in my arms, I used to think that what I said and did to him could have an influence not only on him but on all whom he met, not only for a day or a month or a year, but for all eternity — a very challenging and exciting thought for a mother.
– Rose Kennedy

Sometimes when I look at all my children, I say to myself, ‘Lillian, you should have stayed a virgin.'”
– Lillian Carter

I think a lot of our problems are because people don’t listen to our children. It’s not always easy. They’re not always so brilliant that you want to spend hours with them.
– Barbara Bush 

Advertisement

My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.
– George Washington

All that I am, my mother made me.
– John Quincy Adams

There never was a woman like her. She was gentle as a dove and brave as a lioness. The memory of my mother and her teachings were, after all, the only capital I had to start life with, and on that capital I have made my way.
– Andrew Jackson

The greatest lessons I have every learned were at my mother’s knees… All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.
– Abraham Lincoln

Advertisement

No one in the world can take the place of your mother. Right or wrong, from her viewpoint you are always right. She may scold you for little things, but never for the big ones.
– Harry Truman

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president but they don’t want them to become politicians in the process.
– John Fitzgerald Kennedy

***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

 

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

Advertisement

Steps To Stop Being Your Biggest Hater – Part 2

posted by Donna Henes

by Marissa A. Ross

…continued from Part 1…published April 29th, 2015

 

3.5. Be your biggest fan.

 

Just totally give over to fully supporting yourself. Even when it seems ridiculous, laugh at your own jokes, encourage yourself to try new things and daydream about your amazing future. Tell yourself you’re beautiful, dance around naked regularly and talk to the cute boy at the party, because what’s the point of not?! Give yourself the chance to believe that you can be everything you’ve ever wanted to be, because the truth is, you can be as soon as you stop telling yourself you can’t.

 

  1. Focus on goals & work you love.

 

Advertisement

Now that you are your own cheerleader, go after goals, ambitions and work you enjoy doing. Not only will this strengthen your confidence by being brave and pursuing your passions, but by doing what you love, you are bound to excel. Take pride in this work and recognize your achievements, no matter how small they seem. Do your best not to compare yourself to others, and have faith in your own path because it is yours & yours alone. No one will ever walk it besides you, so know that it can take you where you want to go as long as you believe in it and yourself.

 

  1. Develop healthy lifestyle habits.

 

A quick way to boost your self-esteem is by living a healthy lifestyle. It’s incredible how much exercise and eating right can help. Not only does it help you gain a better self-image, but it also helps get expel a lot of the pent up anxiety you can incur throughout your daily life. Find an exercise routine you truly enjoy and eat lots of fresh fruit and veggies. Being active and eating clean food will help you feel good all over, mind & body. I’m not trying to mom-out on you, but if you think all the preservatives and chemicals in processed foods can be good for you, girl, you need more help than this post has to offer.

Advertisement

 

It’s also a good idea to pick up some exercises for your spirit, like meditation or yoga. As with anything, practicing to silence your thoughts and quell your fears through these exercises will make it easier in your daily life, and c’mon, who doesn’t want to fall asleep without a thousand worries bombarding you?!

 

  1. Be the best friend you’ve always wanted.

 

And now, after all that, this is the easy part. See, once you master the other steps, being your own best friend will come naturally. You won’t have to try because practice creates habits and habits create lifestyles. You won’t continually beat yourself up. You won’t constantly second guess yourself. You won’t be stuck in your cave.

Advertisement

 

When you’re having a bad day, you’ll be able to look into your sky and beyond the clouds, because you know that they’re only temporary. You know that beyond the storm is another day, full of promise. You will know you’re a beautiful person inside and out, and will be able to remind yourself when you’re just PMSing. Never stop telling yourself to go for it, and never think twice about standing up for yourself, because you will always have a best friend who supports you.

 

- Marissa Ross
***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

 

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

Advertisement

Steps To Stop Being Your Biggest Hater – Part 1

posted by Donna Henes

by Marissa A. Ross

I spent about ten years of my life living in a dark, cavernous cave I created in my mind. This cave constantly echoed all my greatest fears and anxieties. It resonated these absolutely insane thoughts I had developed about myself– I was never good enough or cute enough or talented enough. Looking back, I honestly don’t know how I came to think these things about myself or why I believed that they were true, but I did. The lack of self-esteem and the incredible amount of stress I put on myself affected not only my goals, but also my health. I was the queen of my own Playa Hater’s Ball.

Any of this sound familiar?

Well, I’m here to say, STOP IT.

You need to stop it, stop it right now!

Advertisement

No ifs, ands, or buts, you just need to stop!

If you’re still stuck in your cave, then this may seem like an impossible task. Newsflash: it is entirely possible. The world is full of people who are going to try to hold you back, don’t let yourself be one of them. A simple way to thrive in this world is to learn to be your own best friend. It’s going to take some work and some patience, but the outcome will be a peace of mind you never thought possible.

So, if you’re ready to turn your cave into a limitless sky of possibilities, let’s get started.

Note: Do not come to me next week crying about how you’re still in a cave. This is like a gym routine, people. You do not lose fifteen pounds by going on the Elliptical for twenty minutes, twice a week. Be prepared to do serious, conscious work and you will see serious results.

Advertisement

  1. Become aware of your negativity and your choice to participate in it.

Some of you may know you’re negative, others of you may not even notice it. Here’s the best indicator in the world: ask yourself, “Would I let someone say this to my best friend?” In my case, my sister is my best friend. And if anyone in the universe tried to tell her she couldn’t do something, or that she was ugly, or anything other than that she was a beautiful spirit inside & out, I’d probably find something within grabbing distance and stab them.

I’m sure you feel the same way about your best friend. You’d never let anyone tell them they were fat or dumb, so why do you tell YOURSELF that?! When put in this context, most of the negative thoughts our brains have become shocking. It’s embarrassing how badly we treat ourselves some times, and for really no good reason. Nothing positive comes out of these sorts of thoughts– it doesn’t motivate you to be better or to try harder. It usually just creates more negativity.

Advertisement

Realize that you are choosing to participate in these thoughts. You have a choice to not think them, even if it doesn’t seem like it. The cave is dark and scary, and sometimes to think you’ve chosen to be there seems preposterous. It’s not. It’s true. Once you make the realization that you can choose to have a better perspective, the quicker you will have one.

  1. Recognize the difference between your ego and reality.

Look, your ego is a crazy and fragile thing. Sometimes it makes you feel like you’re on top of the world, but it is also what makes you your biggest hater. Your ego uses fear to keep you tied to it, and those racing thoughts your ego produces are not real. They are usually based on future fears that will never happen, and you basically just have to stop paying attention to them. Seriously, just ignore them. Much like step one, the more attention you choose to give these thoughts, the more power you are granting them. Just tell them to STFU.

Advertisement

  1. Break the patterns.

Once you have become aware of negative thoughts, they’re pretty easy to detect and you’ll probably be surprised at how often you think them. These patterns can be as simple as constantly saying “I can’t”, or “I don’t know”, or “I guess”. They can be as complex as telling yourself you won’t leave your house if you don’t fit into a certain pair of jeans. The point is, as soon as you recognize you’re hating on yourself (IE: saying things to yourself you wouldn’t dare say to your BFF), you can break the patterns.

An easy way to break the pattern is when you start to think something negative about yourself, turn it around and make it a positive. When you think you can’t do something, turn around and say, “I can do this.” Sure, maybe you try and fail, but telling yourself you can and putting yourself out there will help build confidence and vanquish your fear of failure.

Advertisement

If your negative thoughts are tied to certain actions, replace the action with a healthy alternative. For example, I’m a stress eater. But instead of eating an entire box of frozen burritos because I’m stressed and then basically putting myself into a whole other self-induced anxiety attack for eating said box of burritos, I eat a bowl of cherries. Replacing the totally unhealthy frozen snacks with something delicious and good for me, I save myself the anguish of punishing and bullying myself (which I normally would) for eating ten Tina’s burritos.

(For those of you who have never had to buy Tina’s burritos, yeah, they’re $1 in your freezer section. Great for broke college years, terrible for your health.)

….To Be Continued…Read Part 2 on Friday, May 1st.
* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

Advertisement

I think I Am Having a Midlife Crisis

posted by Donna Henes

I found this article on women24, but unfortunately cannot find an attribution for the writer. It is wise advice that proves you are never to young to become The Queen of Your Self:

I’m turning 35 on Saturday and I’d be lying if I said I’m not having a little wobbly about it.

Even though I am happy and healthy and reasonably hopeful about life in general and my own life in particular, every now and then panic squeezes me in its merciless, clutching grip.

Time is moving too fast. The years are going by too quickly. Will there be enough time to do everything I want to do before it’s too late? Why did I waste so much of the precious stuff? And oh, how I long for the arrogance of youth that makes us all think, somehow, that we’re going to be the exception; that we’ll be immortal.

Advertisement

These are the thoughts that haunt me in the early hours of the morning.

Then my kitten starts nibbling on my eyelashes, and I have to get up and wash my hair and suddenly the days seem endless and the vastness of life stretched before me infinite.

But really, it isn’t.

And in the blink of an eye another ten years will have passed and I will look back at photos of myself now and think “you were so young then, if only you understood it and used it.”

So, I will. My present to myself, at this juncture of my life, will be to try and live the rest of my life with more mindfulness, more wonder, more honesty, and more joy.

Please forgive me if this list is too corny or too cheesy for you. But I’m clearly in the midst of a mid-life crisis here, so bear with me.

Advertisement

  • Do your work with passion. If you immerse yourself in something, it becomes engrossing and enjoyable. If you can’t find the will to get excited about your work, maybe it’s time to look for another job.
  • Spend time with your friends. And not only with the yay-sayers and the new ones that make you feel shiny. These are called fans, not friends. Hang out with the people who ground you, who know you, and who love you unconditionally.
  • Enjoy the comforts of life. Something as basic as a walk to the shop or your daily shower can be soothing, energizing, relaxing or whatever you need it to be if done with care and mindfulness.
  • Feed yourself properly. Food is not the enemy. Try and turn at least one meal a day into a sensual experience. It’s more than just fuel. Cook something from first principles. Set a table. Light a candle.
  • Don’t be scared to voice your feelings. Allowing your vulnerability to show is true strength. And it’s the only real way to build meaningful relationships. Tell people what you want; you’d be surprised how often they give it to you.
  • Enjoy and take care of your body. Sure, your boobs might not be what they were when you were 17, and your knee might hurt after climbing too many stairs, but unless you make the necessary changes, things will only get worse. Quit smoking. Start exercising. Be thankful for your health now, and invest in it for your old age.
  • Identify your priorities. What do you want from this life? What would you regret not doing? Why aren’t you doing it? What’s holding you back? What are you so afraid of?

It sounds so simple, so obvious. But how many of us are actually living our lives with the passion, care and enjoyment it deserves? I know I can do much better.

Advertisement

 

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

Previous Posts

America’s First Mommies
Whenever I held my newborn baby in my arms, I used to think that what I said and did to him could have an influence not only on him but on all whom he met, not only for a day or a month or a year, but for all eternity — a very challenging and ...

posted 6:00:22am May. 04, 2015 | read full post »

Steps To Stop Being Your Biggest Hater - Part 2
by Marissa A. Ross ...continued from Part 1...published April 29th, 2015   3.5. Be your biggest fan.   Just totally give over to fully supporting yourself. Even when it seems ridiculous, laugh at your own jokes, ...

posted 6:00:24am May. 01, 2015 | read full post »

Steps To Stop Being Your Biggest Hater - Part 1
by Marissa A. Ross I spent about ten years of my life living in a dark, cavernous cave I created in my mind. This cave constantly echoed all my greatest fears and anxieties. It resonated these absolutely insane thoughts I had developed about ...

posted 6:00:49am Apr. 29, 2015 | read full post »

I think I Am Having a Midlife Crisis
I found this article on women24, but unfortunately cannot find an attribution for the writer. It is wise advice that proves you are never to young to become The Queen of Your Self: I’m turning 35 on Saturday and I’d be lying if I said ...

posted 6:00:35am Apr. 27, 2015 | read full post »

My Turning 60 Spring Cleaning
By Susan Snapp I decided to clean up my home. I hadn't been able to do "heavy" cleaning since March 2007 because of injuries so you can imagine how dirty it is/was. I started it all by deciding to install an in-wall medicine cabinet in my ...

posted 6:00:59am Apr. 24, 2015 | read full post »

Advertisement


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.