The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

Letting Go Poems

posted by Donna Henes

Letting Go Takes Love


To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can’t do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off,
it’s the realization I can’t control another.

To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it’s to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to care for,
but to care about. 

To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.

To let go is not to be protective,
it’s to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be. 

To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more.

- Author unknown

§§

Liberation


Needed to be pruned

In order to bloom

Too much dead wood

Keeps us stagnant

Rigid, unyielding

Conforming to pre suggestion

I got tired of dragging yesterday around

Like a dead co-joined twin

Took a pair of shears to that

Albatross dangling from my neck

There is huge freedom

In surrender…

- © Alison Stormwolf

 

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

 

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

Letting Go

posted by Donna Henes

What do you need to let go of?
I asked this question to the many Queens who have joined the Facebook page of The Queen of My Self.

Q.  What have you have already released and what do you still need to part with — mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually?

Here are some of their responses:

A.  I have let go of all those who disrespect me. I even had to tell my most dear intimate partner that we need to move away from each other. Yes, we will stay intimate partners, but we need to live in two separate spaces. I have felt MUCH better since I made this decision, expressed it and took some concrete actions toward really separating our spaces. BLESSED BE RELEASING!! First, it’s about getting CLEAR about your Queenly Boundaries and how you want to run your REALM. Then, you put the boundaries in place and not doubting your ROYAL DECREE to run your life the way YOU want it and reject the way you do not want it. Next, take ACTION towards what you DESIRE. Never waver. Never give up. ALWAYS continue to take good and right actions until you build up your realm to your imagined PERFECTION. BLESSED BE QUEENS!!
- Sheryll, CA


A.
 I don’t know if it’s inhibitions or fear, but I need to give up those voices (real and internal “tapes”) that tell me I “can’t,” or “shouldn’t” do something. Sometimes it really is your intuition cautioning good judgment, but so many times it’s just the fears and misunderstanding that many people in my life and I give into. The biggest lesson was learning that I wouldn’t be struck dead by doing something my mom didn’t think I should do — and I’m still learning that lesson.
- Rachel, VA

A.  I need to release the fear of feeling lonely, to break the chains of dependency.
- Susana, Mexico

 

A.  I need to let go of the negative people in my life. I continually allow myself to get dragged down into their drama and misery.
- Maria, CO
A.  My answer to the Queen’s Questions: I let go of things or people who try to define me! I am ever changing minute by minute, and I am not the same at any given point. So to all who want me in a box, you can just Kiss this Sweet Love’n Queen’s A**! I am exactly who I am because I DEFINE ME! Signed~The Katress of Morris Park
- Kat, MN


A.
 Fear, despair, hypochondria, distrust, disconnection, shame, lack of worth and apathy. It’s a good thing they co-exist with a lot of positive too!
- Lisa, NY


A.
 My need to belittle myself in order to prevent challenging change.
- Sandy, IL


A.
 I need to let go of putting others in much higher esteem than myself!
- Lorelei, Manitoba, Canada

A.  I need to release isolation and loneliness… :-(
- Brooke

A.  I need to let go of my attachment to the good opinions of others.
- Mara

A.  Control. Just control.
- Sarah, NY


A.  
I’m releasing needing others to be rational, fair or just plain real. People build up their worlds, and deserve to live in them. Not in my control, not my business. Also giving up the need to address the arrows they sling at me. Not my business, and if they have a problem, too bad, its NOT my problem. :) They can talk their talk, it defines them, not me. I now define myself by putting my attention only on things that deserve my attention, speaking truths not rebuttals.
- Gail

A.  Gail, me too. Watching my feeling reactive to “others” Some times I do react if I am not feeling irritated and just a bit amused…then just for the fun of it. Difficult pattern to dissolve.
- Dale

A.  Doubt.
- Helena


A.
 Wanting everyone to be like me!
- Katherine, KS

A.  Wanting everyone to like me.
- Cathy, VA

A.  I need to let go of taking things personally and realizing that most people, if not all, are coming from their own experiences that have nothing to do with me.
- Pam, OH

A.  Need to part with Fear, feeling “less-than”, grief over things, relationships lost. It’s always good to read these and know that even though our particular position in the universe is unique, we share so much in common; and so much of what we share we hide or is concealed. Truly, this saying seems so pertinent, “be kinder than necessary, for you never know what battles the other is facing.”
- Terri, CA

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

Cleaning House

posted by Donna Henes

Our messy thinking and sloppy habits come more easily into focus when our surroundings are tidy and beautiful and filled with only what is meaningful, so that we can release them, as well.

A thorough house cleaning, internal as well as external, is a fabulous way to delineate the purpose of our lives. Letting go of the inessential creates an elegant order to our existence. An orderly house always seems like the invitation to a fresh start, which is why so many cultures incorporate a thorough house scrubbing, a clean sweep, as it were, as well as an internal ablution in their New Year’s rituals.

When we clear out the inessentials, we make space for ourselves to grow and expand to fill the void. With the chaff, the distractions and dirty corners of our environments and minds cleared away, we can better see the structure of our lives, the foundations of our support, the bare bones that comprise our true Selves, and dedicate ourselves to living a more authentic life.

Throw out, re-cycle or donate one thing every day. This is a great practice in claiming what is important to you and discarding what is not. It is easy and gradual so that it is not too upsetting.

Spend an evening in the closet playing dress up. Get rid of everything that that doesn’t fit your figure or your evolved Self-image.

Eliminate one food from your diet that you know you should not eat. When you get used to living without it, eliminate one more.

Send all of the novels that you know you will never re-read to a school or hospital library or to a clinic waiting room. And that pile of magazines, too. 

Clean out your paper and computer files, your address book, old correspondence and tax records older than seven years. How much of that clutter is really relevant any more? 

Do the same with your medicine cabinet and cosmetic drawers. How many of the products crammed in there merely mask superficial symptoms and flaws rather than enhance your essential strength and beauty?

Remove yourself from situations and relationships that no longer nurture you. Refuse what does not interest you. This is harder. Hold tight to your entitlement to be fulfilled.

Monitor your thoughts, and edit the negative, Self-derogatory ones in mid-stream. Eliminate stinking thinking. Reframe your thoughts so that thy reflect a more positive attitude.

Reduce stress through yoga, exercise, breathing techniques, warm baths, sex, music, art and/or meditation.

Eliminate the accumulated toxins in your body by fasting occasionally. 

Slough off the old, like a snake shedding its skin, or a butterfly its cocoon. Emerge renewed, refreshed and re-energized.

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

What’s Important in Life?

posted by Donna Henes

–from Joan Chittister: Essential Writings

Once upon a time, there was an elder who was respected for his piety and virtue. Whenever anyone asked him how he had become so holy, he always answered, “I know what is in the Qur’an.”

So when the old man died, they raced one another to his hut to find out for themselves what was in his Qur’an. “Well, what is it?” they shouted.

The disciple holding the book looked up from it amazed and said with wonder in his voice,  “What is in this Qur’an are notes on every page, two pressed flowers and a letter from a friend.”

There are some things in life, whatever its burdens, however it is spent, which if we cultivate them will never die, will be the source of our joy forever, will sustain us through everything.

“Two pressed flowers,” beauty off the bloom, memories of past good days, remain in memory and heart long after the event has ended. Beauty scatters seeds of hope in us. It reminds us of time that was good for its innocence. It brings us face-to-face with the natural. It reminds us that, like the seasons, whether we want this present moment or not, it has a place in our growth that in the end will flower forth in ways we cannot now see.

“Two pressed flowers” become the treasury of those moments in time when spontaneous laughter made a moment rich and unforgettable. They echo on in life long after the moment ends and ring a reminder to us of the incessant, bedrock beauty of life, however long or many its sad days. They remind us that there is in life, down deep, and unexpectedly, an essential basic and beautiful goodness that redeems all the moments we ourselves overlay with greed or hatred or anger or self-centeredness.

The holy life cultivates those moments. They are the heartbeat of the universe. They make us glad to be alive. They hold us up in hope when everything around us seeks to drown us in despair.

“Notes in the margins of our scriptures” lift us above the mundane and make us look again at what we are, at what we are called to be. They require us to be reflective about what we do and why we do it. They remind us that there is a greater purpose to life than simply making a living. Reflection—this conscious comparison of the goals and hope of my life with all the possible purposes of life—gives us a new sense of the nobility of life. It stretches us to be everything we can be, in even the worst of circumstances. It refuses to remain mired in the search for power and security that isolates us from the rest of humankind.

Reflection on the great questions of life puts everything else into perspective. We are meant to be about more than money and social craftiness. We are called to be more than simply passersby in life. We are here to strive for the best in us, to reach into the center of us, to remember that we are decidedly human and decidedly more than that at the same time. We have within us the stardust of the universe, and we are on our way home. Nothing smaller than the cosmos is meant to distract us from a God’s eye view of life.

Finally, friendship—love—“letters from our friends,” touch us so that we might eventually learn to touch others. We come to this world from the moment of birth unable to function without the help of others. We grow, then, into that purpose ourselves: to care for those around us so that, caring for one another, we may all live secure in the knowledge that we are safe and wanted, necessary and loved.

Our letters remind us that it is what and whom we have loved which, in the end, shapes the quality of our lives.

When all the stages of life have passed us by, these things alone remain: the spiritual treasure that stretches our souls to see what our eyes cannot, the remembrance of how beautiful life really is under all its ugliness, and the love of those around us who make the journey gentle as we go.

If the question is, What is really important in life?—the answer is only life itself, living it well, immersing it in beauty, love, and reflection.

 

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

Previous Posts

Letting Go Poems
Letting Go Takes Love To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else. To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another. To let go is not to enable, but allow learning from natural consequences. To let go is to admit powe

posted 6:00:07am Oct. 24, 2014 | read full post »

Letting Go
What do you need to let go of? I asked this question to the many Queens who have joined the Facebook page of The Queen of My Self. Q.  What have you have already released and what do you still need to part with — mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually? Here are some of their res

posted 6:00:21am Oct. 22, 2014 | read full post »

Cleaning House
Our messy thinking and sloppy habits come more easily into focus when our surroundings are tidy and beautiful and filled with only what is meaningful, so that we can release them, as well. A thorough house cleaning, internal as well as external, is a fabulous way to delineate the purpose of our l

posted 6:00:25am Oct. 20, 2014 | read full post »

What’s Important in Life?
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