Advertisement

The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

Litany of Elegance

posted by Donna Henes

Blessed is the woman who affirms herself each day
Blessed is the woman who believes that beauty comes from within.
Blessed is the woman who challenges media stereotypes of aging.
Blessed is the woman who dares to try something new after fifty.
Blessed is the woman who envisions change as an opportunity.
Blessed is the woman who focuses on the “bigger picture” – not just herself.
Blessed is the woman who grants herself permission to make mistakes.
Blessed is the woman who handles adversity with dignity and grace.
Blessed is the woman who initiates dialogue with her younger counterparts.
Blessed is the woman who joins a group trying to make a difference.
Blessed is the woman who knows the difference between aggression and assertiveness.
Blessed is the woman who learns the difference between sex and love.
Blessed is the woman who manages her money wisely.
Blessed is the woman who nurtures the young with her wisdom and experience.
Blessed is the woman who opens her heart to the less fortunate.
Blessed is the woman who prioritizes her needs with integrity.
Blessed is the woman who questions The Establishment when she sees immorality.
Blessed is the woman who relishes her role as mentor and legacy leader.
Blessed is the woman who speaks with quiet authority.
Blessed is the woman who trusts her instincts on when to act.
Blessed is the woman who understands that aging gracefully is something to be proud of.
Blessed is the woman who values her own worth.
Blessed is the woman who wears her silver hair and wrinkles like a badge of honor.
Blessed is the woman who opts to X out negative thinking.
Blessed is the woman who yearns for that which is substantial and not superficial.
Blessed is the woman who zeroes in on the qualities that will help her become…
A Woman of Elegance

Advertisement

– Chloe Jon Paul, MD
From her book, Entering The Age of Elegance

 

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

Advertisement

Forgiveness

posted by Donna Henes

–from The Gift of Years by Joan Chittister (BlueBridge)
The unselfish generosity of forgiveness is a myth. Forgiveness is more important to the one who forgives than it is to the one who is forgiven.

Bitterness, once it sinks like sand in the soul, skews our balance for years to come. It is always there, scratching and digging and eating and burning the heart out of us. We smile at some, of course, but the smile is more pretense than real. We are not really open, not really loving, not really a happy person. And the end of time draws nearer.

Advertisement

Only we can free ourselves from the burden of bitterness old anger brings with it still. Only we can begin to look for the exceptions that make this a forgivable offense rather than immutable malevolence. Do we even remember clearly anymore what it was that happened? Are we really sure it was as intentional as we have painted it all these years?

Hasn’t too much time been wasted on this little bit of nothingness already? Is this the kind of thing we want to have continue to weigh us down as we spend the last of our days, the best of our days? Is this the shrunken end to which we have brought ourselves? Is this the distance we want between us and life, now that we know how wonderful life is really meant to be?

Forgiveness puts life back together again. It is proof of our own learnings. It is sign of our own inner healing. It is mark of our own self-knowledge. It is the measure of the divine in us.
* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

Advertisement

The Queen of Excuses

posted by Donna Henes

By Carol Nissenbaum

My favorite episode of The Twilight Zone featured Burgess Meredith as a man who longed to read all the books in the world, but didn’t have the time. I was young and don’t remember the whole thing, but the upshot of the story was that the world came to an end and the man was left all alone with every book in the world. Thus he got his wish, but the episode ended with his reading glasses suddenly shattering. The irony of this ending had a great impact on me, even to this day.

I’m the queen of excuses (although I’m also frequently referred to as “Captain Sarcasm” at home). The clutter in my house is epic, but if I didn’t have to work it would be gone. My body is out of shape and I never exercise; if I didn’t have to work I’d be a workout fool. I have 36 unread books waiting for me on my Kindle; if I didn’t have to wake up at the crack of dawn I’d have read them all. The laundry in my house is out of control; the clothes might actually get hung up in the closet instead of being snatched from the “clean” basket if I didn’t have to work, etc. All I need is some time. Time is all I need. I work full-time; I wake up at 6:00 each morning. No time.

Advertisement

Well, be careful what you wish for and all that. Due to an unfortunate reorganization at my former company, my job was recently outsourced and I was laid off (on April Fools’ Day, no less) with a nice severance package. I now find myself with that most precious of gifts: time. Time off. Unallotted, unscheduled time. I can sleep as late as I want. I can exercise, eat properly, and get in shape for summer. I can eliminate all the laundry piled up, maybe even iron occasionally (yeah right). I can plant the beautiful garden I’ve long imagined, instead of impatiently waiting for the landscaper to plant impatiens again. I can sit on my porch in the beautiful weather and read as much as I want. Yup, I can do it all. Or can I?

Much like Burgess Meredith in The Twilight Zone, everything I thought I wanted has suddenly landed in my lap. And much like him, I am unable to take advantage of the opportunity. It’s not a pair of broken glasses that has me paralyzed, it’s that I’ve suddenly lost the crutch I’ve leaned on for so long. I have no excuse anymore for why my house is still a mess. I have no excuse for why I’ve only walked the dog once. No excuse for why the laundry is still piled up (although I swear the socks get together and multiply at night). This “free time” thing is not working out at all as I had planned and I HAVE NO EXCUSE.

Advertisement

The interior of my house needs a paint job desperately. The carpet, once off-white, is now just off in several spots. My dog occasionally throws up, as some dogs do, and she always chooses the carpet to unload, and never in the same spot twice. So it is stained and threadbare, and woefully in need of replacement. We planned to finish the hardwood floors beneath it and get a paint job “eventually.” Well, eventually has arrived and I’ve yet to even make a phone call or get a single estimate, although I have complained about its condition for years.

Yesterday was a picture-perfect day for planting the summer-flowering bulbs and multicolored pansies I envisioned in my garden. Only problem is, those plants are still waiting at a nursery because I haven’t even bought them yet. It’s as if inertia has taken hold of me and made it impossible for me to move forward. I blamed it on the weather last week, as it was depressingly gray and dreary. But warm, sunny days are forecast and I doubt that sunshine will suddenly give me the motivation to get off the couch.

Advertisement

So, what’s ahead? I’m not sure, and that’s where the problem lies. I hope I can take control of this gift of unscheduled, uncommitted time before it slips away. I couldn’t wait to break free of my foam-walled cubicle, which made me feel like a rat in a maze, but without its confines I truly don’t know what my next move should be. I feel like a victim of identity theft without my full-time job. It’s only been a little over a week, a period which will be remembered forever as “Wallow Week” by my family. I hope I can turn this time into something exciting; this is a chance to reinvent myself, which is at once exhilarating and terrifying (mostly terrifying). Maybe I should get a spare pair of glasses?
* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

Advertisement

Mining For Meaning

posted by Donna Henes

The shamanic assumption from which I operate is that every person has her own significant mission in this lifetime: her own path, her own dreams, her own symbols and sensibilities, her own visions and designs, her own way of learning, her own personalized hard-won lessons. That we each have our own singular life to live. That every one of us must figure out for ourselves the fullest, richest, most effective, ethical and satisfying way in which to do it; and moreover, that each and every one of us possesses the wisdom, the power and the responsibility to make it so.

Easy enough said. But so many folks feel awash, helpless and worse — hopeless — floating from one thing to the next without a plan or sense of meaning. How often people come to me saying “I feel like there must be a deeper purpose to life than just working… I must be here on this planet to do something special, but for the life of me I don’t know what that is…I don’t have a clue… I keep thinking that by this time in my life I should know what my true path is… I am at a loss… What can I do?”

Advertisement

There is only one thing to do and that is to dig deep down into ourselves to find out what makes us tick, what tickles our fancy and what touches our soul. We can only discover our own truth by paying close attention to the promptings of our inner selves and to our honest reactions to the external energies that surround us. It is ultimately up to us whether we succumb to an unexamined life or try to figure out what the hell is going on inside us and around us, and to engage in it, alter, change, and grow with it, so that we might fulfill our greatest destiny and dreams.

We can encourage our inner voice by listening to it. For this we need to concentrate, turn off the static of our hectic daily lives and tune in to the subtlety of spirit speaking on subconscious sound waves. And most important, we need to be open and willing to hear the message. I once consulted my spirit guide, Kanin, by means of a ouji board and asked her if it was she who I hear singing in my ears when a new chant comes to me. She allowed that it was, and then she chastised me. She told me that I needed to do more automatic writing because I was sometimes so hard to get hold of!!

Advertisement

Perhaps it isn’t always clear or conscious, but somewhere deep down inside of us, in the very core of our being, we do know our authentic path. We know what we want and what we need; what feeds us, and what defeats us. We know our life’s purpose. It is just a matter of paying attention. We know what’s right, because it feelsright. By listening to our inner voice, we discover our true intentions and direction. And when it feels wrong, we really know it.

Our lessons, and our understanding of them, are often not immediately available or obvious to us. They come encoded in signs and symbols that seem like a foreign language. But, no matter how difficult, it is up to us to access them — if we dare. If we care to earn our sovereignty and walk our destined path, we must excavate the buried treasure of our own value and infinite worth.

Advertisement

By keeping track of the circumstances and situations of our lives and our own conscious and unconscious responses to them, we can plot our course, chart our progress, project our aspirations, alter our habits, adjust our attitudes, and plan our actions.

I call this practice, “Noting the Process of Noting the Process.” I use the term “practice” advisedly. Practice implies focus, attention, concentration and discipline. But the mental effort and dedication required, is well rewarded by the Self-knowledge that we stand to gain.

The word “practice” also serves to remind us that there is no perfect. Whether we maintain a spiritual practice, a creative practice or a professional practice, we are always in the process of learning, adapting, accommodating, growing and changing. The only end comes when we die. In the meantime, all we have is the means, the very process of living, itself, the path that we follow. We try, we move forward, we trip, we fall behind, we start again and eventually we become, while not perfect, perhaps, perfectly in line with our life’s purpose.

Advertisement

 

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

Previous Posts

My Turning 60 Spring Cleaning
By Susan Snapp I decided to clean up my home. I hadn't been able to do "heavy" cleaning since March 2007 because of injuries so you can imagine how dirty it is/was. I started it all by deciding to install an in-wall medicine cabinet in my ...

posted 6:00:59am Apr. 24, 2015 | read full post »

Saving Mother Earth
by Mary Saracino A single day in April isn’t enough to honor our Mother, save the planet that is her body, restore her ocean womb, revitalize the atrophied arms and legs of her continents, remove the smog from her pristine lungs, ...

posted 6:00:44am Apr. 22, 2015 | read full post »

Gardening
Being an urban being, I have never had a garden where I grew food. My terrace is devoted exclusively to flowers, food for the soul, for sure, but with the exception of the day lilies they are not edible. My container garden gives me immense ...

posted 6:00:12am Apr. 20, 2015 | read full post »

Cleanliness
In winter, we spend inordinate amounts of time inside, dwelling, stewing, stagnating in enforced inactivity. When our hibernating energy finally re-awakens in the spring, it is with a pronounced case of morning breath. After the dust, the must, ...

posted 6:00:19am Apr. 17, 2015 | read full post »

The Heart Is The Home of Wonder
By Edie Weinstein, PA www.liveinjoy.org Breathe in the warmth of this place, allowing yourself to feel a sense of welcome It is your own love, your own beauty that beckons you inside How long has it been, since you have crossed this ...

posted 6:00:01am Apr. 15, 2015 | read full post »

Advertisement


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.