Beliefnet
The Heart Guide

Quite often we are faced with changes and the transitional period between one experience and another can sometimes be very difficult as we deal with loss, grief and the breakdown of existing structures. It is natural that we become afraid, hurt and displaced during these periods. Our existing structures serve as expressions of that which we love, that which supports us, that which defines us. When these things are challenged we are forced to most often let go and embrace the new. This issue that I would like to address today is attachment.

When we identify with something or someone and begin to source intimacy, money, pleasure, knowledge or other forms of contentment from them we feel validated, alive, safe, loved and happy. We attribute a specific structure to a positive feeling. This relationship causes an attachment to it. We become more or less attached to people, places, things and experiences depending on the type of inner conflict that gets resolved through the relationship. For example, you might be attached to your job because it gives you money. Money increases your self worth. If you believe money increases self worth, you must believe that without it you are unworthy. You are resolving an inner conflict embedded in your subconscious memory that is related to self worth through this job. As a result you are attached to the job. Anything we become attached to allows us to investigate the source of our inner conflict. For example, you may have had parents that did not speak to you in a constructive and supportive way and throughout your life you developed a false belief that you were not good enough. You will now continue to experience attachments to things that build up a seeming impression of self worth.

We have a right to want to feel loved, safe, worth, pleasure, etc, but in order for us to fully welcome and embrace new experiences in our lives we must integrate these inner conflicts embedded within our attachments. Attachments become most clear to us during periods of loss or transition. They can be viewed as positive indications that we still have inner work to do. They lead us to where this inner work must be done. Any time we experience a period of loss or transition, we must come to terms with the ideals we have created for ourselves and understand that they are mere illustrations of your own soul searching for self-love. The seeker in you is the lover. This makes your experience sacred. Only when we become fully aware in our lives and begin to consciously observe our own behaviors during these critical transitional periods, will we allow room for deep healing to occur. As we fully heal, we attract less and less attachments to things and decrease our suffering. The bottom line is: you cannot live this life without loss. Everything in your existence was, is and will forever be a coming and a going. This journey is set up for us to continually learn new lessons and grow deeper and deeper into self love and an expression of oneness. We will be resolving inner conflicts our whole life. To get angry at yourself for suffering because of a loss or lack is to deny yourself the possibility of happiness.

We are feeling creatures for a reason. We embrace the old by becoming aware of our feelings, which reveal to us that we are vulnerable beings. When we accept our vulnerability, we become soft. When we are soft we allow for changes to take place. We are active participants in the new reality being set up for us. Remember, we are co-creating with the universe or rather all other elements of existence. Our intention matches up with an experience that defines the source of our intention. If your intention is to be loved because you do not love yourself, you will continue to attract experiences in your life that reflect back to you the feeling of you not being loved. If in fact, your intention is to be loved purely for the sake of creating more love in the universe, then you will match up with an experience that reflects back to you more love from the universe. The key here is that the universe operates on predominant frequencies that are deeply embedded in the subconscious mind. This is why it is so important for us to get clear on where we’re really at in a transitional period. As we become fully present with our emotions of grief, pain, anger and fear we neutralize them through our non resistance to them. As a result, we are able to become aware of their true source. For example, you are not angry with your partner for leaving you. You are angry, because you are afraid of being alone. You are afraid of being alone, because you do not love yourself enough to be alone. As you move into your new creation after fully having embraced yourself in your experience of loss, you elevate to higher experiences that are more likely to develop in unconditional love, lasting happiness, oneness, trust and internal alignment.

The process of integration during transitional periods can only be done with patience. Healing does not have a timeline, nor does it need one. You will heal and move on when you’re ready, just like a cactus releases beautiful vibrant flowers when it’s ready. Your ability to nurture your experience and be kind to yourself in the process holds the potential for ecstasy, it is just like the beautiful flower braking free from the thorny cactus.

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