(Before I get to my post, I have to give a disclaimer. As a contracted blogger with Beliefnet, I have no control over the ads they choose to surround my posts. Please understand that I have no political agenda in this blog, so any political ads you see are not put here by me. )
The first was last week: I was getting dressed for work and decided to wear socks because my shoes are too loose, so I pulled a pair of black socks out the drawer and put them on the bed. (I only have one pair of black socks since I hardly ever wear socks, so that will help give a little perspective). I finished dressing and doing my makeup and reached for my socks and they weren’t there!
My first thought was that I hadn’t really pulled them out of the drawer–only thought about doing it. Don’t know if you’ve ever experienced that particular phenomenon, but it’s unnerving…so, I check the drawer–no socks.
Next, I double-checked the bed, in case I just didn’t see them the first time because I was reasonably certain that I had put them there–no socks.
Checked the floor around the bed in case they had fallen down…checked the bathroom in case I had taken them in there and set them down…checked the drawer one more time, the bed one more time…the bathroom one more time…gave up and wore a different pair of shoes.
Now understand that the whole time I was doing this I was giving myself negative talk about how absent-minded I was for not remembering what had happened to my socks. I spent at least 10 minutes looking for them and kicking myself.
After I got dressed I went downstairs to leave and (as you may have already guessed), there was my pair of socks, unrolled in the middle of the floor–one more victim of my 95-lb. sneak-attack dog, Lucy.
The next incident began early in the week and continue for several days: Rick’s church was having a Coffee House event on Friday night. Back in August, when we were in Prescott, I went into this candle shop I love and bought a bunch of special floating candles to be used in bowls on the tables.
I’ve been on a huge reorganization, downsizing project for the past 3 or 4 months (I’ll write about that later), so I reorganized the bag with the candles in it and couldn’t find it anywhere.
I spent lots of time everyday looking for them and by Thursday still hadn’t found them. Thursday, I had the day off, so determined that I was going to do an all out search for them until I found them. You might wonder why I cared so much, but I spent a fair amount of $$ on them, plus I didn’t want to have to admit that I didn’t know where they were.
I went through boxes in my recently organized garage, shelves in my closet, my linen closet, my kitchen cabinets and all the storage boxes and drawers I have in various places in my house. I actually searched the garage a couple of times, and climbed on a stool to check the top shelves of the linen closet, all to no avail. I finally looked one more time on the top shelves of my kitchen cabinets…I don’t have a very big kitchen, but for some reason that kept resonating with me as the place I had stashed them. Sure enough, there they were, in a bag, in a bowl (space saving again) on the very top shelf.
Then I had to go to a doctor’s appointment and when I got there, my blood pressure was elevated. First I blamed it on the “white coat syndrome”, but then realized it was probably due to the stress I put myself under for two hours that morning looking for the candles and (yep–you guessed it), blaming myself for not being on top of where I had put them, telling myself that a lot of good all my recent organization had done if I couldn’t find a stupid bag full of important candle–basically bawling myslef out again.
Why do I do this? I guess it’s in my DNA? I work in a department where if an error is found, practically everyone in the department starts suspecting that she made the mistake. (We do have one male in our department, and I don’t get the feeling that he participates in this self-blame all that much).
I’m willing to beat myself up mentally and sometimes verbally (yes, I do talk to myself out loud) before I ever discover what really happened.
In the case of the socks, I started my day with 10 minutes of negative self-talk about the socks and then another several minutes negative-talking myself about blaming myself for the missing socks when I should have suspected Lucy all along. I can’t win either way.
As far as the candles go, I not only badmouthed myself for being so forgetful, I also tried to neutralize all the positive things I’ve accomplished in the last few months.
What a waste of time! I’d like to blame it on Satan, but I think that’s a little too simplistic.
Why is it that the first thing I do when something isn’t going right is blame myself? Do I actually expect perfection?
I am going to try to turn over a new leaf and not blame myself first when things don’t go well. It’s going to be part of the new me–the organized, clear-thinking person living a simplified, focused life…
Or I can always blame the dog!
Just got back from one of my whirlwind trips to Arizona. I drove over on Friday afternoon and drove back yesterday. Luckily, I love to drive–I think perhaps in another life, I’d have liked to be a trucker…
Anyhoo…the reason for these trips is to visit my daughter and her husband and their three amazing children. They have two little girls (3 & 2 yrs old) who they have adopted and an 8-month old boy that they are in the process of adopting. It’s been a grueling process, to say the least, since they chose the tough path of adopting babies through the state social services system.
Each of these children was born to a different mom–all drug addicts. They got their first girl when she was about 5 days old, the second when she was six weeks old (born prematurely at 3+ lbs), and their little boy when he was two weeks old (also born early, but not as tiny). I’m deliberately not mentioning their names at this point because of the ongoing adoption/foster situation that is in process as I write.
The birth moms in all cases have gone back and forth about letting their babies go, with the second one being the least interested (abandoned her at the hospital after giving birth), but even she showed up for some of the hearings claiming that she wanted to keep her baby. Each of the moms have been given visitation rights–sometimes showing up; sometimes not. This is in spite of the fact that social workers will actually pick them up for the visitation if they can find them.
They have also each been presented with the opportunity to “work a program” for drug rehab, and each has failed to do so, being so entrenched in the life she is leading that she can’t(won’t) let it go. No relatives have seriously wanted to step forward either. I will say one thing about the birth moms–at least they didn’t have these babies aborted (one of the moms had already had 4 or 5 abortions & been pregnant at least 10 times).
So, there are three children living in a loving, balanced home who will grow up learning in how to live responsible, balanced, Christ-loving lives.
My heart breaks for all of the unloved, unwanted children out there. It’s one of the things that can make me really angry.
I’ve said it before, but this is practicing true religion–caring for orphans and the helpless ones in this world.
My kids are living out Jesus in the world by making a lasting difference in the lives of these three little ones. They say they want them to know how much they wanted them and that God put them in a family together. Every year, in addition to celebrating the children’s birthdays, they have a party on “Gotcha Day”, the day each child was officially adopted.
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, for of such is the kingdom of heaven.”
Found this on twitter. Beautiful, brave dog…Brave, heroic deputy. My thoughts and prayers go out to the family of Deputy Kyle Pagerly’s family. Thank you for his service and sacrifice.
Published on Jul 26, 2012 by Joe sturm
Please vote Berks County Sheriffs Dep K-9 Jynx ret. 2012 AHA Hero Dog. He is a finalist after having won the Law Enforcement & Arson K9 Category and you can vote daily until Oct 5 please vote at www.herodogawards.org Dep Jynx’s direct Link is at http://www.herodogawards.org/vote/?nominee=13186243 also join our Cause page be a supporter http://www.causes.com/causes/116559 Dep Jynx received his Medal Of Honor For Valor for his actions on 6/29/2011 Dep Jynx actions were above and beyond the call of duty. Tragically Dep Jynx’s Faithful Partner Dep Kyle Pagerly was Killed in the Line Of Duty that night R.I.P. Remember nobody trained or taught Dep Jynx to drag Dep Pagerly and a US Marshall also out of harms way under fire. Thank You your vote is appreciated. Share Re Post Please