Oh My Stars

Last time, I discussed the nature of Libra in general, and more specifically Venus in Libra (CLICK HERE for it). As I pointed out then, Venus transiting through Libra (which it is doing between now and December 4th) is a particularly useful and powerful placement, but by the very nature of Venus in Libra, it can so pleasant that it doesn’t grab your attention the way it ought to, given how much mileage you could be getting out of it. So it’s best to know the transits in advance in order to get the best out of them, that may be especially true with Venus transits.

Here are the highlights, described in terms the Spirit of Libra may understand best… reviews of romantic comedies. As always, add a couple of days onto either side of the exact date, when the aspect will still be in effect. Leave room for popcorn!

November 13: Venus sextile Saturn
STARRING: Matthew McConaughey (before he won that Oscar) and Jennifer Aniston (at any point in her career)
PLOT: Two chemical researchers go on a casual date, and despite some differences, they become strongly bonded to each other — thanks to an experimental Super Glue! Romantic hilarity ensues as the two contemplate the unusual staying power of their new relationship, and whether or not regaining their independence is worth tearing their own arms off.
GENE SHALIT SAYS: “Is a new relationship that starts now a threat to your individuality… or is it mostly “armless”?
RATING: 4 out ot 5 Glue Sticks

November 20: Venus square Pluto
STARRING: Matthew McConaughey (after his career tanks) and Jennifer Aniston (at any point in her career)
PLOT: Matthew and Jennifer decide that although they still love each other, they need their space… and the only way to get it is with an extreme dose radiation. Sometimes “doing the right thing” can hurt… and sometimes it’ll cure a tumor. You’ll laugh and cry as these lovebirds come to terms with both their new reality and with extensive burns and hair loss.
ROGER EBERT SAYS: “I know a medicinal burst of radiation can do wonders… but somehow it didn’t work for me.”
RATING: 500 REMS per hour (don’t stick around for the ending!)

November 23: Venus opposite Uranus
STARRING: Matthew McConaughey (after another breakdown and trip to rehab) and Jennifer Aniston (at any point in her career)
PLOT: She’s a radio astronomer who has given up on love… and he’s a wacky alien! He’s not her type, and she’s not his species! Is this her soulmate, or an evil invader? And with Love, who can tell the difference anyway until it’s too late to stop it? Why didn’t you come into my life before, and why are the neighbor’s pets disappearing?
MICHAEL MEDVED SAYS: “This is entirely new, fresh, exciting and unfamiliar… which is why I am so suspicious of it.”
RATING: 1420.405751786 MHz out of 2000.00 MHz

December 4: Venus enters Scorpio
STARRING: Alexis Texas, Jynx Maze, James Deen, Nessa Devil, Lexington Steele, and Ron Jeremy as “The Man From Head Office.”
PLOT: West Hollywood’s hottest all female garage auditions new male mechanics. They come in the back door and come out happy! And wait until you see what happens with the recycled oil! Let’s get you up on the lift and see where that banging noise is coming from!
BELIEFNET SAYS: “There is absolutely nothing ‘romantic’ about this sort of thing Matthew, and frankly it’s pretty inappropriate for our website. Do we need to have The Talk again?”


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