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A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile

Q&A: Dating advice for a 27-year-old virgin

Hopefully he won’t make it to 40!

Question submitted via Formspring:
“I’m a 27 years old guy and have never dated and never had a girlfriend. I have been attracted to different girls throughout the years but when I expressed my interest to them they have always rejected me. I’m now wandering what is it with me? Thanks.”

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We talked about this in a recent episode of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters, along with: How to be happy *right now*. Plus, getting over being cheated on, if Jesus studied Buddhism, how to find love, and more!

For now, let us break this one down into pieces:
You are 27, but never dated and never had a girlfriend; we will assume that means you are a virgin, too. You’ve been attracted to girls, but got shot down every time you’ve tried; now you are wondering what the problem is.

Based on the fact that you didn’t mention any glaring personal defect, like being really short, or massively overweight, let us assume this means you are a relatively average guy. That means that your problem is almost certainly in your approach.

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The first thing you need to understand is how women think. Most guys who fail on the approach do so out of insecurity; if you are too direct, or too indirect; too sexual, or not sexual enough, you’ll get nowhere. Add to that that each individual lady has her own turn on and turn offs, and the wrong move can get you friendzoned with the quickness.

Knowing that, you need to work on not figuring out what’s wrong with you now, so much as figuring out who your ideal woman is, who it is that she wants, and turning yourself into that. For now, here are a few things you can do.  First and foremost: If there is a woman that you are attracted to, listen to her.  She will tell you everything you need to know, up to and including if you have a chance or not.  Find out what she likes, what she doesn’t like, and most importantly: What she looks for in a man. You don’t necessarily have to ask directly, since it might make her uncomfortable; but if you listen to her talk about her ex-boyfriends, or even who she finds attractive, and that will give you a clue.

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And above all else: respect her, and respect yourself. You never go wrong with being a gentleman, and treating a lady like a lady.  Humor is good, as is intelligence; but the most attractive thing a man can have is CONFIDENCE. Rather than focus on your shortcomings, spend some time looking at everything you have going for you now, and everything you’ve achieved up until this point.  If you aren’t proud of what you’ve done so far, set some goals and get after them; the more confident you become in who and what you are, the more that it will begin to shine through.

100 million years of evolution have equipped women with a desire to have the best mate possible (however she conceives of it, of course); and she won’t believe you are the best if you don’t!

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You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

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Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

  • B Dave Walters

    The right one will, yes. I have a friend with Asperger’s who is very happily married.

  • Lelouch Vi Britannia

    The only question I have in place is this. Will the woman be understanding, and caring of someone like me with Asperger’s Syndrome the very thing I still work at overcoming all the time.

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