Advertisement

A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile

“Why can’t I let him go;” Or, Tainted Love II

Sometimes the pain is part of the healing

Question submitted via Formspring:
“I was watching your video clip ‘Tainted love’ & EVERYTHING you were speaking of is me.
I am in a relationship with a man who cheats, lies & really is a hypocrite. But still I stay.
I recently figured out that ‘love’ is not enough. I totally agree with you.
I tried to tell him that his response was ‘love conquers all’ I disagree. I’ve even gotten to the point of telling him not to love me anymore but to just CARE about me & how his bull makes me feel.
My question to you is: I know he’s no good, I know I could never trust him, I know when I look at him & we are speaking to each other I’m questioning every sentence…why am I afraid to leave? Why do I feel bad for this ‘man’? Why do I feel if I let go I’m going to miss out on something? I honestly think I’m going crazy.”

Advertisement

Well, there is good news, and there is bad news:
The good news is, you aren’t going crazy. The bad news is you are going sane in a crazy situation!
Let’s review:
1. You can never trust him (a problem)
2. When you talk, you are questioning everything (no communication == no relationship)
3. He is ‘no good’ and has shown no real interest in changing.

If you look at it from his perspective, why *should* he change? So far, he does whatever he wants and you accept it; so what’s his motivation to stop?

So, to answer your question as to why you are afraid to leave: the answer is simple, but it’s not easy.
The reason why you are afraid to leave is that *you don’t really believe you deserve better*.

Advertisement

Something inside of you has chosen that you deserve to be treated this way, or at least don’t really deserve to be treated better.

Look back at your past relationships is this a pattern that has repeated? Choosing bad guys, and / or driving the ‘good’ guys away…maybe because they were “too nice”?

Maybe when you were growing up your dad, or another important male in your life treated you or even your mother this way-or wasn’t around at all-and you learned at an early age that this sort of neglect and disrespect is what ‘love’ looked like, and you’ve been playing it out ever since.

Unfortunately, even though being able to see this pattern means you can change it, it doesn’t mean it is going to be easy. In fact, it’s probably going to be hard as hell!
You have a lifetime’s worth of living into this self-image, and it will take time to start to truly love yourself and realize you don’t have to put up with this sort of treatment.

Advertisement

At some point, you’ll have to decide enough is enough and leave. You’ll be sad, but don’t go back; you’ll miss him, but don’t go back; he’ll beg and possibly even change a little bit for a little while; but DON’T GO BACK.

Remember, words lie but actions tell the truth. It doesn’t matter what he says, he clearly doesn’t believe you deserve better…do you?

Every moment of love and attention you are giving to him is love and attention you are taking away from yourself.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Advertisement

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

       

Previous Posts

Making use of the August 2015 supermoon
Starting on Saturday, August 29th we’ll be experiencing one of the six major ‘supermoons’ of the year, a time when the moon is especially close to the Earth and the full moon effects are particularly strong. This month’s supermoon ...

posted 4:19:30am Aug. 29, 2015 | read full post »

Q&A - "I don't want to share my life with him anymore....
Question submitted via Formspring.me: “I have split recently with my partner of 12 years. He demands to know what goes on in my life and who ...

posted 4:46:58am Aug. 18, 2015 | read full post »

How to find happiness and feel real love
In my coaching work, the number one question I get is: How can I be happy?  Inevitably, the second question is: How can I find true love? A ...

posted 4:27:15am Jul. 21, 2015 | read full post »

“I am being shown images of ‘beautiful ‘women and none of them look like me….”
Question submitted via Formspring: “Hi, I'm a nineteen year old African American female and ever since I can remember, I've always wanted to be attractive. In this society, being "HOT" is valued. At least in the mainstream sort of way. But I ...

posted 9:27:56pm Jun. 14, 2015 | read full post »

How to stop procrastinating and do what you know you should do
“Just that you do the right thing. The rest doesn't matter. Cold or warm. Tired or well-rested. Despised or honored. Dying...or busy with other assignments. Because dying, too, is one of our assignments in life. There as well: "To do what ...

posted 10:41:06pm May. 10, 2015 | read full post »

Advertisement


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.