7 Ways to Comfort Someone With Anxiety

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Anxiety can be isolating. It can emotionally and physically cut you off from your support structure through an intense aversion to situations that are, for most people, perfectly normal.

This can present a challenge to the people in the anxiety sufferer’s life—this includes siblings, spouses, friends, and relatives alike. They often have no idea what anxiety is like, or how to care for someone who is deep in its throes.

Anxiety is more than nervousness. It’s not like what you might feel just before a job interview or in front of a crowd. Clinical anxiety is a debilitating mental illness that interferes with everyday life, and few truly understand this.

It’s also self-sustaining. The symptoms of anxiety cause physical and emotional problems that lead to more anxiety, which creates a snowball effect that can spiral out of control unless help is sought.

So what, then, can you do, if someone you love is suffering from clinical anxiety? How can you continue to be their support structure? Let’s find out as we take a look at 7 ways you can comfort someone with anxiety.

Understand

To help someone with anxiety, you must first learn what it actually is.

Most people associate anxiety with everyday worry. But the truth is that anxiety is to normal worry as a puddle is to the ocean.

Anxiety can manifest as panic disorders, which cause episodes of sweating, chest pain, and irregular heartbeats. It can arise as phobias—intense fears of specific objects or situations—or it can look like social anxiety disorder, which makes being around unfamiliar people and places nearly unbearable. And then there’s generalized anxiety, which is excessive, extreme tension without any apparent cause.

These symptoms are crippling, cause physical health problems, and can make everyday life extremely difficult to manage.

Doesn’t sound like your everyday uneasiness, does it?

Anxiety is not a weakness. It is not a character flaw or the result of poor upbringing or life choices. It is a disease caused by changes in the brain.

Now, let’s look at a few ways you can translate this understanding into action.

Show Positive Reinforcement

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Now that you know that anxiety isn’t just overblown nervousness, you’re not going to tell your anxious loved one to “Get over it”. You’re not going to tell them to calm down or call them weak.

You’re going to show positive reinforcement rather than negativity.

Anxiety is inherently irrational—it’s not ever going to make sense, and this can be frustrating for many people. But never punish someone for their anxiety—it will only make things worse. Instead, compliment them when they make progress, and when they show healthy behavior.

So when your anxious loved one overcomes an obstacle and makes it out to the grocery store? Praise them. When they’re able to simply wash their dishes? Let them know that you’re proud and happy for them.

Positive reinforcement will associate good feelings with healthy actions. They already know that their anxiety-induced behavior isn’t healthy. They don’t need criticism.

What they do need is your positivity and sincere happiness when they’re able to function.

Validate Them

Those who suffer from anxiety may feel alone in their disorder. They feel like no one believes that simple “nervousness” could be so crippling.

You’re going to change that.

When you validate someone, you’re simply affirming the truth of their experience. You’re letting them know that you believe them—that their experience is valid, and that you don’t think they’re “doing it for the attention”.

Although it may not sound like much to you, this is a huge deal for those who suffer from mental illness. Diseases of the mind are invisible. There are not visible bandages or crutches or scars. There’s no way to “prove” these types of sicknesses in a world that often only values what it can empirically verify.

And so that’s why it’s all the more important to tell your loved one, “Yes—I believe you, and I know what you’re going through.” This simple reassurance will bring more comfort than you can imagine.

Be Patient

Be forgiving toward your loved one with anxiety. As we’ve learned, this disorder can change the way the brain works. Anxious people can be irritable. They can be quick to anger. They can seem irrational, misjudging your remarks and expressions as being more negative than you meant.

They can also be self-isolating. They may want to friendly and amicable, but they may have a hard time with feelings and thoughts that they cannot control, and so may seem closed off to outside help.

But they do, in fact, still need you.

Try to be patient and understanding with them, and don’t expect them to get better in a short amount of time. Set boundaries for yourself—don’t give up your own life and heath in order to accommodate them. But as you set your personal limitations that, give your loved one with anxiety more leeway than you would someone else. They need your understanding, forgiveness, and patience more than you know.

Ask How You Can Help

One of the best gifts that you can give to someone with anxiety is your listening ear.

Ask questions. Find out how your anxious loved one feels. You may already know what anxiety does in general, but take the time to get to know how their anxiety personally affects them. It’s different for everyone.

If you do this, you can be so much more effective in comforting them.

Are they afraid of social situations? Accompany them when they go out amongst other people. Do they have a serious insect phobia? Be ready with the swatter. Do they just need you to be present in the house sometimes? Easy one!

Getting to know how you can help, listening to exactly what the anxiety sufferer says, and being willing to implement that help can be a wonderful gift to someone who may feel invisible because of their illness.

So don’t be afraid to ask questions. You’ll be all the more effective as a comforter.

Give Your Time

What’s the simplest thing you can do to help comfort someone with anxiety?

Spend some time with them.

You being around them is a huge help. Being with others makes it more difficult to constantly focus on anxieties and worries—you have the power to help take their mind off their troubles.

Make yourself as available as possible, even just over the phone—simply knowing that they can get in touch with you can be a big comfort for someone who is attempting to control their anxiety.

Remember to keep things positive when you’re with them—unless they bring it up, try to steer conversations away from sources of unease and worry. You want to be a beacon of hope, not of tension.

Even better, do a few group activities. Get out and exercise—something that has been proven to reduce symptoms of both depression and anxiety. Go for a drive or play a board game.

If you can keep your anxious loved one from completely isolating themselves, they’ll be all the healthier for it.

Encourage Treatment

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All the comfort in the world won’t make a difference if your loved one isn’t getting treatment for their anxiety. Remember—this is an illness, and just as you’d visit a medical doctor for a broken bone, you’d visit a counselor for anxiety.

Knowing when to push and when to comfort can be difficult, but if you see someone with anxiety entering a downward spiral, it’s time to bring up treatment—in a positive way, of course.

Some anxiety can be overcome through the support of friends and family like you. Some requires a counselor. Still other forms of anxiety will require medication. But unless you work in the medical field, you likely can’t tell which your loved one might need.

This is why it’s important to encourage them to be evaluated, at the very least. Medical treatment shouldn’t be a last-ditch effort, gone to only after someone’s life has fallen apart. Anxiety can cause job loss, poverty, physical breakdown, and relationship problems. Don’t let it get this far.

Gently encourage treatment. This decidedly uncomfortable conversation may just end up being the biggest comfort of all.

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