10 Tips for Getting Comfortable with Saying “NO!”

When I was a people pleasing kind of “nice” girl, I couldn’t get the word “no” out. Turning someone down meant possibly losing a friendship, or alienating someone. You might not even like the person but if you want to be liked by everyone, agreeable seems to be the right course. People pleasers think it’s nice to never say “no.” It seems like the best way to be liked. And they want to be liked. We all do on some level. But saying “yes” at the expense of your own needs and desires isn’t nice! You can turn people down in ways that are soft like a feather and feel as comfortable.

Long time habits take a while to break. You can turn off agreeable auto-pilot. If you’re consistent, you can have yourself a lot more time for you by giving less to others. Here are 10 tips for getting comfortable with saying “No!”

Say “No” Without Saying “No”

Use expressions like, “I can’t do it” or “this doesn’t work for me.” or “I don’t have time.” or “I’ve got a full plate.” Create pat answers. Flattery can temper refusals. Say you think highly of the person but you’re overextended. Tell a neighbor you enjoy talking with her but it’s not a good time for you to organize a block party. If it’s more comfortable at first, create excuses. Little white lies ease you into it. Someone calls for a lift—you just washed your hair. Can you come watch her kids? You’re writing a report. Survival excuses allow you to bow out nicely. Consistent, reasonable excuses get folks out of the habit of always expecting your help.

I may not be liked by as many people since I started saying “no,” but I’m a lot more respected, and a lot happier with the people in my world who like me for me, not for what I do for them. It’s nice to say “no” to what you don’t want to do. As long as you treat people with courtesy, nice people have the right to say “no,” sans guilt.