Many of us are attracted to the wrong people. A big reason for this is because we are wounded in some way. This is a side of ourselves that most of us don’t like to deal with. Often, this is because of our childhood trauma. Trauma is defined as anything that overcomes the body’s ability to cope. This trauma can cause us to carry major insecurities. Wounded children become wounded adults. If we don’t address these matters early, they carry out not only in our personal lives but also in the people we seek. The more we don’t deal with the fact that we’re wounded, the uglier our relationships can look. We go for the wrong people and up dissatisfied repeatedly. Here are six early warning signs you’re dealing with a toxic person.
They are always in denial.
Toxic people tend to live in a place of denial. If you are dealing with a toxic person, be prepared to confront denial head-on. Find out if you are with this person for the right or the wrong reasons. You may be with them because you love them, but you also may be with them because you feel sorry for them. You may see some loving qualities from them, but you also may be getting little in return. If you feel like you’re unworthy to be with this person, ask yourself why you are with someone who makes you feel inferior. This is not a healthy space to be in.
They are more negative than positive.
Another common trait of toxic people is negative attitudes and behaviors. The more time you spend around them, the more toxic you become. You may find yourself speaking more negatively about people and situations. You also may find yourself more anxious when talking with them or in certain contexts. You begin to feed off their negativity until you become someone that even your closest friends don’t recognize. You may even find your friends pulling away because they aren’t feeling the way you’ve become.
They don’t know how to say ‘I’m sorry.’
Toxic people never apologize. While nobody is perfect, admitting that is a sign of great character. Holding yourself accountable for your actions and the way you make others feel will make or break a relationship. Apologies hold a great deal of weight, so saying things like “I’m sorry” can make people feel valued and loved. If the person you’re with would rather avoid saying they were wrong than to make you feel like you matter, that’s problematic. If someone doesn’t think that they can be wrong, how will they open themselves up to grow a healthy, sustainable relationship with you?
Your friends call out the toxic behaviors.
A major red flag you are dealing with a toxic person is when your friends call that person out for being toxic. You may have asked them for their advice early on, and they identified certain toxic qualities. As your relationship has progressed, you find them more irritated when you bring that person up because they don’t like seeing you with them. Your friends and loved ones care about you, so if they identify these toxic traits, it’s for a reason.
When you are walking away from a toxic relationship, you must surround yourself with people who truly care about your health and well-being. If you have friends willing to risk the whole relationship to tell you the things you may not want to hear, they care about you. It’s time to reconnect with them.
You give too much of yourself.
An early warning sign that you’re dealing with a toxic person is when you are always giving to the person you love, and the person you’re with gives little of themselves. If you feel like the relationship isn’t balanced, it’s for a reason. Toxic people tend to be energy vampires. They will drain the life out of you until you have nothing else left to give. Don’t give too much of yourself.
Another thing toxic people will do is try to keep you down or away from your happiness. They do this because they are threatened by it or insecure and unhappy. Make sure you don’t give away your energy. This may mean holding back during certain arguments because you know they are trying to trigger you. The less you give into them, the less they have to feed on.
Their friends seem toxic.
Where do you hang out and meet new people? What kind of message are you sending or trying to receive? If you find yourself attracting toxic people in your life, consider meeting people in new places. Birds of a feather do flock together. Toxic people come in all forms and hang out in all places. If you met a toxic person at a certain spot with certain people, try to meet new people in a more empowering context. Some of these places include an interest group or a volunteer organization. These places tend to be more uplifting settings with positive, motivated people.
Another thing to consider is eliminating the negatives from your life. If you surround yourself with negative people, you will continue to see negativity showing up. The greatest way to let go of negative people is to not hang around them. These people will only bring you down. Surround yourself with positive people, and you will feel more optimistic and uplifted.
Pay attention to your own toxic traits. If you are constantly attracting toxic people, it’s time to have an honest conversation with yourself and confront the “why.” Some of these behaviors may be harder to recognize than others, but we must dive into them. Also, take a look at your own values and what you are looking for from the people in your life. The people you surround yourself with should value self-respect and integrity. If they aren’t authentic, that’s problematic. If the people you are attracting aren’t uplifting, it may be time to let them out of your life for good.