couple fighting

There are many reasons why a wife can find themselves unhappy in a marriage. Their husband may have stopped showing affection, they might regularly argue over how to raise their children, or there could be financial problems. Even worse, the wife might just simply not feel the love she once did.

There are many options to solving problems in unhappy marriages, such as marriage counseling or retreats. These are great, but there is one source you can go to that will never let you down: God.

God wants you to not only be happy in your marriage, but to thrive in it. He can help you reshape how you feel about your union and remember that it's an honorable union that is worth saving. Here is how He can help you.

What are grounds for divorce?

Simply put, the Bible does not support getting a divorce only because one of the partners is unhappy. When people make the excuse of "irreconcilable differences", such as communication problems, financial disagreements and selfish attitudes, it is not a divorce supported by God. In Mark 10:11–12 Jesus said, “A man who divorces his wife so he can marry someone else commits adultery against her. And a woman who divorces her husband so she can marry someone else commits adultery.” Based on the Bible, we see that people don’t have the right to dissolve just on the grounds of unhappiness. God intended that marriage be for a lifetime. While the "D" word has entered your brain, unless you are in an abusive or affair-riddled marriage you should want to stick it out for God.

God wants you to solve the problems.

Even though divorce isn't supported, this is not to say that God wants to force us to remain forever in an unhappy marriage. He doesn't ask us to just grit our teeth and suffer through it. When God approaches marital problems, He does so from the perspective of how to fix them so that they can be better in the future. For example, Paul writes of demonic impact in marriages (1 Corinthians 7:5). He states that the couple should be active in the intimate relationship so that Satan cannot tempt them. Peter encourages husbands to treat their wives with understanding so that their prayers will not be hindered (1 Peter 3:7). From these passages we can see that marriage is a spiritual battlefield. It takes work to fight for the relationship, not to fight in the relationship. When you see yourself drowning in issues, you must make the conscious decision to come at them with a solution-focused attitude, instead of making excuses.

God wants you to find happiness in Him.

Marriage thrives when you no longer view it as trying to get what you want, but rather as an opportunity to give what you want. If you want to be loved, marriage is a good place to be. If you want someone to love, marriage is the greatest place to be. Individuals have no control over anything except themselves. We can’t force our spouses to treat us the way we want, but we can seek to treat our spouses the way they want.

All unhappiness, including a miserable marriage, is rooted in unmet desires and expectations. We are depressed and saddened when we imagined what we would receive and what we actually get is different. To truly find happiness in marriage, we must be so content, filled, and in love with Jesus Christ that all our deepest desires are met in Him. This gives us the opportunity to stop being constantly disappointed by what our spouses do, because we are already fulfilled.

Furthermore, our spouses must not be our ultimate. They are not a tool to keep you happy and solve all of your personal problems. Jesus must be our ultimate because only He is the perfect person our hearts truly need. The only way we will avoid an unhappy marriage is to not see marriage as a way to be served, but as a way to serve. Being married to an imperfect person is not a great situation if you are seeking a place where you will be endlessly loved perfectly in the exact way you hoped. However, if your desire is to love, serve, and put someone else first who genuinely needs your support, being married to an imperfect person is a great opportunity.

God wants you to share your faith with your husband.

Even if an unhappy marriage results from a believer being married to an unbeliever, there is always the possibility the believing spouse can lead the unbelieving spouse to the Lord. “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the Word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives” (1 Peter 3:1). The Bible specifically addresses those who are married to unbelievers in 1 Corinthians 7:12–14: “… If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.

For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband.” You husband might be at a point where he is struggling with his faith, but that is an opportunity to help them grow and discover Jesus in the way you have.

When you feel you are stuck in an unhappy marriage, turn to God in prayer and read His scriptures. He will help you change your mindset so that you view your marriage as an important union that can be used to glorify the Lord, and isn't something you have to sit there and suffer through. Don't be afraid to open up and talk with your spouse about how your feeling, and come up with an action plan to get your out of your rut. With God's help, you will be able to change how you feel and grow from this experience. You marriage can not only survive, but thrive!

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