Society tends to give guys a bad rap. Most of the endless material we read is when men dump women. Grant it, there is a market for this thing as some men do bad things and some do blunder in matters of the heart. Before you get in an uproar, women are no angels. As a matter of fact, you might be surprised to know that 60 percent to 80 percent of women are the ones who file for divorce. It's not a modern trend, either. The oldest examined the 9,937 divorces that took place nationwide in 1867 and found that 62 percent were filed by women, according to American Law and Economics. Divorce is just part of the issue. There's the aftermath of a divorce that also comes. Some men might hide their feelings and their injuries, while some let it all out. Maybe your emotions are pretty raw right now. But you need to process the loss like any other loss that challenges us in life. Why? The reason is divorce is pretty much like grieving a death of a loved one and it takes some time to heal. If your heart is broken, here are things to consider to find wholeness again.
Hold on to your hope.It is important to acknowledge your feelings and vent about them. This is a serious loss no matter how you view it. God can make this work out for the good. In Romans 8:28, Paul explained it this way: "We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God [and] those who are called according to His purpose." When we lose hope, we lose the ability to be happy. Jesus Christ teaches us that we can find joy at the nucleus of a trial or harmful situation. Doing this keeps our minds on eternity instead of the pain that we are facing.
Talk with someone.You may need to see a therapist that you can talk to as you will be experiencing a flood of emotions. It is vital that you deal with them as they come as burying them will just delay the inevitable. Why is this important? When we ignore them we become stagnant in moving out of out pain. We also become unproductive fuel more negativity hostility and resentment. God did not call us to be alone after a divorce. Reach out to someone. If not a therapist, find a trusted friend or family member to be your sounding board.
You are still you.A person doesn't define you. You are still a child of God and your mistakes, faults or the reason for the split doesn't define you! We get caught up in the negative of a breakup and that is OK. Like some people lose themselves in a relationship, some also lose themselves in its failure to work out. At your very essence, things or people can't own you. Don't get lost in the mess, but allow this to be a transformative time that works in your favor. In 2 Corinthians 5:17, we are directed to shed our former selves."If any man is in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away--behold, all things become new."
Find the value.Look back at the situation. How can you use what you just learned to better yourself and better your relationships in the future? No matter what, there is always something that you can take away from a given circumstances and this includes the bad circumstances as well. "Reclaim the essence of anything you regret losing, you'll find it—often sooner than you think, in ways, you would never have expected," The Huffington Post reported. Use this as a positive and a way to transform your life. If we allow regret to take root, it will decrease our momentum. No one goes into a marriage thinking that it will fail, but life doesn't always work out as we planned. Some couples experience more intensity than other couples do. We need to adjust the best way we know how and finding the value in all things is a start.
Get some positive vibes.No matter how you feel right now find something that you love to do! It may be time to rediscover yourself through a move or by reinventing yourself by going back to school. Do something that will make you happy and give yourself permission to do so. Now get to work on a list of all your great attributes. If you need help ask those you trust to help you point out all your gifts and talents.To be even more proactive, hire a life coach to help you along the way. After you put in place some of these things, your self-esteem will be more empowered than ever before.
Trust God's plans for your life.In Proverbs we are told to trust God and that He will make our ways straight again. You can find assurance that this is for you today. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." We don't always know why things go wrong. However, we need to hold on to the hope that the Creator has a plan for us during our distress.
Finding strength during and after a divorce can be something that is hard to summon. Work on replacing negative thoughts to offset the negative ones that might corrupt your perception and your mind. A failed relationship doesn't need to define you or your future. It also means that you love yourself any less. Take comfort in the warm words of Isaiah 58:11: "The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring." No matter what gender you are, divorce is unpleasant. Derive power from the most powerful source there is the world today and that's God.