broken marriage

What started out as a simple annoyance now has avalanched into a vertiginous problem. Call it control or call it insecurity. Your partner is making you feel that you can’t breathe and your choices are being mocked. As far as your dreams, well, you can kiss them goodbye. Your dreams are not only discouraged they are marginalized while swaying with frailty beneath a dictator. The signs were there. But how did it become so brutal where you gave up the fight to persevere? However, they might allow you to do it under certain criteria or conditions, but this is not sustainable. The ramifications can be fierce when we don't support our spouse. Anger, bitterness, unforgiveness and eventually breaking up may all result from not allowing individuality. Everyone needs to a lead a life that fulfills their God-given potential. If you are dealing with resistance when it comes to your spouse supporting your dreams, here is what you can do.

Admit it may be your fault.

It sounds harsh, but your mate showed signs before of not cheering you on. You know something was off. Yet, like most of us, you assumed you could change this in your favor. Are you ready for some of the signs that were missed? Your partner never showed an interest in your friends or in your career. They never listened to you. They always expected you to adapt to them and to their schedule. Finally, if they belittled or made fun of your goal that was a tell-tale sign that they were never on board with this dream thing. Yes, most the time we start seeing clues in the beginning of the relationship and we need to admit that we did not nip it in the bud.

Be honest with them.

Hiding what you want to do is not going to help the matter. If you are in fear of their disapproval, you have to find a way to overcome this. "You’re going to have to let [them] know at some point—and it will be harder if you’ve set misleading expectations at the beginning," the Broadside.com recommended. Share your goal with them and be honest. They might respond better to you by being upfront rather than finding out what you were doing in secret. 

Communicate more.

Sometimes it is a lack of communication that causes our spouses to not understand our dreams. We talked about being honest. Now we need to confront in a non-combative way to communicate our passions. Being overly confrontational or combative is never productive. They might overreact or feel that you are reprimanding them. Make sure your own feelings are in check and that you don't exaggerate. It might help to write it all down before you talk it over with your spouse. This will help your confidence as well. 

Set up some ground rules.

If you are feeling powerless, take your power back. You can do this by setting up boundaries. If your spouse refuses to support you on something or is blackmailing you to not do it--make the decision to stand your ground and calmly tell them that you are moving ahead. You can convey to them that you want them to support you and are hurt they are not rallying behind you, but you need to follow through. "Make small independent changes that are not defiant declarations but a restoration of yourself,” writer and author Colleen Sheehy Orme said. We need to point out if your dream puts the family at risk or can be detrimental, this could be the reason for the resistance.

Look for middle ground.

To avoid conflict look for middle ground and a way to make all parties happy. For example, you might want to go back to school. If the classes created a conflict, opt to take online classes. If you want to learn or start a new hobby ask them to join you. "The best way to persuade others is with your ears, by listening," former Secretary of State Dean Rusk said.

Listen to their fears.

"When others feel deeply understood, they become far more open to hearing you," Dr. Travis Bradberry explained on Beliefnet. As much as you feel that you are right, you need to listen to what the other person has to say. Allow them to vent about what is really bothering them. Try to approach it in a matter where you refuse to feel threatened by their input. We know that becoming defensive is not a way to resolve a conflict, so circumvent this by listening. If you don't they will resent that you are not considering their feelings and this can lead to another fight. Actively listen to your partner and that might be all that is needed. They might just want to be heard by you.

Learn to forgive.

If you want to move pass any turmoil, then you need to forgive them for being short-sighted and insensitive. You are forgiving for yourself as you are the one carrying the burden of anger.

Ask yourself if you will feel better or feel worse for forgiving? This will help you gain another perspective on what to do. If you think about it, we all want to have peace and this is a great motivator to forgive people. Let your grievances go and better yet, do it now. This doesn't have to be a long-fought process. You can forgive them verbally as well. This takes swallowing your pride but it might soften your spouse's heart towards you and your relationship.

Everyone has a purpose on earth. If you are not using your gifts and can't follow your dreams--you become a shell of your former self. Work towards getting your spouse on the same page. More often than not, we can work together and lay aside our hurts. Try communicating, being honest, setting up boundaries and offering forgiveness if your spouse is blocking you from your dreams.

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