7 Vows I Never Told My Spouse at Our Wedding

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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:1-8).

Doesn’t it all sound so wonderful? Vowing to keep your love through sickness and health, through poverty or riches, all pitched in a romantic and beautiful way. It’s comfortable and traditional for us to want the love that is associated with roses and perfection that we see in movies. However, when it comes to keeping marriages together forever, it all becomes pretty useless. What marriage can only survive on frilly Shakespearean-esque promises?

When most people get married, they don’t realize how little they know about marriage. In truth, practical promises in marriage are what really keep a couple going. We need vows that are less focused on our emotions and romance, and more tuned into being honest with our partner. They may sound unconventional and are certainly not the most poetic. They are promises, though, that if kept will go far in sealing a marriage for the ages.

Instead of idolizing romantic love, here are vows that will shape and impact marriages for the better.

"I promise to always believe the best is yet to come."

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The best day of your life won’t be the day you got married, because the best is still yet to come. Regardless of circumstances your marriage will face years in, it’s important to never spend more time looking at the past than at your future together. You must fully believe that the best is always to come.

God has an amazing plan for your marriage. You must believe in Him and the hope He gives for your future, despite the problems you may be facing. Even if you feel you are in a rut in your marriage that does not mean that it will never get better in the future. If you choose to believe that tomorrow will be better than the day before it, then it will despite the actions of your spouse. The future isn’t dependent on external actions, but instead is due to your internal perspective.

"I promise not to complain about our marriage."

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Marriage is a private relationship between two people that love each other. God wanted a relationship between two people, not a relationship between two people plus their hundreds of social media friends. Everything should not be given out to the public, or even close family and friends.

It’s harmful to your marriage when you share details about arguments and problems. When you fight with your spouse, you don’t need to spew anger and hate towards them by telling all your friends how much of a jerk they are. Instead, turn to God and talk with Him in prayer. Don’t tear down your spouse by talking about them behind their back.

"I promise to fight to keep our marriage pure."

When you get married, you vow complete exclusivity and faithfulness to your partner. Promises to never flirt, lust, or seek the attention of the opposite sex. These all seem obvious, however it’s important to also make the vow of emotional purity. You make promises to never confide in a secretary at work or be flattered by a compliment from the opposite sex.

While physical betrayal of your spouse is terrible, having an emotional affair can also be as traumatizing. You must fight to give all of your emotions, your desire to impress, your attention, struggles, heartaches, and everything in between, to your spouse. These don’t belong to other people. Fight for purity, both physically and emotionally.

"I promise you will never be responsible for my happiness."

Marriage is never going to make you complete, because God makes you complete. You cannot fill any voids within yourself with your spouse or a marriage. You instead must learn to love yourself fully before you can accept love or give it to others. Your marriage should enhance your life, not complete it.

When a person is responsible for your happiness, then you begin to idolize them. It becomes a miserable way to live, because they are never going to equal up to what you need. Instead, be confident in the person that God created you to be. Don’t force your spouse to try and make you happy, because you are only setting them up for failure.

"I promise to never expect a 50/50 marriage."

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Simply put, you can never keep score in marriage. There is no such thing as a 50/50 relationship, because you cannot win in marriage. There are no points and there is no game. In a relationship, you should not be doing good deeds with the expectation that your spouse is going to give you something in return.

“Forgive and forget” works in two ways. You should forget the good stuff you did and the bad stuff that they did. In return, you can expect your bad actions to be forgotten, and your spouse to give you the best they can without measure.

Give 100 percent of yourself each and every day. Some days, 100 percent won’t seem like a lot. But on those days you can trust that your spouse will lift you up. Let go of the need to keep score, and instead give simply because it is in your heart to love.

"I promise to protect our marriage from outside influences."

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Life gets busy. Between work, children, in-laws, friends and all the extra activities it can be easy to put your marriage on the back burner. But marriage is about intimacy, which requires time and attention. In order to give your marriage 100 percent, you must promise to learn how to say no.

Saying yes to outside influences means saying no to your marriage. You may get called selfish by your parents because they don’t understand. Your friends may send you a passive-aggressive text message because you aren’t spending time with them. Your co-workers might think you’re uncommitted because you choose to spend a night with your spouse instead of working late on a project. Unfortunately, even your church might make off-hand comments.

However, if you don’t do this, your marriage will fall apart. Your marriage comes first, and letting too much of the outside world take up your time will cause it to fail.