6 Signs Your Spouse is Lying to You

Relationships are built on trust, and one of the fastest ways anyone can violate trust is by lying. When one person in a relationship is caught lying, the other person ends up questioning everything the liar ever told them. Was there just one lie, or was the lie the person was caught in simply the time that they were unlucky? The liar, of course, could claim until they were blue in the face that they only lied once, but the other person would not believe them. Instead, they end up going over every interaction in their head and picking them all apart. Where did the liar act differently? When did they seem reluctant to talk about something? It is enough to tangle anyone up in their own head.

Lying can destroy a relationship, but so can forever suspecting your partner of lying. Analyzing every word they say and watching their every gesture for some hint of dishonesty is no way to act in a relationship. That does not mean, however, that you should not be able to recognize the signs of someone lying to you. It is in many ways better to be prepared than to be blindsided by a pile of lies. Here are six signs your spouse is lying to you.

Perfect Recall

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What did you have for breakfast three days ago? What time did you get home from work last Friday? The last time you did something exciting with friends, what shirt were you wearing? The odds are, you cannot remember any of those details. You registered them as unimportant, so your brain does not store them in your memory. This is why it is so exciting or unusual to be able to perfectly recall an event. It is also why witness statements in forensics need to be taken quickly but are still not always helpful given how important detail is to an investigation.

When most people lie, they rehearse their statement to themselves so they can tell everyone the same story. They include lots of detail so that they can act like something really happened. In reality, however, the extra details and the fact that every retelling of the story is identical are dead giveaways that a person’s words are nothing but fiction.

Avoiding Topics

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Most people do not like to lie. As such, they generally do their best to avoid situations and topics where they will be pushed to tell falsehoods. When your spouse suddenly stops wanting to talk about something or gives you cagy answers, it is likely that they are hiding something. On some level, they still do not want to lie to you and so are trying to steer the conversation into safer waters.

Ironically, another sign of a lying spouse could be a sudden and complete willingness to discuss topics that they always hated to even mention. This might mean that they have gotten over whatever mental block they had on the subject, but it could also mean that they now have practiced and rehearsed answers for your questions and so feel no need to avoid the topic anymore.

Erasing the Trail

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Some people are more private than others, but everyone leaves trails behind them. There are receipts, credit card statements and other forms of literal paper trails that follow people throughout their lives. The modern era is also filled with digital paper trails that are far more comprehensive than any paper and ink copies. Web browsers record every click you make and many websites install cookies on your computer that allow them to track who you are, when you accessed their website and what you were looking for when you were there. Your phone remembers what words you typically text and can correct them as you write. As such, most people’s lives are effectively an open book to anyone interested in reading it. A spouse who has something to hide will want to make that book as difficult to read as possible. They might suddenly begin erasing their internet history, change their social media passwords or refuse to let you borrow their phone. Any one of these could be innocent, but sudden habit changes are often a cause for suspicion.

Looking Guilty

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You know your spouse better than anyone in the world. You know their hopes, their fears, their dreams and about the guilty pleasure they take in watching “Pretty Little Liars.” You also know, most likely, their gestures and patterns of speech. You should be their first confidant and best friend. You should also be the last person they want to play poker with because you should know all their tells. You would be able to recognize when they were bluffing. This same knowledge of your spouse’s usual habits can also help you figure out if they are lying.

Common signs of guilt include a refusal to look someone in the eye, hunched shoulders or fidgeting. Your spouse, however, may be able to hide all of those indicators, but they might not be able to stop their neck from turning red. This is the sort of thing that you would notice and that would tell you right away that something is not right.

Sudden Sweetness

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It really is quite sad that a sudden surge in kindness and touching gestures so often means that there is trouble in paradise. Unfortunately, an unexpected increase in compliments, gifts or sweet moments can be the sign of a guilty conscience. Your spouse feels guilty for lying to you, so they attempt to ease their own nagging conscience by making it up to you. They might give you gifts for no apparent reason or spend more on a birthday or anniversary that usual.

Not everyone responds to a guilty conscience with monetary spending. Instead, they might suddenly start doing extra chores around the house or help with the dishes without complaint even though they have always groaned at the mere thought of emptying the dishwasher. That your spouse did something nice for you is not proof that they are hiding something, but sudden changes in behavior are always something you should notice.

Insistence on Trustworthiness

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The human mind is a strange thing. An untrustworthy person is always more likely to accuse others of lying, even though they are the one who spews falsehoods. Someone who commits adultery is far more likely than a faithful partner to suspect their spouse of cheating. People tend to see themselves in others. As such, liars are acutely aware of how easy it can be to pull the wool over someone’s eyes. They are thus constantly on the lookout for the lies others may or may not be telling. If your spouse has suddenly started accusing you of lying when you have been unable to keep so much as a surprise party a secret since you were in grade school, it may be because your spouse is projecting their own dishonesty onto you. The flipside of this is when a lying spouse suddenly begins to emphasize how they are trustworthy and honest. They know it is a lie, but they need you to believe that they are telling you the truth. So, they repeatedly declare their honesty in hopes of imprinting that belief on your brain. In reality, such behavior sticks out and can be a sign that your spouse has something to hide.