Things your spouse wishes you knew

Spouses should be able to tell each other anything, but now and then they struggle to find the right words? It may not be anything serious or concerning, but sometimes it can be hard for your spouse to just come right out and say it. They may stay silent and leave you wondering why they are acting so odd. In those cases, it might well be that there are things they simply wish you already knew. If your spouse is acting a bit strange, it might be because of one of these seven things your spouse wishes you already knew about them.

They really want some peace and quiet sometimes.

Some people want to be with other people all day, every day. They hate being alone, and their favorite thing to do after work is to spend time with their loved ones. Other people, however, want nothing more than a few minutes of silence when they get home. They have spent all day talking with people and being “on,” and they would give their left arm to have 30 minutes alone in a quiet room. 

Unfortunately, one person may interpret the desire to be alone as anger or sadness. They might then try to cheer up their spouse by talking with them.

The desire for a little bit of alone time is not a rejection of you as a partner. It simply means that your spouse wants to be alone for a few minutes. While this is more common in introverts who need time alone to “recharge,” extroverts occasionally need some time to themselves. Do not panic if this happens. It is nothing personal, and there is nothing wrong with your spouse needing a few minutes to relax alone. Accept it, instead of panicking or pursuing them. The odds are that some quiet will help them regain their equilibrium faster than your well-meaning chatter.

Spontaneity is not romantic.

Equating spontaneity with romance is a common trope in romantic novels, movies and plays. Surprises are seen as the height of romance, and the more extravagant the surprise, the better. In real life, however, a surprise trip to Paris is not likely to be received by oohing and awing about the romantic gesture. More likely, your spouse will be caught off guard and is going to be wondering how on earth they are going to get their boss to sign off on two weeks of vacation time with less than three days’ notice.

Some people like surprises, but something is not romantic simply because it is a surprise. If you want to give your spouse a romantic surprise, stick with smaller things that will not upset your spouse’s schedule or plans. Even something as simple as a surprise dinner at a fabulous restaurant could accidentally lead to your spouse having to stay up all night finishing the report they needed to work on or to them having to throw away those leftovers that really needed to be eaten before they spoiled. 

Doing something sweet sometimes makes more work.

Most people like to try and do nice things for their spouse. Unfortunately, that kind gesture can end up being more work for the other person. If your spouse usually cooks, for example, then it may seem like a sweet treat to cook dinner for them or to bring them breakfast in bed. This, however, can lead to a messy kitchen, improperly stored ingredients and toast crumbs caught in the blankets. Now, rather than simply making toast for themselves, your spouse has to deal with two pans, sugar all over the kitchen, blankets that need to be washed, and they need to make sure that the brown sugar container was properly sealed in order to avoid providing a feast for any curious insects. Your spouse may appreciate the gesture, but it may simply be easier for them to do it themselves.

They want to show you off because they are proud of you.

Sometimes it seems like your spouse is forever asking you to go with them to either this work event or that restaurant with their friends. Your spouse wants you to get dressed up, and they spend half the night bragging about how you were just promoted. This can lead to you feeling like your spouse is trying to show you off. In truth, they may be doing just that. They think that they are the luckiest person in the world to have you as a spouse. They are proud of you and want to tell the world. They want you there not to stroke their own ego, but so that you can see how much you mean to them. They are not playing “my horse is bigger than your horse” with their friends. They are bragging about someone they love, and they want you to see that they compliment you in public as well as in private.

Not everyone is comfortable with their accomplishments being aired like this, and you should talk to your spouse if that is how you feel. Understand, however, that your spouse is likely not trying to show you off like a prized poodle. They just want the world to know how lucky they are, and they want you to see it for yourself. 

They miss you.

Most people are at least passingly familiar with the sense that someone who is physically only a few feet from them is actually miles away. This can sometimes be the case between spouses. You may see them every day, but it might feel like you have not had a quality conversation in eons. If you and your spouse’s conversations have recently revolved around nothing but work or your children, there is every possibility that your spouse is missing you but has no idea how to say it. 

Make it a point to spend quality time with your spouse and just your spouse. Talk about fears, hopes and dreams like you two did when you were first considering becoming engaged. Build castles in the air like you did as newlyweds. Take some time to get to know your spouse again as their own person.

They want to go do something with you but have no idea what.

Sometimes people want to do something with those they love, but they do not have a specific activity in mind. Your spouse might want to take some kind of class or take part in some sort of event with you as a way to spend more time together and to have something else to do as a couple.
They may, however, have no preference as to what that activity actually is. In that case, they may be uncertain of how to approach you about doing something together. After all, “are you interested in learning to ski together” is an easier conversation to have than “let’s do something together. I have no idea what, but let’s do it anyway.”

They would desperately like to know how to answer trap questions.

“So, what do you think? Do you notice anything different?” Man or woman, husband or wife, that question is all but guaranteed to win you at least a momentary deer-in-the-headlights look. The same is true of questions such as “I’m thinking of getting my hair cut, what do you think?” “Do you think I need to work out more?” and “My mother sent me this green and pink sweater with orange puff balls. Isn’t is cute?” Questions that scream ‘trap’ are one of the things your spouse dreads. There is no good answer, but since you ask those questions anyway, your spouse would adore having a cheat sheet of what to say in response. 

As much as your spouse should be able to tell you anything, there are times when they may not be sure of how to express what they are thinking. No one, after all, wants to seem ungrateful when their spouse tries to do something nice for them. Eventually, however, one of you has to bite the bullet and answer “what are you thinking about” with something more substantial than “nothing.” 
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