man and woman embrace closely

Happy marriages require selflessness. Being selfless is the opposite of selfish. If you’re selfless, you think less about yourself and more about others. But unfortunately, selflessness is often overlooked in relationships. On the surface, it appears to run contrary to the very notion. People often think that the pursuit of happiness by its very nature is selfish. This couldn’t be further from the truth. The pursuit of happiness in your marriage isn’t selfish, or at least doesn’t need to be. We are drawn to those who selflessly give themselves, those who love openly and generously. While it’s important that your needs are being met in your marriage, if you aren’t also basing your relationship on the needs of your spouse, you will run into trouble. Here are nine things a husband really needs. Your husband may be afraid to ask for these things or may not know how.

Quality Time

Time alone isn’t always the easiest thing to come by, especially when you have children. Many husbands don’t ask for time alone with their spouse because they are so caught up in their daily tasks. Many men would ask for quality time alone if their wives would initiate it. Sometimes, men feel uncomfortable pushing for more quality time when they know their wives have so much going on at work or at home, or if they’ve asked for quality time before and have been turned down. No matter how caught up you are in the hustle and bustle of life, you and your husband need that time alone together to keep our relationship healthy.

Better Communication

Your husband needs strong communication in the marriage. Research has shown that the quality of your relationship is directly related to the quality of your communication skills. Unfortunately, in many marriages today, one of the key issues is communication. What complicates this even more is the fact that men and women often communicate differently. Despite the research and the stigma of men not communicating as well as women in the relationship, your husband wants to be understood and accepted for who he is in the relationship. Sometimes, when a husband has a particular need, he may not know how to communicate that need or hesitates to ask because he is afraid of the tension the conversation will create. When you’re confused about his actions or behavior, don’t be afraid to ask him directly what’s going on and what his needs are. Often, men are looking for women to be direct with them. No beating around the bush.


Romance is one of the most fun and least executed activities in many relationships. There are so many distractions in our busy lives that it can be hard for many husbands and wives to find the time to be romantic. Despite what your husband may be showing you, he needs romance and he doesn’t want to be the only one initiating it. He wants you to do the planning sometimes. The way to make the romance in your relationship stronger is by fully engaging in it. Being romantic isn’t much work, and savoring romantic moments will strengthen your bond.

Physical Affection

Your husband wants more physical affection and touch from you – and not just sex. Don’t be afraid to cuddle up to him while you watch a show, give him a big hug and kiss hello, and give him a five-minute shoulder rub while you’re laying in bed together, getting ready to go to sleep. Make an effort to show some physical affection toward him consistently.


Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected. Husbands need to know that their wives respect them both privately and publicly. Men thrive when they know that their wives trust them, admire them and believe in them. Men would rather sense the loss of loving feelings from their wives than to be disrespected by them.

Your Undivided Attention

Marriages are riddled with distractions. Not only are there distractions outside of the home like work, there are also distractions in the home, like technology, that can draw us away from our spouses. At the end of a long day, many of us come home and do everything we can to tune everything out. While your day may have been tiring and strenuous, it’s important that you devote time to listening to your husband without interruption. He wants to be heard and feel like you’re truly listening, especially when there’s something he is going through in his personal or professional life. When you do this, he feels like he’s valued. When you don’t, his feels like her words don’t truly matter.


Despite the stigma, there are many men who are responsible for many aspects of home and family life. Your husband wants you to help out with things at home, without having to be asked. If your husband is the one who is responsible for the cooking and the cleaning, take time out to help him with those day-to-day tasks. There are times when your husband may feel overwhelmed by these tasks, but doesn’t ask for help because he deems it as his responsibility. If your husband generally helps the kids with their homework, get involved in the process. Remember, marriage is a partnership.


Your husband wants you to be on his side. Find a way to let your partner know that you’re in his corner. You might show your loyalty by standing up for your guy when he feels the world is against him. Let him know you support what he’s passionate about. Show him that you value what he values. This adds a sense of teamwork, security and intimacy in your relationship. Your relationship will be stronger for it.


Verbal affirmation is important in every marriage, particularly for those who speak the words of affirmation love language. Some people feel that words have more weight than actions, and if your husband is one of those people, he would rather hear the reasons behind your love versus any other expression of love. You may think your husband already knows that you think he is the most special person in the world, but he also wants to hear that from you too.

Remember, there is power in words. If you’re not affirming your husband, he may feel like you don’t care. The same goes for you. If you don’t feel your husband is affirming you, you may feel like he doesn’t care. Verbal affirmation lets your husband know that she is still treasured.

Challenge yourself to refuse to overlook the importance of selflessness. Instead, choose to pursue selflessness as the very means to achieve happiness in your marriage – not just for your sake, but for the sake of your husband who you so truly love.

Take the following quiz to better understand your love language so your partner can also understand how best you feel love:

Beliefnet - 5 Love Language Quiz

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