Who does not want a relationship with someone who is loyal, committed, and devoted to them? While these appear to be great qualities in a partner, there is a difference between devotion and obsession. How can you really tell the difference between a partner who is in love with you or simply obsessed? There are a few things you should watch out for. Begin by asking yourself these questions.
Do you feel smothered?
When two people are in love, they can give each other space. When someone is completely consumed by the relationship in the early stages of it, this could point to obsession. Giving all your time to the relationship isn’t necessarily a red flag, but it is something to pay attention to. Obsessive passion can harm your relationship more than passion itself. When someone loves you, they want you to be the best version of yourself. This includes giving them space to breathe, be around other people, and simply have time alone. If you’re feeling smothered, it may because that person isn’t ok with you being without them.
How fast is the relationship moving?
Pay attention to the pace of the relationship. Someone obsessed with you will move at a really fast pace. Often, the obsessed person’s actions will be driven by anxiety that is caused by the obsession itself. Think about it. If someone has a fear of losing you, they may act erratically or in ways to be sure that you don’t leave them. One way they do this is by asking for commitment or exclusivity very early in the relationship. You probably won’t be aware it’s even happening until you’re deep into the relationship. You may think these are just normal feelings someone has when they are in love, but it’s actually obsession.
Do they watch your every move?
Nothing’s wrong with establishing trust in your relationship. Some of these things may include leaving a lock on your phone, even sharing password details. However, some things cross the line and can be viewed as obsessive. One of those things is constantly checking the phone to see who you are talking to. Not only is it obsessive, but it is also controlling. If the person you are with leaves their phone in a room with you when you’re not around, that is a big indicator that they trust you. They are ok with you being near their phone without you being sneaky. When that person discovers you are doing this, they will start feeling disrespected and violated. This sort of obsessive behavior can lead to insecurity and paranoia.
Do they always do things to try to get your approval?
Love is all about the give and take. There should always be an equal amount of reciprocity in the relationship. When a person is obsessed, they may do more giving than taking. That may come off like a symbol of love but be mindful of their motivations. Usually, obsessed people will do anything for you because they want your approval, not because of love.
Do they need to know where you are at all times?
Nothing is wrong with having a partner who is concerned about you. It may even feel good to know that your partner cares enough to know where you’re going or what you’re doing. However, there is a fine line between someone who is caring and someone who is controlling. Someone who needs to know who you are with or what you are doing might be exhibiting controlling behavior. Love is caring about someone’s needs and being considerate. When your care begins to feel overbearing, it is likely obsession.
Do they say you’re always right?
Someone who is obsessed with you will tell you that you are always “right,” even when they don’t agree with the things you are saying. Someone who is obsessive will agree with all the things you say because they’re afraid that if they don’t, you will leave them. A person who loves you will be honest with you about their feelings, even when they have to tell you things you don’t want to hear. They don’t have to worry about losing you if they are honest with you.
Are they super jealous?
A person can’t be obsessed with you without being extremely jealous. Getting extremely jealous of the smallest bit of affection others show can be a sign of obsession. Jealousy can be a big problem if there is an obsession in the relationship. A little jealousy here and there is normal; however, it can become a serious issue for those who are obsessed.
Another thing to watch out for is a person who is constantly accusing you of cheating. People in relationships with those who are obsessed are often accused of cheating, even when there isn’t the smallest shred of proof. It will be annoying at first, and after hearing these accusations, again and again, it can turn into a relationship killer.
Have they threatened you?
Another sign of an obsessed partner is feeling threatened by them. If the person you are with threatens you in any way, it is an obsession and not love. You should never takes threats lightly. When we don’t take threats seriously, they can lead to very harmful situations. Some people think threats are symbols of just how much a person loves them, but this is not loving. It’s toxic, dangerous, and can lead you to a place of no return.
There is a big difference between someone who is obsessed with you and someone who loves you. Love is driven by care and confidence. Obsession can be driven by insecurity and mental health issues. If the person your with can’t go even a few hours of the day without blowing up your phone to find out who you’re with, what you’re doing, and when you’re coming home, it may just be an obsession.