8 Biggest Relationship Mistakes

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Relationships are a complicated blend of two different personalities. That is the beauty and strength of unions. However, both people should be mature, self-responsible, confident, and respectful. In addition, extremely controlling or selfish personalities do not do relationships well. By nature there already exists ‘too much of one’ in such a personality to do ‘two’ well. It is not demanding, nor selfish to expect to find the right emotional equal for a relationship to survive. The problem is that many times spouses mistakenly believe they are compromising for the relationship rather than recognizing that they are compromising themselves. A relationship with an individual that is not the other’s emotional equal will often result in unhappiness and exhaustion.

Making Excuses for Another Person’s Bad Behavior

No one is perfect. Everyone has bad days. It should be a part of the yin and yang of balancing the, “in good times and in bad.” However, if an individual routinely and consistently behaves badly in one way or another it is not healthy for a relationship. There is no excuse for repeated bad behavior. There is no such thing as a good person in a bad place for an extended length of time. If an individual stays in a relationship like this they will possibly end up with undesirable behavior of their own. That is the unfortunate cost of remaining with a person who believes they can continually behave badly at the expense of their partner. A healthy, self-responsible, mature person takes responsibility for their own actions and corrects them without a spouse having to beg for awareness or the behavior to stop.

Giving a Person More than Two Chances to Make You a Priority

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People treat each other to the level of the recipient’s expectations. If an individual allows themselves to be a low priority, then so will their spouse. This is not demanding. This is a responsible indicator of self worth and self respect. A spouse should not have to plead with, beg or exhaust themselves in order to be a priority in their partner’s life. This is easy to miss because often people mistake this as a difference between men and women’s priorities. This is not gender specific. A person is a person. If something is important to a spouse it should be given the same respect as any other friendship or it’s time to look for a new friend.

Using Too Many Words to Demand Respect

If someone doesn't hear their spouse the first time then the spouse needs to stop talking. This bears repeating. If someone doesn’t hear their spouse the first time then the spouse needs to stop talking. If an individual doesn’t care enough to listen the first time then they aren’t going to care the second time. The lack of listening is about them. Respectful people care enough to listen and to care. If a partner is repeating the same tired worries, grievances, stresses, over and over again then the person they’re with doesn't care enough about them for it to matter to them. Do not over talk. Walk away because these types of personalities and/or communicators will prove frustrating and exhausting.

Not Realizing It's Impossible to Have a Healthy Relationship with a Selfish Person

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Selfish doesn't go two ways and relationships are two way. Marriage and relationships are not a selfish sport - it won't work. A union will not work well if both people aren’t ‘giving to’ and giving in’ to one another at alternating times. Selfish people often attract themselves to selfless givers. Every individual deserves to be truly loved. Sadly, selfish people aren’t always capable of unconditional love, but rather only love as much as they are capable of loving. This is a lonely type of love and will therefore, be a lonely relationship. It’s better to be a self-loving party of one than an unloved party of two.

Not Realizing it is Not your Job to Continually Rescue Another Person

A grown adult that lacks self responsibility will never be an equal partner and instead is in need of a parent rather than a partner. Unfortunately, many individuals are not taught to grow up and accept responsibility for themselves before they leave home and go out into the world. This in turn, leads them towards a personality that will continue to allow them to be the adult children that they are. Mature adults act responsibly, remember their obligations, and do not act impulsively knowing that someone will pick up after them. Mature individuals think about the consequences of their actions and their responsibility for those actions.

Not Realizing the First Time Someone Makes You Cry Should Be the Last Time You Give Them the Opportunity

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It should be counterintuitive to watch a loved one cry. A healthy relationship should involve two people who derive joy from each other’s happiness and sadness from one another’s pain. A spouse that induces crying is a bully that lacks empathy. A mature, confident, happy adult should never need to make another person feel bad in order to make themselves feel good. This is not a healthy relationship. This is one individual who needs to be in control and bullying at the expense of the other person. In addition, crying is a submissive emotion. If a spouse can cold-heartedly induce and watch another repeatedly cry it is abusive.

Not Realizing that You Will Have an Out of Control Relationship With an Overly Controlling Personality

Control is akin to selfish behavior. If it's extreme then these are just not team qualities. A severely controlling individual, whether it be an overt controller or a passive aggressive controller is someone who needs to be in charge to such a degree that it is difficult for healthy couple dynamics to exist. It means that the personality that is not controlling just keeps giving in and giving in at the expense of their own happiness, priorities and what is important to them. There are lots of individuals who may be controlling in certain aspects of their lives; however, a compulsively controlling person will never be fair to their spouse. The world will and must revolve around their worldview.

If Someone Leaves You Once, Give Them Your Blessing So They Don't Leave You Twice

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This is a challenge once a family is involved. The hope is to keep the family together. The majority of times; however, a person who selfishly picks leaving over resolving conflict with their spouse (especially when children are involved) is not generally someone who is mature or selfless enough to recognize their own behavior nor put their love for their spouse first. Mature adults exhaust all possibilities before leaving a relationship or they have thought long and hard to come to the conclusion that the relationship is no longer for them. If someone leaves, believe their actions – they are more important to themselves than the other person. This is also a self-respect issue. Why take someone back that undervalued their significant other in the first place?