How Great Thou Part

How Great Thou Part

The In-Between Days of Divorce – When Grace Meets Reality

posted by corme

It is getting dark and I am perched in front of my keyboard. I have been jamming through my inbox, cleaning out e-mails, doing work and research since morning.

I am having one of those in-between days. There is nothing jarring, stressful or new on the divorce front – phew!

Yet, not a particularly upbeat day either. Fortunately, these somewhat melancholy, in-between days that remind me I am neither completely out of the past nor further into the future aren’t as common as they used to be. However, they are still an occasional reality. The status quo – all a part of the misadventures of divorce.

My fingers slow as computer fatigue sets in. I am secretly pleased with myself that I have pared down to not only double digit e-mails, but shockingly below twenty. This is a rarity.

A friend and I are e-mailing about work. We agree to shelf everything until next week. He closes out his e-mail to me with well wishes.

“Keep your chin up. God makes beautiful things out of the sh*tty stuff.”

I smile. It’s grace meets reality and quite frankly, very, very true. I type my response.

“I can’t wait until sh*tty becomes beautiful.”

Are You Truly Loved?

posted by corme

It is late and the moon peaks out slightly from the dark sky. I toss and turn and then grab for my phone. I shouldn’t leave it resting on the bedside table. A poor habit which makes it even more difficult to find sleep each night.

I start typing column notes into my phone. I do this frequently since the solitude of divorce ushers endless thoughts in the quietest time of my day.

I furiously tap the keys of my phone. My first few words…”I now realize that divorce is not a loss.”

Not only did I disappear while waiting for the man I married to reappear, but I gave far too much to someone who took too much.

I simply wasn’t loved. I am baffled that I ever thought I was.

He never loved me enough to surrender an argument.
He never loved me enough to dry my tears.
He never loved me enough to beg to see my smile.
He never loved me enough to find walking out the door too painful.
He never loved me enough to believe I was a prize worth fighting for.

I was never truly loved. I had just grown to accept a one-sided relationship that brought with it Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

You don’t hold onto love. You give love away.

You give love away when you surrender an argument, dry tears, beg for smiles, find walking out too painful and believe love is a prize worth fighting for.

You don’t accept too little from someone who takes too much.

To be truly loved…you look for the people who give love away.

No, my divorce is not a loss. Love was at a loss far before that.

how-great-thou-part-3

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A Rare Lefty Baseball Star’s Legacy of Love

posted by corme

I listen to the priest. He tells us we should be, “bringing Heaven down here to earth.”

We are in church to say goodbye to a gorgeous sixteen year old boy. A child overflowing with love and brimming with joy. He is gifted in the art of life…family, friendships, spirituality and grace. He is also gifted in athletics. A shining star in the sport of baseball.

It is an impossible loss for his mother and father and sister and brothers, his extended family, his friends, his baseball team, his church, his school and his community.

Matthew has touched the lives of many with his infectious smile and joie de vivre. His name, Matthew means “Gift from God” and he has been a mighty gift to all who have lived life with him.

The priest speaks about Matthew’s life through baseball. I think how he most certainly would have loved to be celebrated this way through his beloved sport.

Father speaks of baseball being vastly different than most sports. That it begins in the springtime when life is renewed, plays through the summer and into the fall, when life temporarily retreats. He explains that in no other sport can a game be over so quickly or extended for so long.

He says that life has that same cycle of seasons and no one knows just how many innings we will all be able to play.

Matthew is a star, yet he didn’t need to be one. He was humble about his gifts and certain of himself. He played every inning with a zest for life.

“Matthew was gifted in love,” says his great uncle. His own voice laced with the same trademark gift.

He speaks of fond memories shared between a boy and an “ole geezer like him.’ He asks us to honor Matthew by pitching the same warmth, kindness and joy in our own lives. To throw around the same type of love that others could catch so easily. To continue to keep this player’s spirit in the game.

To step up to the bat and take our turn “bringing Heaven down here to earth.”

Just as the ‘rare lefty star’ taught us to.

how-great-thou-part-3

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Sheehy Orme
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E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
www.colleensheehyorme.com

Some of the Bravest Women I Know

posted by corme

I swing open the door of the local coffee shop. I cross the threshold and spy two friends. I stop and chat with them for a moment. They are aware of my marital struggles. What can I say? The writer in me has for lack of a better term always made my life an open book.

These are two of the kindest women I know. They are warm and uplifting.

“Don’t worry,” they tell me. “You can be a part of our club.”

I thank them, order my coffee and head out for the day.

This was five years ago.

What I didn’t tell them that day was what I was really thinking. I didn’t want to be a part of their club. I wanted to stay married. I did not want to be divorced. No, it’s not because of divorce snobbery. My mom was a single parent and I could not have been prouder of her. I just did not want this to be our love story, our family’s less than fairytale ending.

Divorce is not for the faint of heart. It involves ugly stuff like tears and fear.

It is heartbreaking, stressful, lonely, and unpredictable. It is meltdowns, weight gain, weight loss, sleepless and panicked. In addition, in many cases it is spouses behaving badly and games that involve fat cats playing with a mouse.

Some of the kindest, most caring and loving individuals I know have endured this frightening and painful journey.

I’ll be honest. I didn’t think I was brave enough or strong enough or resilient enough for divorce. It’s a small part of what kept me there for so long.

This morning I cross the threshold of the coffee shop and I spy one of the women.

She is brave, strong and resilient. I am so proud to be a part of her club.

how-great-thou-part-3

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Sheehy Orme
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www.colleensheehyorme.com

The 5 Keys to Emotional Success

posted by corme

In life whether it be the glorious peaks or the darkest valley the true essence of enjoying the highs or evolving through the lows resides in our core being.

Who are we? What are we made of? Is our foundation so strong that we are humble through success and gracious in defeat? In our most weathered times do we celebrate the sun shining in the lives of others? Does self-responsibility replace self-pity? Does faith replace fear?

In our most glorious peaks we need to be emotionally successful to touch others in the most positive light.

In our deepest valleys we must not lose sight of emotional success. In the fierceness of difficulty, a quiet will eventually evolve. It is then we must seize the moment and take inventory of the five keys that will give us hope, help us cope and sustain us.

Generosity
Confidence
Maturity
Unconditional Love
Faith
photo-40

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A Husbandless Valentines Day

posted by corme

The store is bursting with activity. People stand in line arms overflowing with large red hearts and other love professing products.

I hear a young father in the isle next to me with his two young boys.

“I don’t wanna pick a card,” the boys protest. Obviously, turned off by tons of heart bearing I love you cards.

“You just gotta pick one,” says the frenzied dad. He is trying to catch them as they both head in opposite escape routes determined to flee the yucky ‘love’ isle of cards.

“It’s stupid,” the boys say in unison.

“It’s all stupid,” says the dad. “We gotta do it anyway.”

Of course, I can’t help but snicker.

I pass the flowers. They are red and glitter hearts hang from the vases while chocolates nestle between them. All I can think is how beautiful they are…how beautiful love is.

The past week I field calls and presents from family and friends. Their attention confuses me until I realize they are all rallying for Valentine’s Day. They worry for about me now that I have lost love.

Later in the day my phone rings. It’s my friend “Marla.”

“Why don’t you come over for dinner tomorrow,” she asks.

“I’m fine,” I say. “Don’t worry about me. The holidays don’t bother me. I am not sad or preoccupied.”

“Are you sure?” probes Marla.

“Yes,” I respond gratefully. “On the contrary, holidays have always represented joy to me and make me feel like a little kid again. When I saw the flowers today I actually stopped to take them in because they were that beautiful. They do not represent sadness to me at all. Instead, all I could think was what a great holiday. How can it be anything, but great to spread love?”

As Marla and I continue to chat I have an epiphany. I realize why I don’t find my now husbandless holidays sad.

I was not with someone who sent me flowers, brought me candy or wrote me love notes. The times that I did get those things they were an obligation. In fact, much like the two little protesting grocery store boys.

The flowers do not represent sadness to me because I have nearly no memories of any that carried love along with them.

I have not spent these years with someone who found the holidays an occasion to tell me that I was loved, I was special, I meant something to him and that I was worth taking the time to love.

This holiday just reinforces that I am heading in the right direction because how can it be anything, but great to spread love? I don’t want flowers, candy or cards. That is unless they are also carrying love along with them.

Valentines

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Ten Phrases That Will Save Your Relationship

posted by corme

Love should not be complicated. Love should be generous and generosity is a simple concept. It’s important to never lose sight of the fact that relationships are what I call a “Relay.” The beginning of the word ‘rela’tionship implies this significance. It is a back and forth, a give and take, a constant ‘relay’ to be truly successful.

So it’s imperative that we never lose sight of the importance of ‘caring’ about our significant others. Words matter…feelings matter…feeling loved matters.

Ten phrases that will save your relationship:

I love you
If it matters to you then it matters to me
I am sorry
I know I hurt you and I would never want to do that
I shouldn’t have said that
I care if you are upset, stressed, worried, sad or mad
I respect what makes you happy or sad even though I may not understand it myself
How are you?
Can I help you?
Do I make you feel loved?

how-great-thou-part-3
Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Sheehy Orme
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The One Video You Must Watch and Share This Valentines Day

posted by corme

I sit at my computer. I feel a lump in my throat as tears fall and make their way down my face.

I am transfixed by the video playing in front of me. It is a January night on the streets of Philadelphia. Rittenhouse Square is quiet making it an even more perfect backdrop for the moment at hand.

Snowflakes drop from the sky casting a star like glitter to the dark night. The song “Evergreen” plays as my friend, Lisa’s son assembles his family and friends to surprise his soon to be fiance. The warmth of love inescapable despite the contrasting winter weather.

I watch the exciting, love filled, tender moment unfold. The anticipation, the proposal, the acceptance, the thrilled hugs, the toast and watch as the golden balloons drift up towards the moon.

The lyrics pull me in deeper.

They are such a powerful anthem to young love…”Honey, your soul could never grow old, it’s evergreen.”

This is a moment of magic. A young man openly professes his love. He proudly shouts it for all the world to see.

The wedding is a party that grows complicated.

The engagement is a simple, love declaring moment.

Isn’t this the way it should be and more importantly isn’t it the way it should remain throughout marriage? If everyone captured this magic on tape maybe we would never forget the ‘generosity of love that exists in our young souls.’

Maybe we would still be loving each other at seventy…even when the memory fades…maybe beautifully ALL love would never grow old.

Watch The Proposal Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jThYr_PV9dM

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Sheehy Orme
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Is Divorce Different for the Stay at Home versus Career Woman?

posted by corme

I swipe at my keyboard to log into my computer. I find an e-mail waiting for me from an old friend. I will call her “Kiki.” I am excited to hear from her. Just seeing her name takes me back to shared laughter and sipping cocktails.

I start to read and I only make it to the third sentence before I realize things are not okay.

Her pain jumps at me through the screen. It has the markings of marital agony.

“Kiki” is strong and independent. She has built an impressive career, traveled the world and married a bit later than some of us. Nonetheless, I hear the same vulnerability in her words, in her voice that I also feel.

Somehow, I believe that because I stayed home all of these years that I am more vulnerable. That I am more frightened. Only that’s not true. Our loves start with youthful passion and somewhere along the way they morph into family and to lose them feels as though we are losing everything.

It punches our stomach, it hits our stability and it pillages our self-doubt. Why me? I tried everything or did I try everything? How did this happen? What did I miss? Was I in denial?

Love is universal as is all that accompanies it.

The rest is all semantics. True, they are also things that can make the journey elongated and even more difficult. The lack of financial security, the rebuilding of a career and all of the other things that accompany having stayed home for many years. In that same vein, big careers can bring other divorce attributes to struggle with during proceedings.

Yes, these are just the semantics, the individual characteristics of each divorce journey, but the inception, the birth of marital heartache and divorce are universal.

“Kiki” and I are at the same party. We just showed up at different times wearing different outfits, only we are still sipping the same cocktail.

how-great-thou-part-3

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Do You Fear You Are Labeled in Divorce?

posted by corme

I am at the coffee shop this morning. I am really supposed to be walking with my friends “Candy” and “Cookie” only we decide it’s a bit too cold to be healthy this morning. We are more 40 degree kinda gals. Somehow it’s far easier to show up early for coffee and omelettes than walk more than three miles in the freezing cold.

“Candy” and “Cookie” are really the walking veterans. My current lifestyle has turned me into more of the sidekick they tutor in walking.

Still, we discuss health as good walking partners should. I tell them about a great new store that has opened in town which sells cold pressed juices and organic, vegetarian fare. I am working with this store on their marketing and rave about their products as a must try.

“Cookie” starts to joke something along the lines of, “I’ll give it a Colleen.”

I gasp. Hey, wait a minute don’t turn me into a noun! Is that what my present situation has become? You know the pre-divorce Colleen and the nearly post-divorce Colleen. I’ve gone through such a metamorphosis that I now have a divorce identity.

“No,” says ‘Cookie’ as “Candy’ and I erupt with laughter. “I’ll give it an ole college try.”

Now we are all laughing.

“Oh, thank goodness,” I say.

I am afraid of labels. This is what divorce has done to me. I am the divorce leper. Anyone who has been through divorce knows of what I speak. You are now the different one and it is not comfortable.

I never needed to be like other people. I never felt like I needed to fit in even when I was a teenager. I always say that I enjoy being liked, but I don’t need to be liked. What do I mean? I think we all want to be liked on some level only I will turn that on its heels if a situation demands that I step forward and deal with something unpleasant.

Only when I was very little do I remember wishing that I was like someone else, or wanted their pony or their toy. Only then do I remember that feeling of wanting to fit in.

Divorce is uncomfortable. You no longer fit in. No matter how many pounds I shed walking (minus the omelettes) will I achieve comfort.

My clothes may fit again, but not the world I spent years building. It shrunk. There will never be room for me to fit into that life again.

how-great-thou-part-3
Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Sheehy Orme
on Twitter @colleenorme
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E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
www.colleensheehyorme.com

Previous Posts

The In-Between Days of Divorce - When Grace Meets Reality
It is getting dark and I am perched in front of my keyboard. I have been jamming through my inbox, cleaning out e-mails, doing work and research since morning. I am having one of those in-between days. There is nothing jarring, stressful or new on the divorce front - phew! Yet, not a particul

posted 12:55:35am Mar. 04, 2015 | read full post »

Are You Truly Loved?
It is late and the moon peaks out slightly from the dark sky. I toss and turn and then grab for my phone. I shouldn't leave it resting on the bedside table. A poor habit which makes it even more difficult to find sleep each night. I start typing column notes into my phone. I do this frequently si

posted 11:47:36pm Feb. 28, 2015 | read full post »

A Rare Lefty Baseball Star's Legacy of Love
I listen to the priest. He tells us we should be, "bringing Heaven down here to earth." We are in church to say goodbye to a gorgeous sixteen year old boy. A child overflowing with love and brimming with joy. He is gifted in the art of life...family, friendships, spirituality and grace. He is als

posted 10:14:34pm Feb. 27, 2015 | read full post »

Some of the Bravest Women I Know
I swing open the door of the local coffee shop. I cross the threshold and spy two friends. I stop and chat with them for a moment. They are aware of my marital struggles. What can I say? The writer in me has for lack of a better term always made my life an open book. These are two of the kindest

posted 6:36:44pm Feb. 25, 2015 | read full post »

The 5 Keys to Emotional Success
In life whether it be the glorious peaks or the darkest valley the true essence of enjoying the highs or evolving through the lows resides in our core being. Who are we? What are we made of? Is our foundation so strong that we are humble through success and gracious in defeat? In our most weathe

posted 3:11:08pm Feb. 18, 2015 | read full post »


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