Beliefnet
How Great Thou Part

Do you lie?

Sure you do.

Pretty much everyone will admit they are guilty of a little white lie now and then. 

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The type that spares someone’s feelings or the one you tell when feeling overwhelmed and really not up to going out.

And then there are the growing up lies.

The party you just have to go to or the concert your parents are never going to sanction.

There is nothing good about a lie.

And there is no rationalizing them but the examples above lean towards the explainable.

No one wants to hurt the feelings of another person if they were somehow left out of something.

And all human beings have limits where they are just too tired or emotionally spent to make something and too proud or embarrassed to say so – thus the excuse, aka, the lie. Likewise, children and adolescents are evolving through the growing pains of life. However, even in youth, these lies should be few and far between. There should be a few stories not daily, weekly or monthly lies.

But what about a real lie?

A grown-up lie? 

The kind there is simply no excuse for because it doesn’t fall into any innocent category.

I know what you are thinking.

The big, big lies like having an affair.

Nope, a lie is a lie even if outside the realm of cheaters.

When you lie to someone you love regarding what made you late, where you went, what you spent and more – you are doing two things.

  1. You are demonstrating selfish behavior: Yes, a lie is an attempt to protect yourself at the expense of another.
  2. You are making the relationship unpredictable: When someone lies you never know whether you can trust them.

And yes, I have heard the excuses.

I have to lie my spouse will get mad at me for being late, for spending the money, etc.

If that is the case and you are not habitually late or an over-spender you need to rethink your relationship. You should be married to an equal, not someone who parents you. Conversely, if you never address your own bad behavior of constantly doing something which annoys your spouse and is inconsiderate and/or not self-responsible you need to take accountability rather than lie.

What does that mean? Either change the bad behavior or tell the truth.

I was chatting with one of my children recently.

He said, “Aren’t you glad I told you the truth?”

In fact, I was.

Why? Even the somewhat expected and anticipated lies of youth albeit rare can instill a sense of anxiety.

Finding out someone you love lied to you even once is enough to disrupt a relationship.

It’s enough to turn a safe relationship into an unpredictable one.

And when it continues, there is a distinct selfishness to lying to someone you care about over and over again just to get your way.

Hence, there is rationalizing our bad behavior once or twice. We are human and flawed.

There is not; however, any solid reasoning to justifying our bad behavior over and over again.

Self-accountable adults don’t say I lie to avoid an outcome.

For example, even a teenager who sneaks out to that concert should not respond they lied because their parents wouldn’t let them go. That is blaming another person for their bad behavior. Instead, they should take responsibility and say they went because they still wanted to go even after hearing no.

Every individual deserves to be in a relationship which is unselfish and predictable. 

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The holidays promote the urge to give in all of us.

It is truly a beautiful thing.

The problem?

Like the rest of the well-intentioned harried holiday humans, I could use prompts to do more of said giving.

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Things just get busier once the calendar advances to December one.

This makes me recall a conversation I had with one of my boys last year.

On our way to visit relatives we encountered traffic and were rerouted. By the time we got to the tollbooth I questioned my son asking why it was taking so long to pay? We were, after all, losing time and he could hear the obvious frustration in my voice. On my list of top three stress inducers? Keeping people waiting.

My son turned to me and said, “You told us to think about little things we could do for people over the holidays remember? Like paying a toll for the car behind us.

And there I was speechless.

It actually prompted me to write a column about the lesson my son taught me that day.

It does reinforce; however, as individuals and parents we can set out to have the best intentions to help and give and yet still become too rushed to remember.

Tis the Season.

Personally, I am a lover of lists.

Nothing like checking it twice and then crossing it off. It works for Santa.

It just never seems to work for me.

I get to a few of my giving, helping and time-sharing intentions and that’s about it.

I decided this year I needed a different type of reminder. One to keep me perpetually conscious. Because, after all,  I am in fact not Santa and minus his magic I could use a little help.

I knew it had to be a positive reminder and its placement in my daily life would be critical. I couldn’t see it in the morning and then remember it when I came home at night. It needed to travel with me during the day. It also needed to work for me as an individual and as a parent.

I wanted something my children and I could continue to do together throughout the years.

And then it hit me!

CANDY CANES!

A happy holiday reminder that also travels well. 

This year will start the tradition. 

A constant reminder to look for ways to give, help, share or spend time.

5 Simple Steps to Giving More This Holiday Season:

1. Purchase mini-candy canes.

2. Decide as an individual/family how many candy canes each individual will be responsible for.

3. Place them in the family car(s) as the primary location. Others can find their ways to purses, pockets (watch that wash), dorm rooms, work, etc.

4. Brainstorm simple generosity of spirit ideas, i.e., helping an elderly person to their car with groceries, opening a store or car door for someone struggling with small children, giving an extra dollar or two to charity when checking out of a store, paying a toll for the car behind you, leaving a candy bar for someone at work, making a long overdue visit with a friend or family member, paying for a stranger’s meal at the table next to you or a cup of coffee, give up a parking space to another car (I know this might be the hardest of all), pay for an extra item at a store for the next person who comes in to purchase it, put a few extra dollars in the collection basket, if someone is struggling with packages and hunting through their purse for money offer to pay for their coffee (scratch that – just pay for it) and more.

5. Each time you demonstrate some type of generosity of spirit hang that candy cane on your Christmas tree or place it in a bowl. Buy some individual notebooks to write down these moments and share at a later date as a family or simply pick a time each day to discuss how being conscious led to more simple opportunities to be generous.

It’s hard to be present in life. 

We all need prompts.

At our core, we all want to give.

It’s a beautiful thing.

As I write this column today I search for just the right picture to accompany it.

The irony is not lost as I realize two candy canes represent one heart.

Enough said. 

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Orme National Columnist

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I belong to a Facebook Group called Parentless Parents.

We are a tribe of individuals who navigate parenting after the loss of our mothers and our fathers. This community was started by my friend and author Allison Gilbert. I initially met Allison when she interviewed me for her book Parentless Parents: How the Loss of Our Mothers and Fathers Impacts the Way We Raise Our Children.

I bonded with Allison immediately.

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After all, we were both absent two parts of the same whole.

The mothers and fathers who make us believe we are invincibly beautiful, talented and wondrous. Our sacred cohorts when the world shrinks with our accomplishments and explodes with our fears. Our safe and happy haven for our deepest comfort, overwhelming woes, and joyfully exuberant highs. 

Many in this group lost their parents far too young. 

They did not have the luxury of caring for their aging parent and experiencing grief. On the contrary, their beings were shaped by loss. It molded them into the people and parents they have become. Life mandated many of them to navigate youth and adulthood with a far greater independence than what is required of the average child.

Today’s post grabs me. 

It is a woman who lost her parents at about the same age I did. Yet, as my inbox floods with additional comments, my heartache deepens. It seems I truly did experience a luxury by having them until I was twenty-eight years old. So very many more lost both of their parents at far younger ages.

Their words all share the same sentiment.

The angst in reconciling the depth of their loss in a world where they constantly witness the majority enjoying their parents into middle-age and beyond.

I remember when Allison interviewed me (and I paraphrase) she told me I was one of just a few who didn’t feel envious of people who still had their parents. On the contrary, I told her it brought me joy to see a mother and daughter together or grandparents cheering their grandchildren on from the sidelines.

She was curious if I had any notion of why?

At the time, I believed it was my mother’s lessons on being raised by a single parent. Rather than focus on the fact my father left and was barely a part of our lives, she never made us feel victimized. Quite the opposite, she made us feel privileged. She told us God had chosen this path for us and our father was a good person who loved us and just couldn’t overcome his drinking. On top of that, she made us feel incredibly loved.

Don’t get me wrong!

Let me tell you the quintessential puddle of victimization I was after losing them both within six months. The grief for my father was definitely different but he was my dad and I loved him. My mom, on the other hand, she had been both parents to us and the thought of a world without her was more than I could bear.

Even now, as these words touch the keyboard my eyes flood with tears. 

And I was angry! After all, everyone I knew had the luxury of being raised by both of their parents and I had never complained I really only had one. I never focused on that because I was so very grateful I had my mother. It was hard for me to reconcile being raised by a single parent and then losing her. And this went on for some time. The first two years were immensely difficult.

But then the healing gradually overcame the hurt.

And I held onto what my mom had taught me my entire life.

God knew this would be my path. 

God does not make mistakes.

All these years later, when the end of my marriage became evident and the brutal pain of divorce ensued I once again felt victimized. Why me? Why more loss in my life? Why another person I love that I don’t want to lose? Why do my children have to experience the same pain I knew as a child?

And on and on and on some more.

I beat the horse, rolled it over, beat it again, and again and again.

I simply felt sorry for myself. And that’s okay. But it wasn’t okay for it to keep extending because I was robbing my children of the joyful mother they deserved.

The time I spent holding onto grief was definitely some of my unhappiest. 

I mourned my marriage for years AND years!

A part of me just couldn’t accept it. I didn’t want it to be my reality, my children’s reality, but it was.

When I finally came to terms with my new path I could let go of the sorrow.

It happened when the marriage counselor looked at me and reminded me I thought everything in my life had happened for a reason. He then said, ‘Colleen, did it occur to you God is also making your children who they are meant to be?’

This is not what any of us would choose.

It is; however, our unique path and every time I sit with a friend who has lost a parent or send cards every month for a year – I know I am using my pain to understand and comfort another.

I’m not perfect in coming to terms with being a parentless parent.

I have my moments.

For instance, if someone says I am fortunate for not having to care for an aging parent and have those worries – I smile and keep my real feelings to myself. Because my response would be I would welcome and consider it a privilege to care for them and you should too. However, I know those are well-intended words. People just don’t really know what to say to someone who has lived pretty much their whole adult life without either parent.

What I do know?

It would break my mother and father’s heart to think I lived half a life because of their loss.

So I hold onto my faith, my family, my friends, and truly loving and caring people like Allison Gilbert and her community of Parentless Parents.

And I continue to search for purpose in all aspects of my pain so I might touch another who experiences something similar.

But just like every other parentless parent…sometimes I dream about and wish for those two parts of my whole…

The mothers and fathers who make us believe we are invincibly beautiful, talented and wondrous. Our sacred cohorts when the world shrinks with our accomplishments and explodes with our fears. Our safe and happy haven for our deepest comfort, overwhelming woes, and joyfully exuberant highs. 

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Orme National Columnist

on Twitter @colleenorme
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E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
www.colleensheehyorme.com

Like the rest of this fast-paced digital world, I am in the habit of saving my fav reads for a later date while I zip through my email in delete mode. 

And then I wait for the perfect day to catch up – just me, a cup of tea and my girls Hazel and Phyllis lounging happily at my feet. 

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In my latest batch of saved faves? 

I just had to know what http://sheknows.com had to tell me about the latest and greatest happening in Jen Garner’s life.

She is a divorcing girl after all and if she has found a new calling perhaps it might call me as well. Wrap that up with the fact I really like the humor and writing style of Christina Marfice and I settle in to read it.

Jennifer Garner Has Found a New Calling in Life: http://www.sheknows.com/entertainment/articles/1136915/jennifer-garner-instagram-photo-chicken-lady?utm_source=SheKnowsDaily&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=20171107&utm_term=main2&utm_content=11189604

If you have taken a few minutes to give this a read – we both now realize Jen Garner’s new calling is chickens.

Not a bad replacement for Ben.

Alas, I was hoping I would also hear the call that would emancipate me in divorce and make my life somehow more exciting. 

Just don’t think I am ready to join Jen as a bird lady. 

My girls Hazel and Phyllis are more than I can handle but the chicken sure does look easier to walk.

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Orme National Columnist

on Twitter @colleenorme
on Pinterest @colleensheehyorme
E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
www.colleensheehyorme.com

As parents, we LOVE to do things for our children. 

After all, it’s an expression of love.

How could it be a bad thing?

pexels-photo-613321Or could it be?

There comes an age where doing too much for our children WILL negatively impact their future relationships.

In a word –

It’s called self-responsibility and it is our job as parents to raise our children to learn to take accountability and responsibility for themselves, their choices and their actions. 

You need to ask yourself if you are still driving forgotten homework or lunches to school is it age appropriate? Likewise, doing all their laundry and other chores which symbolize a start to maturity and accepting responsibility for themselves and being a part of a family.

There is a reason for the popular expression: We aren’t raising children we are raising adults.

Add to that, an expression I myself coined: I am tired of watching children walking around masquerading as adults.

It is hard for parents to pull in the loving reigns; however, if our children are not taught self-accountability it will hurt them in their adult lives.

They will be the person who turns their spouse into a mommy or a daddy rather than a healthy relationship equal. 

For instance, the spouse who is asked to bring milk or diapers home and forgets. The true problem with this scenario? The spouse shouldn’t necessarily be asked at least not constantly. The spouse should recognize the need to be self-accountable for their lives and family and make the occasional call to see if something needs to be picked up.

Another example – the spouse who is constantly late. It’s not up to the other spouse to turn into a parent and nag or beg them not to be late. It is up to the adult who is late to take accountability for a behavior which often stresses the people it impacts and take responsibility for themselves and address it.

If these two scenarios do not grab your attention perhaps this will.

The relationships in the home often go out into the world and manifest themselves in the workplace as well. This means a child who is not taught to be self-accountable will have someone who assumes the position of work mommy or work daddy and prods, reminds and rescues them at work as well. This a proven phenomenon. It’s because in unhealthy families we play roles enabler, the golden child, etc. and then we go out into the world and attract ourselves to romantic relationships that replicate this and we remain in work relationships which also duplicate this.

Therefore, in the name of LOVE…

One of the best things we can do for our children is teaching them to be self-responsible.

It need not be filled with drama or emotion or fights but rather a plan.

In the second grade, I went into one of my children’s teachers and explained I would be allowing him to forget his homework for the week. And would it be okay with her as I believed if I didn’t do it now it would continue into high school. Her response surprised me. She told me she absolutely supported that and she wished more parents would do so. Then I explained to my son I was teaching him to remember his own homework.

There were no tears or drama or yelling. A week later we had resolved the situation. My son never forgot his homework again. That is the magic of consequences. They speak so much louder than yelling and frustration.

Of course, both parents have to be on the same page.

When my divorce began and my husband contradicted my parenting I had to once again deal with the subject of self-responsibility. It caused chaos and stress and yelling. It temporarily damaged otherwise wonderful relationships.

Because when one is a part of a relationship, family or workplace their behavior impacts others.

It’s not okay to act and do as one pleases.

One must be self-responsible. 

If not, they selfishly dump onto those they love and make them have to be overly responsible for them because they lack self-responsibility and are under accountable for their own life.

We must teach our children to be responsible for their own behavior good and bad and their own choices and responsibilities.

It will allow them to walk through life as capable and mature adults, not needy children.

 

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I remember the day I sat in my marriage counselor’s office and through the tears, kleenex and runny mascara blurted out…

Why is God doing this to me?

Wow, now looking back, I can’t believe those words ever came out of my mouth!

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Can you say, victim?

In my defense, I was losing my family. All that mattered to me in the world. And worse, my children were now reliving what I had lived and had sworn I would never let happen. Step that up a bit by adding all the societal frowning divorce brings as well as the change in friendships and perception of who one is just because their relationship failed…

AND

There you have it!

Why is God doing this to me?

I remember clearly at the end of that particular hour, my marriage counselor smiling and saying, “Colleen, you do know that God is not doing this to you.”

I have said many times, that a truly good therapist will teach you to take responsibility for yourself, your own decisions which led you to this point and self-empowerment. If not, no legitimate healing will take place.

Therefore, even if you married an alcoholic, a gambler, a narcissist, etc. God was never doing this to you. You were making choices which led you or kept you in situations which were never healthy, to begin with. Perhaps you thought you could save or rescue the person you loved. Or perhaps, they were healthy when you married them and things led them down an unhealthy road. It is your responsibility to set limits and boundaries and ultimately leave if necessary.

There is a time to lick our wounds and frankly, I happen to be a big advocate of that.

We should cry and stomp our feet, punch our pillows, toss and turn and cry some more.

We should bemoan our situation and yes, I can’t believe I am going to say it – feel sorry for ourselves.

But that should last for just a short time…

AND

We should never blame God.

Instead, we must realize God is attempting to rescue us from those we chose to naively rescue ourselves.

There is nothing more joyful than the holidays surrounded by the ones we love.

But life is an ebb and flow and inevitably we suffer loss or relocations or relationships end and more..so much more.

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And what was once a day of exuberant thanks and holiday folklore can feel lonely. 

The following are 15 Quotes to Comfort and Inspire During Difficult Holidays:

“…And to wake up knowing God is on my side…is enough.”

–Author Unknown

 

“I choose joy…I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.”

–Max Lucado

 

“Darkness must pass. A new day will come and when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.”

–J.R.R. Tolkien

 

“I have too many flaws to be perfect. But I have too many blessings to be ungrateful.”

–Zig Ziglar

 

“I’m thankful for my struggle because without it I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strength.”

–Lookupquotes.com

 

“In the New Year, never forget to thank your past years because they enabled you to reach today! Without the stairs of the past, you cannot arrive at the future.”

–Mehmet Murat Ildan

 

“I write about the power of trying because I want to be okay with failing. I write about generosity because I battle selfishness. I write about joy because I know sorrow. I write about faith because I almost lost mine, and I know what it is to be broken and in need of redemption. I write about gratitude because I am thankful – for all of it.

–Kristin Armstrong

 

“At the end of the day, I am thankful that my blessings are bigger than my problems.”

–Author Unknown

 

“It is not the strength of the body that counts, but the strength of the spirit.”

–J.R.R. Tolkien

 

“You’re never without hope because you’re never without prayer.”

–Max Lucado

 

“Being positive in a negative situation is not naive. It’s leadership.”

–Ralph Marston

 

“We read to know we are not alone.”

–William Nicholson

 

“You change your life by changing your heart.”

–Max Lucado

 

“I will not walk backward in life.”

–J.R.R. Tolkien

 

“To pray is to let go and let God take over.”

–Philippians 4:6-7

 

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Orme National Columnist

on Twitter @colleenorme
on Pinterest @colleensheehyorme
E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
www.colleensheehyorme.com

(Picture courtesy of Pexels)

It’s a wonder most can’t walk away from disrespectful relationships in the very beginning.

The problem?

Generally speaking, we tolerate this lack of respect because it’s somehow familiar. This communication or more appropriately ‘lack of communication’ probably existed in our family of origin. We simply don’t know any better. These are the patterns we witnessed throughout our childhood.

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But boy, can a disrespectful relationship yield some mighty unpleasant baggage.

The beauty?

There are two viable options to avoid these types of destructive bonds.

You can attract yourself to respectful people just as easily as their unpleasant counterparts. In order to do this, it may take both heightened awareness and counseling so as to break old habits.

And, if two people are committed to one another and to improving their love and their lives, they can be taught to understand and embrace ‘great communication.’ There are great books on this topic, but counseling is really the best format because it is difficult to identify and recognize our own behaviors.

7 Things You Will Find in a Disrespectful Relationship:

1. Frustration:

It is incredibly frustrating to attempt to speak with a friend or Significant Other who lacks respect. 

The frustration level will build and build as one person attempts to discuss what is important to them and the other person continually disregards them.

2. Resentment:

Resentment mounts easily as disagreements and issues go unresolved.

This is a dangerous pattern because more and more water is accumulating under the bridge and eventually presents a real threat to the survival of the relationship.

3. Yelling:

Where there is yelling generally two things exist:

One individual lacks respect for the other while the other cares too much, thus remaining with the disrespectful partner too long.

The triple threat: A lack of respect, bad behavior and the overly caring enabler who tolerates it results in raised voices.

4. Anger:

A disrespectful person does not listen. Make that two disrespectful people and no one is listening to anyone.

It is inevitable that anger will take up residence within the relationship.

5. Name Calling:

Disrespectful people judge others and labels accompany judgments.

Likewise, an otherwise respectful individual who has attracted themselves to a person who lacks respect will likely get angry and frustrated enough to eventually resort to unbecoming tactics.

The desperation of terrible communication coupled with zero listening skills brings out the ugliest in the prettiest of people.

6. Out of Control:

Eventually, a disrespectful union makes people feel out of control.

Relationships with those we love should provide a safe harbor.

But never feeling heard and understood can make it feel as if an individual has no say in their own lives.

7. Belittling:

There is a significant bullying tactic in disrespectful communicators which leaves the recipient feeling both belittled and demeaned.

Nothing like another individual making someone feel small for their beliefs, ideas or thoughts.

It is an oppressive atmosphere which can damage even the healthiest self-esteem.

 

There you have it.

None of these Deadly Seven Sins sound at all appealing, yet every day otherwise well-adjusted people tolerate these toxic relationships.

There is a light at the end of every relationship tunnel.

We just have to choose it.

All relationships can be improved with the dedication of both parties and proper instruction and counseling. If not, they can be avoided with exactly the same type of education and counseling.

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Orme National Columnist

on Twitter @colleenorme
on Pinterest @colleensheehyorme
E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
www.colleensheehyorme.com

(Picture courtesy of Pexels)

“Gratitude exclaims, very properly, “How good of God to give me this.”

–C.S. Lewis

 

“Keep your eyes open to your mercies. The man who forgets to be thankful has fallen asleep in life.”

–Robert Louis Stevenson

 

“‘Thank you’ is the best prayer that anyone could say.”

–Alice Walker

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“I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual. It is surprising how contented one can be with nothing definite – only a sense of existence.”

–Henry David Thoreau

 

“One of the deep secrets of life is that all that is really worth the doing is what we do for others.”

–Lewis Carroll

 

“It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life.”

–J.R.R. Tolkien

 

“Gratitude is a dialysis of sorts. It flushes the self-pity out of our systems.”

–Max Lucado

 

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”

–Oscar Wilde

 

“For each new morning with its light, for rest and shelter of the night, for health and food, for love and friends, for everything thy goodness sends.”

–Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

“Do not take anything for granted – not one smile or one person or one rainbow or one breath, or one night in your cozy bed.”

–Terri Guillemets

 

“Each day I am thankful for the nights that turned into mornings, friends that turned into family, dreams that turned into reality and likes that turned into love.”

–Author Unknown

 

“I want to thank you for the profound joy I’ve had in the thought of you.”

–Rosie Alison

 

“Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received. Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling. Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse.”

–Henry Van Dyke

 

“I have a lot to be thankful for. I am healthy, happy and I am loved.”

–Reba McEntire

 

“The unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings.”

–Henry Ward Beecher

 

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”

–William Arthur Ward

 

“Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have roses.”

–Alphonse Karr

 

“It is not happy people who are thankful. It is thankful people who are happy.”

–Author Unknown

 

“Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with that there is.”

–Ernest Hemingway

 

“Walk as if you are kissing the earth with your feet.”

–Thich Nhat Hanh

 

(Picture courtesy of Pexels)

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Orme National Columnist

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E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
www.colleensheehyorme.com

These past years have been brutal; however, as much as I prayed for God to lead me forward and up and out of them, deep down I knew a truth.

The type of truth anyone with deep spirituality recognizes in times of angst.

I still hadn’t learned the lesson God was attempting to teach me.

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I say ‘attempting’ because it was me, myself and I of my own free will who fought God along the way.

Every difficult lesson, every bump, and bruise, every person I lost left me immeasurably wounded. I simply would not surrender. I continued to fight my truth.

I refused to believe this was my eventual outcome. 

Old habits die hard. As most of them are ingrained from our childhood. Therefore, even in the bad behavior of divorce I never believed it would get to the depths it did. That I would be even more controlled while I attempted to break free and that my children would experience a far worse reality throughout it. You see, while I stayed the other person still felt in control and when I left that led him to great lengths to show me he could still control me.

Had I only known what he was truly capable of there is nothing in this world I would not have done to spare my children.  To prevent them witnessing the horrors of what happens when someone does not want ‘divorce’ but rather ‘destroy’ a person.

This was both the strongest and weakest my person has ever been. 

It was also both the strongest and weakest my children have been.

Not long ago, I began to change the way I prayed.

I told God I was ready to accept and learn what he was trying to teach me. I was ready to no longer live in fear of another human being who had made it clear he felt ‘leaving’ was ‘crossing’ him. I was ready to be restored and move forward with the wisdom I was meant to garner from this experience.

In a nutshell…

God, I am ready. I am ready to be restored. I am ready to no longer live in fear. I am ready to learn and use this lesson for the purpose you intended it for.

Of course, by this point, I was gaining the wisdom to understand I had let my world get way out of control. I had given away tremendous power in my life. It was not okay to allow someone to control me, to hurt me in the same manner over and over again and it was not okay to retreat in fear of what might happen next.

To be fully restored I had to recapture what I had willingly given away…

My personal boundaries.

No one person can impact your life to this degree unless you allow it.

It is time to take control rather than give it away, shield myself from hurt rather than jump in the line of fire, replace fear with empowerment and fight for myself.

After all, God made me and as I always tell my children ‘God DOES NOT make mistakes.’

In my life, ironically it was just one or two people who impacted me in this manner. The majority of people in my life are wonderful and are people who protect me and encourage me to protect myself.

Recently, I was having a conversation with my son.

I found myself saying…

Do not let anyone control you. Do not let anyone hurt you. Do not live in fear because you have given your power away. Fight for yourself.

“God DOES NOT make mistakes.”

God made you!

He never intended for another person or experience to change the beautiful person he molded you to be. God intends for you to learn what He has directed in your path and to go out into the world and do some good with it.

But that won’t happen until you surrender to what you were meant to garner from this experience.

To be restored you have to recapture what you willingly gave away…

Your personal boundaries.

No one person can impact your life to this degree unless you allow it.

It is time to take control rather than give it away, shield yourself from hurt rather than jump in the line of fire and replace fear with empowerment.

And…

Most importantly, it’s time to fight for yourself.

After all,

God has been patiently doing it alone all this time – while waiting for you to join Him.

 

 

(Picture courtesy of Pexels)

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