How Great Thou Part

Every marriage deserves the right to be saved before it is ultimately abandoned.

The true conundrum is both individuals must want to salvage the relationship. Sadly, it often is just one of the two people who are truly invested in caring enough to do so.

Therefore, it is important to make foundational changes that involve both spouses.

Imagine this…
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A business partnership is failing. Only one partner shows up each day and tries to run the entire operation on their own. The other partner has become silent. Showing up when it suits them. The partner that is 100% invested gets counseling and tries to save the business alone. Eventually, it is fruitless, even with counseling they can’t possibly be all things to a joint partnership.

Now imagine another approach…

A business partnership is failing. Only one partner shows up each day and tries to run the entire operation on their own. The other partner has become silent. Showing up when it suits them. The partner that is 100% invested realizes they can’t sustain their business and brand on this scale any longer. They are overworked, overburdened, frustrated and stressed. They understand they can’t change the silent partner. No amount of work on their part will compensate for a person who is no longer committed to the business.

Therefore, they make foundational changes to protect the business. They scale the business back to a place that will work for them and given them time to regain the strength of their brand. Their power no longer in the hands of a partner that either temporarily or permanently no longer cares. Their power is invested back into the core business rather than one aspect of it.

The same is true for failing relationships.

Initially, individuals look solely to the silent partner to save the relationship. However, ultimately, the better approach is to restore and reinforce the original foundation of any partnership. It gives the brand a chance to survive and thrive in a whole new manner rather than band-aid an operation which has gotten lost in day to day operations.
The following are ways to restore the core brand of a marriage:

1. Faith – As soon as a relationship begins to flounder it is critical to evaluate the faith and values which it was founded upon. If going to church has become less of a priority, make sure it is a number one priority again. Make faith and values non-negotiable. Make all other things less important than remembering what comes first in the brand of your relationship. Faith is a core brand attribute. It is one of the most important reasons that relationships maintain their strength.

2. Family – The second step should be re-establishing the brand itself. The relationship and family time must be penciled in the calendar above all else. Great brands have ‘shelf-value.’ The aspects that set them apart from all other brands. An investment in time in the marriage is crucial and in the entire family. Plan more nights around the dinner table or out alone as a couple. Plan more weekends away as spouses and as an entire family. Make time for additional memories to strengthen the foundation of the brand of this unique relationship.

3. Pare Down – When a business is failing, it is imperative to concentrate on the original brand and what made it successful. Even if it means knocking other products and services from the line. To save a marriage the same wisdom holds true. Social engagements, work engagements and generally time with others should become a low priority. After all, just as one product won’t survive if others aren’t taken away, there will be no couples social time and family friends if the marriage is one day dissolved. Time with others is irrelevant when the marriage is troubled. The time is better spent on individual, spouse and family growth. Once the foundation of the relationship is resolved, you can re-emerge and enjoy others even more. This also pertains to volunteering, activities, etc.

4. Counseling – Counseling is essential. A business would hire a marketing consultant to be able to determine where things went wrong, so should a couple. The dilemma is will both partners attend counseling? If both are unwilling than at least one should make the foundational changes above non-negotiable and begin counseling on their own. Remember the business word problem above…You can’t force a silent partner to care. However, one thing is certain. If you do not stay strong and true to the brand yourself, it is a given the business will end. At least under these circumstances, you have increased the likelihood of success and your partner may become interested again. Additionally, you have protected yourself as an individual and a family, staying emotionally and foundationally strong while the outcome of the business is determined.

5. Brand Operations – Stay true to all aspects of your brand and what your marriage and family are about. This means that while you transition back to when your brand was once successful, let go of things which you have accumulated along the way. Businesses seldom fail for lack of customers, they typically fail because an entrepreneur refuses to adjust their original vision. They do not want to listen to the customer. They want to tell the customer what they want. Thus, they get lost in the day to day operations of trying to fix something that is broken rather than alter their focus and operations. What is complicating your day to day operations? Do you need to clean out your house, get rid of a car that keeps breaking down, simplify dinners, lose negative personnel (friends and family who are not supportive), etc.

6. Promote Your Brand – Take a look around your house. When was the last time that you updated family photos? Frame a few more. Put them front and center on your kitchen counter and not in the living room you barely use. Keep things that you enjoy to do as a couple and a family front and center. If you enjoy cooking together, leave the cookbooks out as a reminder to do things which promote the strength and value of your brand.

7. The Original Brand – Couples need to remember that the brand began with them. It is not selfish to concentrate on this foundational aspect but rather imperative. The family is only as strong as the two people that built it. Sift through old photos and letters and other memories and take them out of the boxes. Blow up a picture of both of you younger and put it in a frame beside your bed. Frame a love letter and put it in your office. Anything that reminds you of how strong your original brand was.

If a marriage is failing and rebuilt with the strength of the once successful foundation it began with, it has a substantially greater risk of success.

At the very least, it is no longer one partner exhausted by the silent partner. One partner now has the power to make changes that affect the business themselves. If the silent partner resists and continues to refuse even foundational reinforcements, such as church, more couple and family time, fewer social and work engagements, etc. then the most the other partner can do is continue to focus on the brand.

With time, it will become clear if the partnership is worth saving. Anyone who has ever walked away from a relationship in favor of divorce realizes it has become the only viable option.

At the very least, with this approach, a spouse has done the smart work of investing and protecting themselves and their children rather than give that investment to a silent partner that never came around.

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Divorce is a healthy decision to end an otherwise unhealthy relationship.

It is not the sinister enigma the moniker has accrued.

It is the bravery to face the insecurities of loneliness, finances, and uncertainty. It is the courage to want more for ourselves and our children. It the admission of imperfection. It is an attempt to protect, heal and start over. It is not shameful.

It is an emotional wilderness. A path which requires bold strength.

A journey which many fear too much to travel.
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I walk the streets of New York City. I pass the Ritz Carlton at Central Park. I spy the horse carriages. At first, I revel with excitement.

Since I was a little girl going home to my parents native New York, I have delighted in the horses of Central Park.
My mood shifts from joy to frustration.

Fifty bucks??!! How many times did fifty dollars (or less) get in the way of my marriage? Sure, I know what you are thinking. It may cost more than that now but it didn’t years ago.

My oldest son walks beside me.

“Don’t ever choose money over what will bring a person you love great joy.”
Then I begin to think of different scenarios.

The Starbuck’s runs that I was chastised for. “Who needs a $3 cup of coffee?” he would ask. “An eighty cent cup of coffee from a gas station is good enough for me.”

My husband liked to bill me as a big spender.

The truth? A child raised by a single parent who worked full summers since she was eleven babysitting and then after at a vet and kennel, put herself through college, bought her own first car, etc…

I was hardly a reckless spender. In fact, the nearly twenty years I handled the bills we had a surplus of savings and investments. I feared financial stress because of the way that I grew up.

This type of financial pettiness and control was something which was foreign to me. Though my mother struggled at times, we did without nothing and money was never the basis for evaluating love.

In fact, in my family, it’s best not to let others know if there is something you love or something that you want because they will go out and buy it immediately. Often, at the exclusion of something which they may want. Money was never a calculation of love. It was meaningless if it meant one we loved would derive some type of joy.

It’s funny the controlling limits that some individuals put on love. Becoming judge and jury as to what a spouse should be allowed to do and not allowed to do.

A generous spirit enables the best type of love.

I look back at the horse and carriages. I will ride them alone one day.

No, I think. I probably won’t. I am no longer the young romantic. Instead, I will wonder how hot the horses are and what their quality of life is like.

The moment has passed.

And so has the time another individual will infer I am not worth fifty dollars or less.


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People ask me why I write about divorce.

Their reactions always vary.

-They either thank me
-Are shocked I am willing to put it all out there
-Tell me that they admire that I do
-Or admit that though they may not be my demographic and are married, they still enjoy reading this column.

I understand these responses. The first by the divorcing people who need respite. The second by the people who can’t understand why anyone would share private information. The third by those who are grateful I am willing to share and admit life is imperfect. The fourth by otherwise married or happily married people who grasp that some of us overcome relationship challenges, some, fortunately, get it right and others do not.

I write because divorce is an emotional thunderstorm.

I believe that divorcing individuals need someone to hold their hand and cry with them. They need someone to ease their frustration and loneliness, quiet their worries and provide hope. A person who is on the path ahead of them looking back to make sure they are okay and a person behind them, nudging them forward.

I did not want to be a divorce beacon.

I wanted to write about happier things. I am or should I say was…a pollyanna, cup is half-full, sugar and spice and everything nice kinda girl. Or as my friend likes to say, ‘all about rainbows and unicorns.’

I simply found myself lost, soaking wet, and shivering while watching others pass me by unnoticed. They could not see nor understand the storm raging around me. They escaped it by navigating life in happy relationships.

I had never felt so unloved and unprotected in my life.

I come from a big complicated Irish, Catholic family with an abundance of love and protection. I had not known a family that would sacrifice another like divorce does. Sure, my dad left when I was little; however, love is what saves us and those of us left were loyaly, fiercely and overtly devoted to one another. My large family’s sense of faith, values, and love absorbed the loss of my father and shaped us. It did not define us. We also understood my father had an illness and if not for that, he would be with us.

Maybe I should be more succinct. My father left, but he never made me feel unloved.

My husband made me feel unloved.

We derive our strengths from two primary sources in life. God and our family. God is our invisible strength. Our family is the strength that we can touch.

The loss of my marriage made me feel weak. Certainly, I had experienced weakness in my life, only never to this degree. It also made me feel lonely. The kind of utter loneliness that as an otherwise overly loved person I had never known.

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I write about divorce for 3 Reasons:

1. Contemporize the divorce conversation – I want to let go of archaic stereotypes and embarrassment. I want to drag the icebergs out of the Mesozoic era and thaw them off. After all, there is a divorce once every 13 seconds in this country. I want to eradicate the senseless shame that accompanies divorce. The age old judgements and misnomers. I want to educate people about divorce because most criticism stems from a lack of understanding.

2. Divorce is extremely misunderstood – I want to raise awareness to divorce. To the brutality of it. To the empathy and forgiveness of it. I want to elevate the conversation about our children, divorce games, old views, and legal issues. I want to change the process. I do not want our children to have to experience three plus year divorces. I want to raise consciousness to adults behaving badly in divorce and emotional issues which cause far more damage than the financial issues.

3. Provide a support system – I want to provide support systems for people experiencing divorce. I want to be the emotional hand that they can grab as they work through the angst and heartache of losing not only one they love but the hopes and dreams they built their life and families around. I want to be a crusader in helping to champion other divorce resources for people that allow for a sense of community, financial, legal, counseling help and more.

I write about divorce because it is an emotional thunderstorm.

I write about divorce because when I was lost, soaking wet and shivering many passed me by unnoticed.

I will not pass by an emotionally drenched person because I do not understand their suffering.

Instead, I will raise awareness to it.

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I walk with my neighbors. Our morning ritual visiting while our dogs visit.

I tell my neighbor how much motherhood suits her daughter. How the light in her smile reflects the ease with which mothering comes to her.

I tell them about the joy I felt after my first son was born just two years after losing both of my parents. How I reveled in having that mother-child relationship back in my life, even though it was the reciprocal of it. I would drive around in the car with my Tommy in the backseat and wonder what brought me joy before his arrival.

Even I didn’t grasp just how much motherhood lit up my world. Until one day…
My two-year-old Tommy came bouncing into my bedroom a smile spread wide across his face.

“Wake up Mommy! It’s a beautiful day outside!” he announced.

He had just gotten his big boy bed and though I heard him up, I still rested in my own bed vying for a bit more sleep.

In that moment, I realized that I had walked into his room every morning since he was born saying those exact words.

“Wake up Tommy! It’s a beautiful day outside!”

I initiated this divorce for many reasons.

One of them that I wanted my children to know the mother and the person that I had been my whole life. Not the sad, stressed, frustrated, and unhappy version staying in a marriage too long had created.

I wanted them to remember the mother who sat in the car singing every rainy day song she could think of on gloomy, rainy days. The mother who made ordinary days seem extraordinary by silly little celebrations. The mother who left them notes all over the house. The mother who let them skip dinner in favor of junk for family night movies. The mother who gave them ice cream for breakfast on their birthdays (my sister’s joyful influence) and hid their presents all over the house. The mother who woke them up before school to go on a donut field trip. The mother who rode bikes with them. And more, so much more.

I wanted them to continue to know the mother that was full of joie de vivre.

I remember one day during this divorce, my sweet youngest son Danny saying, “You’re not the same anymore.”

I don’t often choose to ignore something but the truth is I didn’t want to know exactly what he meant. I just wanted to strive to get back to the mother he knew his whole life. I wanted to get back to the three of my boys snuggly sitting in the back seat, while my impish, happy middle son, Billy simply delighted in the adventure and not even our destination.

I’m not completely there yet. I’m getting closer.
I know that I am happy that I left a bad relationship. My children deserve no less than the very best of me and only I could make that happen. This divorce has been rockier than my marriage. It has shown a less than favorable side of me to my children. A reaction to the games and stress and worry that I have for them.

I am getting closer.

To reintroducing my children to the mother who knew immediately just how much motherhood suited her.

And that every day with them is a beautiful day!

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One of the most troubling aspects of being involved with a narcissist is their lack of traditional or so-called normal reactions to life.

Thus, those who have been in a relationship a with a narcissist often describe a sense of non-reality or feeling crazy when interacting with them. This stems from the fact narcissists tend to live in their own perception of reality since they lack empathy. Therefore, their partner’s version of reality (true reality) does not exist to them.
Narcissists live in an amped up version of a world of simply ‘one.’

It is their world and no one else matters.

Therefore, their reactions or lack of reaction to typical emotional and societal norms can appear bizarre. It is even more confusing to an individual involved with a narcissist because at other times the narcissist can appear to actually ‘care.’

Do not mistake that for true ‘caring.’ The moments when a narcissist seemingly ‘cares’ is because they are relating to their own life in some way, shape or manner. Or you are simply fitting into their life and the contentment they have will somehow imply they are capable of true emotion for others.

5 things that mean nothing to a narcissist:

1. Tears: A narcissist can watch someone they love cry as if they are watching a comedy. Though crying can be considered a submissive act of a person in pain, a narcissist can watch without blinking an eye. It will not move them, they will not feel bad, and it will not make them back down. Tears mean nothing to a narcissist because they only understand their own tears and their own pain. Instead of being frustrated by the apparent lack of human condition, accept the fact that you may as well be speaking another language. Tears are not a language the narcissist understands.

2. Your feelings: A narcissist is incapable of understanding another individual’s emotions. In fact, they have zero desire of understanding another person’s feelings. They want to maneuver a relationship with only their own feelings in mind. Therefore, their partner’s feelings are a nuisance. The common theme of narcissism is that they lack empathy and live in their own world. Why would anyone else’s emotions be worthy of listening to? They are the wrong emotions to the narcissist because the narcissist does not understand them.
3. What others think: A narcissist cares little to nothing of what others think. Therefore, the typical boundaries that exist in other relationships do not exist with a narcissist. An average person may not care if they upset their spouse, but they do care if their in-laws and family members are privy to their behavior and will resolve it so that it does not live outside of the household. The narcissist does not care. They will mistreat their spouse and show up at a family get together as if it is normal behavior and they have done nothing wrong.

4. Normal societal boundaries: A narcissist does not live within normal societal boundaries. They make their own rules. The types of family, societal, legal, ethical boundaries that keep most individuals from bad behavior are non-existent in their world. Or, they exist until the narcissist feels unhappy, angry, etc. and decides their own pain means they no longer have to follow any rules. This makes it even more challenging to deal with a narcissist. It’s difficult to manage a relationship with a person who does not care about anything or anyone except their ends justifying their means.

5. The ones they love: A narcissist only loves a person as much as they are capable of loving anyone. It is not true love nor is it a healthy love. A narcissist may appear to love someone at the start of a relationship. In addition, when a narcissist is happy, they can often fool the person they are with into making it appear to be real love. However, make no mistake about it. Their lack of empathy makes it impossible for a narcissist to form a deep attachment of healthy love. Instead, what appears to be love is simply the narcissist happy with the individuals he or she has collected to make their world work. A narcissist does not need people. A narcissist needs only themselves.

In counseling, you learn that there is absolutely no excuse for bad behavior.

Well, let me clarify. There is zero excuse for repeated bad behavior.

Something I wrote in my last column gave me pause.

The fact that I ended my marriage to take my children out of a position of conflict, yet divorce put them in an even stronger position of conflict.
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Please do not misunderstand what I am saying. I do not advocate staying in a bad marriage.

I actually believe it can be far worse for children. I am simply stating there is something wrong with a process that is comprised of two opposing messages. Namely counseling and the legal system.

The oxymoron of divorce?

The counselors tell us there is no excuse for repeated bad behavior. They tell us this is unacceptable. A form of enabling to allow an individual to hurt you in the same manner over and over again. They tell us we should self-protect, set boundaries and move on from this unhealthy relationship.

The courts, the judges and the lawyers tell us to expect bad behavior in divorce. They tell us it’s the norm. They tell us even though this is an extremely bad divorce that shockingly, they have seen worse. They tell us there’s not much they can do. That spouses get away with bad behavior in divorce every day. After all, there’s only so much that can be done when a spouse is determined to be a bully, use children, use money and whatever power and control they have to punish their spouse.

I met a former judge recently. He shook his head in frustration as he told me of being on both sides of the bench. He spoke of handling many divorces in his career and the lengths individuals would go – how they would fight to the bitter end over seemingly nothing. He told me of his own divorce. He acknowledged it is a frustrating and disillusioning. Predominantly because there is little in place to stop a parent determined to behave badly from hurting their very own children.

Because let’s not kid ourselves…
As I have written recently, any grown adult behaving badly in divorce arrogantly pretends it’s the spouse they are going after. They tell people their spouse isn’t going to get one over on them. They aren’t going to get ‘their’ money. They aren’t going to get away with a divorce. Instead, they will ‘control’ how the divorce plays out.

Control is in fact, the bad behavior or should I say one of the bad behaviors, the other spouse is trying to get away from to begin with.

It is unacceptable divorce may thrust children into an atmosphere more damaging because the world accepts it as the norm. Thus, allowing divorcing spouses to exercise their anger and retribution throughout the divorce process.

Children won’t be sufficiently protected in divorce until the oxymoron is dispelled.

Until the healthy message of counseling matches the currently unhealthy message of the legal system.

(Photos courtesy of Pexels)
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It’s not complex arthrometric, positive emotions add to our lives while negative emotions subtract from them.

When it’s stated this simply, it’s amazing that anyone loses sight of this uncomplicated metric.

But people do stay in bad relationships and jobs they hate. They remain, volunteers or caregivers even long after they have burned out and should ask for help. They tolerate unhealthy family or friend relationships. All in the name of being strong, of sticking it out.

All in the name of being ’emotionally generous.’

When they finally take the time to subtract the negative from the positive it equals zero.

It’s a given that most individuals can identify the changes that accompany stress, frustration, and unhappiness. The problem is it’s usually quantified by the end result. The after effect of putting up with too much for too long. At the point when a person has finally lost all interest in hobbies or exercise. When they have not slept for months or conversely are sleeping too much.

However, if individuals prioritize this uncomplicated math formula, perhaps more would catch themselves before they get to advanced emotional distress. A far greater challenge to overcome when your personal equation has a negative balance.

Instead, look to the following warnings as an emotional wake-up call or preventative care – as the symptoms that open your eyes before the end diagnosis.

YOUR INNATE DISPOSITION IS CHANGING: There has been a significant or severe shift in your personality. Perhaps you have always been laid back and now you’re stressed. Maybe you were a great communicator and now you yell.

YOU CHANGE YOUR DAILY HABITS: You have become disinterested in either little or big things that used to be a part of your daily, weekly, such as Entertaining, reading, hobbies, crafts, exercising, etc. Do not confuse this with simply being unhappy. Letting go of things that are innately a part of who you are is a sign that you are functioning only could still be depressed.

YOUR SLEEP PATTERNS ARE CHANGING: You are either struggling to fall asleep and stay asleep, having a hard time waking up or sleeping too much.

YOUR EATING HABITS CHANGE: You are either eating less or eating more. The problem is often when this happens instead of catching it within the first five to ten pounds as a wake-up call it is ignored and turns into bigger weight gain or weight loss.

YOU CAN’T STOP TALKING: Over-talking about a frustration is an enabling trait. It’s indicative of staying in a bad situation too long and putting up with too much. Therefore, just like enablers need to walk away from relationships where bad behavior is recurring more than once or twice. The same should hold true for over-talking. If the same conversation of frustration is happening more than several weeks or months. It’s time to see that repetition as a wake-up call.

We know what signals stress and sadness once we have held onto it for too long. However, we accept these common traits of sadness and depression as normal under the stress and unhappiness or circumstances.

These traits should not simply be attributed to unhappiness or depression, but rather like a sore throat that leads to the cold. When we get a sore throat, we think to ourselves that we do not want to get physically sick. The same remains true for emotional well-being. The absolute first sign of any of the above should lead to a complete review and diagnosis of your emotional life.

Stop looking at these as ‘symptoms’ as we have been thought to do in the past. Do start looking towards ‘preventative’ emotional health care.

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My son says something that stops me in my tracks.

“Mom, is dad a good person?”

I stop what I am doing. I realize that my sons are becoming young men and no longer the children of yesterday. Hence, the ability to actually verbalize this question rather than silently wonder.

“Of course,” I say. “I wouldn’t have married someone who is not a good person.”

As a child of divorce myself, I understand why he wants this to be true. I take a moment to think before I continue. I realize that he needs reassurance.

“Listen,” I say “My dad was a wonderful person and we had a lot of great years with him, but alcohol eventually took over his life. We all have free will. My dad came to a fork in the road. A moment in time where he could have chosen to get help but he did not. At that point, the illness took over and we lost the best part of him.”
I see my son digesting what I have said and I continue.

“Your father is a wonderful person and we had a lot of great years with him but when he encountered certain things in life, he had a choice to make. He came to his own personal fork in the road. It was up to him to choose what he would do with his free will. Unfortunately, the choices he made is what now leaves you questioning whether he is a good person.”

My son nods his head as if to signal that he is finding some comfort in my words.

“When he made those choices we lost the best parts of him,” I say.

My son gets up and walks out of the room.

I think back to a conversation that I once had with my own father. My parents had been separated for years before they finally got the divorce. Part love and part old school Catholic. My dad ultimately decided to marry a few years before he died.

“Colleen,” he said. “I am getting married because I am lonely but I will never love anyone the way I loved your mother. We just couldn’t get along.”
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This was a gift that my father gave me. To be told that regardless of the imperfections of two people, that I came from a place of love – even if it no longer existed. Of course, I was wise enough to know the second part of his sentence was the alcoholism speaking. In his mind, they couldn’t get along. When in fact, it was the alcohol that came between them.

I’ve written this many times, my mom said things she shouldn’t have said, she yelled and got mad at my dad. However,when the dust settled, she spoke gently of the man who had stolen her heart and never returned it.

In the midst of our worst problems, I reinforced that my husband was a good person in a bad place. In other words, I gave my children a sense of peace and did not put them in a position of conflict. No, I’m not a saint or a martyr. Adults make choices that put their children first.

Or at least they should! A parent’s primary instinct should be to protect their children.

Children want, need and deserve to know that their parents are innately good people who perhaps made bad choices.

Children want, need and deserve to know that they came from a wonderful love between two people, regardless of the relationship ending.

Children want, need and deserve to know that it’s their right to love each parent and to be loved by both their parents.

Children want, need and deserve to know that divorce is an attempt to take them out of a position of conflict RATHER than putting them in a stronger position of conflict by behaving badly with divorce games, bullying, abuse and tactics.

Ultimately, children want, need and deserve to know that both of their parents are good people who just couldn’t make the marriage work.

Sadly, the emotional and financial divorce bullying leaves children confused. They initially believe the marriage is ending because their mother and father no longer get along. After a year or year’s of extended divorce bullying, they begin to wonder if a parent is a good person. They begin to wonder if that parent truly loves them.

After all, wasn’t the parent just leaving the other parent?

Why would they leave them too? Why would they not look for them on regular weekends? Why would a car ride here and there be enough? Why would they stop paying bills that keep their home and their world safe until the divorce is final?

The outside world can believe the divorce bully.

The inside world is at the doctor’s office when a nurse tells their mother they are uninsured.

The inside world is answering the front door to a sheriff’s deputy serving a warrant in debt for unpaid bills.

The inside world is watching a car pull in the driveway from a mortgage company to make sure people still live there.

The inside world is answering the phone to debt collectors.

The inside world is sitting on the side of a road at night with a broken down car that should have been repaired.

The inside world is in the grocery store with their mother when her debit card won’t work.

The inside world knows they never lived like this until their mother retained an attorney.

The inside world asks questions, “Is their parent a good person?”

Divorcing individuals need to remind themselves – they are not, in fact, getting back at their spouse.

They are getting back at their children in the process.

And sadly, making divorce, not about two otherwise good people who no longer love one another. They are making their children wonder if that parent is a good person because good people don’t behave this way.


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Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Orme National Columnist
on Twitter @colleenorme
on Pinterest @colleensheehyorme

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