Advertisement

How Great Thou Part

How Great Thou Part

The Friend That Didn’t Divorce Me

posted by corme

A while back one of my extended family members got a divorce from his wonderful wife. To me she had become my friend.

There was a bit of pressure that it should be one or the other.

I protested. I let my extended family know that this was wrong. You can still love a person while not doing wrong to another.

So I have this friend who never left me. Well, what I mean is she didn’t feel the need to divorce me.

She never had THE conversation with me. That this and that were boundaries.

She only offered me love. She knows me so well that she always heard my heart even though my pain was all that was shouting at her. Almost everyone in my husband’s friendship crowd made me wonder if I was missed. They were his friends. Only I thought they grew into mine. She never waivered. She never questioned me or walked away. She never made me feel different because I was no longer a part of him.

Advertisement

She always made me feel that her fingertips though three states away were always touching mine.

I remember when we were younger being at the Jersey Shore and dancing to Meatloaf’s “Paradise By The Dashboard Lights.” She was a toughie in her own right and I never backed down and I think that surprised her. I looked like a pushover externally only internally I was anything but.

One night when we were older and still believing not much was more important than the “Shore” and dancing, we were sitting on her deck.

Her high school friend was visiting. I had just arrived for the summer and I could hardly contain myself. I was so excited. She told me later that her friend asked if I was always that chatty.

Advertisement

Well, YES OF COURSE I AM! Only that night I was chatty steroids.

Somehow she always recognized me. She told her friend that was ‘one night Colleen.’ ‘First night of summer, Colleen’ that is so happy to see all of her friends again. It wasn’t ‘all summer Colleen.’

She always saw me for exactly who I am. That is a gift she has with all that she loves.

I have never taken for granted that my husband gave me this friend. That without him there would be no her.

While I lost so many I loved with him.

I gained this tough Philly girl with an incredibly soft heart that for whatever inexplicable, crazy, ridiculous, reason bonded with this soft southern girl with an incredibly tough heart.

Advertisement

She never walked away. She didn’t divorce me. I was not a part of him. I had grown into a part of her.

IMG_2766
Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Sheehy Orme
on Twitter @colleenorme
on Pinterest @colleensheehyorme
E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
www.colleensheehyorme.com

Advertisement

Has Divorce Made You Temporarily Bitter?

posted by corme

The air is cool as I begin my walk down my street. My chocolate lab, Hazel pulls me with urgency. The first part of the walk all I can focus on is holding onto Hazy. A squirrel here and a squirrel there.

On the way back, she settles into a slow pace and my mind begins to wander.

I think of my faith. How strongly I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. M whole life I was able to embrace this.

In divorce I was not. At least not initially. I have often wondered why I could not. Why I turned temporarily bitter for the first time in my life.

Tonight as Hazel finally tired of squirrel hunting – I realized why.

While I was growing up my family was my everything. When I got older they remained my everything. Then as we all built our own families we had a bigger, more wonderful everything.

Advertisement

My family is what made everything okay when the hard stuff of life happened. It was the constant and undeniable feeling of loving and being loved.

Somewhere along the way, I hadn’t realized that my husband had become my family. He was not just the boy I met in college, the young man I married while we tried to figure out life – he had become my family.

It was not something that I could understand. A family member no longer seeing my value. No longer being capable of the constant and undeniable feeling of loving and being loved.

So faith temporarily evaded me while bitterness snuck in.

Only my faith returned reminding me that I still had my family – that essential companion to faith. The ones who have always been everything and who have always gifted me the constant and undeniable feeling of loving and being loved.
shareasimage-18

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Sheehy Orme
on Twitter @colleenorme
on Pinterest @colleensheehyorme
E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
www.colleensheehyorme.com

Advertisement

Divorcing and Remarrying Butter Pecan

posted by corme

Okay, so don’t laugh.

I’m in the grocery store. The frozen food aisle to be exact. I stop in front of the ice cream. In a moment of impulse, I snatch the glass door handle, grab me some butter pecan ice cream and throw it in the top basket of my cart.

A few minutes later I run into a good friend.

“I am buying Butter Pecan ice cream,” I boast.

She just looks at me somewhat confused.

I smile because for me it is a defiant moment of emancipation. Albeit a somewhat immature one. I stroll through the rest of the aisles still feeling pleased with myself and then head to the checkout, but not before grabbing a can of tuna and some cauliflower to round out my basket full of groceries.

I spent more than twenty years of my married life not buying two of my three favorite things because my husband didn’t like them. The third, tuna fish I relished to a luncheon food when only I was home. My husband never asked me not to buy these things. I just veered away from things he didn’t like because that was the silliness of who I am.

Advertisement

Certainly there was room in the freezer for Butter Pecan AND Rocky Road.

Regardless, even though it was my own stupidity that decided I should be butter pecan free for twenty plus years, I still felt like I was symbolically taking my independence back (well, at least my freezer space back).

Tonight, I opened that freezer, and grabbed a pint.

Butter Pecan has gotten better with age.

shareasimage-16

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Sheehy Orme
on Twitter @colleenorme
on Pinterest @colleensheehyorme
E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
www.colleensheehyorme.com

Advertisement

How Divorce Forces You to Make Major Decisions at the Worst Time

posted by corme

I am in the coffee shop catching up on some work. A friend stops by my table to ask me what I am working on. I stop pounding at the keys before me and look up at him.

“My life, essentially,” I say.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“I have to figure out my best career path,” I respond. “I have to determine how best to take care of my boys and me.”

“Oh,” he says. “What’s the confusion?”

“The problem is figuring out which path to take. Do I focus more on my writing, marketing, or PR or do I go back to recruiting something that I did many years ago,” I answer.

My friend then took a moment to paraphrase, legendary actor and acting coach Lee Strasberg. It seems that Strasberg taught his students that before they dove into acting to visualize their body as an instrument. A violin specifically, how a violinist doesn’t just launch into song, but rather carefully extract their instrument from the case, position it, and study it before they begin.

Advertisement

Strasberg is quoted as saying, “The work we are encouraging you to do is not just good work. Good work you are already doing. But the instrument you have is now a little too bound by habits, customs, manners and behavior that you have encouraged in yourself and that end up in just a quietness or simplicity.”

I hear Strasberg. I need not be quiet or simple in a time where I need to defy the odds before me. I need to play my instrument wildly. The problem is I can’t drown out the other music long enough to hear my own instrument. Divorce is loud and pounding. I am forced to make major life decisions (this just being one of them) at the worst possible time.

A time when it needs to be quiet enough to play my instrument well enough to create the best possible melody for my children and me. At the very least to know which song to choose to play.

Advertisement

Strasberg also said:

“Talent is like a fire. No matter how controlled a fire is, sparks have to get off, and the flames have to leap. A fire which has no flames and no sparks is an electric fire, a mechanical fire. To be a real fire there must be that spurt, that burst, even of smoke with chokes a little but which shows it’s burning, that it’s about to flare up.”

I have to sit quietly playing my own instrument long enough to feel the choke of smoke that will free me towards the best possible path.
how-great-thou-part
Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Sheehy Orme
on Twitter @colleenorme
on Pinterest @colleensheehyorme
E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
www.colleensheehyorme.com

Advertisement

Have You Emotionally Outgrown Your Relationship?

posted by corme

A marriage counselor once said that “often what ends a marriage is that one person emotionally outgrows the other.”

As we get older some of us grow with our life experiences and some do not. Adding to that – often the spouse that emotionally outgrew the other contributed to the other not growing up.

If you do too much of parental responsibilities in a relationship then there isn’t much hope of the other person accepting responsibility for them.

Why should they?

They left home with someone solving all of their problems and then married someone who will solve all of their problems.

I wish I had known this when I was younger.

how-great-thou-part
Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Sheehy Orme
on Twitter @colleenorme
on Pinterest @colleensheehyorme
E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
www.colleensheehyorme.com

Advertisement

6 Signs Your Relationship is Out of Balance

posted by corme

I am on the baseball field. I stand on the pitchers mound and throw the ball. I run to bat and then to first base. I catch the ball in the outfield and run and tag myself at second base.

Do you get where I am going with this?

If you are in a relationship and playing all the players positions then perhaps maybe you have never really been in a relationship at all.

How I wish I had known this.

I couldn’t possibly be pitcher, batter, outfielder and more.

You get the point – or at least I hope you are following me.

I had to spend a lot of time overcompensating because I was the only one showing up to the game from my team. We couldn’t win because there was zero balance. One person was trying to do it all.

Advertisement

Are you immensely overwhelmed in your relationship because you are playing too many positions? Has this caused you to lose sight of yourself because you are spread so thin that you are no longer playing any of them well?

6 Signals to identify that your relationship is out of balance?

You are spending a tremendous amount of time solving your significant other’s problems.

You are gaining weight, losing energy, interest in things you love, or other things that identify a departure in who you typically are.

The behavior of your spouse is so consuming that it is taking the focus off of your children and yourself.

You are remaining self-responsible while the person you are married to is not; both adults in a relationship need to be self-responsible.

Advertisement

The entire household now revolves around the behavior or interests of your significant other; meaning around one individual and not the whole family.

You are the only one in the relationship working on both the relationship and the family.

You can’t play a baseball game all by yourself. Everyone has to play their position. Everyone has to be not just a member of a team, but have a team mentality.

If your relationship is unbalanced, stop believing that you are “taking one for the team.” You’re really just ending up ‘benching’ yourself in the game of life.

how-great-thou-part
Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Sheehy Orme
on Twitter @colleenorme
on Pinterest @colleensheehyorme
E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
www.colleensheehyorme.com

Advertisement

Have You Met Unhappiness?

posted by corme

The day after I retain my attorney I am singing in the shower. My first thought – oh my gosh, I remember this! I always used to sing in the shower. I had forgotten.

I tell my sister.

“That’s nice,” she says. “Only it’s going to get so much worse before it gets better.”

My sister has been here and she was right. Only even she could not have foreseen the road ahead of me. It’s hard to become instantly happy in divorce for several reasons. It’s just plain unruly and in my opinion unregulated. It also, as I have said before, is simply an extension of the misery in the marriage.

Unhappiness will knock on all of our doors – just in different shapes and forms.

Advertisement

If you don’t open the door and let it in then it will wait for you. Unhappiness has a lot of patience. It will sit outside of your door and freeze in the snow, get soaked in the rain, or blister and wilt in the heat.

If you try and go out the back door and avoid it then it will follow you. It is a supreme and seasoned hitchhiker. Unhappiness will happily relocate with you.

I am a fixer, a pleaser and a problem solver (something I knew about myself and my marriage counselor confirmed).

Therefore, I usually welcomed unhappiness inside, let it deliver its message, let it linger a bit, fed it some more of my heart and then wished it well and turned the porch light off.

The problem is that fixers often fix their own problems, but they often attract themselves in relationships to those who cannot.

Advertisement

I kept opening both my door and my husband’s door when unhappiness came calling.

I tried for a long time entertaining both his unhappiness and mine. Like the green blob of mucus in the MucinexDM commercials his kept showing up again. Since he wasn’t treating any of his symptoms. Pretty soon his mucus blob was following me around. A happy hitchhiker.

We all have to answer our own ‘unhappiness knock’ or things simply don’t get better.

The more you don’t address unhappiness the more it attaches itself to you. It gets bigger and bigger and then it becomes other peoples problem. Why? Because at first unhappiness shows up somewhat quietly and the more it’s ignored it goes all out temper tantrum, late night partier, cry baby on you.

Advertisement

The fact that I am a fixer actually ‘enabled’ (oops there’s that word again) me to fix both of our problems for a while. However, I soon became exhausted and started to feel unhappy myself.

I always say there’s nothing wrong with unhappiness. It’s a fact of life. What is wrong is avoiding it, denying it or taking it out on others.

Unhappiness needs to be entertained; ignored, it will become a houseguest that never leaves.

shareasimage-12

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Sheehy Orme
on Twitter @colleenorme
on Pinterest @colleensheehyorme
E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
www.colleensheehyorme.com

Advertisement

Are You Ready for a New Fairy Tale?

posted by corme

Any one who knows me will tell you that I have always been a cup is half full kinda girl. They will also tell you that my cup went from ‘runneth over’ to spilled, dumped, evaporated or a liquid ‘desert.’

I went from emotionally hydrated to emotionally dehydrated.

It has taken me a long time to let go of my ‘old’ fairy tale.

I am letting it go much like the balloons that flew towards the sky celebrating beginnings on my wedding day. I am symbolically allowing the strings to slip through my fingers of the emotional, imaginary balloons that signify endings.

I will admit, as I sit in my favorite coffee shop (Katie’s) and type these words that the lump in my throat is bubbling up towards that same sky. I will also divulge that while I break for a sip of my decaf coffee, the tears in my eyes (what appears to have remained the only hydrated part of my body) are peeking through.

Advertisement

Hans C. Anderson once said, “Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.”

The cup is half full kinda girl in me still believes that. I just need to pick my cup back up and refill it.

There will be new fairy tales.

shareasimage-11

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Sheehy Orme
on Twitter @colleenorme
on Pinterest @colleensheehyorme
E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
www.colleensheehyorme.com

Advertisement

The ‘Godwink’ That Changed My Life

posted by corme

I squeeze beside my sister on the couch. Kathy’s new house overflows with moving boxes. I watch as she sifts through a bag of objects. She snatches an item, inspects it and then directs it to the proper pile.

I am eager to see what will stay and what will go. The younger sister, I am well accustomed to the opportunity before me and no stranger to the treasure of hand me downs. I catch a glimpse of a small, tan object. I grab for it as it slips through my sister’s hand.

“What will you do with it?” questions Kathy.

At nineteen, I certainly do not know what I will do with this particular item.

I tuck it inside my purse, laugh and turn towards Kathy.

“I’m not sure,” I respond. “Only I am pretty certain that nothing good can come from getting rid of something that says, “The Lord Is Good,” on it.”

Advertisement

I hug Kathy and walk towards the car. I toss several moving blankets into the backseat and I am on my way.

I am tired. The summer has been long. I am working two jobs to pay for college and taking a night class.

It is the early morning hours of that evening, that I fall asleep at the wheel.

I hit a few small trees.

The next thing I remember is waking up in the backseat of the car. The engine screams a horrific banter. I struggle to turn the car off.

I collapse into the backseat until firefighters and noise from the ‘jaws of life’ wake me. I worry that my brother may be here to rescue me. Fortunately, he is not on call.

“Honey, who was driving this car?” asks one of the firefighters.

“I was driving this car,” I reply.

Advertisement

“Honey, who was driving this car?” he questions me again and then a third time.

“Honey, I WAS driving this car,” I quip with exhaustion.

Only then do they stop searching the site for another person because they are confused to find me in the backseat.

They are finally able to extricate me. I am on a stretcher in the street and a policeman glances down at me.

“I didn’t think they were going to pull anyone alive out of that car,” he says.

The ambulance pulls into the hospital. My poor mother how it hurts to see the look on her face. They wheel me into the room as I hear my mom whisper for the name of a good plastic surgeon.

They tell my mom that I will either have severe internal injuries, brain damage or be paralyzed. I’m sure in many ways they were going on the sheer impact of the accident.

Advertisement

I do in fact, have several fractured vertebrae, a concussion, a nerve in my left hand has been nearly severed, swelling, bruises and cuts. My family will not show me a mirror.

I defy the odds. I am thrown to the backseat and would have been crushed had I not been. I hit the visor mirror only I am not wearing my contacts I am wearing my glasses so the glass goes in my face and not my eyes. The moving blankets in the backseat serve as somewhat of a cushion when I am thrown back there.

My brother having walked the scene of the accident enters my hospital room. Billy opens his hand to expose the broken plastic that he holds. There, with much awe and wonder, I feast my eyes upon the many broken fragments of the small, tan object. The plastic case that once held scissors is now shattered.

Advertisement

There among the many is one piece, still in tact, that reads, “The Lord Is Good.”

It is what SQuire Rushnell, author of the “When God Winks” series, would call a “Godwink.”

(Note: As a writer, this is the only time a book moved me so deeply that I immediately bought a dozen copies to give to people)
A Link to “When God Winks at You: How God Speaks Directly to You Through the Power of Coincidence.”
GODwinks Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/GODwinks?fref=ts

http://www.amazon.com/When-God-Winks-You-Coincidence/dp/0785218920/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1428503317&sr=1-2&keywords=when+god+winks

TLIGpicture
Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Sheehy Orme
on Twitter @colleenorme
on Pinterest @colleensheehyorme
E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
www.colleensheehyorme.com

Advertisement

What Alabama Football Taught Me About Life

posted by corme

Alabama football coach, Nick Saban has been called a perfectionist.

In an interview with 60 Minutes on CBS, “Saban preached to his players. Don’t worry about winning, just focus on doing your job at the highest level, every single play, and the wins will follow.”

I watch the interview with fascination because as a marketer I am curious to read between the lines of Saban’s brand success. I find it in the aforementioned quote. Saban is not focusing on the win, but rather a solid mission statement that is irrefutable. Alabama football knows who they are and what they are about. The winning part is obvious in any sport. It is not the shelf value of the brand.

Some time after that television interview, my son and nephew and I sit at the kitchen table. The conversation flows easily as we chat about the day. The topic switches to my son’s evening lacrosse game.

Advertisement

“Why aren’t you playing like you usually do?” I ask.

“I want to be selfless,” my son responds.

“Why would you want to be anyone, but yourself?” my nephew asks. “There are guys who would do anything to be able to do what you do.”

My nephew rises from his chair, walks towards the door and turns around.

“Be Yourself,” he says. “I want you to call me later and tell me that you scored 6 goals.”

This obvious lacrosse conversation is really about life.

Every single one of us bring something to the table whether it be in our personal or professional lives. We bring forward our authentic selves with the hope that together we achieve great things in our lifetime.

Advertisement

So wherein lies the balance of selflessness and selfishness?

There is no need to explain ‘selfishness’ it’s counterintuitive to a prosperous life.

Interestingly, ‘selflessness’ appears a positive contribution to the game of life.

Yet, if it is extreme and not balanced then it can actually hinder, not help. An individual can lose what is their ‘personal best.’ Soon others will overcompensate and the selfless individual will throw the game off.

In life when we play our ‘personal best’ we contribute in a way that only we can. We are in the moment. We are not in the past nor are we in the future. We are in the present.

My son came home that evening having scored those six goals. His look of preoccupation gone and his sense of self once again shining brightly through. I spotted a restored balance that was missing while he was trying so hard to be something for others that he lost something of himself.

Advertisement

I certainly identify with that as I lost much of myself giving to another.

Alabama football coach Nick Saban may be labeled a ‘perfectionist.’ I believe he’s compelling his athletes not towards perfection, but rather their ‘perfect’ selves. Why would we want to show the world anything else?

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/nick-saban-alabama-football-coach-crimson-tide-60-minutes/

(CBS News 60 Minutes Interview)
alabama_football_hd_photo_wallpaper_collection-300x187
(Image from sport city.us)
Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Sheehy Orme
on Twitter @colleenorme
on Pinterest @colleensheehyorme
E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
www.colleensheehyorme.com

Previous Posts

The Friend That Didn't Divorce Me
A while back one of my extended family members got a divorce from his wonderful wife. To me she had become my friend. There was a bit of pressure that it should be one or the other. I protested. I let my extended family know that this was ...

posted 12:45:32pm Apr. 27, 2015 | read full post »

Has Divorce Made You Temporarily Bitter?
The air is cool as I begin my walk down my street. My chocolate lab, Hazel pulls me with urgency. The first part of the walk all I can focus on is holding onto Hazy. A squirrel here and a squirrel there. On the way back, she settles into a ...

posted 1:34:30pm Apr. 24, 2015 | read full post »

Divorcing and Remarrying Butter Pecan
Okay, so don't laugh. I'm in the grocery store. The frozen food aisle to be exact. I stop in front of the ice cream. In a moment of impulse, I snatch the glass door handle, grab me some butter pecan ice cream and throw it in the top basket of ...

posted 1:49:06am Apr. 23, 2015 | read full post »

How Divorce Forces You to Make Major Decisions at the Worst Time
I am in the coffee shop catching up on some work. A friend stops by my table to ask me what I am working on. I stop pounding at the keys before me and look up at him. "My life, essentially," I say. "What do you mean?" he asks. "I have ...

posted 4:35:28pm Apr. 22, 2015 | read full post »

Have You Emotionally Outgrown Your Relationship?
A marriage counselor once said that "often what ends a marriage is that one person emotionally outgrows the other." As we get older some of us grow with our life experiences and some do not. Adding to that - often the spouse that emotionally ...

posted 5:10:22pm Apr. 20, 2015 | read full post »

Advertisement


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.