A little while back my friend “Maya” Facebooks me.
Maya writes (and I paraphrase):
“I hate when people find out that I am getting divorced and say, ‘I am so sorry.'” I am not sorry. I don’t want people feeling sorry for me. I see this as a good thing. A new beginning.”
I agree with Maya. There is an implied sympathy that at times is less about the pain of divorce and more about – I’m so sorry you are not one of us anymore.
Then the other day I am in the grocery store parking lot and I run into my friend “Della.” We chat for a few moments and as we turn to walk away from one another she says, “It takes a lot of guts to do what you are doing.”
I twist. Walk forward and stand a little taller.
“It does take guts!” I think to myself.
Actually, I think back to the day that my sister said to me, “Colleen, a lot of women would have stayed in your situation. They would have just stayed because of other obvious benefits to doing so.”
My friend “Della” is actually very happily married. However, she still didn’t offer an “I’m so sorry” instead she gave me kudos, moxie, bravado. “Della” is confident enough to not need me to be exactly like her. It’s okay that we are friends and different. Our worlds no longer the same nor intertwined as couples.
That confidence allows “Della” to speak from a place of authenticity rather than fear.
The fact is that many are afraid of divorce. Afraid of ending up like “Maya” and me. I actually get that because I at one time feared it.
I felt sorry for me once too! Only that ended a long time ago and instead gradually morphed into “Della’s” reaction.
I have guts. I have moxie. I have bravado. I have far more than I thought I had. And I don’t know my outcome yet and yes, that is still incredibly scary.
Only, the truth is, had I stayed I would have continued to feel sorry for myself instead of others doing it for me.
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