How Great Thou Part

I believe in praying for everything. 

I am, after all,  the girl who once wrote a column entitled, The Day This Catholic Girl Prayed for Chick fil A. Albeit a humorous moment I was, in fact, hungry and there’s nothing like their chicken sandwich.

I’ve written about this before. The controversy over what we believe we can and can’t pray for. It is a conundrum which I have never really experienced.

IMG_0791I have always spiritually thrown my thoughts up and then waited for God’s response.

I remember after losing my mom, I prayed for a sign she was still with me. Within days, I received back to back nods and excitedly delivered the news to my uncle the priest. He laughed and said, “Colleen, only you would give God a deadline.”

I told my uncle I hadn’t really given it much thought. I just wanted to make sure I didn’t miss the sign so I asked if I could get it by Friday.

Needless to say, we had some roaring laughter at that particular family get together.

Today I boldly prayed big.

Where my boys are concerned I am usually able to pull something off at the last-minute. It is a skill I learned from my own mother.

She always came through for us and never let us down. I know what you are thinking. That is what mothers are supposed to do. But it wasn’t easy for a single mother to do everything and be everything, yet she did.

Somehow she would make the cookies or finish yet another costume for a St. Lukes Elementary Christmas performance. Fortunately, for her, I was often cast as an angel. Somehow they liked to put the chattier kids in the back of the stage. At the last minute there would be a knock at the classroom door and there she would be despite her work schedule.

In other words, had she remained married it would have been far simpler to meet the demands of motherhood.

Thus, my mom’s continual ability to meet all of our emotional, financial and physical needs was remarkable.

My friend ‘Lucy’ has long called me resourceful because I can usually take a big dilemma and defy the odds.

This time I find myself unable to.

I would say it is due to my current circumstances yet I have overcome many a challenge these past four years.

So today I boldly prayed big. 

Because I need help, God’s help. 

I might have even thrown in another deadline. 

Because the thought of not being the same mother I have always been able to be – the kind my own mom was – where I can come through for my children in the tight spots of life  – quite frankly overwhelms me.

I boldly prayed big.

As I am certain my mother often did.


She is the one who taught me to spiritually throw my thoughts up and wait for God’s response.

Well, minus the deadline.

My mom would be the first to say it’s why she continued to outdo her ‘cookie and costume’ days.


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It’s politically incorrect to miss my husband.

And believe me, I do NOT miss the ‘him’ of today.

I just miss ‘him.’

The person I thought I knew.

pexels-photo-193041The guy I grew up with. Who sat beside me while we studied for college exams. The one who made me laugh like no other. Who made me believe he loved me.

The guy who made my world feel safe – watched The Notebook with me – and listened to my deepest fears and greatest hopes.

I miss ‘him’ – that guy.

He was, after all, the one I married – wasn’t he??

The young handsome love of my life who I believed would walk the world with me.

He would never leave. On the contrary, he would stay a step ahead of me swiping at the bad guys. He would keep everything right in my world.

Yet, he did leave.

I would ultimately come to accept he was never ‘that guy.’

The good news?

Sure, in its entirety the healing is not yet over. The drama is still intermittently in full swing and sadly, seems as though it hasn’t even hit intermission.


Knowing that I miss ‘him’  despite an ugly relationship ending – means…

One day I will be able to look back and tell my children about this guy who as a nineteen-year-old college co-ed made me think he hung the moon. A guy who mesmerized me. Made me laugh like no other and who once made me feel as if we were the only two people in the world.

A guy whose best friends were my best friends.

The kind of young love that makes invincible seem logical. The type of emotion and innocence and naivete which youth fosters.

I will be able to tell my children, that though they may remember in the forefront leaving a love which seemed used up and miserable and disagreeable and dysfunctional they were born of…

Extraordinary love.

The kind that left two people talking for hours until the morning light.

That made the thought of being without one another unbearable.

That for so very many years felt right.

And safe and loving and limitless.

That the day will come when they can convert the pain of two people who just weren’t able to get it right for them with the incredible gift of realizing…

What wilted was once wondrous.

Letting go of love is ugly. It breaks us.

And just as forgiveness signifies letting go…

Every child is the result of a love holding on.

I will always miss ‘him.’

I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t.

Only ‘he’ and ‘I’ no longer exist.

Our time together was at once ‘everything’ and now ‘nothing.’

The conundrum of the heart.

holding on and letting go…

nothing and everything

And how somehow we miraculously heal despite these extraordinary contradictions.


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Four years ago today, I charged into an attorney’s office determined to begin again.

Hindsight is twenty twenty as they say.

As we all know, I couldn’t have been more naive.

pexels-photo-235554But I was gutsy and I was strong and my children’s well-being gave me the additional courage I needed.

As my sister once said and I paraphrase, “A lot of women in your position would have just stayed – for the safety and lifestyle. But I am proud you were smart enough to know better.”

I document the gutsy and strong part, not for me.

Goodness knows, I felt anything but that.

I write it to inspire those in my very own shoes.

Those who need to hear there is a bravery in being bold enough to start over ever – let alone in midlife. A hutzpa in recognizing the example you are setting for your children isn’t the right one. Sure, you can stay together but it simply means they may arrive at your same truth one day.

I did not want my children to know my truth.

I chose temporarily disrupting their day to day to ensure an ultimately better world.

Had I ever in a million years understood I would be doing quite the opposite I may never have marched in that office.

In leaving, there was no sport in just me being the main target any longer.

My sweet, unbelievably kind, loving, caring, empathetic, responsible, respectful and unselfish boys would now be caught in the crossfire. They would pay a dear price for their mother being bold enough to leave.

Today – this ominous anniversary has been an oxymoron.

I spent it primarily alone – by choice.

I celebrated my impending freedom. Not from the marriage, I believed I was leaving four years ago, but the control which followed that relationship far into divorce. I confidently embraced my returning self and invested in just me. It was a day of rejuvenation.

On the flip side, it was a day of great remorse.

Not from finally abandoning a broken relationship. 

Rather it was from the devastation thrust upon my boys and how it impacted the four of us and our relationships.

I would say I shouldn’t have done it. That I should have waited until they were all out of high school except the truth is the opposite.

These past years have been a testimony I got away from a person who I should have left sooner.

My sadness?

In the unhappy marital years, I was the only one without a permanent smile. In divorce, it was my children’s smile who has continually been wiped away. This is normal for the typical grieving period of divorce –  not for this prolonged calendar.

I have joked my divorce was like the four-year term of the presidency.

I have no desire to seek another term.

Instead, I will focus on inspiring others who temporarily doubt themselves.

And those who just like me pray their children will look back – 

Long past their adolescent angst, smile with love and great faith and declare…

“My mom left a situation many women would not. Had it been only her she might have stayed but because of us, she forced herself to make a far tougher decision. She had to quiet her fears and leave her best friend, a man she loved since she was just nineteen because being a mother was more important to her than absolutely anything else in the entire world. And she made the choice to break a cycle which could follow us had she remained.

She was gutsy and strong but we are the ones who gave her the courage she ultimately needed.


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I once heard the average unhappily married person considers leaving at least ten times before they actually do.

Personally, I think the number is probably much higher.

Marriage is a huge commitment which most people take very seriously.


Hence, why people fail to leave when they first instinctually feel the relationship cannot be repaired.

Of course, no one should leave immediately.

After all, it is a commitment we enter into with the intention of keeping for an entire lifetime. The difficult work of trying to work on and save the relationship must be done whether it be through counseling, self-reflection, date nights, or mutually deciding to focus on one another. This is even more critical when children are involved. Any individual who decides to have children gives up the luxury of an easy out.

However, some relationships cannot be saved even with due diligence.

It’s an unfortunate reality.

If I were, to be honest, I knew my relationship was in trouble in the engagement phase. The sudden bickering and coldness, yet I rationalized many couples argue during the stress of planning a wedding. I was just too young, as insightful as I was to see the red flags.

Once married, there was a distinct change in my husband.

I have long said I never married the man I dated all those years. I

It was more than confusing to me. I had difficulty determining who this ‘second’ side of him was and why it seemed to emerge only about twice a year though when it did, it rose with a fury.

I knew had I lived even a tad bit closer to my family I would have left far before I initially did. I have no doubt and even remember thinking that back then. Many of those episodes would have made me walk out the door and right through my mother’s door.

Eventually, after eight years of being married, I began to recognize what instigated the pattern of behavior and knew I needed to leave. 

And I did.

I told my friends and neighbors closest to me I would not be coming back and my two boys and I went to live with my sister. It only lasted for three weeks because, at that point, I do believe I mattered enough to my husband that he relented and said he would go to marriage counseling.

At first, I would say it was a success. We moved and enjoyed nearly six years of truly being happy again. I felt as though I had my best friend back. Sadly, it was not meant to last.

In our case, I believe we might have had a greater chance had our first marriage counselor been a psychologist. Some marital problems are communication or finance based and others are due to much larger behavioral issues. Had we seen our current counselor when my husband was younger and cared more I believe it would have at least increased the likelihood our relationship could have turned a healthier corner.

Fast forward after those six years of recaptured bliss and I began to recognize old patterns of behavior surfacing. I also found myself living with someone yet incredibly lonely. So I told my husband it was lonely being married to him and I dreamed of meeting someone one day who would genuinely make me feel cared for.

Here is where all you know what broke loose.

My marriage counselor told my husband I was communicating. My husband would have none of it. He was outraged. 

I was once again ready to leave and it was why I shared the isolation I felt.

Only this time was different.

I was detached and quite emotionless. Having re-established a healthier love and friendship again those six years, I was absolutely not willing to go back to the past.

To my husband’s credit, he did truly seem as if he wanted to repair things.

It took two years to really get our relationship back to a place of genuine love and then this would be the second time all you know what broke loose.

That outrage my husband felt had never left him and it didn’t matter how many times we discussed I was merely sharing my feelings in counseling sessions. He would have none of it. This would be the place where I went from being my normal strong self to becoming weak as my husband picked one of my greatest Achilles heels as a tactic for revenge.

I stayed regardless of the fact he had made my greatest childhood fears come true. I loved him that much. I told myself he was a good person in a bad place. He just needed to get to the bottom of what was bothering him.

And herein, started a cycle of trying to free myself from someone who didn’t necessarily want me anymore but who felt me leaving was winning.

There you have it.

My story is not unique.

I talk to men and women every single day who express how many times they thought to leave. How they absolutely knew they should be treated a certain way or put up with bad or unhealthy behaviors. And how staying brought them to an unhealthy and weakened and lost state.

The long and short of it?

We have instincts but admitting marital problems is akin to wearing a Scarlett letter…

Add our reluctance to seek help or recognize the right type of help for our individual martial situations…

And how difficult it is to let go of love…

And you have hit the marital dilemma trifecta. 

It keeps us thinking of leaving rather than taking the necessary steps when we first should.


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Pain is one of the staples in the life’s emotional kitchen.

We all deal with it differently.

We know this.

But do we recognize how we deal with it ourselves?

ache-adult-depression-expression-41253It should be dealt with. It should not be passed along like a baton. If so, it shifts from personal pain and becomes someone else’s pain.

Or what could be referred to as ‘selfish pain.’

We should be selfless in our pain which means being accountable and self-responsible enough to recognize and address our angst.

Just because we are suffering does not mean others should as well. No matter how close we are to them.

Unfortunately, most individuals do not recognize their faults or at least those they are unable to see. Therefore, one may feel they deal with stress, worry and hurt quite well while others around them may feel differently.

One thing is for certain…

Pain will find its way out.

It can’t be suppressed. It becomes an even greater enemy if it is. And worse, can take up personal residence within us and change the people we innately are.

This is another reason to not only be self-accountable but to self-protect. Do not let another individual or a hurt threaten to destroy the best parts of you or those you love.

Of course, lots of daily or ordinary pain does find a way in and out of us easily. 

It is the prolonged or raw and very deep pain which has the most complicated exit strategies.

Ask yourself, does your pain find its way out in a selfish or selfless way? If you believe you identify with one of these 3 ways your pain is finding its way out into the world and onto others counseling might be a healthy option.

1. Reactionary Behavior:

The Reactionary person tends to lash out at people when they are suffering.

And this is not just in the form of overt anger directed at the individual who wronged them.

Their tone, in general, may easily shift from happy to sounding annoyed, intolerant or condescending.

A reactionary individual may have a bite to accompany their bark. Their pain transcends and feels like an attack on others and not necessarily the person who may have hurt them.

This reactionary behavior may go quite unnoticed by the person behaving this way. They believe they are dealing with their pain and are not always aware of the fact they are actually taking it out on those around them.
2. Retreat and Withdrawal:

The retreat and withdrawal behavior is a manner of attempting to hide the pain from the world. 

This individual believes if they do not let another person see their pain it does not exist.

Sadly, just as in the above example, pain is often visible to the outside world whether we want it to be or not.

Happy people don’t lash out nor do they retire from the world.

Unfortunately, the more you isolate yourself you do impact those who love you. They will worry and not know exactly how to help and they will miss the precious time spent with you.


3. Withholding:

Withholding behavior ends up complicating pain by adding a third party.

It could be internalized to the point where there is weight gain or over shopping or alcohol.


The longer the pain resides without being attended to the more one may reach for the Reubens, retail, or rose.

It is an insidious slope and imperative to resolve the angst even if it’s not resulting in true abuse of food, money or alcohol.


Somehow we are conditioned to believe we are meant to know it all, be able to handle everything and go it alone.

In fact, it takes great strength to seek to counsel in periods of undue duress or heartache.

It’s responsible to take full responsibility for ourselves.


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I like to listen to Joel Osteen sermons.

He’s the perfect intersection of spirituality, humor, positivity and the human condition.

I especially love the human part where Joel admits it’s all hard.

On this particular evening, I am listening to him speak about forgiving my enemies.

Do I have to? I really am not feeling it and after all, even Joel admits he finds it a bit challenging at times.


Here’s the thing, I truly am ready for the forgiveness phase if only I could move past ‘Go’ on the game board of divorce.

How do you forgive when the opponents game piece keeps advancing?

Okay, I know Joel is right. Even as I toss and turn on yet another stress filled night as his inspirational words finally calm me enough to induce slumber.

I WILL forgive my enemy.

I will do the right thing.

If I may make a disclaimer…

Before this whole marriage snafu and divorce nonsense started I was the kinda person who forgave EVERYBODY and I do mean EVERYBODY!

Better yet, I had the whole joy of life thing down to a science. I was the person who walked in the door laughing announcing the flat tire I had experienced on the way there. It was a true gift. My mom and my uncle the priest always told me so.

The joy of life thing that is – not the forgiving part. Forgiving is always hard. It’s a choice which is in many ways harder than making a decision to be happy. Choosing to will yourself into happiness involves just you. Choosing to forgive always involves a far more complicated interpretation of just you and what you can and can’t accept.

But I digress…

The next morning I wake-up a better person.

After all, I did listen to Joel. I’m going to keep my word on this whole forgiveness front.

I let my girls Hazel and Phyllis out and place my purse in my car. On second thought, Phyllis is just a puppy so I let them out yet again and return to my car lunch in tow.

The door refuses to open. Somehow I have locked my keys in the car – no doubt a result of my second doggie run.

I schlep down the street towards my neighbor’s house. A truck stops. We chat for a moment and I bid him farewell. A couple more steps, a knock at the door and a few keys later, I am driving my neighbor’s car.

I walk into work sporting a Rodan + Fields No Makeup Selfie look.

Not entirely the best office attire – more of a #RFGoNaked Facebook pic. But, at this moment, my makeup, money, and mobile remain locked in my car outside the house where at least Hazel and Phyllis have no immediate needs.

At first, I attempt to explain my ‘natural look’ to co-workers.

Funny, it’s not met with the same enthusiastic R + D Facebook thread comments – such as; “Hey, you’re still beautiful!” “Really, no makeup?” “You look even more amazing” or my fav “Absolutely stunning!”

Nope. Just a few kind hearted and empathetic smiles – like I get it! That stinks.

No matter.

I am going to get through the day because this re-emerging cup is half full girl is sans her makeup, money, and mobile but she does have her munchies. There will be no mascara, moola or moments from Facebook but I WILL be able to eat something over the next nine hours.

While my friends laugh at my morning escapades, one innocently inquires if the construction guy stopped his truck to whistle at me.


I don’t think so, but I do relish her genuineness – she was the only one to give me a somewhat FB’esque Rodan + Fields No Makeup ‘You look fabulous’ comment. And she now reigns as my new favorite.

In fact, it was quite the opposite. The truck yielding construction guy had taken pity on my needy self and stopped to make sure I was okay.

Maybe I should have said he whistled. It would make a far better story.

Once I settled in for the morning I couldn’t help but think of Joel.

My life was a whole lot calmer before the guy who was determined to win the game of divorce and keep my game piece stuck at ‘Go.’

I didn’t lock keys in my car and sport the Rodan + Fields look (at work that is).

My life was Even Steven – steady Eddie. It was balanced and it glided. 

On the positive Joel Osteen side – I did realize in the world of makeup, money, and mobile – I’m okay as long as my basic needs are met.

That being munchies. As long as I am full I can do without the rest.

A bit of a nod to Joel’s spiritual words – as long as we are sustained by the right focus – everything else either falls into place or doesn’t matter.

I made it home too tired to listen to Joel that night. The next day as I made my way into work I overheard my friend ask if Colleen made it into work with her makeup on today?

I had two thoughts…

I loved his sense of humor and empathy to my plight (that being the game of divorce rather than sans the makeup).

And I considered going rogue as in permanently Rodan + Fields No Makeup Selfie.

Because for the writer in me who takes it all off emotionally…

It felt incredibly ‘freeing’ to match physically.

Ironically, forgiveness is something we are often forced to do, makes us feel incredibly naked, impossibly renewed, and absolutely stunning!

Sometimes we are locked out of life until there is no other choice but to schlep our humble selves down the street completely exposed.

Without a whistle…



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I am at a bit of a crossroads. 

Waiting to take that next leap of faith – the new direction my life will be leaning towards.

When this divorce will once and for all be finalized.


No, when I can free this broken relationship which got caught in the proverbial door. 

One that I have been ready to slam for a very long time.

And then, out of nowhere, as God often offers a glimmer of hope.

On the edge of my property, two gorgeous pastel pink stems push through the earth.

I did not plant them. I have never seen them in the close to twenty years I have lived here. Even more surprisingly they seemed to bloom before I noticed their emergence.

But I, the ever believer in signs finds my way towards them to snap a quick pic.

I post on Facebook to ask my talented floral friend what they could be and soon I hear back from both her and another friend.

It seems these are known as ‘Resurrection Lilies.’

They are also given a few other names as well, including Magic Lily, Surprise Lily, Naked Ladies and Pink Flamingo Flowers.

The resurrection, magic, and surprise a nod to the seemingly sudden appearance of this sprout and bloom. The naked is a reference to the fact the flower sits upon a leafless stem.

These are flowers that need little water and therefore, are able to sustain through periods of long drought.

Just before finding my way outside to these miraculously fragrant glimmers of hope, I text a friend. We are tatting (text chatting) back and forth about our own personal restorations. How our tone has changed and we can feel the shift coming in our lives.

How wonder and joy feel are once again becoming the staples we always knew them to be.

As I type away at Wikipedia to determine more about this sign, a smile crosses my face.

It is the time of my own personal resurrection.

A girl who once delighted in all things entertaining and became well known for her ‘Pink Flamingo’ parties.

One who penned a memoir entitled The Naked Wife Makes a Comeback.

Who has always believed in rainbows, butterflies, magic, and surprises.

My supremely talented and sweet floral friend says they are a sign everything will turn out as wonderful as they are.


I believe her.

It feels the time to stash a few buds in the vase and cooler, throw my comeback ‘Pink Flamingo’ party and submit the memoir I have been sitting on.

Maybe with a small edit that is…The Naked Lady Makes a Comeback.

After all, I am shedding that thing called ‘wife’ in favor of a new resurrected life.

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The past few years have presented intricate challenges and infinite blessings.

As we know, the two often accompany one another.

Intricate and infinite…the adjectives of faith.


Spiritual fitness cannot be maintained without them.

I use the word ‘maintain’ rather than ‘achieve’ because it’s a never-ending work out which manifests our best spiritual body.

What I call spiritual bodybuilding

Life is a beautiful workout. 

One that forces us off the couch whether we feel like it or not.

God will keep us fit. 

He is the ultimate personal trainer. Whispering in our ear – more, more. I want more from you. I want more for you.

Our tears the sweat of meeting His challenges.

It’s difficult to work out.

To lose the emotional weight we gain.

It requires a magnitude of faith-filled equipment and human trainers to assist in God’s work.

Enter Beliefnet a spiritual gym.

A place filled with the type of faith-filled abundance to provide a plethora of spiritual interval training.


7 Reasons to Love Beliefnet:


1. Renewing Purpose:

Beliefnet is a community of purpose.

Who are we? What are our gifts? What were we meant to do?

Beliefnet encourages authentically celebrating the individual and how you are meant to touch the world.


2. Enlarging Souls:

Beliefnet doesn’t just fill the soul it enlarges it.

The articles and content meant to promote curiosity, education and perpetual personal meaning.

Beliefnet soothes, supports and sustains the soul.


3. Connecting Kindred Spirits:

There are so many interesting and insightful editors, writers and readers in the Beliefnet community.

All coming together to create a unique spiritual platform.

Beliefnet allows the dehydrated to quench their spiritual thirst in the company of like-minded friends.


4. Celebrating Spiritual Diversity:

All are welcome on Beliefnet. 

It is a place of spirituality not the delineated lines of separate religions.

Beliefnet is a platform celebrating love, respect, tolerance, and faith for all.


5. Mentoring Self-Improvement:

Beliefnet is rooted in two things faith and inspiration.

At any given moment it is an abundant resource to triage individual repair, be it diet, grief, relationships or more.

It is spiritual self-help.


6. Providing Spiritual Refuge:

Beliefnet is not only a faith-filled resource it is a refuge.

A place where readers can feel understood and not alone throughout difficult and often misunderstood times. Where they can read thoughts they were too afraid to share or communicate with a writer who understands.

Beliefnet is a safe place.


7. Spearheading Spirituality:

Beliefnet celebrates everything spiritual in a world continually searching for what that means.

Beliefnet speaks of Angels, Godwinks, and Miracles.

Beliefnet speaks of all that gives life hope and meaning.


In my journey of intricate and infinite, I found my way to Beliefnet.

A safe place for both the writer and the reader in me.

Life is a beautiful workout.

One that forces us off the couch whether we like it or not.

God will keep us fit.

He is the ultimate personal trainer. Whispering in our ear – more, more. I want more from you. I want more for you.


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The world initially resisted but ultimately fell in love with the internet.

And social media became the new corner store – a sought after gathering place.

The technological four walls where people gather to find out what’s going on in their little town and the world.

A flat globe where people can brag or boast, rant or rave – smile or snicker.


At first, it was one big fascinating love fest but as in all relationships eventually, they show the wear of time. They become fluid and move and shift and change.

Therefore, social S’Relationships began to have beginnings and ends. The internet became another place where people initiated intimacy or ended it. A welcoming handshake and hug with a friend request or a brutal breakup by being unfriended.

In a word – it became ‘complicated.’ 

After all, aren’t all relationships?

It began to either boost or bruise people prompting some to embrace it more fully and others to feel the need to temporarily or permanently flee.

It has been a time of social infancy. 

Individuals are becoming internet toddlers and gaining their walking legs.

Because of this social media could be considered one big high school re-enactment.

We log in and quickly figure out our people and where we fit in.

The phase of life where the world doesn’t completely make sense but we believe it does. And of course, the time where our relationships can be both immature and complex.

Therefore, the technological revolution and computer playgrounds demand we figure out our personalities and how they fit into the S’World.

This, of course, brings new meaning to ‘socially fitting in.’

What is YOUR S’Personality?

Are you the…


This social loves to posts quotes and feel good animal videos. 

Their world is all rainbows and butterflies.

They view the social hemisphere in a feel good, inspirational manner.


This social lurks in the background.

They are content to watch the activity around them. Quiet in nature you forget they are one of your social media peeps until something pries them off the wall. It could be a Birthday or a call for support or help.

The S’Wallflower is happy to just be at the dance. They have no desire to show off their moves.


This social is out to right the wrongs of the world.

They are going to post about the car that parked in the wrong space. The person who cut them off on the way to work. The gasoline prices which are way too high or the restaurant they believe rendered them sick with food poisoning.

This social is the internet police officer.


This social is telling the world if only they were smarter, the world would think exactly as they do.

If they are Republican then why aren’t you? If they are Democrats, surely they have found the answer! If they have found the proper beliefs read on and surely you will be converted.

These are the well-intentioned people who are voicing their ‘opinions’ while pretty much telling you they should be yours as well.

This social is loud and disrespectful.


This social is a shameless bragger.

They want to show the world their ultimate job, travels or family. They post only the best of life. There will be no flaw or crack in their armor.

It’s a world of only photo-shopped perfection.

This social is living the proverbial ‘Christmas Letter’ of posts.


This social doesn’t make an appearance.

They just keep a social presence because it’s a necessary aspect of life. To see what’s going on out there. They frown on it as a whole and wonder why people would consider putting their personal lives out there in the first place.

This social lurks but is rarely if ever heard from.


This social abuses the internet.

They talk about people and use the internet as a means of socially ganging up on others. This is a platform for them to conquer their self-doubt at the expense of others.

This social is irresponsible, immature and insecure.


All relationships need to be recognized and responsible.

Social relationships are no different.

People need to be aware of the impact they have while pounding the computer keys.

Who are we? How do we impact the world? What purpose lies within us? What values do we want to live by?

Be it a physically tangible hug or the virtual social handshake.

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I was chatting with a few of my old high school buddies recently and I complimented one of their wives. My friend responded to my comment with additional praise about his wife.

“I love guys who love their wives,” I said.

I feel proud in saying the guys I hung out with in high school are some of the best men I know.

pexels-photo-519691They truly love their wives.

What does that really mean? They are grounded and confident enough to celebrate the women they married. They aren’t looking for something better around the corner.

I think that is beyond sexy.

Something which will undoubtedly make them chuckle and a compliment they will likely say is thirty years too late. But, hey, as they say, better late than never.

This is one of the reasons I have never understood affairs.

No, I am not being the moral majority. As I always say, relationships are not black and white and good people do make bad choices.

I am just saying for me personally, I would never be attracted to someone who isn’t crazy about their wife.

After all, that is what divorce is for.

Why would anyone want to be with someone who is looking for a substitute without first asking for the day off?

For me, it’s a question of friendship and really great relationships include earth shattering buzz words like loyalty, honesty, devotion, and respect. 

I have spent my fair share of time lamenting I did not marry a man who did right by me in marriage or divorce. 

In my case, it did not take an affair to expose I was in a relationship devoid of those earth shattering relationship buzz words.

The other day, I heard from one of those old high school buddies. It seems they read something I posted and were reaching out to say they were worried about me and could they help in any way.

I will never forget that moment – that phone call.

I fought back the tears and joked about what good men I grew up with and how I should have married in-state.

I am spending less time of late pondering how I chose who I chose and got where I got.

And more feeling incredibly blessed that many years ago I was surrounded by confident people who define friendship the way I do.

Men who unlike the out of state guy I chose…

found me too valuable to leave behind.

(Photo courtesy of Pexels)

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Orme National Columnist on Twitter @colleenorme
on Pinterest @colleensheehyorme