How Great Thou Part

How Great Thou Part

Surround Yourself with People That Let You Shine

posted by corme

I am chatting with two of my friends in their store. I do not feel comfortable with what brings me here this crisp, fall morning.

It is not always easy to share certain things even for a writer like me, but I need to confide in them.

The store is warm and inviting with intricate wooden details. The products sit fabulously within clear glass, display cases. My friends are sisters who are as internally beautiful as their striking exterior. Their is a warmth that shines within these walls. It feels more like an inviting home where people are permitted to shop.

I  fight back the tears that swim in my eyes. I am weary of this tiresome signature of divorce. The sisters spot the sadness in my tone. One is more compassionate than the other as I humbly ask my question.

Their father the strong and honorable patriarch who has built this business hears a portion of what I am there for. He comes from behind the counter and walks toward me.

His warmth and gentleness, filtering through his eyes.

“You are going to be okay,” he says. “You were never going to be able to shine in your situation. You will be better off. ”

There are moments in life, when people touch us in ways that seem effortless to them, yet seem to move mountains for us.

I turn to walk out and swing, the massive, wooden door to the side. As I do it feels as if I am swiping the mountain out of my path.

I am grateful for his humanity. I am grateful that when his glance made its way to me that he did not see a grown woman, but rather a girl, who despite her age was in desperate need of the golden gift of parental wisdom. I am grateful that he offers the words that a father of daughters knows someone else’s daughter needs to hear.

The sun hits my eyes as my foot hits the step.

It is shining.

Don’t Lose Time in Divorce or Life

posted by corme

It’s a warm, summer evening as we make our way out of the house. My three boy’s stop and wrap their arms around their Aunt Rita and Uncle Tom. It is a hard goodbye as always. Love spills everywhere.

It is now my turn to wrap my arms around Uncle Tom and Aunt Rita.

“I just miss you so much,” says Aunt Rita. “I just love you so much.”

“I miss you and I love you, too,” I say.

I see the tears well in her eyes. I fight back my own tears. Tears that flow with not only love, but disappointment. Disappointment in myself. That I let my life become so stressed and distracted in trying to save my marriage that I am missing moments with those I love.

I slide myself into the car. My guys are nestling into their seats for the hour ride home. As we pull out, they express the sadness that they always feel leaving these two wonderful people who are more like grandparents to them than aunt and uncle.

In this moment of reflective love, my youngest son, Danny inserts a thought.

“Aunt Rita is always so happy to see us,” he says with wonder. “She just keeps hugging us when we walk in the door and smiling at us and then she gets all teary.”

I shift in my seat to look back at him. I recognize the wheels turning. I can see his young mind pondering what he is saying, yet still too young to grasp.

“She really loves us,” he adds.

My heart fills with gratitude. It fills with the wonder of this thing called, “love,” when it is done right.

“I think what you are trying to say, Danny is that Aunt Rita doesn’t just love you, she makes you feel loved,” I say.

My mind drifts back to one of Uncle Tom’s birthday parties.

Lots of people are getting up to speak about Uncle Tom. When it is my turn, I say, “There are people in this life that will say they love you and then there are people in this life who will make you feel loved. Those people are a gift.”

I have lost too much time with these people that I so love.

I stayed too long, tried to hard and in my tenacious effort to save my marriage, I became stuck with tunnel vision. I stopped doing many things that I enjoyed and stopped making many of the ordinary phone calls and visits.

The everyday, extraordinary routines of picking up a phone just to call Aunt Rita and say, hello. To chat for hours with her about all things life.

I am walking my chocolate lab, Hazel. The fall leaves mark the crispness in the air. A familiar car approaches me.

The window rolls down. He utters just one sentence.

His words send me to the ground. I begin to cry. Hazel just circles me again and again. I do not get up. Instead I sit there on the black pavement in the black of night. I cry and I cry some more. I beg for it not to be true. I beg forgiveness. I beg for another chance to spread and share love in the ordinary ways of this life.

I stay there in the dark until I can bring myself to get up some thirty minutes later.

It is a hard goodbye as always. Love spills everywhere.

“Aunt Rita, I just miss you so much,” I whisper. “I just love you so much.”AuntRitaandUncleTom

The Yin and Yang of Marriage, Divorce and Life

posted by corme

The table chatter is rampant. Waiters and waitresses rush through the packed crowd. The wine glasses fiddle from hand to hand in between the noshing of tapas.

There are three of us on this weekday evening. We discuss work while others are well into the post-work, happy hour mood.

We are discussing features for an upcoming magazine.

“Why would you want to write an article about divorce?” says the publisher. “That’s depressing.”

I just smile.

That is what writers do. We write about what people don’t want to talk about.

This is a regional publication and, therefore, the content differs greatly from national outlets.

The truth is, that in between the happy times we all experience the ebb and flow of life, the yin and yang, and the peaks and the valleys. No one escapes this. These are the moments we become better human beings. Where we reach new levels of empathy, of understanding, of human frailty, of human strength and scale a new level of emotional and spiritual greatness.

The publisher is correct. Divorce is depressing, yet over 50% of people are experiencing it. Then, of course, there are the countless number of married couples on the near brink of it. Thereby, making it a conversation that effects at least, conservatively 60% of us.

That’s why in between diet and beauty and fitness and fashion, there are articles that pulse with the inevitable heartache of life. Tucked in neatly. To be discovered by those who don’t want to share their heartache over wine and tapas. Instead, they seek refuge in a quiet moment and bond with a writer that understands their pain.

Divorce is depressing. Those of us who experience it know this. Those that do not are happy to escape it.

Still, I find myself proud to write of the ebb, the yin and the valley.

To find the others like me.

So that together, we may exercise our hearts to a new level of emotional and spiritual greatness……….holding hands as we make our way to our flow, our yang and our new peak.

Where There Is Love There Is No Labor

posted by corme

I am in the basement of my childhood home. I am with my brother and sisters. One of them snatches a box from behind the bar.

I sift through the box. It overflows with cards and notes. My thoughts drift back to the day that I grab my mom’s birthday card from her bedroom dresser. Only to discover,  her own scribbled love message inside the card that we had gifted her….devoted to us…….her five children.

It foreshadows this moment.

I grab a small white address book that is resting between the cards.

Inside the front cover I run my fingers over my mom’s handwriting, “Colleen gave this to me one Christmas. I could never throw away.”

I have no memory for this little book. I must have been too small to remember.

I flip through it.

On the back cover I find two quotes:

“What the heart has once owned, it shall never lose.”

“Where there is love, there is no labor.”

My mom prepares these remembrances for us. This of course, I inadvertently discover the day I swipe her birthday card off of her dresser to read. The day has come that we all will need them.

My husband sees love as work. In my confusion to decipher just why he sees love so toilsome, my marriage has become laborious, and thus divorce is eminent.

I remember reading a parenting book by Dr. Stephen Covey. In one chapter, Covey’s daughter speaks of the way her mother and father celebrate her birthday. It is a week long, grand celebration with each day bringing something special with it. All nine of the Covey children enjoy this loving deluge.

Covey’s daughter goes on to explain what a shock it is once she marries. It seems her husband does not share the same, week long enthusiasm for all things birthday.

I do not know what drew me to someone who does not recognize the ease of love.

For even in illness and death, our mom discovers a way to let her love travel towards us.

She simply couldn’t find enough ways to tell us she loved us.

I always say that loving people just isn’t that complicated.

A better way to say it………

Would be in the verse that my mom lived in life……………

“Where there is love, there is no labor.”

 

 

 

 

My Crazy, Wonderful, Love Filled Mom

posted by corme

I am seventeen years old. I walk into my mom’s bedroom. We have just celebrated her birthday.

I stop to pick up one of the birthday cards on her dresser. I realize it is the one that we gave her. I open it. I spy our trademark signatures……all five of us. My eyes shift to the other side of the card. Scribbled next to our declarations of love, is the recognizable moniker of my mother.

“I have the greatest children. I will be smiling down on you from heaven.”

I barely make my way to the bedside phone. I slump over it and dial each of my siblings. Now, don’t ask me why I didn’t call my mom, but I didn’t.

By the time my mother walks in the door from work, I am a card clutching, hysterical mess on the living room sofa.

“What on earth is wrong?” asks my mother.

I sob as I hand her the card.

God Bless my mother because she really could be quite funny.

She bursts into equally hysterical laughter.

I am confused.

“I wanted you kids to know how much I love you when the day comes that I am no longer here,” says my mom.

“What?” I gasp. “You’re not dying?”

“No,” my mom responds still laughing.

“Why on earth would you write that in a card?” I beg.

“I keep a box of cards, momentos and keepsakes,” she says.

Let’s just say that my mother kept herself laughing for months as she relayed the story to all of her cohorts. She thought it was ridiculously funny. My siblings and I collected ourselves and had a good laugh (eventually) about the absolute absurdity of the entire story.

Our mother had obviously reached her golden years where she felt reflective of the love she wished to leave behind.

Me………I temporarily lost credibility with my siblings…..go figure.

 

 

How Divorce Effects Friendships

posted by corme

I enter my home, sink into my chaise lounge and weep. The tears that find their way out are not slow and graceful, but violent and thunderous. I try to muffle them, but they show no signs of being quieted. I pick up the phone, dial my friend, “Charo,” and while I try to speak, my tears muffle my words.

Charo waits patiently for me to calm down. She recognizes the pain even though she is left to interpret the sign language of distress.

“Who hurt you?” She asks. “I will………..”

You can fill in the blanks. Charo is instinctively loyal.

Charo and I process pain differently. She is not likely to spend time at home crying. She is more likely to honestly, not give a …….!

It doesn’t matter that we greet pain differently. She allows me my own interpretation. I am a worrier that cares. She is caring and doesn’t worry.

I use caution and say, “I don’t think that’s a good idea Charo.” She throws caution to the wind and says, “I think it’s a great idea.”

I was raised with unfaltering love and that would be our common denominator. It is hard for us both to leave any love, any friendship behind.

I spit out my story while turning into a bigger, salt covered, hot mess.

I’ve always said that I hope I am not judged by a few days in my life, but on how I lived my life overall. It is a mantra for me because I believe that we should be judged on our overall reputation and not our less than favorable moments in life.

Unfortunately, I chose to stay in a bad situation too long.

The time I spent struggling and trying to save my marriage, momentarily changed me from who I had always been to what I would label a, “stranger,” even to me. When people love you, it’s hard for them to witness your, ‘disappearing act.’

I am still friends with my best friend from grade school, best friends from high school, college, my first job, my friends in Baltimore during my years as a young mother. I do not let go of people easily.

My divorce has brought about many new beginnings and endings. It has forced me to relinquish some ties which is anything, but natural to me.

There is an irony that I loved so much that I wouldn’t walk away from that love, only to lose so much of myself that a few people would end up walking away from me.

The tears Charo absorb are for the ones I know now see me differently. It is humbling and difficult to bear even though Charo reminds me there are still many that still see me for who I have always been.

I take a cue from my friend, Charo.

I stop crying. I am still me down deep. The pain just temporarily covered me up.

The ones with our common denominator of unfaltering love will stay with my heart as it moves forward.

If not, then for the first time in my life, I am leaving some love behind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are You the Only One in Your Marriage Accepting Responsibility?

posted by corme

 

“You’re never going to win, Colleen,” says my husband.

I reply as I always do to those familiar words.

“If you believe there is winning and losing in love, then you have already lost,” I say.

It reminds me of two children walking off a playground.

“He pushed me,” says one. “No, he pushed me first,” says the other.

When adults walk off the playground, they say, “There is no excuse for my bad behavior.”

Part of growing up is accepting responsibility for our actions.

I am in a marriage where I am the only one accepting responsibility for the problems. I am the only one staying in marriage counseling.

I am struggling in this relationship. I am one person taking responsibility for two.

So much so, that I find myself saying, “I am growing weary of watching children walking around masquerading as adults.”

I will no longer allow another person to blame me for their bad behavior.

I am getting a divorce.

I am walking off the marital playground, covered in dust and dirt.

My husband can believe that he won.

Me………………I know that he lost.

 

Are You Embarrassed by Your Life?

posted by corme

I am walking with Cookie and Candy. As usual, I am a step behind them. I even try talking less to see if this permits me enough speed to match their stride.

It doesn’t work so I surrender to additional gabbing even if it does make me the obvious weak link in our exercise trio. In my defense, Cookie and Candy are out there every day. It is obvious that I could benefit from the same schedule.

While we chat, we normally exercise our thoughts with reflection. It often leaves me with some little nugget of wisdom.

I would label it ‘reflexercise.’ Only that almost makes it sound easy and believe me, keeping up with Cookie and Candy is not easy.

Today we are talking about the complexities of life and why we shy away from discussing them. Why do many of us feel embarrassed by aspects of our lives while others openly discuss them?

I take it all in because this is a subject I am familiar with. I am routinely asked, why I feel comfortable sharing the intimate details of my life.

Only this time, my thoughts answer that question differently. I do not explain the writer within me. Instead I reference my mother.

“My mother taught us to live a life of full disclosure,” I say. “She did not say this to us overtly, but instead it was the manner in which she lived her life. We did not hide from my father’s alcoholism or his absence. It was simply an aspect of who we were and our journey.”

In that moment, I catch myself and stop briefly. I often say, “there is a grand simplicity to the complexities of life.”

My mother taught me this. We all have different journeys and we all have different problems and we all experience less than perfect lives along the way. My amazing mother also taught me that…………..

Why would we ever be embarrassed by the life God gave us?

 

 

Does Your Relationship Know This Miraculous Love?

posted by corme

I often say that I write of love. If you go to my website (www.colleensheehyorme.com) and to the, “About Me,” page it is how I define my brand.

I also say that ‘love,’ is as simple, yet as complicated as the concept of ‘brand,’ is to business. The marketer in me realizing that love is the core of relationships and brand the core of business.

If both are not done well then eventually the relationship and the business will fail.

Author, Elizabeth GIlbert, “Eat, Pray, Love,” is quoted as saying, “To be fully seen by somebody, and then loved anyhow – that is a human offering that can border on miraculous.”

It is “unconditional love.” To absolutely know someone faults and strengths and see only the good in them.

It is not only what’s needed for the best marriages, but for the best friendships as well.

It is love done right. That is certainly as, Gilbert attests, “miraculous,” and every single one of us deserves to experience that miracle.

 

 

 

Why It Is Never Easy to End a Marriage

posted by corme

 

I am chatting with someone. In a well-intentioned attempt to make me feel better, they explain that divorce is really not such a big deal. On the contrary, they know people who are now happier since they have divorced.

This is absolutely true. It is why I have ultimately surrendered to this path.

However, to end a marriage and get a divorce is a big deal.

It is never easy to let go of our dreams.

It is never easy to lose one that we love.

It is never easy to fight so hard to save something that you lose most of yourself.

It is never easy to forgive yourself for choices that leave your children responsible for them.

It is never easy to let go of a love that gifted you the three greatest loves of your life.

It is never easy to watch another’s love story and wonder why yours was a short story rather than a novel.

It is never easy to see a family together and realize you are no longer like other families.

It is never easy to realize that either you repeat a part of your past or you were one of the first in your family to take this path.

It is never easy to believe you create your own fairy tale only to remember that both good and bad exist in even the best fairy tales.

It is never easy to fail at anything in life, let alone what is most precious to us.

It is never easy to discover that pain and joy are the necessary roommates of the heart.

It is never easy to end a marriage.

 

Previous Posts

Surround Yourself with People That Let You Shine
I am chatting with two of my friends in their store. I do not feel comfortable with what brings me here this crisp, fall morning. It is not always easy to share certain things even for a writer like me, but I need to confide in them. The store is warm and inviting with intricate wooden details

posted 3:23:42am Oct. 29, 2014 | read full post »

Don't Lose Time in Divorce or Life
It’s a warm, summer evening as we make our way out of the house. My three boy’s stop and wrap their arms around their Aunt Rita and Uncle Tom. It is a hard goodbye as always. Love spills everywhere. It is now my turn to wrap my arms around Uncle Tom and Aunt Rita. “I just miss you so muc

posted 6:33:03pm Oct. 24, 2014 | read full post »

The Yin and Yang of Marriage, Divorce and Life
The table chatter is rampant. Waiters and waitresses rush through the packed crowd. The wine glasses fiddle from hand to hand in between the noshing of tapas. There are three of us on this weekday evening. We discuss work while others are well into the post-work, happy hour mood. We are discus

posted 2:34:54am Oct. 21, 2014 | read full post »

Where There Is Love There Is No Labor
I am in the basement of my childhood home. I am with my brother and sisters. One of them snatches a box from behind the bar. I sift through the box. It overflows with cards and notes. My thoughts drift back to the day that I grab my mom’s birthday card from her bedroom dresser. Only to discover

posted 2:56:48am Oct. 15, 2014 | read full post »

My Crazy, Wonderful, Love Filled Mom
I am seventeen years old. I walk into my mom’s bedroom. We have just celebrated her birthday. I stop to pick up one of the birthday cards on her dresser. I realize it is the one that we gave her. I open it. I spy our trademark signatures......all five of us. My eyes shift to the other side of t

posted 5:11:43am Oct. 13, 2014 | read full post »


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