Are you married? Why are you single? When are you planning to get married? If you're a single adult, there's no doubt you've heard or been asked one of these questions. Singles across the globe are often subjected to one of these questions at some point in their life. While there's nothing wrong with inquiring about a persons' relationship status, hearing the same questions can become tiresome. Why? Because there's more to life for a single person than getting married. As you engage in conversation with singles and are confused about what to ask them, here are some questions singles wish they were asked.
How can I pray for you?
Singles need prayer for their entire life. More often than not, when people pray for singles, their thoughts are to pray for marriage or dating relationships. Other areas in a single's life need the attention of prayer; family, work, career, spiritual growth, and emotional stability. If you want to sincerely submit prayers on behalf of unmarried people, ask them what they would like for you to pray for. You may be surprised at the response you get. So, instead of telling or suggesting prayers, ask a single person what areas in their life they need prayer.
How can I help you on your single journey?
Believe it or not, unmarried people are on a journey through life that entails more than marriage. Everyone has a God-given purpose in life and needs help along the way. So, instead of asking singles when they will get married or anything related to romantic or intimate relationships, ask them about their God-given purpose and how you can assist them with fulfilling it.
What do singles need from the church?
In many churches, unmarried people are prominent in numbers; however, there is minimum consistent support. Few solid singles ministries focus on building singles for kingdom work, conferences, and classes that get to the heart of what singles genuinely need. There are so many ways the church can support singles that will make them feel a part of the church consistently and uplift them during this season of their lives. Take some time to ask singles what they need from the church and make a conscious effort to fulfill those needs.
When do you feel most vulnerable in being single?
Weddings, bridal showers, Valentine's Day, weekends. These and other events are times when many singles are most vulnerable. Date nights, certain holidays, and celebrations tend to magnify couples. Inquiring about when a single is most susceptible will help them acknowledge and express their feelings healthily. Not only this, it will provide an insight to others on how singles feel and how you can help them move beyond them.
What's important to you on this journey?
If you want to know more about singles, ask them what's important to them in life. Inquire about their morals, values, what you desire in a relationship, and how you prioritize yourself. Every person has different experiences, good and evil, that they learn from and create their legacy. The next time you want to engage in meaningful conversation with an unmarried individual, inquire about what they value most in life. The things you learn may help you on your journey.
What do you struggle with?
Everyone has trials and tribulations. Everyone has something they grapple with. Many people, including other singles, believe that the primary struggle of singles is their desire for a life partner. It's not. Many singles struggle with emotional balance, finances, mental health, physical, depression, etc. If you want to learn more about one aspect of a single person, ask them what they may be struggling with. You may be surprised at what you discover and what you have in common.
How often do you celebrate yourself?
Couples have the privilege of celebrating engagement anniversaries, wedding anniversaries, and first dates. What do singles have to celebrate? Plenty! They can commemorate when their last relationship ended, celebrate the goodness of being single, and purchase gifts from you. The next time you find yourself celebrating a special occasion with your significant other, take a moment to ask a single person how many times they honor themselves for the unique person God created them to be.
How do you define yourself?
Single, married, divorced, widow, re-married. These are relationship statuses people often use to define who they are. This is fine, but a relationship status should not be the first or only thing used to characterize themselves. When a person represents themselves, it should include images of themselves, a distinct personality description, and any additional details you find terrific about yourself. During a conversation with singles, ask them how they see themselves without including their relationship status. Everyone needs to know and understand who they are as an individual before becoming one with someone else.
What are your single goals?
Every person has goals in life. One goal may be to have a life partner for singles, but it's not the only goal. Singles are ambitious in many areas of their lives. Take some time to ask questions centered around a singles' present and future intentions, without including whether or not they want to be married.
As you continue interacting with singles, try to be mindful of the information you're airing about. While your intentions may be good, it will be beneficial to both parties if you are intentional and take the following steps before asking singles specific questions:
a. Be mindful of your tone. You don't want to sound sarcastic, arrogant, or condescending.
b. Be mindful of the questions you ask. You don't want to offend anyone.
c. Be aware of your surroundings. You don't want to ask singles when they're getting married while attending a wedding. It puts them in an awkward position and may unintentionally bruise their confidence.
If you or someone you know find yourself asking singles any of the questions above, please think about how you will ask them and be prepared for whatever response you get. It's not easy being single. It's not easy being married, but it is easy to love one another as God commands us to, and part of showing that love is having compassion in all that we say, do and ask.