7 of the Most Googled Questions about Relationships, Answered

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Google, as the modern incarnation of the all-knowing oracles of myth, tells us a lot about ourselves. The questions we ask reflect what we want the most, and fortunately, Google compiles and displays this data in various ways so that we can take a look at it—no names attached, of course.

It’s no surprise that relationship issues come up near the top. If you look at our movies, songs, and films, what are majority of them about? That’s right—love. We’re obsessed with it.

And for good reason. Relationships, as they say, make the world go round. They give us support, peace, and a reason to get up in the morning. They fill our hearts with joy.

They’re also incredibly complicated, messy, and difficult, so it’s no wonder we ask Google to help us out. It can take the collected wisdom of the internet to figure out why your guy won’t talk or why your girl is looking at you funny, after all.

So let’s take a look at a handful of the most Googled relationship questions, and at what their answers really are.

"Is my girlfriend or boyfriend cheating on me?"

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This is the absolute, number one relationship question of all time. If you go to Google and type in “Is my wife,” or “Is my husband,” Google will finish your sentence with “Cheating on me”. Sometimes, you don’t even get past the “my”!

Unfortunately, science can’t provide a definitive answer to the question of cheating. It can, however, give us the tools to spot deception.

Dr. Paul Ekman, University of California Medical School emeritus psychology professor, has published something called the Facial Action Coding System—FACS—which successfully detects deception close to 90 percent of the time. Dr. Ekman says that the biggest indicators of lying come from the face, not the body—liars don’t actually fidget more than truthful people, despite what you may have heard.

Some of Ekman’s biggest signs of deception are blinking, dilated pupils, an avoidance of eye contact, and someone who is simply acting differently than usual. Of course, these don’t guarantee a liar, but they are grounds for suspicion.

If you’re suspicious after a few conversations, bring out your inner sleuth and start asking friends what they think—they’ll often know more than you do. Watch out for changes in social media, email, and phone usage, too—if these goes way up, and your partner seems guarded about them, something might be up.

Look out for all of these signs, and you’ll likely find out if your boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on you.

"How do I ask someone out?"

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One of the next most-asked questions is a pretty simple one. How you see that hot girl or guy, how in the world do you ask them out?

This is something that scares us because we perceive the stakes as being high—your pride, as well as your potential future with this intriguing person are on the line. That’s nothing to sniff at.

So how do you diffuse the tension?

Easy. You stay positive, be direct and relaxed, and make friends with them first!

Get to know your potential date before you spring yourself on him or her—at least enough to know what sort of date might make this person happy. The literature nerd who loves the Lord of the Rings movies might not enjoy a football game, and vice versa. Or maybe they love both! You won’t know unless you ask.

When you do ask this person out, stay positive. Simply asking someone to join you for coffee is a neutral statement. But talking about how you love going to this one little coffee shop before you ask makes it positive. This is vital. People love positive people.

Finally, be relaxed! You’re not going to die if this person says “no”. Your life won’t end. You won’t be alone for the rest of your life. Stop being overdramatic.

Slow down and stay casual—put the other person at ease, and you’ll have a much higher chance of success. Just be the confident, caring, and thoughtful person that you really are, and you’ll do just fine.

"How do I go on a date?"

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Okay, so you got someone to say “yes” to a date with you. Good job! But, according to Google, you now have no idea what you’re doing.

Let’s change that.

First dates are tough, no doubt. You’re with someone you don’t know well, and the pressure is up to be smart, charming, interesting, and funny—preferably all at once. With so many things to focus on, how can you make sure you succeed in making a good impression?

Let’s boil things down to two major points—conversation and eye contact.

Conversation is the lifeblood of any date. You can’t just go out and expect to “do”—you have to talk, too. This includes you, men.

The key to good conversation is maintaining a balance between learning about your date and impressing him or her with your own life and stories. Make sure that you listen to your date, asking questions about their life and worldview. Don’t be afraid to get risky. Stereotypical questions make for a forgettable date.

Next is eye contact. Maintain eye contact. because it’s one of the most important things you can do to establish an emotional link with another human being. Don’t force eye contact for too long—keep it natural at about 7 to 10 seconds of gazing at a time. Gaze, look away, and return to his or her face. Just don’t be a creep about it.

Your first impression on your date will last, so look nice, don’t get drunk, and remember these two all-important points. And afterward, seal the deal by being direct—but not forceful—about your desire for another date. You might just find yourself in a wonderful new relationship.

"How many dates before we're exclusive?"

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There are two schools of thought in response to this question.

The traditional—and European—answer to this question is that dating is exclusive from the start. The relationship starts from the first date, and no one else is involved. If one partner wants to date someone else, they break up before moving on.

The second school of thought is more of a contemporary American thing. According to a Google Consumer Survey conducted by Mic, 45.2 percent of people date for about 1 to 2 months before declaring their relationship exclusive. That’s about 6 dates, and about 24 total hours spent together. Until then, most of these people are casually seeing multiple people.

What does all of this mean? Absolutely nothing, because you are not these people. You are you. Ask yourself what you’re comfortable with—you now have your answer.

Whether you’re into casual or formal dating, be upfront to your date about it. Bring it up in a casual, tactful manner, and probably not on the very first date—but do bring it up. If your expectations match, go for it. If not, this may not be the partner for you.

"Why is he not calling me back?"

This question seemed to be exclusively about the guys of the dating world—there was no corresponding question about women.

There’s a reason for this; men just aren’t often very good at communication. So relax—he’s probably not actively avoiding you. He just has a case of man-brain. Fortunately, it’s a curable condition.

A lot of guys are brought up to think in terms of what is useful, so their minds tend to reside in the area of “right now”. That means that if nothing much is going on, they have nothing much to say. But if something needs doing, like planning an outing or talking you through fixing your sink, they’ll pick that phone right up.

So what can you do? You talk to him about it! Let him know that you love having conversations with him, and that you’d like to speak more over the phone. If he’s thoughtful and into you, he’ll make an effort to open up over the phone. You can help him out by having him picture the two of you hanging out as you speak—often this will help a guy connect the conversation with something useful—making you happy!

"How do I make a long-distance relationship work?"

Long-distance relationships are tough. You can’t often physically visit one another, and that makes for a difficult dating situation. Google searches reflect this.

But long-distance dating isn’t impossible! Around 3 million Americans are in exactly this sort of relationship, and studies show that these people are equally as satisfied as their no-distance counterparts. They’re also more likely to share meaningful thoughts and feelings, and experience a subsequently stronger sense of emotional connection.

So how can you achieve this?

You set up appropriate expectations. Unmet expectations are the biggest cause of relationship failure—in both the long-distance and up-close varieties. Are the two of you exclusive? How much will you communicate? How will you communicate?

Be open about what you want, and about what you expect. This is key in a long-distance relationship.

And don’t forget the power of technology. With services like Skype, FaceTime, and various social media platforms, you can see your partner virtually any time you’d like. One great date idea involves one partner ordering food both, and then dining together over video chat—the possibilities for virtual dates are endless!

Finally, do things together. Watch a movie or video. Take a walk “together”. Create shared experiences through every means at your disposal. And don’t forget the occasional in-person visit. To go out of your way to see your partner shows a great amount of love and commitment.

Long-distance relationships work, but they simply take a few different steps. Learn those, and you’ll be just fine.

"How do you date your best friend?"

This one’s just cute. It's also a really good idea.

At some point in every relationship, there should come a point when you have to ask yourself, “If I weren’t attracted to this person, would we still be friends”? The answer will show you whether or not a long-term relationship with this person will last.

When partners are, at their core, great friends, their relationship can weather the ups and downs that naturally arise from being human. Emotions flare, sexual desire rises and falls, and that “in love” feeling doesn’t always burn as brightly as it does at the beginning. Friendship is the solid foundation that doesn’t change.

So should you date your best friend? Heck yes. But you, dear Googlers, want to know how.

First, you need to stop labeling. Your best friend is—surprise—actually a human being. Slapping on the “I-can’t-be-attracted-to-her-because-she’s-my-friend” label is just fooling yourself. Peel that thing off.

Second, take a second to evaluate your best friend as a romantic match. You probably know them really well. Do they have habits you could live with? What kind of partner are they? If the two of you don’t seem like you’d be a romantic fit, it might be best to leave things be.

But it’s far more likely that you are a fit, so go for it. Just take the risk. This is the person who knows all of your bad habits, yet likes you anyway. They know your embarrassing stories already. They’ve likely met your family. They may or may not have pranked you multiple times.

They’re basically perfect. So don’t pass this up if you see a potential match!

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