Popular culture has given us high expectations when it comes to relationships. It has taught us that our significant other should complete us, and if they don’t, something is wrong. We think that once we get in the right relationship, all our problems will disappear. We believe that all of our worries and past hurts will vanish. We start to think that when the right person enters our lives, everything will make sense. Yet, life teaches us something very different. The more we believe our partner will complete us, the more our insecurities begin to surface, and we can really start self-sabotaging our relationships. Here are seven dangers of believing your significant other will complete you.
It hinders growth.
We should never go into a relationship, thinking that the person we’re with will fill in the gaps in our lives. Not only is it incredibly unhealthy, but it is also unfair to the person we’re with. We set expectations way too high, and when they aren’t met, the relationship feels miserable. When we look at things through this lens, we believe we are no longer accountable for our growth because we have a partner who makes up for it. We also begin to seek partners, not because we truly love the person, but because our self-esteem, identity, and self-worth are wrapped up in this person. This is very dangerous territory to be in.
We think we can’t be complete without another person.
It’s important that we reprogram our thinking, so we don’t feel like we’re lost, broken, or doomed if we aren’t in a committed relationship. Many circumstances lead to singleness, and it’s more than ok to be alone for some time. We also shouldn’t look at relationships as if they are pressured tasks. The relationship we’re in shouldn’t give us feelings of doubt, fear, and anxiety. If you walk into relationships feeling incomplete, your first thought shouldn’t be that the person should complete you. It’s so much pressure on you and also on the person you’re with.
It’s not realistic.
When you think the person you’re with completes you, it places wildly unrealistic expectations on the relationship. We think that people are these perfectly formed puzzle pieces that fit seamlessly into our lives, but that isn’t the case. People, including the ones we love, have imperfections. There will be times when we disappoint each other, and life doesn’t seem fair. When we look at our partner’s like they complete us, we can never be happy enough. Yet, when we are complete on our own, we set our relationship up with a firm foundation.
There is no such thing as half a human.
The truth is, we’re all human beings who have legitimate flaws. There are times where it is hard for us to confront our flaws. We may not be able to see where we’re falling short. We are blessed when we can find a partner who not only sees our flaws but also loves us for who we are and what we’re not. We have to be able to be open about our weaknesses to fully love and embrace ourselves. When we think that someone else should complete us, we are saying that it requires another person to make us whole. Embrace the fact that you have flaws, and you are working towards growth each day.
Life isn’t predictable.
Nobody likes to think about bad things happening in life, particularly our relationships. Yet, the truth is life is so unpredictable. What happens if the person we love is no longer in our life? We don’t want to think about it, but it could be a reality. When we believe that the person we’re with is the only person that can bring us happiness, we will be completely shattered when things don’t work out. We have to be able to move on when unexpected things happen. Don’t put this kind of pressure on yourself. If they disappear from our lives, it can be tough to pick up the pieces again.
It suggests that we are incomplete.
Too often, we sell ourselves short. There is so much pressure from society for us to find the right partner, settle down, and get married. This is why it’s so easy to get caught up in the space of thinking that we’re not complete if we don’t have the right person in our life to complete us. What we don’t think about is the fact that the person we’re looking for just may not be present yet. Maybe, this isn’t the right timing for a relationship. When we say that we’re looking for someone to complete us, it suggests that we are incomplete without another person in our life. The reality is, we are more than enough, even when we don’t have a significant other.
There are certain things no one else can do for you.
While it’s great to have a partner and companion in our life, there are things that we can only for ourselves. Think about it. If we want a better job, we have to go out and find another one. If we aren’t happy with our current situation, we have to make the necessary changes to be happy. If you are unsatisfied with your life right now, you have to discover what it takes to change that. Relying on someone else to do this for, you can only make things more challenging if and when they are no longer around.
Remember that you are the only person that is responsible for your wholeness. The person you end up with should be someone you love, who will bring out the best in you, but they are not responsible for your happiness and growth. While we should be with people who bring out the best in us, we can’t expect them to heal us. We have to put in the work to do this. If you are seeking someone to complete you, you need to take some time to look inward. Ask yourself what is missing in your life. The journey to happiness and contentment begins with you.