6 Things to Do to Help Get Over a Breakup

Shutterstock.com

Dealing with a broken heart is never easy. All you want is to go back in time and start over. You want one more chance to make things right with your ex, but you know that you are not going to get the opportunity. It is over. Your heart is in pieces, and your ex walked away without seemingly any pain at all. It hurts.

Getting over the pain of a breakup takes time and effort. You have to want to heal, and you have to be willing to put in the work that is required to do so. It seems strange to think that some people would prefer not to heal after a breakup, but there are some people who would prefer to wallow in misery. They may be under the mistaken impression that their pain makes them deep somehow. They might find that their broken heart puts them at the center of attention. They also simply may not be able to give up on the idea of getting back together with their ex. None of these ideas are conducive to getting over a breakup. For those that do not want to live with a broken heart, here are six things to do to help get over a breakup.

Focus on the Negatives

Shutterstock.com

It may seem like strange advice for someone attempting to heal a broken heart. Why would you be focusing on bad things? You should be focusing on good memories and happy thoughts in order to drag yourself out of the pit of misery your ex tossed you in, right? Actually, psychologists found that when it comes to lessening the emotional pain of seeing or thinking about your ex, it actually pays to focus on the things they did that drove you nuts.

When you are in a relationship, you often feel obligated to ignore some of the little things your partner does that drive you up the wall. It really is not a big deal that they refuse to pick up their socks and just leave them in a pile on the floor. It drives you crazy, but you ignore it since you are in love. Well, now there is no reason not to remember all those little things you hated. You need positivity to balance out the anger, but focusing on the negative can be a good way to give yourself a reality check and remember that your ex was far from perfect.

Shut Off Social Media

Shutterstock.com

Social media keeps people tuned in to each other’s lives 24/7. This can certainly be handy when you are waiting to see if your sister who lives across the country has had her baby yet. It does mean, however, that you are almost guaranteed to stumble across pictures or posts by your ex that could send you spiraling right back into rage or tears. As such, it is a good idea after a breakup to take a break from social media. Unfollow, unfriend and block your ex. Put away the computer and delete the apps off your phone. Take a few weeks to detox. Then, go back to your virtual life when you can be sure that seeing your ex’s selfie will not start harming you in real life.

Avoiding social media will also help you curb the urge to post nasty comments on your ex’s page or fill your own feed with passive aggressive comments disguised as inspirational quotes. As much as it may feel good at the moment, dumping your rage on your ex online tends to leave you feeling empty afterward.

Don’t Show Off For Them

Shutterstock.com

After a breakup, it can be so tempting to show off for your ex in an effort to show them exactly what they gave up when they ended the relationship. You might show up to a mutual friend’s party dressed to the nines in order to make her realize what she lost. You might make it a point to be seen flirting with another man in order to make him jealous. You might fill your social media feed with images of you having a great time without your ex or pointedly talk about how much better off you are without your ex when you know that they can hear you. While this may feel good in the moment, resist the urge to engage in such behavior. It is petty and will do nothing to help you heal. If you are still showing off for your ex, you are still concerned with what they think of you and how they view you. Focus on getting over them entirely instead of trying to make them miss you.

Write Unsent Letters

Shutterstock.com

There is little more cathartic than being able to tell someone exactly what you think of them and their behavior. Unfortunately, taking those thoughts to social media is begging to start an internet feud. Get your thoughts out through a medium that is less likely to bring friends and family members down on your head or make you look like a spoiled child. Instead of ranting on social media, write your ex a letter you will never send. This will enable you to say whatever you feel like to you ex without all the resultant fallout. Call your ex names. Curse them. Insult them. Beg them to take you back. Pour your heart out without the need to censor yourself. Then, get rid of the letter. You can shred it, burn it, stuff it in a box or toss it in the trash. Just be sure it does not find its way into the mailbox.

Hardcopy letters are the best for this sort of thing because it is very hard to accidentally stick a letter in the mail. It is easy, however, to click the wrong button and send an email or make a post live. If for whatever reason, you have to write your letter on a computer, write it in a word processor to ensure that your thoughts stay private.

Play That Breakup Music

It is well known that music effects a person’s mood. This is why upbeat, happy music is one of the best ways to help you turn a bad day around. Unsurprisingly, the same effect of music can be harnessed to help you deal with your breakup. When you are feeling lonely or missing your ex, turn on some power breakup songs. Fill a playlist with breakup songs that remind you how much better off you are or at least will be without your ex. Then, play those songs as loud as you wish.

What music you choose for your breakup playlist is up to you. You might prefer classic breakup songs such as “I Will Survive,” or you may prefer songs that do not directly reference the end of a relationship but still encourage you to keep looking and moving forward. The important thing is that it works for you.

Do What You Enjoy

Shutterstock.com

When a breakup is over, you need to focus on healing. This means that you do need to confront and deal with your lingering feelings toward your ex as well as any anger or confusion that the breakup itself caused you. You cannot, however, do that all the time. That is not how humans are wired. As such, you need to occasionally distract yourself from the emotional battle that is moving on. Do that by doing things that you enjoy, especially those that you may not have been able to do often or at all when you were in a relationship with your ex. If your ex hated the outdoors but you love hiking, go on a camping trip. If you love to cook but your ex was not an adventurous eater, dig up some exotic recipes and make your home smell like spices. Distractions alone will not help you heal, but they can help replenish the energy you lose when you have to deal with the reality of having a broken heart.

6 Essential Breakup Boundaries

It’s time to set up some boundaries with your ex. Read next feature >