Talking to Your Kids About Marital Separation by Dr. Linda Mintle l How to Tell Your Kids That You Are Separating l Marital Conflict that Affects the Family l Emotional Impact of Marital Separation

It’s tragic whenever a marriage comes to a point where two people are struggling to coexist. When a relationship becomes toxic, dangerous, emotionally exhausting or so contentious that two people can’t have a civil conversation, separation can function like a timeout. It gives a couple time to think, pray and sort out what needs to change for things to get better.

It can also be used to work on serious marital problems like addiction, abuse, and high conflict if a couple is committed to the process of doing what is necessary to correct problems. Other times it is used to begin the process of divorce.

Telling the children that you have decided to separate is never easy, but a few guidelines can help the process.

Be Age-Specific in Your Approach

Preschoolers need assurance of love, seeing both parents, and as much consistency as possible. School age children have better cognitive understanding and may be more afraid of what happens when people don’t get along.

You will see more emotions: sadness, anger and upset that needs lots of support and comfort. Teens will feel the unsettling of this and feel a lack of security during a changing time in their development. Older teens may have opinions and express their anger more directly and wonder how it will impact their lives with peers, money, etc.

Let the child direct questions and answer honestly without disparaging the other, giving reassurance that you will try your best to work out issues that are troublesome to them. No matter your marital status, you will work hard at co-parenting.