All marriages will have their issues, no matter how long you've been together. The problems that surface can be extremely painful and intense. When someone hurts you, that pain runs incredibly deep and can last what feels like forever. While we all want a perfect marriage, there are things that we do that we may not even notice, that can damage our marriages. Sometimes, you may even think these actions are helping, but often it's the opposite. You must be aware of what these issues are so you can manage the bumps along the way. Here are seven be-all-end-all marriage mistakes that lead to divorce.
You may think a little flirting isn't harmful, but it can do a lot more damage than you realize. While flirting isn't detrimental when you're single, it is a no-no when you're married. That casual flirting can quickly shift you to emotional and physical infidelity. When you flirt, you are taking attention away from your partner and placing it on someone else. It may seem unharmful, but it is incredibly disrespectful to your partner and your marriage. If your thought is "what they don't know won't hurt them," you're headed to disaster. Flirting can lead you down a road of lies and deceit that will eventually come to light and possibly lead to divorce in the long run.
Nothing is wrong with being on social media, but you begin crossing the line when you're hitting up people you find attractive in the DM's. Cellphones have become the culprit of many secrets and communication breakdowns among couples. In addition to private messaging, conversations with those of the opposite sex can also lead to issues. Intimacy is hard to maintain when your phone is being blown up with constant alerts. They will distract you from meaningful conversations with your partner. You may find yourself talking to a person online more than you do with your partner. This is problematic for many reasons.
One of the top relationship killers that can lead to divorce is having unrealistic expectations. This can show up in the form of expecting your partner to know what you're feeling and see things the way you do. If you think your partner will become a different person after they walk down the aisle, you're mistaken. It's unfair and unrealistic to believe your partner will change to fit your expectations. When you seek fulfillment from your partner and project your need for happiness onto them, it can harm your marriage. Instead of turning to your partner to fulfill your every need, try turning to those around you for love and support. Find fulfillment in the things you do and the ways you give back to others. You should feel whole and complete as you are.
Nothing is wrong with pointing out issues in your marriage, but continually being critical can do more damage than you even realize. When you do this, your partner feels like you don't respect what they have to say or their opinions. Sarcasm and critical facial expressions are also a way to get your partner to want to shut down. They may even begin to withdraw and seek kindness and approval from someone else. You shouldn't be rude to your significant other, even if you're extremely upset at the moment.
What is more important is that you give your partner the attention they deserve by listening to them. Rolling your eyes or shaking your head because you're irritated will only escalate the situation. Remember, you are trying to build a strong bond with your partner, not destroy them.
While friends can uplift your marriage, they can also tear it down. When two people join together in union, a significant change takes place in their lives. Yet, if those two people aren't willing to put their partner and family unit above their friendships, it will have consequences. Since we have such a close bond with our friends, it can be hard for them to deal with the fact that you are sharing time with your partner, especially if they are single. Bad friends will do everything they can to interfere with your marriage. They can be the ultimate sabotagers if you don't create healthy boundaries. Instead of uplifting your marriage, they will try to break the union down. If any of your friends are doing this, it's time to part ways.
Not Acknowledging Your Partner
While you don't have to continually tell your partner how thankful you are for their efforts, never mentioning it can be damaging. Downplaying your partner's actions can be even worse. One thing that will harm your marriage is not showing appreciation for the things they do. Your significant other equates appreciation to value. When you indicate that you appreciate them, it sends a message that you are thankful for their presence in your life. You and your partner should be bringing out the best in each other. If you never show that to your partner, it will start to create distance.
Excessively saying "you always" or "you never" can cause real damage to your relationship and eventually lead to divorce. Think about it. There isn't one person who always or never does anything. These statements will make your loved one defensive and close them off from any message you're trying to send them. If you're having issues around something, point out the problem and stick to the facts. Also, let them know how the actions make you feel. Never start the conversation by accusing your partner. Allow them to speak on the issue.
If you don't want your marriage to end in divorce, you must put in the work and give it the love it needs. Nobody said marriage was easy. It requires a certain level of attention and care. If your spouse has done something to hurt you, communicate it. Work through those issues together before the relationship can't be saved.