Oh, how we become so accustomed to our hubbies that we do some very non-kosher things after the final “thank you” card is mailed to the final wedding guest. Maybe you are one of those people who remain steadfast and who never look back when the "I do's" were said. For the rest of us, after the celebration ends--we drop our defenses and become almost alien-like. We start becoming upset with them for eating with their mouths open. Their once awkward habits like leaving their clothes everywhere are now driving you bonkers. Not to mention the dishes that appear in mysterious places around the house or the lid that is never tightened on the mayonnaise jar (come on, really?). As women, we have a few flaws, right? Surely, there would be an onslaught of emails from the guys if that was not discussed. The things we do in front of our husbands goes beyond having acne cream on our faces in front of them, having a wedgy or passing gas. Those are not fatal to a relationship, it's just not sexy. However, there are more serious matters to contend with (see guys, this is balanced). Here are 6 behaviors that damage our marriages.
We should not talk bad about our husbands to our family or to our friends. When you talk about your husband poorly--you are damaging his self-esteem and the marriage. We are instructed by Paul in Philippians 4:8 to think on whatever is right and "whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." If you think he won't remember what you said, you are wrong. He will bring it up and he will hold it against you. There is power in your words and you can speak life or you can speak death into your marriage. If not, it will drain the life out of your relationship over time. The choice is yours!
Usually, you get jealousy out of your blood in the beginning of a relationship. The more you display fits of jealousy in the marriage, the more your husband will start feeling that he is walking on eggshells. That will get old and it will start fights. We need to trust them by showing them our love and devotion. You need to take a step back and realize you have suspicious behavior. James 3 talks about jealousy and he is pretty candid about the origins of it. "If you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above but is earthly, unspiritual and demonic." Don't allow jealousy rip your marriage into shreds. Seek prayer and seek help for it.
Getting mad is natural in any marriage. What happens when those tiffs grow into days or months and nothing is being resolved? Well, it may lead to other negative behaviors such as violence that can affect other people in the environment like your youngsters. Anger is part of life but when it becomes chronic it will disintegrate the marriage. Anger may be disguised with derision and teasing that borders on aggression. The signs of anger can be more subtle for those who are passive aggressive. Impatience, blaming everyone, becoming withdrawn and name calling all are rooted in anger. These unhealthy characteristics may cause predicaments in your marriage and terminate it permanently. Replace anger with empathy and mercy. Don’t be afraid to seek professional advice.
You might have a critical spirit that needs to be dispensed with if you are constantly putting your husband down. A critical spirit is when a person dwells on the negative and centers on the flaws only. "They’re a complainer, usually always upset and generally have a problem or a complaint about something," Vicotorious.org explained. You may have sin that you need to acknowledge or you need to forgive people to gain freedom in this area. Other things to contemplate are making harmless jokes and malicious remarks that are damaging. If you are criticizing and critiquing him all the time--eventually he is just going to check out. If you are frustrated, talk in a philosophical matter, not in a critical tone that points out his imperfections.
Lying to Him
If you think that your lies will not catch up with you--think again. When lies are prevailing in a relationship, trust is being destroyed. If they can’t trust you, it not only undermines the relationship, but it hurts you as well. Even if they never find out, consciously you know it is wrong. Ephesians shared to not let any "unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs." Lies come in all forms (white lies) so stay on guard and protect your marriage by being honest with yourself and your spouse.
Most of us are super bad at listening. When someone you are talking to is not tuning in, the scenario becomes distressful if it is chronic. What happens is that you both start fading out of the conversation since the other seems to have little interest. Combat this by listening and by speaking in a more loving tone. Listening better can be something you can embrace rather than seeing it as a trial. Listening better will help your interpersonal skills as well.
We might be damaging our marriage and not even know it! There are things that are grave and there are things that are not grave like leaving the lid loose on the mayonnaise jar. It always takes work to make a marriage last and to keep it progressing. The good news is that we can intercept difficulties before they get out of control.