Most people are familiar with the phrase “to forgive and to forget.” While this is a nice phrase, it is not practical. There are many things that hurt you so severely that it is impossible to forgive and forget. God calls you to forgive, but He doesn't call you to be reconciled to everyone.
Reconciliation is up to you. Forgiveness is commanded by God. Forgiving someone does not mean what the person did to you is “okay,” but it does mean you are giving the situation over to God. Here are seven signs God is asking you to forgive, even when it's hard.
1. The Holy Spirit is Convicting You
The Holy Spirit will convict you when you are struggling with unforgiveness. This inner guilt will rise into your heart and it will be impossible to shake. The Holy Spirit could also be communicating to you with gentle whispers of Scripture passages. Listen to His voice rather than pushing Him away.
Jesus tells us, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:37). Forgive from the deepest parts of your heart. Stop ignoring the convictions of the Holy Spirit.
2. The Bible is Speaking to You
Think about the last time you picked up your Bible. Where did God guide your heart? Perhaps to Ephesians 4:32? Paul tells us, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
God speaks to you in His Word. Make sure you are actively reading the Bible each day. He will ease the anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness in your heart. Never doubt the comfort and peace He can bring you. As you keep turning to Him and studying the Bible, you will finally be able to forgive the person who hurt you.
3. You Are Overcome With Bitterness
Without a doubt, people become bitter when they are holding unforgiveness in their hearts. Have you noticed that you are more snappy lately? Are you short-tempered? Pray over the matter and ask if the Lord is trying to reveal something to you.
It could be God is trying to help you realize the importance of forgiveness. The Lord says, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins” (Mark 11:25). Forgive others as God has forgiven you. In this way, your sins will also be forgiven.
4. Trusted Individuals Are Encouraging You to Forgive
Family, friends, and your spouse know you better than most people. Perhaps they have been encouraging you to extend forgiveness in your life. This can be God’s way of communicating with you. God’s main way of communication is the Bible; however, He can also talk to you through other believers.
Listen to those around you. Weigh what they say against Scripture. If they are encouraging you to forgive because they see the damage that it is going on in your life, take them seriously. Move forward in your life rather than being consumed with unforgiveness. At the end of the day, the only person you are hurting is yourself.
5. Your Health is Deteriorating
Unforgiveness can hurt your overall well-being. Maybe you have been eating too little or too much, not sleeping as well, or spending too much time in front of screens. Rather than trying to ignore the situation, hand it over to God. Tell Him that you are not strong enough on your own. He will help you carry every burden (Matthew 11:28-30).
Extend forgiveness even when it is hard. Think about all the times God has forgiven you. Everyone has done terrible things, yet God still welcomes us home. Practice this same mentality and actively forgive those who have wronged you. You don't have to become their best friend, but you can genuinely forgive them from your heart.
6. Your Life Feels Empty
What has your life felt like lately? Do you feel full of life or do you feel hollow? Holding on to unforgiveness can quickly cause you to feel like a shell of yourself. All the anguish and pain has slowly eaten away at your hope. Choose to hold on to the hope that is yours in Christ Jesus.
Romans 15:13 says, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” God can bring hope back into your life. Choose to forgive and truly move forward in the beautiful life God has for you.
7. Your Relationships Are Crumbling
If you are constantly holding unforgiveness and resentment against others, your relationships will begin to suffer. For example, if you are holding unforgiveness toward your mom, it could impair your relationship with your dad or siblings. Take notice of these things the next time you are with your family.
The good news is that your family or relationship dynamics can be restored. Forgive them once and for all. This doesn't mean everything between you and the person who hurt you is forgotten, but it does mean it has been resolved by the blood of the cross. Even if they don't deserve your forgiveness, forgive just as the Lord has forgiven you.
There are many signs God sends into your life when He is asking you to extend forgiveness. A few of these signs include the conviction of the Holy Spirit, the Word of God, constant bitterness, trusted individuals are concerned about you, your health is deteriorating, your life feels empty, and your relationships are crumbling. Take heart in knowing that God can help you forgive and move forward in the life He has for you.
