Adopting Across Land and Sea by Jaymie Stuart Wolfe

We're sorry, but this content is no longer available on Beliefnet. You may enjoy the following related articles: The Gift of a Child Steven Curtis Chapman on his adopted children How One Orphan Saved Another Interview with a new mom who adopted from China Welcome Your Child Rituals for your growing family More on Adoption Inspirational stories and other resources Family & Life Events Our complete coverage for parents and children Excerpted and reprinted from 'The Call to Adoption' with permission from Pauline Books & Media. [italicize] Although Jaymie Stuart Wolfe and her husband, Andrew, already had seven biological children, they felt God's calling to adopt another child. After much research into adoption agencies, the couple met sweet, precocious, three-year-old Masha in a Russian orphanage and gained permission to bring her to America. The excerpt below touches upon when and why Jaymie and Andrew decided to bring another child into their fold. [italicize] [quote] So (Naomi) said, "See, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law." But Ruth said, "Do not press me to leave you or to turn back from following you! Where you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God, my God." --Ruth 1:15-16 [quote] The idea of adopting a child came to my husband and me gradually. Like land first appearing on the horizon, the silhouette of what we saw grew larger with every passing day. Detail, however, was impossible to see from such a distance. We did not know all that adoption would take, nor did we fully appreciate all that it would demand of us. With seven notches in our parenting belts, our kids' doctor joked that we'd had more experience with children than most pediatricians. Yet, we sensed that raising an adopted child could present us with an entirely different set of challenges than we had faced with our biological children. (We had no idea how right we were!) In the haze out at sea, idealism was a ready companion. The realities of the process and the changes that adopting a child would bring to our lives were sketchy at best. One thing, however, was very clear: adoption came to us as a distinct call. Both my husband and I felt an inexplicable pull. Suddenly, we were inundated with adoption related "infomercials." In numerous personal encounters, Andrew and I heard all kinds of adoption stories. When complete strangers started offering personal anecdotes, I wondered if someone had stuck a sign on my back saying "Talk to Me About Adoption." Even the Scripture readings at church were strangely relevant. All that summer long we heard passage after passage about how God cared for orphans and heard their cries, how children would be gathered into one house from every corner of the earth, and how we were all the adopted children of a divine and heavenly Father. Everything seemed to relate to adoption. At times, it felt as if we had been whisked away to some kind of adoption theme park! As the seriousness of our considerations increased, the call to adopt became louder, clearer, and less escapable. While we knew all along that the choice was ours to make, there seemed to be little question about what that choice would ultimately be. It was as if a path was being cleared before us. God, the divine Bushwacker, was very much on the move. We just had to figure out how to follow--and keep up. Adoption is the deliberate choice to extend the natural boundaries of family life. Stretching to make any family inclusive takes work. In our home, it did not happen all at once, but continues one step at a time. Those steps are daily choices that sometimes don't feel much like choices at all. For our family, being convinced of our call to adopt has been an important refuge in times of frustration and struggle. In those moments when the stretch toward love has seemed beyond our reach, we have found reassurance in simply remembering that we adopted our daughter not only because we wanted to, or decided to, but because we were called--even asked to do so. At the root, love is always and essentially optional. A couple decides to accept one another as they are, to love no matter what, and to commit to growth that brings them closer together. All of that leads to choices that are even more fundamental. We choose to forgive, to respond rather than react, and to pace ourselves for love over a lifetime. In these ways, the dynamic of adoption is a lot like that of marriage. When we choose to marry, we decide to love for life. We take on one another's strengths and weaknesses, not so much to change them, but to share in bearing them. A couple doesn't start off as one, but over the years becomes one by becoming one another's. Marriage is a call, a vocation to self-giving love. The same things can be said of adoption. Not infrequently, the spark of adoption originates with one spouse and then spreads to the other. Sometimes the key is simply making a choice to slow things down in order to allow both prospective parents enough time and space for discernment. A decision as life changing as adopting a child must be made in unity and in peace. Truly, there is no need to rush. You may be convinced beyond a doubt that God is calling you to adopt a child. The love required to build a strong family, however, can be undermined if one spouse manipulates-or capitulates to-the other. Adoption should be the result of adult consensus, not compromise. Underneath it all, we know that the family we desire is not likely to be built on the ruins of the one we already have. In the Scripture story, Ruth had a choice to make too. Her husband was dead, her sister-in-law had decided to go back to her original people and ways, and Naomi, her mother-in-law, was on the move as well. Free from any formal obligation, Ruth could choose any path without fear of judgment. There was no "wrong" choice. She was no longer bound to a husband or his family; nor was she tied to the world she had left when she married from among another people. If she went back to Moab no one would blame her. Knowing what to expect--and what would be expected of her--Ruth could take her place among familiar surroundings, perhaps a little wiser for what she had experienced among foreigners. But that is not what Ruth would do. Instead of reaching back to erase what had happened to her, she chose to push ahead. Love would not let her return. The same love that had called her to marry outside her own people, now called her forward to accompany the mother-in-law who had embraced her. Love is always a choice, and always one that involves both a leaving behind and a going forth. Ruth chose not only to go with Naomi, but to leave her-own home, her own people, even her own gods behind. She could not have been sure of what the future would hold. Nonetheless, Ruth chose to make all that was Naomi's her own. For reasons beyond our understanding, God chooses to be a Father to us. There is nothing that forces the Lord to do so. We are not the Master's only creatures, but God has not made himself a Father to stars or trees, butterflies or horses. We know this because the Son of God, Jesus Christ, became one of us. In Christ, God chooses to go forth with us. The Eternal Word, leaving the glory of heaven behind, "became flesh" (Jn 1:14). Christ Jesus is able to sympathize with our weaknesses, for he has "been tested as we are, yet without sin" (Heb 4:15b). Every family is called to be what the household of heaven is: a haven of love and life. Families who adopt have experienced adoption as a calling, but it is by no means a universal, impersonal, or indiscriminate call. Love is intensely personal. The deepest call we have in our lives is to share our lives with others. In learning to do so, our families become much more than the sum of their parts. Living in love and through love, we can become a communion of persons that reflects the very nature of our Triune God. [divider] Holy Spirit, Spirit of Unity, help us to hear the call that draws us together Empower us to speak family" to one another, that the voice of the Father may echo not only in our hearts, but in our lives. Guide our considerations and our choices. Inspire us to look forward and beyond the boundaries of ourselves. Help us not only to know what you are asking of us, but to follow it to completion. Keep our feet on the way of love, and our hearts at the center of your will. Be with us, Holy Spirit, and, even more, be with all our children, those we know and love, and those whom we have yet to meet. Amen. Article No Longer Availabe -->