This is a book I am currently working on. I think this excerpt may help you..It did me and I wrote it.

What are you thinking? Have you ever asked yourself that question? It’s a question that I should be asking more. We tend to think we don’t have control over our thoughts but in fact, we do. I’m not sure why human’s minds are so adamant on focusing on the things that are going or could go wrong in their own lives but I wanted to find out. I remember I started watching this series on Netflix, Rectify. This show is about a young man wrongfully accused of raping and strangling a young girl. He goes to prison for twenty years and then new evidence comes to light. Unfortunately he is so broken over his time in prison that he struggles to acclimate back into society. The show is graphic, violent and profound. I believe its a show about forgiveness and redemption but it’s not for children and what I didn’t realize at the time, it was deeply affecting me. As the story unfolded I began to feel hopeless. I’m not naive to the fact that this kind of trauma happens more than we know. We are tucked away on our quiet streets, in our comfortable homes, and going to our safe jobs. Prisons are not safe. Some of the most atrocious things happen in prisons. Yes, this was just a show but boy did it feel incredibly real. The small town divided where the crime was committed. I had a front row seat to evil. Evil in people. It frightened me and over the few weeks I watched it, I started to noticed a difference in what I was thinking. My thoughts began shouting, “there is no hope!” On my couch, I was cheering for the man but he just kept falling further into despair. Each time the light would crack through the darkness, he would do something to sabotage himself. He did not think he was worthy. His mind was still in a prison. I have felt that way when I can’t break free in some area of my life. I think what holds us back from freedom in other areas is that we wake up with a heavy heart instead of a thankful heart. I do believe it’s a battle to set your mind on high; to get out of your own way especially when evil has infiltrated your life. It’s a conscious step of faith to open your eyes in the morning and speak the good in your life. All of hell could be camped out on your doorstep but those tiny acts of faith create more and more cracks through the darkness that may very well be surrounding you whether you are physically or emotionally in a prison. There is always something God is trying to teach us. Paul was in prison. From my understanding these prisons were underground without light of any kind and he was naked. Yet, he sang. How? Our minds our incredibly powerful. The man made computer does not even come close to what the mind can store. The average computer stores 250K of pictures, 20K of songs and hours of full length videos. The mind that God created carries on 10 quadrillion operations per second without our knowledge. Your subconscious mind is the powerhouse for your body to maintain operating correctly. The correct amount of blood flow, body temperature, cell function, heart rate and so on. Your mind creates your reality. God said very clearly renew your mind. “Do not be conformed to the patterns of this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” I looked up transformed and in the Merriam Webster Dictionary it says, ‘ to change in composition or structure; to change the outward form or appearance; to change in character or condition; to cause a cell to undergo genetic transformation. God gave us the capacity to change. He gave us the ability to do things that have never been done. He put the most sophisticated organ in our body so we could actually live above our circumstances. We can change our health, our environments, our mindsets, our futures. There is one thing the mind cannot do and this is a key for you right now. The mind cannot distinguish a real event from something you merely think about. This one limitation can destroy your life in every single area including your health but ultimately it’s up to you what you let in. Let me give you a few simple examples. Your boss wants to see you in his office. A friend doesn’t like your Instagram post. Your phone rings and it’s your child’s school. You didn’t get the deal. Your husband says he has to work late. Take a minute and think about those mere examples. How easy can our minds spin out of control? Are you about to be fired or reprimanded? Is your friend really your friend? What did your child do now? This is the third deal in a month you have lost. Is your husband cheating? Let me be clear, I am not saying one of these things may not be true but how often do we let our minds go down that rabbit hole? We physiologically react to something that may not even be true more than we even consciously realize. What God is actually saying and I believe you can’t wholly do it without him is that if you focus on what is good then your brain will follow. So much so that you can actually change the structure of the brain. We have the ability to repair damage just by what we choose to think. Then it gets even better after that… We then will have the ability to discern what is actually correct and what is not. God didn’t say I am handing you a life without suffering. We will have suffering but he did say he is with us, he is for us, and he will strengthen us ( that includes the mind.) for whatever lies ahead. We can actually think the life we want into existence. It’s similar to the placebo effect. What do you believe? Have you ever known someone who gets on the computer every time they have a cough or ache to “self diagnosis?” Two words, rabbit hole. Whatever you believe in your subconscious mind often becomes a reality. If you believe you will never find love, then the odds are stacked in that belief. If you believe you are not worthy of healthy relationships, then again you may be in unhealthy ones. Listen, it took me years to get this truth into my thoughts and turn them into beliefs.  I came from a broken home like so many of us do. I had wrong mind sets. I didn’t think I was worthy of a good life. I have had to fight and continue to fight for the life I want. I had to do what was unpopular. I had to go against a lot of people’s opinions. I had to let go of people I really cared about because they were not good for me. You will get criticized. It won’t always feel good and sometimes it will break your heart but you have someone who is the most powerful being in Universe looking out for you. God says in all things he works for the good for those who love him.  Now back to the show I was watching. Our subconscious mind is inundated with images through hundreds of outlets each and every day. Do you know on average by the time a child graduates from high school they have witnessed 8000 murders on television? We have to be so very careful what we let into our eye gates and our ear gates. Let’s go back to the beginning of that verse that God was very clear on. “Do not conform to the patterns of this world.” I looked up the word conformed in the Merriam Webster. Comply with rules, standards, or laws; behave according to socially acceptable conventions or standards; be similar in form or type; agree.

This is the part of my life where I silently remove myself from anyone who hurts me more than they love me, drains me more than they replenish me, brings me more stress than peace, and tries to stunt my growth rather than clap for it. I think I’ve done more than enough talking and trying to make things work with certain people- Cici B

I really relate to this quote not because I’m on some men bashing, friend hating, or me, me, me bandwagon but because we do get into cycles of hanging on in areas where we really need to let go of people and things that are pinning us to the ground. It’s hard, it takes courage and a lot of discernment but cleaning house in our lives is essential to becoming who and what we were made for. You do have to bend but you do not have to conform.


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