I sit next to my dad and he just isn’t there anymore. He’s far away, my hope somewhere peaceful. One night driving home from the hospital, the Holy Spirit said “write your dad a love letter.” I wonder now if that was because I wouldn’t be getting my dad back. When my mind begins to go there, I feel paralyzed by fear. What if he doesn’t get better? What if he dies? Watching my dad decline has wrecked havoc on my strength and my faith. I want to hide but where? I’m a woman of God so I know the drill, I know to pray, go to church, read my bible but right now I don’t want to do any of those things. It feels phony because the truth is, I think I have gotten this whole God thing wrong in certain ways. I expected Him to heal my dad. I expected Him to help me with my dreams. I expected Him to take care of my mom. Where is He? Why is it when we are really hurting is God silent? Maybe, Ive closed my ears to Him because I feel let down, discouraged. Nothing makes sense to me right now. Why does bad seem to win so much? Why are people suffering everywhere I turn? Where is the help?

Today, don’t wait to tell someone how you feel. Today, don’t hold grudges or hate in your heart. Today, do the right thing. Today, don’t put off until tomorrow because tomorrow may not come.

Today, I struggle but maybe tomorrow He will come, hold me and tell me it’s all part of My plan, child. Trust Me.

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