When you find out something about someone that you didn’t expect to find out about them, what is your first reaction? Shock, anger, awe, utter denial? All of those feelings are allowed. But the hardest thing to remember in those times is to not confront the person in anger. How, you might ask? It’s not an easy thing to do if your emotions are already running high. All you probably want to do is yell at them, question them and question everything that they’ve ever told you. Is any of it true, or is all of it lies? Why do people do things they do?

The simple answer is we live in a sinful world and sin, unfortunately, lives in us. Before we go attacking someone else for the wrongs they might have done, it is important to pray to God that you can approach them with grace, pose, and a calm demeanor. You don’t like finding stuff out that you never expected, that’s understandable. But you also don’t like it when other people are accusing you about things either. It’s challenging not to accuse them of something when your emotions are running so high. Try asking God for the right words to say to the person at the right time. Ask Him for a calm heart and a calm mind.

Pray about the situation before you just yell at someone and confront them for the things that you think might be going on. It’s very easy to jump to conclusions and the worst-case scenarios, but there could be logical explanations for their behavior too. Pray for them, that they understand your concern and that you’re trying to understand them better and help each other out of the predicament.

Ask them calmly about the things you found out. Try not to accuse them at every turn, but just ask them about the things that bother you.  Ask them if they’ve been honest with you. Do this in person, not over the phone. It’s better to look into their eyes and have them deny something face to face than have them deny something over the phone. Let them know that you’re there with them through this, even if you’re still feeling angry and or shocked.

Let them know that you want to help them through the process of healing and or getting help. Let them know that you’re there with them in the middle of their battles. Sometimes you have to go into their battle zones with them for them to fully realize that they can rely on you and your strength.

Start praying for them and with them. Above all, never stop praying for them and never stop believing that God has heard your prayers. Never give up on them either. Pray that they open up to you about the things that are really going on in their life, or that they open up to a pastor or counselor about what is going on with them. Remind them that it’s better to talk to someone than to keep everything all bottled up inside.

Don’t forget to talk to someone like a counselor, a pastor or a trusted friend especially when things seem to be getting tougher instead of easier. It is often during the darkest days that God might feel the farthest from you and the person you love as well. That is when God shows up and reminds you of just how good He is and how much in control He is. Right when the person you’re helping or trying to help, feels like they’re losing all control over their situation, remind them that God is in control.

If you see them struggling, you don’t always have to bring God into the conversation, either. Some days, all someone wants is support and a listening ear without judgment. That is most of the time the best medicine anyone could ever give to another person who is struggling. Prayer does wonders too. But, just being there for someone even if you don’t know what to say or how to help them all the time, just being there can make a big difference in their day to day life and in their life in general.

Remember, God is with you too, in the middle of the battlefields. Find a scripture that remind you o take the battle to Him and that the battle belongs to the Lord. Give the battles up to Him once you or the person you’re walking with feels too overwhelmed. React with kindness towards the person and do what Jesus would do. Just be there for them in thought, word, and prayer.