Watchwoman on the Wall

1. Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with  grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll  to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly  proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a  busy signal and someone always answers.

6. Variation Law –   If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one  you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works  every time).

7. Law of the  Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the  telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you  know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely  proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose  seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the  toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the  game is over.  The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move  once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end  of the performance.  The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee,  your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only 2 people in a locker  room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jelly  sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the  newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know  what you are talking about.

16. Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

17. Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18.   Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you  find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to  the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better..  But don’t  make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.

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