Hayden Panettiere is opening up about one of the most painful decisions of her life, explaining in her new memoir, This Is Me: A Reckoning, why she allowed her ex-fiancé, former heavyweight boxing champion Wladimir Klitschko, to take full custody of their daughter as she battled postpartum depression and addiction.

The 36-year-old actress says allowing 11-year-old Kaya to live with her father in Europe was never about walking away from motherhood. Instead, she believed it was the best way to protect her daughter while she focused on getting the help she desperately needed.

“I knew how bad a place I was in,” Panettiere told Fox News Digital. “When I saw her in the environment over there and the support system that she had, I said to myself, ‘If I fight… it’s going to permanently damage my child.'”

Panettiere said she didn’t want a bitter, public custody battle between two high-profile parents. Instead, she chose what she believed would give Kaya the most stable upbringing, despite the immense emotional cost.

“I know she’s safe. I know she’s well taken care of — beyond well taken care of,” she said. “She has an incredible life.”

Still, the decision was heartbreaking.

“I tried to numb myself,” she admitted. “It was very hard to wrap my mind around the pain.”

In her memoir, the Nashville star describes living apart from her daughter as “the most gut-wrenching experience” of her life, writing that no parent should have to raise a child through FaceTime. Even so, she says she never doubted that Kaya was loved, supported and thriving.

Her decision didn’t happen overnight. Panettiere traces the beginning of her struggles back to her pregnancy with Kaya in 2014. During that time, doctors warned of possible complications, and she later endured a life-threatening delivery that required emergency surgery and seven blood transfusions.

“I almost passed away while having my daughter,” she recalled.

The physical trauma was followed by an emotional one. What she initially dismissed as the “baby blues” developed into severe postpartum depression. She struggled to bond with her daughter, battled relentless anxiety and eventually turned to alcohol to cope.

“When you wake up in the morning and the first thing you’re thinking about is having a drink, it’s a problem,” she said.

Recognizing she needed help, Panettiere voluntarily entered treatment for addiction while continuing to search for answers about her mental health. Although sobriety helped, she says the postpartum depression lingered, leaving her wondering whether she would ever feel like herself again.

As her mental health challenges continued, Klitschko sought full custody of Kaya in 2018. Panettiere has said she was never intoxicated while alone with her daughter but ultimately chose not to contest the arrangement because she believed it was in Kaya’s best interest while she focused on recovery.

The actress said she was deeply hurt by headlines suggesting she had simply “given up” her daughter.

“I felt like I made the right call,” she said. “I’ve seen who she is, and she’s an incredible human being.”

Today, Panettiere says she and Kaya share an “incredibly strong” bond through regular trips to Europe and frequent FaceTime calls. She also credits her positive co-parenting relationship with Klitschko, saying they made a promise never to speak negatively about one another in front of their daughter.

Now in a healthier place, Panettiere hopes sharing her story will encourage other mothers struggling with postpartum depression or addiction to seek help without shame.

“I feel more connected with myself than I ever have before,” she said.