The Celebrity Therapist

Sherry Gaba LCSW, Psychotherapist, Life & Recovery Coach is featured Celebrity Rehab on VH1 and is the author of “The Law of Sobriety” which uses the law of attraction to recover from any addiction. You can download free E books at or contact Sherry for webinars, teleseminars, coaching packages and speaking engagements. Listen to Sherry on “A Moment of Change with Sherry Gaba” on CBS Radio. Struggling with your own love junkie dramas? You’re not alone. Join my free newsletter community to get the support you need to stop the madness before it affects your next relationship or the one you are in now.  – Get the Love You Truly Deserve!

Spring is the time for new beginnings and for a renewal of life. It is also a time when singles really start to focus in on finding that perfect new relationship. Warmer weather brings about new opportunities to meet people and to discover that elusive soul mate.

Unfortunately when people are actively seeking a relationship they tend to make poor decisions, especially if they impose an artificial timeline on top of the process. One of the most important lessons if you are single is to realize that finding the right person is more important than finding “a” person. Often when people are just looking for someone to fill a role, the boyfriend or the girlfriend, the wrong type of relationship flourishes.

To prevent this from happening consider the following three tips to get you started on the path to finding the person that is meant to be with you.

Tip 1: Know What You Really Want In a Partner

This means actually taking the time to think about the traits and characteristics you are looking for. This is well beyond the physical attributes, but really gets to the quality of person you are seeking. Be very specific in your list of desired attributes and be sure to actually write them down. Prioritize this list and then, when you meet a perspective new date, mentally make a comparison.

People that don’t have the essential characteristics you desire can still be friends but they should not become part of your life as a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Tip 2: Know Your Own Emotional State

If you are stressed, upset, lonely or desperate to have someone or anyone in your life you are much less likely to find a good match. In fact, you are more likely to attract a person that also has issues in relationships since you will “settle” for people that may be unhappy, controlling or even mentally abusive. Understanding where you are emotionally is critical and doing work to get yourself to an emotionally healthy and happy state will help you attract people that are also in that same desirable place.

Tip 3: Get Involved in Life

Getting involved in community activities, hobbies, sports or recreational events or even in continuing education opportunities is a great way to meet people that have the same interests as you do. This is also a better place to be able to evaluate the person based on these interactions than meeting in a bar or getting set up by a well-meaning friend.