Pastor John Gray of Relentless Church in Greenville recently appeared on the “Dear Wifey” podcast, where he addressed his past indiscretions during his marriage to his wife, Aventer. “I did wrong. I sinned against the marriage. But more than that I sinned against my own upbringing. I sinned against my own vows, my own personal moral code, I was raised by Black women who were hurt by Black men and I became the thing I hated,” he said. He publicly apologized to his wife, who was beside him, saying, “I want to say to Aventer, I want to thank you for showing me what the love of Christ looks like because you loved a very unlovable man. And I want to tell you how very sorry I am for the pain I caused.”

The Grays have publicly addressed their marriage problems in the past. In 2018, he admitted to having suicidal thoughts to Pastor T.D. Jakes of The Potter’s House due to his indiscretions. Pastor Gray was facing allegations of infidelity while Aventer spoke of the voice of a “strange woman” that was leading the Pastor away from her. Pastor Gray would later admit to having an “emotional affair” with a “strange woman” but denied any physical relationship. A woman by the name of “Mary” stated she had been sending partially nude photos to Pastor Gray and that they had video chatted, where the pastor had shown her his underwear. Lawyers for Pastor Gray accused the woman of extorting him.

During this volatile time, the couple revealed that they had been on the brink of divorce for the last two years. Yet in 2019, the two headed up a marriage conference. There, the pastor described the struggles the two of them had faced. “What they didn’t see is that for the last two years we weren’t sure if we would even make it. This is what the people saw,” he said with a fake smile, “but they didn’t see the tears at night. They didn’t see the times when one of us was sleeping on the couch because the argument. We had to keep smiling because even though we were struggling and even though I was failing as a husband, I was already in front of the people and the people can’t receive my brokenness because where do leaders go when they bleed? Because sheep don’t do well with blood so I had to bleed alone,” he said.

During the podcast, Pastor Gray spoke about the sexual abuse he’d received as a 4-year-old boy and how his mother struggled as a single mother to guide him into manhood. “And that demon that entered me when they took my innocence sat dormant for years, waiting for me to get married to show up so I could fail. And I’ve been in church my whole life. And everybody told me Jesus would fix it. Jesus would fix it. But there are some things the altar can’t do,” he said.

Gray stated he felt his experiences led him to be followed by a demon. Despite being a virgin until he was married at 37, Gray admitted to “near sexual encounters” through phone sex. After admitting his failures, he shared that counseling has begun to help him unpack the abuse he received and to breakthrough what he termed as “sexual repression” growing up. He shared some of the greatest hurt he had was due to the pushback he received through churchgoers after his sins were made public. “I don’t mind getting hit from the front by demons,” he said. “What I was not prepared for was the friendly fire from church folk. That’s why I fight for everybody. I have grace for everybody.”