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A Personal Interview With Gramma Good’s Husband for Spouse’s Day
Written by Susan Good of grammagood.com
Today is Spouse’s Day, so I thought it would be fun to introduce my husband Shelly, my best friend, a father and grandfather of a now blended family. We have been married 23 years.
We were both widowed. In this interview, I will ask him questions about his experience searching for a second wife and his role in our blended family.
Gramma Good: How did you decide the qualities you needed in a second wife?
Shelly: I made a list of what I needed in a wife! At age 50, after a marriage of 31 years, I found myself in a strange new single’s world. I thought I would be married sooner than later as I had been happily married. It took six years to meet the next Mrs. Good, Gramma Good. I knew the most important decision I would make was my choice of a new wife. I knew I wanted to remarry and share my life. I decided to make a list of what I thought I needed in a wife. Seven qualities, all very logical and attainable and yet it took me six years to find her!
1. There had to be a physical and mental attraction. That was number one on my list. I needed an attractive woman on my arm and a woman who would provide a loving home and lifestyle.
2. I preferred marrying a widow. I knew marriage demanded a lot of give and take. Sticking with a partner through ups and downs was very important to me.
3. Age difference: Not more than 10 years. I wanted to be able to talk to my new wife. A very young woman could not share history or stimulate me mentally.
4. An educated woman: I liked travel, opera, golf, politics, theatre and someone who could handle herself in my social- business situations.
5. I preferred a woman from out of town. I didn’t want to know about her relationships.
6. I didn’t want to marry a woman with young children. The obligations and responsibilities of raising another young family was not attractive to me. I wanted to share the remainder of my life with my wife.
7. Her family background played an important part in the formula. The further you go from marrying your sister the less chance you have of the marriage working.
Six years later, on a first date, I met Gramma Good and over a very long lunch I told her I was going to marry her!!
Gramma Good: How did you handle the blended family?
Shelly: Not easily. My two sons considered my new wife an interloper trying to take the place of their mother and worrying about my assets. They wanted it all. My wife’s children felt I was stealing their mother and that I was trying to replace their father. I was a stranger in their lives and they didn’t like it and resented me. After twenty-three years, our children and grandchildren get along very well. I generally feel tolerated. I feel that I try. I don’t know any blended family that really blends. I think ours does better than most. There is no perfection. Look at the problems that go on in families that are first marriages. The most important part in our blended family is that my wife and I found each other. Our strongest asset is our love for each other in spite of our children! We both let our children know that we put one another first.
Gramma Good: Thank you, Shelly for your time and honesty. This has been my first experience as an interviewer and I am so glad it was with you.
Do something GOOD today…ask a loved one something you’ve always wanted to know!