Oh My Stars

beliefnet astrology matthew currie marsSupposedly, Leo is really big on dramatic flair and Virgo is all about precision. That’s generally true, but if your Mars is is one of those Signs or the other, you are bound to find your way to be annoying isn’t welcome in either case. Sure — Mars has its uses, and a well-behaved Mars is a joy to own. A healthy, functional Mars can do wonders for your sex drive and your ambition. Mars behaving badly, though? All those cutting and heating skills of yours that could be put to good use in the kitchen could potentially end in murder charges.

So: here is a general description of Mars in Leo and Mars in Virgo, followed by a less-charitable commentary from professional chef and accomplished shouter Gordon Ramsay.

Mars in Leo

You have a lot of energy and were probably told at one point or another you should consider a career in acting… or at least that you should contain your flare for the dramatic when you are angry. You are good at initially tackling an issue, and have enough follow-through to take most of the credit when a practical solution is finally found. You are straightforward and enthusiastic in your passions, and once you have a romantic target in your sights you can be unstoppable. You don’t take well to being spurned — many stalkers have Mars in Leo. You can get away with stalking more than the average person, because once you’ve worn ’em down, you make it worth their while in bed. You have an appealing, almost child-like nature when you are enthusiastic about something. This means you should probably spend more time playing with your dog and less time “helping” your co-workers, which they often perceive as you attempting to hog the limelight.

“You turned a simple stir-fry into a f–king flambé. Burning your initials onto the green peppers was a nice touch — or would be if it was f–king cufflinks you were cooking, not lunch. All presentation, no substance. Bloody awful.”

Mars in Virgo

Mars in Virgo isn’t prone to getting its way with sudden flare-ups: this placement would much rather approach its goals in a thorough, consistent way. This would qualify you to be an excellent surgeon and a terrible nag as a mate. You do thorough, detailed work, which your boss likes — and which means you’ll likely get promoted into management, where you will become a micromanaging, nitpicking nuisance to everyone else. Often too compassionate and passive, Mars in Virgo frequently takes out its worries and repressed frustrations on its own digestive tract. You are more likely to blow up over an accumulation of small issues rather than attacking the one big problem directly. Your sexual partners probably have great things to say about you, provided you’ve been able to overcome your performance anxiety, which you were born with — probably needlessly.

“I love the way you’ve perfectly diced the onions here. The flavors in the sauce are perfectly balanced. Next time, though, try not waiting three hours for the skillet to get to exactly the right f–king temperature. The customers left.”

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