A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.” I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People don’t make […]
If anyone ever accused me of being a bully I’d immediately refute it. I try to treat people with respect and love. In my DoorMat days I went out of my way to be nice to everyone and please him or her. So how could I be a bully? Yet when I paid attention, I recognized that I was a bully to myself.
When you listen to how you talk to yourself, you may recognize that you too are a bully—to YOU, like I was. Critical self-talk, pushing yourself to lose weight, beating yourself up for making a mistake is bullying! If someone did those kinds of mean things to you, it would be labeled bullying. But when you do it to yourself it’s hard to recognize it.
Treating yourself in hurtful ways is being a self-bully, which is very unloving and damages your self-image. When I consciously listened to what I said to myself, I recognized my inner bully and how much I was hurting me. I knew that it had to stop as an act of self-love.
Nobody likes bullies, no matter who it is. If you self-bully you create a negative attitude toward yourself. That keeps your self-esteem low and makes it hard to love yourself. Plus, it makes you feel bad. If you think you’re guilty of being a self-bully, pay attention to what you say to yourself. Do you recognize any of these patterns?
• “What’s wrong with me that I can’t work as fast as my colleague?” Your colleague may have been doing it longer or makes more mistakes. Counter those thoughts by reminding yourself that you’re doing your best. You still have your job so your boss is OK with your performance. You should be too!
• “I’m a fat pig. It’s pathetic how I can’t lose weight.” Most of the time people who tell me they’re fat aren’t fat. I was like that too. Extra pounds don’t make you fat. Instead of making yourself feel worse about wanting to lose weight, get help doing it. Find someone you can buddy up with to exercise together and encourage each other. The bottom line is it’s unlikely you can bully your way slimmer.
• “Why can’t I do things right? I’m a loser when I make mistakes” Do you like when others put you down? I doubt it! Yet we do it to ourselves. Loving yourself includes accepting that nobody is perfect–not even you! When you goof up, FORGIVE yourself! Bullies attack.
If you pay attention and recognize any self bullying, like negative self-talk, tell yourself out loud to stop. Acknowledge that you don’t want to be a bully. Forgive yourself for past bullying. Give yourself love with kind words. You can stifle your inner bully IF you choose to love yourself instead.
Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment—“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days.” and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook.