A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.” I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People don’t make […]
In my workshops and with clients, I often ask, “Who is stopping you from getting what you want?” I usually get a cascade of answers from people ready to blame others for their lack of progress, for not being able to follow their dreams and whatever else they haven’t been able to get. It’s so easy to blame others for your lack of something or for things that go wrong:
• “My mother makes me feel like I can never do anything right.”
• “My boss favors Sally because she always flirts with him so how can I get ahead?”
• “People tell me I’m too old to go after a new career.”
• “How can I devote time to writing when the kids are always around?”
• “My boy/girlfriend wants so much of my time that I have none left for what I want.”
• “Aren’t I supposed to get married and let my husband’s career be the priority?”
• “Aren’t I supposed to make having a job that provides for my family more important than pursuing the career I’d love?”
• And the most common: “Aren’t I supposed to try please people to get everyone to like me?”
Choices. We all make them, often based on beliefs from other people. Those beliefs can be related to your sex or age or traditions. It’s YOUR CHOICE to buy into these beliefs or to decide to create your own beliefs, based on what you want to accomplish. The people you blame for not being able to create the life you want can’t stop you if you CHOOSE not to let them. They’re usually excuses you make for not trying to go after the life you want.
If you’re not happy with your life, ask yourself who is stopping you. The most common answer is:
People can put you down but it’s only your truth if you let it be. Even if your boss favors someone else, doing good work that stands out will pay off or if it seems like a dead end you can find another job. People told me it was too late to reinvent myself when I got divorced and had I listened, I wouldn’t have the career I have now. When you truly want to pursue a passion you can find a way to carve out some ME time. And old relationship roles don’t have to stand anymore. You have a right to have a career you love.
The more I loved myself, the more I let go of needing to please everyone and “do the right thing.” I didn’t get approval from family and friends when I became the first white female rapper on a dare or when I started a record label. But I needed a creative outlet and did it anyway. One of my clients told me he was married for a long time and stayed in his family’s business to support his wife and daughter. He’d stifled his passions for twenty years! His daughter was in college and her tuition was saved. But his wife refused to consider that he wanted to quit his job and do something he’d wanted for all the years.
He got the courage to start his life over by working on building his self-love. Each week I’d ask “Do you love yourself enough to not let anyone stop you from following your passion?” Slowly his answers went from “I’m not sure” to “I’m getting there.” One day he began by telling me to ask the question. He was excited to say he loved himself enough to not be deprived of his dreams anymore. After one too many fights with his wife about his wanting to start a business he was passionate about he decided to get divorced. He’d save his money and his family was provided for. He got a teeny studio, lived sparingly and said he was never happier because he was doing what he loved.
My client blamed his family for twenty years. Learning to love himself helped him recognize it was his choice to go along with what they expected of him. So who’s stopping you from having the life you’d like? Work on loving yourself more so you can be motivated by love to override what others say and go after your dreams. It’s NEVER too late to build a happy life! And you only have one so don’t waste it blaming others. Love yourself enough to make yourself happy!
Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2012 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.
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