Beliefnet
Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for * LOA logo2.jpgThis is post 126 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how.

How much are you worth? I’ve asked this in workshops and to individual clients. Often people are taken aback and stuck for an answer. If you need someone’s service, you can evaluate whether it was worth the price or not. Is the $75 haircut worth $50 more than my 25 buck one? If my hair looks fantastic, is easier to work with long after the cut and I get many compliments about my hair, it is. My cheaper haircut is worth 25 bucks. It gives me an adequate cut, reshapes my hair somewhat, cleans up my ends, etc. I wouldn’t pay much more for it.

I would pay a lot more for a great cut that lasts. Many people are willing to pay a lot more for services they value. It’s the same with individuals. The more you value yourself, the more you come across as having value. The more you know your worth, the more the Law of Attraction responds favorably. Do you think that:

•    You’re a great person?
•    You’re excellent at your profession or talent?
•    People who come into contact with you are lucky?
•    You’re a special person and worthy of as much good as you can get?

Most people I ask these questions hesitate to answer. They know their answer should be yes to them all, but, know that’s not the case. Even when we have qualities that we value in others, it’s hard to value them in ourselves. And what does that tell the Law of Attraction? That you don’t see yourself as a magnet for valuable people, things and situations.

If you don’t value yourself, it’s hard to attract self-love, or confidence, or success.

When I was a DoorMat I had no self-appreciation. Since I defined myself by my faults, in my eyes m only value was what I could do for others. That kept me in a prison of my own thoughts for many years. If I didn’t like and see myself as having great value, why should people of value want to be with me? And it told the Universe that I didn’t expect to be valued, which the Law of Attraction responded to by keeping me people pleasing for nothing in return.

When you don’t value yourself or what you do for others, you won’t attract much in return.

I’d give as much as I could but constantly complain about how everyone took me for granted. I felt used. Yet I kept on giving and giving, digging myself deeper into feeling valueless. I didn’t even get sincere gratitude for all the favors I did, money I loaned, gifts I bought, etc. Now I recognize that I told the Universe that it was okay for people to take from me without giving a thing for me or showing appreciation. Continuing to give and not get said I didn’t value me at all.

One-way giving attracts one-way taking.

I even gave away the skills I got paid for when people asked for those kinds of favors. If someone wanted me to write a bio or press material, I’d tell them my price and get arguments and pressure to do it for nothing. People didn’t recognize that I was worth my price, since I didn’t. They just saw me as the giver and manipulated me with:

•    Guilt: “Come on Daylle, we’re friends/ Just do it as a favor since my budget is going elsewhere.” Yeah, they wanted to save their money to do other things for themselves and let me be a volunteer worker for their profit-making endeavor.

•    Honey: “You’re so good at what you do and it would be so nice to have your talent for my project.” Souping me up didn’t pay my bills yet I did it anyway. I was so starved for kind words and appreciation that my guard went down hearing them.

•    Promises:  “if you do this favor for me I’ll help you later.” So you think you’ll get what you want, do the favor, but the promise turns out to be empty. People are good at making excuses for not keeping their word if they know you don’t value yourself enough to make them.

The Universe interprets your giving in as saying what you do has no value and you’ll continue to attract people who want your one-way giving. Those kind of things create so many negative emotions that hurt you–anger, frustration, disappointment, resentment–that can make you a bitter person. I can tell you from experience, that’s an unhappy place to be.

So what are your worth? Zero in return or support from those you support? Giving your services away for free or getting paid for what you do? As I began to value myself, reality got through my thick DoormMat skull! I stopped the one-way giving and got back more. And more! Guilt was tempered by accepting my right to say “no” and recognizing who did nothing for me. Loving myself allows me to create my own honey–real supportive words that aren’t just said to manipulate me. Empty promise people got nothing more. I stopped giving away my talent.

When you value yourself, the Law of Attraction picks up on it and you attract people who value you and what you offer.

One of the best ways to show that you value yourself is to be kind to you. Every time you treat yourself with love, you tell the Universe you’re worth it. Self-love translates into having greater value since the more love you have, the more you believe you DESERVE. That’s why I encourage people to sign the pledge to take my 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge.

Now I do things for others when it gives me pleasure, not to buy people’s acceptance. And I charge a fair price for my services. Sometimes a college asks me to come and speak. Their budget is my expenses to travel there and a small honorarium. I say “no” because I don’t want the Universe to think that’s all I’m worth! Often I get asked to speak for good money soon after.

Throughout the day say, “Darn I’m good!” Do it in the mirror when possible. Convince yourself that you have a high value!

Now I consider myself priceless–worth all the good and money that comes to me. The more you value you, the more other people will value you and the more you’ll attract, both favors from friends and payment for what you do. The more you value you, the more confidence you build. So how much are you worth? If you still can’t answer, work on it!.

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-L
ove Posts HERE.

See all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series here.

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